


Innocence of thieves

by JoeSofie



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Backstory, Cuddling & Snuggling, Drama, Emotional Baggage, F/M, Falling In Love, Feelings, Fluff, Interspecies Romance, Mass Effect 2, Mass Effect 3, Romance, Sex, Sexual Content, Slow Build, Trauma, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-12
Updated: 2017-09-14
Packaged: 2018-03-01 05:17:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 47
Words: 98,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2761055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoeSofie/pseuds/JoeSofie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>(Audio book in the making)</b> She grew up as a duct rat. Her choices in life changed the fate of Thane and Kolyat Krios, small actions having massive repercussions that are not so easily mended. This is the story of how Kasumi grew up helping Thane in his line of work, how she got her name, her fight to correct her wrongdoings and romantic emotional struggle with Thane.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Armor

"Carrin, climb up into the vent, hide! Don't let them see you, be a mist.."

She did as she was told, but desperately held on to her bruised hands.

"I'm sorry, Carrin.. I broke my promise.. Please don't repeat my mistakes.."

* * *

Her first impression of the Citadel had been that of admiration and as a symbol of new hope. Though her life, living in the slums of Omega, had been pretty simple, arriving at the Citadel had been a promise of a better, stable life. Omega wasn't a common place for humans to live but her mother re-married a man who lived and worked on Omega. When an unexplainable illness suddenly struck, fear of getting sick made people irrational and violent. Her stepfather was one of many humans targeted and blamed for the illness and it wasn't long until he was attacked by a group of vorchas, leaving him with fatal wounds. The prospect of staying on Omega without someone to care for her and her mother, was unacceptable to him so he forced Carrin and her mother to flee Omega and go to the Citadel.

She never really liked her stepfather much but seeing him lay there on the bed bathing in his own sweat, breathing heavily and feverishly reaching for her hand, she felt her heart sting. He had been kind and cared for her. One of the things she appreciated the most, was the simple fact that he always remembered her birthday, buying her a Yila chocolate bar every year. It wasn't her favorite. Not that he knew that, but it was the cheapest candy she could think of to wish for. After all, she didn't want him to waste money on her. In that moment, she wished she would have trusted him more, that she would have known him better. He told her to be a good girl, not to trust strangers and to take care of her mother after which he gave her a small box with his life savings. It wasn't much but enough to buy two tickets to the Citadel.

They packed light. They didn't even bother to bring more than a few pieces of clothing and whatever jewelry and scraps of valuables they owned that would bring them a little more credit once they reached the Citadel. She didn't even pack the teddy bear that her biological father had given her. Heer mother convinced her not to and she knew she was right. It was about survival and this was not the first time they had to move in haste. Her biological father had been a brutal man, often coming home drunk which usually led to Carrins mother suffering a beating. One evening, when her father passed out drunk on the sofa, Carrins mother packed their bags and took whatever savings she had managed to hide away. Carrin only grabbed her teddy before her mother took her by the arm and dragged her away into the night.

The 7 year old girl looked down at the worn teddy and decided she didn't need it anymore. She handed it to her stepfather. He smiled faintly, grabbed the teddy as if it was going to save him the pain and fell back asleep. Her mother shed a tear for her husband, kissed him on the hand, turned around and never looked back. The man was none the wiser and kept on falling deeper into eternal sleep.

Once onboard the ship, Carrins mother allowed herself to cry in silence. Carrin watched her. She had never seen her mother cry before. She always thought of her as a strong creature and not someone to break down easily so she understood the hardship she must have been feeling at that point. She crawled closer, trying to consol her. Her mother embraced her, asking her forgivness, reminded her how much she loved her. Carrin closed her eyes and breathed in her mothers scent. She felt like home was wherever her mother was. She looked up to her and believed her when she promised things would get better.

She couldn't remember when her mother started stealing. Time blurred, every day seemed like a mist of constant struggle to find something to eat. Her mother tried to find a job, but without much experience in anything, stealing ended up being an easier option. Carrin found herself adapting to that life quickly. She learned how to pickpocket without drawing attention, to make good use of the narrow alleyways and high roof tops. Climbing balconies, trees, walls and catwalks became second nature, her mother nicknaming her 'Mist'. It was almost like a game and Carrin and her mother often sat under the neon lights in the evenings, sharing stories, laughing together as they shared whatever little scrap of food they had. But as days turned into weeks and months, her mother was still took big risks when stealing. She spent a lot of time in jail, sentences cut short only by offering herself to corrupted cops. So she started looking for a quicker way of getting money. She soon fell deeper into gambling debts. Whatever scraps Carrin managed to get her fingers on, her mother quickly turned into excuses for losing in yet another game of chance. She slowly lost trust in her mother though she still felt a safe knowing she was near.

One evening Carrin sat alone in the alley, waiting for her mom to come home, hoping she wasn't in jail again. She didn't expect her to remember it was Carrin's birthday, but she still hoped she would. And that's when things got blurry. All she could remember was the panic in her mothers eyes when she told Carrin to hide in one of the air ducts. She had been warned about crawl into the ducts due to rumors of other children getting stuck and suffocating in there, but she was smarter than to question her mother at that point. She hid behind the grids and witnessed the loan sharks bodyguards draw near. They demanded the money that she owed 'or else'. Her mother just stood there, like the fool she had turned into, and begged them to hold off until next month. She offered to please the men if they would only give her a little more time.

Carrins heart hardened into a black piece of coal. All emotions melted off of her and she forced herself to watch as her mothers last light of life were beaten out of her, her eyes fixed on the grid where Carrin was sitting. Her eyes pleaded for her to look away, not wanting to be remembered as a blood filled, yellowish, blank stare but as the clear blue they once had been, full of life and strength. Carrin didn't look away. Her body turned limp and her hands fell to the floor where she sat hunched over. A tear streaked her cheek and hit the metal floor. She sat like that while the men looted her mothers lifeless body and left with a cheap necklace and some credits. She sat there as the evening turned into night, not taking her eyes off of her mother. Whatever little innocence she had left Omega with, was being washed away with every breath she took. She imagined a coat of armor slowly covering her skin, inch by inch. An armor to protect and to seal in her last streak of hope to survive alone. She was alone. She had been abandoned by everyone she knew and trusted. Or so it felt.

She dared opened up the grid. She jumped down and let her body slam into ground without any attempt of breaking her fall, hurting her leg. She looked over at her mother and tried to focus on simply breathing. She told herself that she had no emotions left. They were sealed away under her imaginary armor and nothing could ever get passed it. All her thoughts turned to survival. She crawled up to her mother, hoping to find something useful. The bodyguards had taken anything of value, but had left something in one of the pockets. A Yila chocolate bar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	2. Surviving alone

Carrin woke up wearing her mothers jacket. Her eyes were sticky with eyecrust and her cheeks moist with tears. She was exhausted and couldn't remember if she had slept anything at all. Feeling emotionless, her eyes hadn't caught up to the distance she took to what had happened yesterday. She promised herself to never display any weakness ever again, to keep everyone and everything on an arms length. She wanted to hide, to turn invisible.

A boy a few years older than her saw her sitting curled up in the dim lit alleyway. He cocked his head at the sight. He hadn't seen her around these parts before. Most duct rats tend to stay better hidden during day hours. Curiosity took the better of him and he dared sneak closer.

"Are you okay?"

Carrin jumped in surprise but didn't get up. She looked at the boy with big eyes. When she didn't respond the boy snuck closer.

"You shouldn't sit here. C-sec will find you. You really ought to come with me"

Carrin rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand. So far she hadn't met any of the other kids, mostly because she stayed away from their usual meeting spots and the air ducts. Even though her mind was still in disarray from yesterday, she quickly realized that her chances of survival would massively increase if she would joined up with the homeless children. She stood up slowly, gathered up her mothers oversized jacket and followed the boy.

They hurried along the streets dodging this and that way. When the streets started to look more like an industrial area they hurried into an alleyway and climbed up a ladder. Slowly and carefully climbing down the air duct of the building they soon arrived at a larger area. The floor in half the room was covered in different kinds of fabrics, a sort of makeshift large bed. One of the other corners was occupied with a couple of cooking vessels and plates. Clearly, this place housed several individuals.

"Okay, so, you can live here if you'd like, but you're gonna have to contribute. We share all the food we can gather and you're gonna have to get your own blanket to sleep on. There's four others living here as well but we're usually only here in the evenings and early mornings. They call me Mouse. Just ask me anything, I know this city inside out!"

Carrin looked Mouse up and down. The boy was dressed in ragged clothes, small in stature, but the confidence in his eyes were unmistakable. She wanted to ask him a thousand questions, but only one came to mind at this point.

"Do you have anything to eat?"

* * *

Carrin sat high above the streets on the catwalk slowly munching away on, what the shop keep claimed, fish and chips. She didn't feel like sharing her food this time. It had been exactly one year since her mother was killed which meant it was Carrins birthday. She didn't feel like celebrating. Then again, not much did these days. She preferred to fill her days any way she could, whether it was challenging herself or sit and watch the people passing by.

She differed a lot from the duct rats. While they used the ducts as mean of travelling through the Citadel, she had become somewhat of an expert in making good use to shadows and infiltration to get whatever she wanted, which rarely meant just food. She found a certain joy in pushing herself to do what would seem impossible - break into a safe house only to touch one of the paintings and make it out without anyone seeing her, tailing cops a whole day without them noticing her or climb the highest building without using any gear. The few times she did get caught she found an opportunity to train her agility and reflexes. Though she had never touched a gun in her life she was still a force to be reckoned with. What seemed like 'dodging batons' was simply a dance based on prediction and ability to foresee the guards' next move. Her small stature worked in her advantage and even though she did not use the air ducts out of fright and bad memories, she could easily slip in and out of small windows or hide in dark corners.

This particular day she found herself less than motivated to do anything at all so instead she watched people passing by going on by their daily business. The Citadel hadn't changed much this last year except for the news and commercials. Granted the shopping district kept growing but that's not where you'd usually find the best gear anyway. The Alliance kept all the best goods for themselves or found its way to the black market in one way or another. Carrin had yet to find any particular gear she could make good use of and in any case she never stole anything that wasn't necessary. If she could, she paid.

In a split second Carrin thought she felt someone standing behind her in the dark. She turned around and scanned the dark with narrowed eyes. She couldn't see anything but felt uneasy, the hair on her neck standing. Unwilling to let her eyes wander from the shadows she left the food on the floor and slowly stood up. She started walking along the catwalk slowly listening to any steps that wasn't hers. Something moved in the dark and her eyes started to chase an invisible stalker. Quickly jumping over the rail she leaped over to a parallel catwalk and dodged behind a crate. She stopped to listen and widened her eyes to absorb as much of the dark as possible. Once her eyes got more used to the lack of light she carefully looked around the corner of the crate. Nothing. Not a sound, not a movement.

She leaned back and laughed silently at herself and her own paranoia.

"It is a rare sight to see such a young human to display that kind reflexes".

Carrin jumped and a rush of adrenalin drained her face of color. The man sat down next to her, his arms resting on his knees, folded hands, looking forward. His whole being was telling her she had nothing to fear and his voice made her stomach tremble. She had never before met this race but knew he was drell. His scales softly reflected the poor light but his leather outfit absorbed it. His eyes were dark pools of mystery and calm. He blinked slowly with both eyelids and turned his head towards her.

"I could make good use of someone with your skills".

He handed her a chocolate bar. Not the cheap fake kind but the much more expensive, real kind of chocolate. The kind you rarely found on the Citadel. Carrin didn't dare to accept it let alone move. Her body found itself in a fight or flight dilemma which resulted in every muscle tensing. It was only out of pure curiosity that she didn't jolt over the rail and ran for it. The drell must have sensed it for he smiled and tried to offer the chocolate once more.

"My dad told me not to trust strangers".

Carrin surprised herself calling the diseased man 'dad'. She never had before.

"Mm, a wise man"

She could feel the questions linger in the air. 'Where is your father now? Why are you sitting here? Are you an orphan?' The silence went on for a while and the drell stood up. He stood comfortably with one hand behind his back and the other making a third attempt to give her the chocolate. She carefully accepted it and the drell gave her a gentle smile, turned around and walked away into the shadows. Carrin sat with her hands around the chocolate feeling it slowly melting under its foil cover. 'Skills?' she thought to herself.


	3. Skills

The days passed like any other but something was different for Carrin. She felt a new spark of curiosity in her. What did he mean by 'make use of her skills'? What skills? For her it had been means of survival; Get food or clothes, surviving on the streets in the most efficient way she could. You rarely saw a grown up that use to be a street kid which is why she made sure not to walk in the same footsteps as all the other kids. Not that she had ever thought about a future, she just didn't want to parish and not be remembered by someone. Anyone.

Mouse crawled up and sat down next to her.

"Having a good day?" he asked ironically.

"The best".

He gave her a dry smile. Mouse wasn't a very attractive boy. He had red hair and were slightly cross-eyed. His lower lip was too large in proportion to his upper but he was kind and trusting. Weaknesses, according to Carrin. She rarely saw him these days. The other duct rats that they use to live with had either died or inexplicably disappeared. Mouse had become distant when the youngest girl of their group had passed away by falling off of the roof of their hideout. Usually he would find other duct rats to take care of and to offer a place to live but these days he was constantly 'busy with other things'.

"So.. there's this new coding datapad that's gonna arrive in one of the shops soon.. and well, I know how good you are at 'acquiring' items like that.."

Carrin knew what he wanted to ask but she let the silence paint his face red before he decided to break the silence.

"I just thought, you know.. I figured I could start creating VIs. I've seen those things sell like crazy.. and you can use it for so much else as well!"

He was justifying one last lowly criminal act to support a better life, to escape the duct rat life and find his own path. How could she blame him? He was closing in on fourteen years old and already getting too big for their small hideout. He sat there hunched over looking guilty. Carrin kept staring forward. Even Mouse thought of the future. What did she have?

Stealing items from shops wasn't easy. The best chance you had was to snatch it was in mid transaction between the delivery service and the actual shop. Granted you could try and break into the shops storage at a later point but that wasn't easy and required a lot of planning and a lot of dumb luck. Breaking into the ships delivering the goods were suicide. Had it not been for the drell she would have said no but this was an interesting experiment; Was her means of survival actual skills that could be useful to someone?

"Okay" she said finally.

"Great! I'll totally give you my first working VI for free. Come on!"

The two crawled out of the hideout and walked towards the Zakera Ward. Level 28 had become Mouses' favorite hangout lately. Carrin wasn't sure why but she figured it had something to do with his new friends. That or the Game Shop. She wasn't sure she wanted to know so she never asked him about it. This time they made their way to the 26th level and the shipping warehouse. That's where it would be the easiest to get a hold of the pad Mouse wanted.

"It's in there" Mouse said. "According to my friend the crate should be marked with 'X20-G76'. I'll be waiting here. Oh, and while you're in there, grab me an omni-tool?"

Carrin scouted the area carefully. She had never broken into the Shipping Warehouse before and for some reason this felt way more important than it was. She also knew the only access to the warehouse was by the air ducts. That might just have been the reason Mouse didn't want to do this - he was too big for the ducts.

She snuck behind some decorative plants and waited for an opportunity to climb up to the ducts. This would be the first time she used the ducts as a mean of breaking in - something she'd been avoiding. The drells words still fresh in her mind she felt the need to push herself beyond her fears and bad memories, so she skillfully climbed in. Mouse was standing watching the whole thing and hardly noticed the shipment of goods arriving. The deliveryman exchanged a few words with the clerk behind the counter, filled in some papers and gave the delivery to one of the workers. After that Mouse couldn't track the crates anymore.

Carrin slowly and carefully crawled through the ducts. These ducts were smaller and much more difficult to navigate than anywhere else on the Citadel and for good reasons - to keep the thieves away. Noone would ever expect a nine year old to break in. Most of the tunnels were blocked in one way or another and Carrin had to stop several times to pinpoint her own location. Every now and then she managed to get a look below her through grids. She crawled through rooms containing everything from clothes and food to armors and weapons.

Arriving at the room with the crate Mouse mentioned, Carrin stopped and scouted all the corners of the room before carefully removing the grid and letting herself down ontop of a high pile of strongboxes. She hid behind a strongbox when the door to the room hissed open and a worker dragging a waggon with different kinds of cases and boxes entered. Before he could place the delivery in its' correct places someone outside shouted his name. He left the whole waggon in the room and walked outside. Carrin knew she'd have to hurry. She climbed down and searched the room for something to open the crate with and found a knife. She took it and started removing nails from the crate.

Before she had time to finish, the door hissed open again. In one agile movement she dodged out of sight and hid behind the crate. The worker walked in with a small glas showcase. Halfway into the room he noticed the waggon and stopped right in his tracks.

"Rel'Tak! You lazy bum! You didn't take the goddamn waggon with you!"

Aggravated he walked out of the room in search for his co-worker. Carrin carefully looked around the corner of the crate. As the door closed she skulked up to the showcase. It contained a high end omni-tool mostly used by the military. 'This must be on its' way to the Specter shop or atleast be reserved for someone higher up in the Alliance' she thought to herself.

Her eyes glistened. For the first time her fingers iched to take something that had very little to do with survival. She wanted it, it had to be hers. She lifted the glass and let her hand slide along the silky cloth feeling its' smooth surface under her fingertips. She grabbed the black bracelet and savored the moment she pulled it out and let it grace her wrist. She admired it for a while and started it up. An orange light covered her arm and a whole range of options laid down in front of her. The option 'Omni-blade' caught her attention.

She swaggered slowly across the room with newly found pride closing in on the crate containing the pad Mouse wanted. She took her sweet time and admired the blade as it materialised in front of her eyes. The thrill of seeing it had her smile maliciously and she let the blade slowly grace the crates lid. It easily made way for the blade leaving a scorched mark in its' path. Carrin opened the lid and took a pad. She stuck it in the hem of her pants. Before leaving she took a quick look at the waggon. It contained a shipment of regular lower end omni-tools. 'Good enough for Mouse' she figured and let the blade cut through that box as well. She stuck one of the bracelets into her pocket.

She was high on adrenalin and pride as she climed the tower of crates back up to the air ducts. She had done it. It may have been mostly dumb luck but she had done it. She took something that had nothing to do with survival. After closing the grid she crawled back the way she came. Once she reached the entrance of the ducts she carefully looked around before dropping to the floor and hid behind the plants. Mouse scurried over.

"You got it?"

Carrin smiled with a new found sence of self.


	4. One step closer

The following months Carrin didn't see Mouse at all. He was busy developing a new network of "potential customers", as he would put it. Not that she really cared but she figured he'd show more gratitude than not so much as a 'hi' for months. She almost missed her friend, a feeling that use to be unknown to her. She played with the idea that he would give her more chances to improve her newly admitted talents even though she knew that most likely wouldn't happen.

She found herself seeing the Citadel with new eyes. All the things she could just take and noone would be the wiser until it was too late. The hideout, that now only she used, slowly filled with higher quality things. The old scraps of fabrics, used as bedding, got upgraded to silk covers and pillows. The makeshift kitchen area got a new portable stove, fine china and silverware. Not that she acutally used the kitchen much, it was just nice to have. A lot of things were just 'nice to have' as she soon realised, finding the 'finer things in life' more and more appealing. Paintings, clothes, jewlery – she could imagine owning it all. Her fingers itched everytime she saw someones back turned or an unattended bag. The world had opened her purse to her and she wasn't going to pass any opportunities.

She was well beyond the slim streak of hope that the drell had ignited in her but he was still close in her mind. Who was he and why hadn't she seen him for almost four months? Maybe he didn't live on the Citadel or maybe he was just out on a very long trip. Either way, she was dying to see him again. She finally felt ready to find out what he meant when he said he could make good use of her skills. She wanted the challange. She needed it!

She took a walk to take her mind off of things. Without quite thinking about where her feet led her, she ended up in the Zakera Ward. Lazily looking around for something to do and make time pass, she suddenly heard Mouse's voice. She snuck up on the Rodam Expeditions roof and glanced over the edge. There he stood. She hadn't seen him in forever and here he was, talking with someone over the holo, so casually. She couldn't hear who he talked to but she figured it had to be one of the 'friends' he never introduced her to. They talked about things that needed to be delivered, code that needed correcting and planned the next time they should meet.

Carrin wasn't sure if she should make her presence know or not. For what reason should she? If he didn't want to try and stay in touch, why should she? She laid there, listening in on the conversation, finding it utterly boring. She was starting to feel sadness surround her like a thick cloud. She was in fact directly observing where her actions had taken Mouse and there she was, still cooped up in their old hideout in the ventilation systems without any idea what to do with her life.

Mouse hung up and started fiddeling with his omni-tool. He sighed and swiped up some pictures. Carrin almost felt a little bad spying on his precious memories but couldn't quite help herself. She saw pictures of Mouse with a bunch of other kids, some she knew, some she'd never seen before. In the midst of all these pictures, one in particular stood out. It was of Mouse standing smiling next to the drell that she'd been wanting to meet again. Carrin allowed her whole body to jerk into motion as she instinctively jumped off of the roof and landed directly infront of Mouse.

"Who's that?" she asked a little to loud.

Mouse muffled a shout, jumping to the side, grabbing the fabric at his chest.

"You scared the living hell out of me!" he compained. Carrin didn't take care.

"Who is that?" she asked again, taking a step forward.

"That? Oh, that's an associate of mine, very private guy" Mouse said. Carrin could read the arrogance across his face and didn't quite care for it.

"No it isn't." Before Mouse could answer, she continued "I want to get in touch with him. Where can I meet him?"

"Okay, okay.. I don't know, alright? He finds me, not the other way around. He used to show up here a lot before but not so much anymore, as far as I know. He would ask me for favors, following people and stuff, and he'd give me small trinkets in return. I didn't really know him or anything but.." Mouse paused and looked at the picture again. ".. there was a time when I thought that noone would remember me and he made me feel like I had a chance of making something of my life. Not that he said or did anything or whatever but it felt good to feel needed you know?"

Carrin understood all too well. She watched her old friend smile at some memory and almost felt a little jealous. She really wanted to meet him again, now more than ever. She had to find out more about him, ask him what he meant last time they spoke, find out why he hadn't been on the Citadel for so long. She had to get to know him.

"What's his name?" she finally asked.

"Thane" Mouse said. "Thane Krios. I was actually making my first VI based on him" he said and smiled. "Here, you can have it. It is so far from perfect. I can't sell it cos well.. bugs.. alot of them.. but it was good practise. Thanks again for.. you know.. all your help and stuff"

Carrin felt Mouse trying to get rid of her. He transfered the VI to her omni-tool and she let it materialize infront of her.

There he stood, towering over her, his hands behind his back. He started into the distance beyond her in silence.

"What can he do?" she asked absent-minded.

"Huh? Well, he's suppose to be like the interface for your omni-tool. Like I said, it's only my very first VI so I didn't want to mess things up too bad. It can't really do anything other than just stand there and answer a few simple questions.."

He turned to his omni-tool again, trying to look busy. Carrin didn't care that the AI was unfinished. She got to see him again. He stood there just as she had remembered him. Serene, calm and confident. A promise of a chance at life. All these things embedded into one being.

"Let me know the next time he's on the Citadel, okay?"

"What's this obsession? Why do you want to met him?"

"Just let me know. Or point him in my direction, will you?"

Mouse shot up a suspicious brow at her before agreeing.

"It might take a very long time, you know that, right?"

Carrin nodded as she absentmindedly walked away. She made her way back to the hideout and brought up the code for the VI. It was clumsy and basic, even Carrin could see that. She started messing around with it and added a few phrases to the basic conversation.

"It is a rare sight to see such a young human display that kind reflexes".

The voice made Carrins stomach tremble all over again. At least Mouse got that part right. She spent the rest of the evening adding more and more sentences and responses. She felt a little proud of herself. She was going to see him again. She just knew it.


	5. We meet again

"The best way of approach would be by using the air ventilation"

The tiny Thane VI walked along the railing up on the catwalk next to Carrin. It held its hands behind its back, head high and looked at Carrin with dark eyes. It was a perfect copy of the drell she was longing to see again.

"And I've told you that's not going to work. You forget to take into calculations that I'm not that small anymore"

Carrin felt annoyed. She was tweaking the VI on a daily basis but it kept glitching, forgetting to count for different factors, mixing up blueprints.. the list was long. It was really best used for a good conversation so she mostly used it for just that. To have someone to simply discuss a potential heist with, for example, or someone to talk to in the evenings when she was sitting alone in the hideout. Mouse had moved out little less than two years ago and no new duct rat had moved in. She made good use of the place but she had to admitt that she was getting a little too big. Using the air vent was still a good way for her to get around but it was becoming quite dangerous. As nimble as she was, she was still running a very real risk of getting stuck. She knew she had to move out soon.

"Besides, they changed the floor plans since I broke in two years ago. No more entering through the air vents from the outside"

She had heard Ryuusei's Sushi Bar was getting a delivery of some very exclusive japanese tea cups and the last stop before going to the restaurant would be the shipping warehouse. Carrin had on good authorities that these cups were orginally made on earth closer to 200 years ago and were very sought after, so naturally she wanted them for herself.

"What would you say to a rather obvious approach? So obvious that they wouldn't expect something so stupid?"

The VI gave her an empty gaze. It tried to analyse the sarcasm in Carrins voice. It was coded well enough to realise what she was talking about. Walking straight through the front door.

"I would say you haven't thought things through" it finally answered. "They're not gonna let you walk through that door and take a pair of cups"

"Well that's a very obvious observation.. stupid VI.."

"You coded me. What does that say about you?"

Carrin shot the VI a very angry look. It may not have been the most stable and reliable VI around but it sure could throw a punch.

"Fine, what do you suggest?"

"Why not go eat at the restaurant? At least you'll get to admire the art"

Carrin knew VI Thane was joking but her mind was already making plans based on a bold suggestion the VI never intended to hint at.

"Alright, lets go there tonight, what do you say?"

VI Thane looked confused. He quickly understood Carrin was up to no good but he couldn't quite figure out what she was thinking. He looked down as if trying to gather his thoughts and find insight into her mind through the railing they both touched. After a while he turned around and started pacing up and down the railing keeping Carrin on edge with his answer. She may curse the VIs bad coding but sometimes she realised she had managed so much better than she thought. The amount of love put into his spine of code had him carry a personality he was aware of, something you wouldn't find in just any VI. He had a sense of right and wrong, he cared for Carrin and he had passions. Granted it was all based off of a real person, a person Carrin had forced Mouse on a close to daily basis tell her all about. He'd told her everything he know and she had coded it all into the VI, but he still felt as if he was his own person, his own soul. He morphed into real life size again and stood next to Carrin as she looked down on the crates being carefully handled and moved into storage. He put his hand on her shoulder.

"Let's go there tonight then" he finally answered, smiling down at her.

Not that Carrin had a lot of clothes to choose from to try and blend into the public scene but she had managed pretty okay. Atleast she didn't look all 'duct rat, really a thief'. She was more use to staying out of sight and that rarely required a getup that would get her into a restaurant. Atleast not through the front door. She looked herself over in the reflection of the perfectly washed windows of the restaurant and felt pleased with her efforts. She even looked older than she was! With that confidence, she made her way to the entrance.

"Table for one" she said, sounding as sophisticated as she could.

The waiter gave her a suspicious look.

"You're not going to wait for your parents?" he carefully suggested.

Carrin couldn't help herself from shooting him a quick look of annoyance before collecting her emotions.

"No, they won't be dining with me tonight" she answered, looking passed the waiter and into the restaurant trying to find a table with the best view. "Would you kindly escort me to that table over there, if available? I do prefer my privacy". She could barely hold herself from laughing. This was how she imagined rich people talk and it fitted her mouth as well as a large piece of cotton ball would.

"Oh, well, certainly. That table is avaliable, come with me"

The waiter threw his suspicions aside and escorted Carrin to her table of choice.

"Thank you. I would like to start off with a cup of tea. I hear you just got a lovely set of new cups from earth. Would you mind serving me tea in one of those?"

"Oh we just got them, actually. I'm surprised to hear the word already got out, we're suppose to throw a big tea ceremony party with those cups next week. We haven't announced it to the public yet though.."

Carrrin could see the waiter getting suspicious again. For all her impulsive nature she never forgot such obvious information. Usually, in any case.

"You really think such a happening would be kept under wraps? No, it's an amazing piece of human history! Of course I know about it". She tried to sound confident even though she could feel her disguise falling apart. The waiter looked at her trying to read her mind but decided her explanation held up.

"Yes, of course. It is a big happening, after all. However, we don't serve tea in those cups just yet but I'm willing to let you have a quick glance at them. So. One tea. Anything else?"

"Make that two. And please bring an extra seat"

The voice threw Carrin off her game. Her jaw dropped. The waiter glanced over at Carrin, questioningly. She quickly gathered herself enough to give the waiter a reassuring nod. It seemed to calm him and he brought the drell an extra chair who inclined his head at the man.

"Thank you"

He sat down across from Carrin as the waiter walked away. He put his hands on the table and let them rest in each other. Carrin felt her face getting red. She had wanted to see this man for over two years and here he was, right across from her. She didn't know what to say, her heart beating to hard, she could hear it.

"Mouse tells me you've been looking for me. I'm sorry I've been unavailable but my line of work require me to phase in and out of shadow. It is highly unusual for me to socialize let alone look a person up for.. just a meeting"

Carrin wanted to talk but her mouth was dry. She felt as if her tongue grew three sizes and her eyes couldn't focus.

"Last time we spoke, you displayed an interesting set of skills. I've been watching you develop them these years and I have to say, you have made good use of your time. However, your choice in what you use these skills for are.. less than desirable"

The drells eyes suddenly grew blank. He stared into space infront of him as he talked to, what it seemed, himself.

"She crawls carefully through the ventilation tunnels. The guards cannot see her. The joy is written all over on her face. She had done it. 'You got it?' the boy asks. She.. does not answer. She only smiles"

Carrin stared at the drell. She had heard about their perfect memories but she never thought she would ever witness a recital of one. She knew he was talking about when she broke into the shipping warehouse two years ago. He had been there. He had seen her. Had he watched over her this entire time?

"I apologize. It is a memory that holds special meaning. You did something that day that changed the course of your life. You found your.. passion. But you have choosen poorly ever since. I wish for you to change that. I would require your assistance."

The tea arrived. The waiter place the cups infront of them under silence and filled them after which he placed the antique cups on display between them.

"I'll come to pick these up soon. Would there be anything else?" he asked.

"No, thank you" Thane said, giving the waiter a collected smile.

The waiter gave them a small bow and backed away. Carrin took the cup of tea and drank a little too quickly. She burned her tongue. "It might as well be three sized too big now", she thought to herself.

"Yea, ehum, I.." she started, cleared her throat and continued. "I wanted to see you again. I'm glad Mouse told you. So yea, I'd love to help"

She sounded pathetic. For all the diffent scenarios she imagined meeting him again, this kind of twitchy emotional display was never one of them. She felt like an idiot. Her cheeks burned. The drell smiled.

"I'm glad to hear that. Now, for these cups. Aren't they exquisite?"

He picked up the cup and admired the zen art. He turned the cup this and that way, careful to embrace the rare sight of such an old human artifact. He put it back down and turned the cup filled with tea infront of him a few times. He let it settle a bit before taking a small zip. The green tea was traditionally made and left a strong taste in his mouth. He was used to much weaker and milder teas but still enjoyed experiencing different cultures approach to something so everyday as 'tea'.

Carrin watched him, careful to absorb his small personal traits. She would definitely code his love for tea and art into her VI, she thought.

"There's a target" he finally said after a long silence, suddenly talking buisness. "My line of work requires a lot of information on both the target and his habbits. I need you to look a few things up for me"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How do you like the story so far? Please leave a comment :)


	6. A different life

Without giving it too much attention, Carrin found herself browsing through rare fruit from Kahje. 'Thane would probably like these' she thought absentmindedly and picked one up. She could feel the soft pulp move under pressure of her fingers directly under the bright red peel and imagined it having a very sweet taste.

"These fruits can be found near where I grew up. They have a simular taste to earths plums when fully ripe"

VI Thane made a sudden appearance and stood on the edge of the stores fruit baskets, gazing over its content. Over the last year Carrin had many chances to tweek her VI to reflect Thane perfectly. Not that he was big on talking about himself but he let a few things slip every now and then. Things like which part of Kahje he grew up and what kinds of tea he prefered gave her an opportunity to look up information on the subject and implement it in her VI. The VI was being utilized less and less as a sounding board and much more for simple conversations.

"When boiled with natural sweetener, it makes for a bitter cream with a very sweet aftertaste. That cream is largly used in different kinds of baked goods the drell eat as a yearly reminder of the bitter loss of their home planet but the gratitude they feel for the hanar saving them, hence the sweetness"

"So it's a little stick in the mud sometimes", Carrin mused. Some information were way too literal but she didn't mind. VI Thane kept her company when Thane was away, which was often. It had, however, turned into his personal mission to save her from the 'path of stealing', as he put it. The sudden need to put her fingers on something unattended was still tugging at her sometimes, but Thanes trust in her kept her back. He had gotten her an apartment. He rented it under an alias so it couldn't be traced back to him and since she was only 12, she couldn't rent it herself. It wasn't big but had all the things she needed to live comfortably.

Carrin bought a few of those strange looking fruits and made her way back home.

"Thane should've been here by now" she said, mostly to herself.

"The beginning of last week, to be more precise" fully sized VI Thane remarked as he walked next to her down the streets to her apartment.

She had gotten to know better Thane and looked up to him. His complete serenity and stability never swayed, she trusting him never betray or abandon her. And he wouldn't die. He couldn't! He was the best assassin in the universe and noone could take him down. She found a safety in him that she hadn't felt in anyone since long before her mother was murdered. It also made her desperate for his company. He treated her more like a tool than someone he would care for but Carrin didn't care. As long as he wouldn't disappear on her, she'd be anything he needed. Whenever he was at the Citadel, he had her run all kinds of errands. Usually it involved her following a specific person around and take note of his or hers habbits; Who they talked to, where they went, things they ate. It was very boring but Thane always rewarded her with chocolate or a dinner but the best thing he could give her was simply time. He always spend some time with her while fulfilling a contract on the Citadel. It made her see herself in a better light, like she was worth the time after all. They weren't related in any way but he was more of a fatherfigure to her than any of his predecessors.

That evening, Carrin was sitting up late looking out the window. Thane had yet to arrive and she was passing time reading a book she'd picked up earlier. Or trying to read it, in any case. It had been on sale and she now knew why. Moments later, she could feel the distinct sensation of someone watching her. She was getting used to the feeling and embraced it. It was a game they always played whenever Thane came to visit.

She pretended not to notice, kept pretending to read. The shadow snuck closer and when it was so close that it almost touched her neck, she jumped up and turned around.

"You can't sneak up on me anymore!" she shouted in joy.

Her empty apartment stared back at her. Noone was there. The joyfilled feelings slowly melted away into overwhelming disappointment. She was sure he had finally come, but there she stood, alone in the dark.

"You're still not fast enough"

The voice came from behind her. She swirled around and found Thane sitting in her chair, holding her book.

"This book is a little outside of your range of interests, is it not?"

It took Carrin a few moments to gather herself.

"Oh, yes. I guess it is" she finally said.

"Hm, I thought so" Thane mused. "I bought you a book today, I would be sad to see that I got it wrong"

He handed her a book about Londons old, lost treasures. She loved books from earth and especially those about treasures through history.

"Thank you" she said and smiled sheepishly. "I almost thought you wouldn't come"

"I had a few contracts that got complicated. I trust you've kept busy while I was gone"

"Yes" She fetched some notes from the small kitchen table. "Here's their activites from this week. They're not big on leaving their quarters and seem to have a lot of people running errands for them. The only time they go out is to get food. They don't seem to trust anyone with that. Always different kinds of foods, couldn't find any pattern, in fact"

Thane stood up and walked around the apartment while she continued.

"I overheard them talking about leaving the Citadel. They're going to Omega and then to Belan to check 'the goods'"

"When?"

"From what I could tell, they should be leaving soon"

Thane paced around the small apartment, hands behind his back, eyes on the floor. The rays of light from the window reflecting on his scales made his serenity shine through even brighter. Carrin embraced the sight and suddenly felt the warm sensation of being completely safe. As Thane slowly walked through the apartment, he found the bag of fruit Carrin bought earlier. He smiled, picked one up and turned towards her.

"Where did you get these?"

"I bought them at the market today. I thought you might like them.."

She suddenly felt shy. She was silly, really. She let him affect her to the point of what kind of fruit she bought.

"Do you mind?"

"Not at all!"

He rolled the fruit between his hands and smelled the palm of his hands, closing his eyes as he did so. He smiled at her and took a bite.

"This reminds me of where I grew up" he finally said.

Carrin smiled. She already knew it would. She hadn't told him about her VI friend and how much she tried to make it resemble Thane. She figured some things might just be better left untold, especially this little secret, making her blush again over her own infatuation. Thane took another bite and sat down in the chair from across from where Carrin stood. She sat down and followed his gaze. He looked out the window and seemed to be far away in his thoughts, carefully savoring the fruit. It took a while before she dared break the silence.

"So... who are those people?"

Thane looked down at the leftovers in his hand and seemed to ponder if he should answer or not. He eventually put it on the table and leaned forward in the chair, putting his elbows on his knees, his hands hugging each other.

"It's.. a personal matter" he said eventually almost instantly regretting giving Carrin such a short, cold answer. "It's slavers. They're attacking hanar colonies. My old handler contacted me and asked for my assistance. We haven't talked since I left the Compact.."

Carrin felt a little overwhelmed. Thane ususally never talked so openly about himself and here he basically poured out bits and pieces from most part of his life like it was the most natural thing in the world. He must have sensed her questions surfacing as he stood up and walked up to the window.

"You know my profession and where I come from. I was trained by the Compact to become what I am today. It might seem.. strange and distant to you but I was your age when I made my first kill. It wasn't.. clean. Things have changed since."

He stopped for a second and turned to face her.

"I've told you about my wife, Irikah. She woke me up from my battle sleep. I left the Compact for her but.. this life was all I knew. I started to freelance. Irikah supports my decision but sometimes.. sometimes I'm so far away from her.. and Kolyat.."

Thane seemed to drift away into memory. Carrin didn't want to interupt him. He hadn't mention Kolyat before but she knew he had a son her age. She made a mental note of the name.

"Hm.. As I mentioned, the Compact contacted me and asked for my assistance. I'm tracking down the slavers to end this hunt for the hanar."

Carrin took all that Thane had told her to heart. She understood the weight behind his words and she understood why he felt this was personal. She had never seen him this way before, worried and impatient.

"And these guys are the slavers?"

"The leaders, yes. I need to get to them before they hit Belan."

He reached out his hand and gestured Carrin to hand him the papers. He looked them over, threw them in the sink and lit them on fire. They listened to the crackling sound of paper bending under the pressing heat.

"So you're not staying on the Citadel for long" Carrin said. It wasn't a question, she knew he would leave as soon as possible.

Thane didn't respond at first. He kept his gaze steady on the flames and turned on the water when he was satisfied the papers were destroyed.

"No"

Carrins heart grew heavy. She had missed him and here he was leaving as soon as he had arrived. How long would it be until next time they met? Did he really just see her as a tool and nothing else? She didn't mind, or so she kept telling herself, but if he couldn't spend any time at all with her, what was the point?

"You're going to Omega then?"

"Yes"

"Can I come along? I grew up there! Well.. for the most part.."

The question slipped past her lips before she had time to think it over. Thane seemed to consider her request for a long time. It made Carrin nervous. He straightened his back and brushed away some imaginary dust off of his shoulder.

"I will pick you up tomorrow evening. Be ready"

And with that, he left the apartment.


	7. Invisible

The ship docked at the Omega station. Carrin had been told to pack light as their stay would not last long. Thane didn't say much during their trip but rather seemed to meditate and focus on upcoming events. Carrin wasn't sure what to make of it. Why he let her come along in the first place puzzled her deeply. Whatever these slavers had done, must run much deeper than Thane let on. It was almost like he was afraid to leave her on the Citadel, or like he couldn't say no when she asked him to take her with.

"Where are we going?" she asked carefully, almost afraid to interupt his thoughts.

"I have made an apointment with the one person who knows everything that's going on around here. She, if anyone, should have news on the whereabouts of the slavers"

Carrin knew who he was talking about. Aria T'Loak. Noone knew what was going on at the station better than she did. She ruled Omega with an iron fist. She was determined to let it stay the way it was, convinced that balance in chaos was the best way to stay in control. Carrin had never met her. She usually stayed in the Afterlife club and rarely made an appearance outside of its walls. If she ever did, it had to be for a really good reason.

"Are you sure the slavers are already here?"

"Quite certain. I took a quick visit to their quarters before leaving the Citadel and they had already left. Come, we must hurry"

They went straight to Afterlife, no time to lose. As Thane walked up to Arias bodyguards he looked back at Carrin and told her to wait where she was. She nodded and sat down on the stairs.

Thane walked up to Aria and gave her a deep bow. She smiled, inviting him to sit next to her and they started talking. Aria playfully ran her finger across Thanes shoulder a couple of times but he didn't seem to react or take notice. Aria gestured towards Carrin and Thane seemed to give her a brief explination. Carrin couldn't hear what they were saying over the music and got bored trying, not exactly enjoying watching Aria flirt with Thane the way she did. She looked around hoping to find something to pass the time. Some asari dancers waved at her, smiling.

"Hi little girl!" one of them said and giggled with the others. Clearly they had too much to drink so Carrin just ignored them. The dancers were always friendly but it's not exactly the crowd Carrin wanted to get mixed up in.

She looked up at Thane and Aria. They were still deep in conversation. Aria transfered some information from her omnitool to Thane. His expression turned serious and the conversation seemed to have reached its end. Aria made one last attempt, caressing Thanes arm before he respectfully stood up and bowed.

Thane came back with a very stern look on his face. He didn't even look at her, deep in his own thoughts. She tried to keep up as he advanced quickly through a very crowded Afterlife. He seemed to move like water through between people, noone even got close to him. Meanwhile, everyone heading Carrins way kept bumping into her and it wasn't long until she lost the sight of Thane.

She stopped right in her tracks. She couldn't believe she had lost him. She looked around but couldn't see him anywhere. Cursing herself for not being agile and fast enough, she saw a table and figured she'd get a better view from atop. People paid her very little attention as she made her way up to the table, climbed it and started scouting the area. What would she do if she lost Thane right there and then? She didn't even have enough credits for a ticket back to the Citadel. Why had he been walking so fast? Had he completely forgotten about her? A small group of vorcha saw Carrin standing there and made their way over to her.

"What's such a small little girl doing up ontop of such a high table?" one asked.

"Yes, you don't want to fall and hurt yourself. Are you looking for someone?" the second one asked.

Carrin tried to ignore them. Vorchas were known for being aggressive and rude and the only reason they would ever be polite would be because they wanted something. Or someone.

"Let us help you get down from there, little girl. I'm sure we can help you find whomever it is you're looking for" the third one said.

Carrin was getting scared. The people passing around them ignored the whole event, not wanting to get involved. She realised she couldn't ignore them forever as they slowly surrounded the small table blocking her every chance of escape. All three of them threw her wicked smiles and gestured for her to come down.

Suddenly one of the vorchas got kicked on the side of his face, flying into the second vorcha. Both of them lost balance and fell to the floor. Before the third one had time to react, he took a solid blow to jaw and hit the ground with a heavy thump. Carrins eye grew large as Thane appeared from thin air putting his foot on one of the vorchas faces giving him a heavy imprint from the heel of his boot.

"She was looking for me"

The vorchas were still in complete shock as they scurried to their feet and ran away. Thane stood looking at them as they ran away. He took a moment to gather himself, finding his balance and serenity again. He turned to Carrin, reaching out a hand.

"I apologize. I got lost in my own thoughts. Forgive me"

Carrin hesitated for a while before letting him help her down.

"It won't happen again"

He took her hand in his and started walking in a much slower pace than before. Carrins looked up at him, feeling confused. He had just effectively taken down three vorchas in two hits, saving her, without breking a sweat. She had been scared, feeling abandoned but he came back for her. He didn't leave her, he came back. Carrin felt her eyes burn. She fought the tears and hid her face in her sleeve. Thane noticed and stopped, getting down on one knee infront of her.

"Are you okay?"

Carrin shock her head.

"No! Why did you leave me? Why did you even bring me along if you were just gonna abandon me like that?" She kept her face hidden. Thane looked at her, compassion coloring his face. He placed his hand on her shoulder.

"I am sorry" he started, weighing his next words carefully "I did not abandon you." He looked at her in silence for a while, her face still behind her sleeve. "Why are you hiding?"

Carrin wasn't sure what to answer. She simply felt the need to hide. She couldn't take care of herself, she couldn't fight like he could! Maybe she was just a little duct rat who happened to like stealing. If she had true skills, she wouldn't even end up in a situation like that. She wouldn't have lost Thane in the crowd to begin with. She just wanted to disapear. She had to.

"I hide cos I have to.." she finally said.

She hadn't cried since her mother died and she wasn't planning on doing it now either. Thane would not see her cry. She wouldn't let him see her that vulnerable and childish. She was going to be strong, like she always was.

"I have something for you" Thane said and brought up his omnitool. He hit a few buttons.

She looked up from her hiding place, carefully looking at her omnitool and found a new function she hadn't seen before.

"Cloak?"

"That's right. You won't find this cloak in any store, nor on the black market." Thane smiled slightly, looking proud. However he had manage to come across this cloak, it couldn't have been easy. "Whenever you feel like you need to hide, you can just use it"

He stood up and reached out his hand to her.

"Feeling better?"

Carrin didn't know what to feel. He had just handed her something so unique just to cheer her up. She looked up at him and tried hard to smile. She took his hand and as they started walking, she dried a single tear that had escaped her with the back of her hand. She should have known. Near Thane, she would always be safe.


	8. Definition of me

Thane traced the cracks in the tabletop with the tip of his index finger. He seemed scatter minded and distracted. It wasn't like him. Carrin tried to lighten the mood by telling him stories about people she'd seen on the Citadel, told him about back when she lived on Omega before things got complicated and even confined in him how her stepfather had died. Nothing seemed to make Thane react. He just kept staring at the table.

Carrin grew quiet. He was obviously focused on whatever Aria had told him earlier and nothing interupted his thoughts. She brought up her omnitool and started playing around with her new cloak. It was easy to use and didn't require the omnitool to be active. Like a lot of other useful 'on the fly' battle functions, it only required a simple thought to activate. Just for fun she activated it. A slight crackling sound broke the silence and a tingly sensation ran over her body. Suddenly she was invisible. She lifted up her hand and tried to see them but failed. She truly was invisible.

Excitment gripped her and she decided to joke with Thane a bit. He hadn't even taken any notice to her using her cloak, just kept burning holes in the table with his eyes. Carrin slowly climbed off of her chair and snuck behind it. Carefully, as not to make a sound, she made her way behind Thanes chair. She let her hand hoover over the nape of his neck. She fought the urge to giggle as her stomach tickled from excitment.

Just when she was about to touch him, he quickly moved to the side, grabbed her wrist and turned around to face her.

"You are still not fast enough" he said, looking her straight in the eyes.

Carrin let a shriek of joy escape her before realising he actually saw her, despite the cloak being activated.

"You can see me!"

Thane smiled slightly.

"No but I can sense you"

"But.. you didn't even notice when I activated it.." she argued, deactivating the cloak.

"Every cloak makes a small sound when activated. They are all unique. I'd recognize the sound of that particual cloak anywhere" he answered and gave her a dry smile.

"Fine! But I'll get you next time!"

Thane smiled again and let go of her wrist. He turned back in his chair and activated his omnitool. Carrin sat back down on her chair, looking at Thane studying blueprints of an apartment building. She leaned forward.

"That's where those slavers are?"

She couldn't help herself from asking. Thane kept looking at the blueprints, obviously making mental notes of the best route into the building.

"They will be in a little while" he answered.

"So.. you're just gonna go there and.."

She wasn't sure how to end that sentence. She knew what he did for a living. She knew he was an assassin but they had never really talked about it before. How does one talk about something like that anyway? Thane had always been a lone wolf. He had no need to discuss how his contracts was executed, as long as they were fullfilled. She knew he took pride in what he did. He wasn't what you'd imagine an assassin to be, sniping their targets from afar. No, he was deeply spiritual and believed in asking forgivness for every kill. In the same fashion he prefered to be up close and personal. Someones life ended by his doing, the least he could do was to respect them enough to let them see their killer seconds before he let them cross the big ocean, as he would put it.

He pretended like he hadn't heard the question. What had Carrin expected he would tell her anyway? When Thane seemed satisfied with studying the blueprints, he checked the time.

"We have to go" he said and stood up in a fluid motion.

He started walking with big strides but not so fast that Carrin couldn't keep up. Before long they arrived at a large apartment building. Thane admired the facade for a while before turning to Carrin.

"I need you to stay here"

The sudden look of seriousness across Thanes face surprised Carrin. She didn't want to stay there! She wanted to come along!

"I need you to listen to me" Thane said. "You have to stay here. What will happen in there is not for your eyes, do you understand?"

Carrin wanted to protest but she could see he wasn't going to change his mind. Against her will, she agreed and seconds later, Thane disappeared into thin air. She looked around thinking she'd be able to catch sight of him. Unsuccessful, she found a park bench and sat down.

* * *

She woke up with a twitch. How long had she been sleeping? It was already getting dark. Thane was nowhere to be seen. What was taking him so long? Or had he forgotten she was waiting for him? She tried to recall the blueprints. Apartment 13B. She made a decision to go up there, just for a second. Only to see if Thane was still up there.

She took the elevator up. When she arrived at the correct floor, she immediately felt as if she was doing something very wrong. Thane didn't want her to be there and here she was, defying his wishes.

She suddenly heared a muffled shout. Curiosity got the better of her and she activated her cloak. She snuck out of the elevator and down the corridor. When she found the right apartment, she put her ear to the door.

"I don't know! Let me go, I really don't know!"

The man sounded desperate, in pain. She wanted to see what was going on. She carefully tried to push the door open, finding it to be unlocked. It silently hissed open and she snuck in and hid in a corner. The door quickly closed. She was so focused on not making a sound, on sneaking inside and finding a good hiding spot, that she hadn't taken any notice to what was going on in the room. It wasn't until she heard the sound of Thanes voice that she turned around and saw what was going on.

"Don't play stupid! I know you know his name. Tell me!"

Carrin was horrified. Thanes was unrecognizible, expression twisted in hatred. Blood streaked his face, coloring his green scales a terrible red. A batarian man laid on the floor, Thane standing with one foot on his back, forcing his arm into an unnatural angle.

"I don't know! Please" the man pleaded.

Thane snarled and started pulling the mans arm upwards. Slowly, enjoying the mans cry of pain, he snaped the arm out of joint and smiled with satisfaction. The man screamed, gurgling on his own blood. Thane placed his foot on the back of the mans head.

"Are you sure you don't know?"

The man whimpered.

"You saw what I did with your friend. You really think I will be more merciful with you?"

Carrin caught sight of the other man Thane was talking about. He had deep cuts all over his body, his jaw hung loose. He had been tortured to death, his body carelessly thrown in a pile.

Thane lifted the man up by his disjointed arm and carried him to the balcony, lifting him over the edge holding onto nothing but his troat.

"Give me the name!"

"Stiv Kay! His name's Stiv Kay!"

Carrin recognized the name. Where had she heard it before? Thane lifted the man back up and the second he sighed of relief, Thane snapped his neck in one fluid motion. He stood watching with disgust as the body twitched. He did not pray for him.

Carrins heart was beating so hard, she could barely hear. Her vision was blurry. She couldn't calm herself down. Thane walked back inside and was just about to leave the apartment when he suddenly stopped and stood still infront of the door. Carrin couldn't breath. Who was this man? This wasn't the Thane she knew! He took pride in what he did. He made clean kills. He prayed for the dead. He didn't torture, he didn't enjoy the pain.

"How long have you been there?"

Thanes sudden question caught Carrin off guard. He could sense her. He was so distracted earlier that he didn't notice but he was balanced and focued once again. He could sense her standing there. There was no point in hiding. She deactivated the cloak.

"Not long.."

Thane stood quiet. He picked up a piece of cloth from the floor and wiped his face clean. He then left the room with only one word.

"Come"

Carrin walked a few steps behind Thane. She wasn't sure where he was taking her but what choice did she have? They eventually stopped and Thane turned around to face her.

"What you saw in there.. I should come clean about something.."

Carrin could hear the sound of regret and sadness in his voice.

"I told you I've been hunting slavers. That's only partially true.." He stopped for a second, weighing his next words. "Irikah.. Irikah is no longer alive". He closed his eyes and started reciting a memory.

"The door stands open.. the smell of blood.. Her body, on the floor.. she.. is not breathing.. her eyes, empty.. the defiance have left them.. Kolyat.. hiding in the closet.. he whimpers.."

He turned around suddenly overcome with emotion.

"I hunted down that group of slavers on the Citadel but I didn't get them all. I thought I had. They paid the Shadow Broker to find out who I was. They couldn't get to me but somehow, they found out about Irikah. They.. they killed her.. I've been hunting them all down. All but one. Stiv Kay."

As Thane stood there, she suddenly realised where she had heard that name before. It was one of Mouses 'friends'. She felt panic crawl up her spine.

"I wish I knew how they found out about her.. I was always so careful.."

"When.. when did this happen?"

"About one and a half year ago"

Carrins felt as if she was about to faint. She realised where Stiv Kay must have found out about Irikah. The only 'other Thane', made in his perfect image, filled with all kind of information about Thane Krios. VI Thane.

"Thane, I.. I know where they found out about Irikah.."

* * *

Carrin found herself back at the Ryuusei's Sushi Bar. Her feet had led her there without thinking. She held a cup of tea in her hand. Thane had said very little after her confession about VI Thane. He simply put her on a shuttle back to the Citadel, told her he had to go away for a while and left. She knew he wasn't coming back. She knew she wouldn't see him again. She just wanted to disapear, to become thin air.

He hadn't really abadoned her, had he? No, she had driven him away. Stiv Kay must have gotten Thanes name from the Shadow Broker and then found out about VI Thane through Mouse. After that, they just had to monitor her, listen to her conversations with VI Thane. Maybe her apartment was bugged. She lifted the cup and admired it as Thane had done.

"Beautiful, isn't it? It's a Zen painting! That sign actually means 'Tea Bowl'! Funny, right?"

The asari waiter was excited to share her knowledge. When Carrin didn't respond she continued.

"Did you know that the artist name meant 'Mist'?"

Carrin looked at the waiter. Mist. How fitting. That's what she wanted to become. Simply a mist.

"What was the name of the artist?" she finally asked.

"Kasumi"


	9. Distraction

Kasumi put on her gloves slowly. She always felt slightly sensual putting them on, knowing that within minutes she was going to hold that one item she'd been craving to feel under her touch forever. Even though the concept of 'forever' never lasted longer than a few days in her world, Kasumi grew obsessed every single time. When she had seen something she wanted, it more often than not took quite some time to plan the heist and it always gave her enough time to let the hunger consume her. The journey was as exciting as the goal to her.  
She lifted the glas cloche and put it on the floor. She picked up the necklace and admired it, rolling the beads between her fingers. The reflection played across her face as she smiled and felt increasingly satisfied with herself.

She wanted to stop time for just a minute at that moment but she heard voices from the adjacent room and had to get moving. She lifted the cloche back in place, stuck the necklace into her sleeve and hurried back to her hiding spot behind the heavy curtain. Two men came into the room deep in conversation.

"This will be problematic" the turian male complained.

"I don't see why it would be. It's not affecting us in any way, atleast not yet. There is no reason to worry" the salarian male responded.

"You may be right but Shepard is being very persistant. I heard she accused Saren and the council appoints her Specter? That is insane! A human specter?"

The salarian nodded and walked up to the desk.

"Quite. Only time will tell if this will be a good or a bad thing but I still don't see this as a problem. Humans may be young but they have a lot of good things to offer the galaxy." he argued, poured a glas of expensive liquor and offered the turian.

Kasumi had heard of Shepard becoming a specter but who cares? Humans will always be disliked by every other race when it comes to politics. She was sure Shepard had only been appointed to shut her up and to please as many as possible.

"A real problem closer to home, though.." the salarian began.

"Yes, I am aware. Not any kind of transport is safe anymore. I've had to double the guard force and still to no avail. I'm loosing more money protecting my valuables than they are worth"

"Hm, yes. I hate to admit it but I think this thief have us all floored.."

"There's actually more than one now, have you heard? There's a new face to be scared of these days.."

Kasumi smiled. She knew they were talking about her. The direction of the conversation pleased her but this was no time to stick around. Sooner or later they would notice a particular piece of jewlery missing from its pedestal and she wasn't planning on being anywhere near when that happened. As the men got deeper into conversation, complaining over lost property, Kasumi snuck out the window and started making her way down to the yard. It was fairly dark outside but she had no problems making her way back to the streets and to her new apartment.

Four years had passed since she last saw Thane. She was now sixteen and well on her way to be the best thief in the galaxy. The memory of Thane torturing those men all those years ago still made her skin crawl. What she had seen was not how she had pictured Thane at all. Who was he to 'save her from the path of stealing' when he couldn't even keep to his own? Taking such pride in the beauty of what he did just to turn around and taint it the way he did, he was simply no better than the worst kind of criminal. That was motivation enough for Kasumi to let her own passion consume her. Something that felt so right and natural that it simply could not be wrong. And she was good at what she did. So very, very good. C-sec had been trying to catch her for a long time now but she had always managed to slip between their fingers. The name 'Kasumi' put fear in anyone who had anything valuable to loose and that pleased her to no end.

She took out the necklace, taking her time admiring it. It was made of black pearls, the shine was the most enticing she had ever seen. She played with the beads between her fingers as she laid down on the bed. The faint light from the window was picked up by the pearls perfecly and danced along the walls. Unwillingly, it reminded her of how Thanes scales had picked up the light that last evening in her apartment before they went to Omega. Sadness found its way into her heart once again. It slowly grew to anger. The longer she looked at the necklace, the angrier she got. Who the hell was he to give her such hope and then turn around and leave, just like that? Furious, she threw the necklace across the room and turned to her side, crawling up into a little ball.  
'Then again..' she thought. 'It was my fault he hunted those slavers to begin with..'  
She hugged herself, desperately trying to feel better. It upsetted her how the drell still affected her this way. She felt guilty about her involvement in how his wife had been killed and regretted ever making VI Thane so similar to the real Thane. If she hadn't, maybe Irikah would still have been alive. Maybe Kolyat would still have his mother. She hugged herself harder. She had understood why Thane didn't want to leave her on the Citadel, how he couldn't say 'no' when she asked him to take her with. She had understood why it had taken him so long to come back to her, what kind of 'complications' he had hit before arriving. It had all been made clear when he had told her about how his wife had been killed and how he was hunting the slavers. Not that it mattered anyway. She couldn't say sorry. She had no idea where he was now, or if he was even alive. She apologized into the empty room and fought the tears threatening to surface.

Moments later her omnitool chimed. She sat up and opened the message. She rarely accepted jobs from clients but every now and then she was offered very interesting and challenging targets and right now, she embraced the distraction.  
The target was a painting. Maybe not one of the more interesting targets she had stolen but it just so happened to be a human politician who owned it. She never liked politician. Especially those that took treasures and kept it to themselves. She didn't care if the client wanted it for the exact same reasons, right now she just felt like kicking someone and this was a perfect opportunity.

* * *

The mansion had surprisingly low number of guards on duty and very few activated alarms. Kasumi hardly found it challenging and was almost tempted to set an alarm off just to see if anyone would actually come and see what was going on.  
She entered the room where the painting hung. It portrayed a garden on Illium. She wasn't sure this garden actually existed but for whatever reason, this painting gave her a calm she rarely felt at all these days.

"I know you're not here for that painting, little bird"

Kasumi turned around to face a man leaning up against the wall. He was very attractive, in his 20s, well built and had a smile that could melt any womans heart. He nonchalantly cleaned his fingernails as he continued.

"It took me forever to clear out all the guards and deactivate all those alarms. It would greatly hurt my feelings if you would just waltz in here and take the painting I've been sent to acquire".

He made his way to her, reaching out his hand.

"Let me introduce myself. My name is Keiji Okuda."

Kasumi frowned. She knew very well who this man was. Everyone in her profession did. No wonder she met by so little resistance. Her path had been cleared in advance and here he was, about to take the same painting as she was going to take. Had she been set up by the client? She had wanted a distraction, not a headache.

"So you've been sent to take this painting too"

The man nodded.

"Son of a bitch.."

"I apologize" the man said "but I am no such thing, little bird. Assuming that's not what you actually meant, my guess is we've both been set up. If so, we don't have much time. I only see one reason for this kind of setup and I don't plan on letting C-sec take me this time either. What do you say we make our way out of here?"

She looked at him for a while. He was probably right. This would be the perfect way to finally catch them both red handed. She paced across the room for a while, trying to make heads or tails of the situation. Meanwhile, Keiji lifted the painting down from the wall.

"This one is coming with us"

Kasumi was a bit surprised by his determination.

"The client probably isn't real, you know" she said, feeling annoyed. "Why would you bother taking the painting?"

"Well.." the man began. "I'd like a memory of when we first met".

He smiled with his teeth and made his way out of the room. Kasumi stood dumbstruck and looked at how Keiji simply walked out the front door. It took her a while but she eventually ran after him. Who was this man, really? She thought she knew who this Keiji was through rumors and tales but she had never imagined him being to bold and confident. She found it intriguing and confusing all at the same time. Maybe she had found her distraction after all.


	10. Desire

Kasumi spread the rose petals over the bed and corrected the bouquet on the small bedside table. She hurried into the livingroom and lit the last couple of candles, turning off all the lights before spreading a few more petals over the floor in the hallway. She was so excited about her surprise that she could do very little but giggle and skip all the way back to the bedroom to change into her pink negligee. She wanted to cheer Keiji up after his trial. He had been accused of selling classified data and had to fight the Alliance to prove his innocence. It had gotten him down and occupied most of his thoughts as of late. Kasumi hardly recognized her lover. He was usually so calm and secure and now he was slowly crumbling.

Ever since she met Keiji two years ago, she had grown as a person. He was her rock. Only a few months after they met, they moved to an apartment on Illium. It was perfect. They were perfect. She loved and trusted him above everything and she took every opportunity to show it. She was almost embarrassed to admit it but thanks to Keiji she felt like she could finally let Thane go. She rarely felt guilty anymore, even though those feeling sometimes got the better of her. She knew Keiji was aware that something bothered her but he always knew how to cheer her up. He never pressured her to tell him which only made her love him more. He had even made her look forward to her birthdays again. Best of all, she didn't have to change who she was for him. They both had a passion for the same things in life and worked so well together, they may as well have been one and the same person.

She corrected her negligee and took a good look at herself in the mirror. She blushed at the sight. She usually didn't dress up like this. She felt vulnerable, unprotected. For a second, she regretted her choice of wardrobe but as she heard the key turn in the lock, she knew she didn't have time to change. Excitement took over and she activated her cloak.

"Kasumi?"

She muffled her giggles and sneaked into the livingroom. Keiji turned on the lights. The look on his face was enough for Kasumi to smile until her cheeks hurt. She snickered loud enough for him to hear.

"Kasumi, I can hear you.. where are you? What are you up to?"

He put his arms out, trying to find her but found nothing but air. As she kept snickering, he smiled and closed his eyes. He followed the sound of her footsteps, completely trusting her. She led him through the apartment and into the bedroom, brushing her fingerstips across his arms every now and then. Keiji lost his breath everytime she did, feeling the electricity and excitement building. She stopped infront of the bed and let his hands find her hips. He smiled from ear to ear and slowly opened his eyes. The bedroom was filled with candles and flowers and it took him a few seconds for his eyes to adjust to the light.

Kasumi deactivated her cloak and slowly became visible infront of him. As he looked down to take in the sight of her in the pink negligee, she suddenly got shy again and it painted her face red. She looked down at her feet feeling embarrassed and a little silly. Keiji cupped her face, kissing her lightly forehead and both eyes.

"You are so beautiful" he whispered and kissed her on the lips. "Thank you for this"

Kasumi smiled. She knew he'd like the surprise and she felt pleased with herself. She knew she didn't have to feel shy with Keiji, always making her feel so good about herself. She wrapped her arms around his neck, planting a soft kiss on his lips. He answered with deeper passion and let his fingers tickle the nape of her neck. As he made his way down her back, he could feel the goosebumps. He chuckled at the sensation. She had always loved when he did that. He kissed her neck and led her towards the bed. She gladly followed his lead. He laid her down on the bed and kissed her neck, listening to her breathing getting heavier.  
He stood up and looked at her lying there, her whole body craving him. He took off his shirt and leaned in to kiss her lips. She grabbed the hem of his pants, fumbling to get them open. He grabbed her by the wrists and pushed them above her head, effectivly stopping her.

"Why in such a rush, little bird?"

He could see how that drove her mad with desire and he couldn't help but to smile. He slowly undid his pants while kissing her neck. He let his hands explore her and helped her get out of her underwear. Her breath was heavy with desire when he finally laid on top of her, teasing her just a bit longer before finally entering her. She gasped at the sensation, feeling him inside her. Only he could make her feel this way. Only he ever had. Their kissing was only interrupted by their own heavy breathing. She wrapped her legs around him as he thrusted deeper into her, quickening his pace. She threw him on his back, effectivly taking control. She teased him, letting their lovemaking slow down, enjoying the sensation of skin to skin. He placed his hands on her hips, taking in the view of her. He sat up, pleading her to kiss him. She smiled and pushed him back down, leaving him to crave her lips. She slowly bended down, pinning him in place, positioning her lips above his. It drove him to a point of madness and he threw her on her back again. She laughed in surprise and they both embraced, falling deeper into ecstasy.

* * *

Kasumi laid on Keijis chest, playing with his chest hair. She loved laying like this, listening to his heartbeat. Life felt so serene, so perfect, in moments like these. She could smell herself on him and she loved it.

"I trust today went fine" she finally said.

"Yes. I was released, so it's finally over"

She fell silent for a while. She knew it wasn't the last of it. The Alliance never gave up that easily. If not this time, it would be the next.

"You really shouldn't work for the Alliance anymore, you know. They just keep pushing you around. You're nothing more than a scapegoat in their eyes"

Keiji didn't say anything, just kept staring into space. Kasumi sat up and looked at him.

"It's getting terrible boring. It's keeping you down. We should be free! Just you and me, no irritating politics. We should set up our own challenges, become the best thief duo in the galaxy! Not sit around and worry about stupid trials"

Keiji nodded but didn't say anything for a while. When he finally spoke, he sounded excited and convinced, as if he had been holding back and now wanted to impress her. He told her of their next job, a job that would truly challange them both. Kasumi smiled.

"Now, that's far from boring! I'm gonna look into it right away!"

She jumped out of bed, excited. Keiji smiled. He knew how she obsessed about things like this. It was perfect. This was just what they needed to celebrate his release. The perfect challenge.


	11. Regrets

They both stood on the roof of the skyscraper overlooking the entire town. Kasumi corrected the straps to her parachute. She had planned this whole thing to the smallest detail, sitting up all night studying blueprints and guards schedules. She took particular pride in this heist as it really would be a true test to their abilities.

"Want me to help you? You look like you need help" she teased Keiji, putting her hands on her hips.

Keiji took no notice to her joke. He just sat down, eyes fixed on Donovan Hock's estate. His whole being spoke of regret, second guessing them being there at all.

"I know I said this would require all of our skills and know-how, being the perfect challenge.. But maybe this isn't a good idea after all"

Kasumi watched him for a while, trying to take him seriously. He knew very well that noone could stop her once she got sight of her target and here he tried to talk her out of it.

"Keiji" she began and sat down next to him. "You know me. You know I got this all covered! I've planned this thing to the smallest detail. Nothing could possibly go wrong and if it does, we will just pull out, okay?"

Keiji looked down on his hands. Something felt wrong but he couldn't put his finger on what it was. He reached out for Kasumis hands and she answered his sudden need to feel her near. She leaned her head on his shoulder and inhaled his scent. They sat like that for a while until Keiji had built up enough curage.

"I want you to have something" he said.

Kasumi sat up looking at him. He sounded serious. He brought up his omnitool and asked her to do the same.

"Your decoy?" she asked surprised. "But it's your favorite tool!" she protested.

He grabber her arms, looking her straight in the eyes.

"If something goes wrong, I need to know you will be safe. This will make me feel better, okay?"

Kasumi could see this carried high significance to him and only dared to nod. She looked down at her omnitool. The decoy had been Keijis absolut favorite tool ever since she met him. They weren't easy to come by, atleast not at this quality. This was just another thing that made her love him even more. He would give her his soul if he could. She looked up at her lover and smiled.

"We got this, okay?" she said reassuringly. "Nothing will go wrong. When this is over, I'll give you your decoy back"

Keiji smiled at her confidence and kissed her on the forehead. She smiled and kissed his lips with fiery passion before breaking it and got up. She helped him to his feet, smiled and jumped off the ledge. Keiji wasn't far behind and they both parachuted down to Hock's property. Kasumi looked over her shoulder, seeing Keiji close behind. She couldn't help herself, releasing the parachute just before landing to freefall the last few meters. She landed gracefully and looked up as Keiji slowly landed next to her.

"Showoff" he said and smiled. "There's noone around to see you, you know that, right?"

Kasumi smiled and walked up to him grabbing his hands and kissed them lightly.

"You were watching. That's all the motivation I need" she answered, giggled and ran up to the roof door. He laughed at her. She always picked her moments to be a little silly and he loved her for it.

Keiji followed her close behind and brought up a few of his hacking tools. He easily hacked the door and Kasumi walked inside to disable the alarm. The duo walked carefully down the stairs. As they closed in on a corner, Kasumi activated her cloak and sneaked in along the wall. She snuck up behind a guard and snapped his neck. He fell to the floor with a thump. Kasumi deactivated her cloak and signaled for Keiji to come out. He followed her lead.

"I gotta go this way and deactivate a couple of alarms. You keep walking down this corridor and.." Keiji interupted her.

"I know, I know" he said and started making his way down the corridor.

Kasumi watched him go. She got a bit distracted by his perfect silhouette before making her way down yet another set of stairs. Keeping her cloak activated, she managed to turn off alarm after alarm, telling Keiji over the comm when it was safe to move forward.

"Kasumi.. there's a lot more guards around than we thought, isn't there?"

She wasn't sure what to say. She had been surprised herself but the amount of guards was still nothing they couldn't handle.

"Maybe.. maybe we should just pull out now.."

Kasumi got annoyed. The guards were nothing! She was having fun. Finally a job that actually required some skills! There was no way she would pull out now when they were so close. 

"Keiji, look. It's nothing! Besides, you should see all the stuff this guy owns. A few missing pieces of jewlery and art here and there won't hurt him what so ever"

Keiji grew silent. He was suspicous. He stopped and looked around a corner. Three more guards.

"I'm serious, Kasumi. Maybe they've been expecting us. We should go"

"Oh, pish posh! Check this out"

She jumped through a doorway knocking out one of the guard that stood in Keijis way, planting her decoy infront of the second one as she quickly neutrilized the third. When the decoy disapeared, the guard turned around only to be faced with Kasumis uppercut. She turned to Keiji and bowed gracefully, a smirk playing across her face.

"See? It's nothing!"

She walked slowly up to Keiji who turned the corner shaking his head.

"Okay, you win, little bird" he said and smiled.

Kasumi giggled and kissed Keiji before she ran back through the doorway to disable the last alarm. Keiji made his way to the end of the hallway and waited by the door for Kasumis signal.

"Okay, done, go!"

Keiji opened the door, took a quick look around and walked in.

"You always know what to say and do to make me happy" he said to over over the comm, teasing her for the short command she had given him.

"Only for you, sweety" Kasumi answered and started making her way to him.

"Mm, I know something else you could do to make me happy once we're done here"

"Oh really? What's that?"

"Well, you being so good at what you do -"

The comm abruptly cut off. Kasumi felt a chill running down her spine.

"Keiji?"

No answer.

"Keiji!" she shouted, recklessly, and started running to his location.

As she ran into the room, she caught the glimps of Donovan Hock running out another door. Keiji laid on the floor in the middle of the room. Kasumi couldn't grasp what she saw. He laid in a pool of something red, something that slowly got soaked up by the carpet and framed his whole body.

"Keiji.."

She rushed to his side, threw herself at him, lifting him up in her arms. He was barely breathing. He had been stabbed in the head, a huge gapping wound haunted her vision.

"Kasumi.." he said and tried to catch her eyes. One of his eyes were unable to focus, filled with blood. "I'm sorry.. I'm sorry.."

"No.. nonono, you.. you'll be fine, you'll be fine!" she tried to convince herself more than him.

"Listen to me.. he took my graybox.. you need to get it back.. you have to destroy it, do you hear me? You have to destroy it"

Kasumi shook her head. She refused to believe this was happening.

"Please.. my little bird.. you have to promise me.."

He struggled to breath. They could hear several guards draw near.

"I love you. Remember me for how much I loved you. I will always love you. Promise me."

Kasumi chocked at his words. He couldn't leave her. He tried to tell her, he tried to convince her but she pushed on. Her pride in her abilities and need to show off blinded her.

"I love you, Keiji. I love you"

She kissed his forehead and stroke him over his hair. As the guards rushed into the room, she let the decoy take her place by Keijis side, activating her cloak and ran out the same way Hock had. She forced her way out the building and down the streets into the crowd. She slowed her pace and walked into an alleyway.  
She leaned against the wall and slowly let the strength in her legs leave her as she sat down. She lifted her hands and saw them covered with Keijis blood. Her vision blurred. She never cried. Her imaginary armor from when her mother was killed had protected her. Since Thane left she had promised to not let anyone affect her that way, to walk her own path. She never cried, she kept telling herself over and over as the tears rolled down her face and slowly washed away the blood on her hands. 'Keiji.. I promise'.


	12. Bonds

The following six months, Kasumi could think of very little but how to get Keijis graybox back. She found that occupying her mind with that one single target made her life much easier. She did not dare recall that day in Donovan Hock's estate. The pain was as real today as it had been half a year ago and she willingly held on to that pain. It motivated her. She knew very well that Keijis graybox would contain all of their memories together. She would see him again. She would burry herself in their memories, let them take her pain away and die wrapped in their warmth. It was way beyond the promise she had made back then - it was a matter of how she was willing to die.

She knew Hock must be keeping the graybox hidden at his estate but she also knew there was no way for her to pull that heist off alone. The security was now much higher than it had ever been, not to mention all the heavily armored guards. She needed help. But who in their right mind would help her? She was just a thief with a 'not really valuable' target. For someone to help her, she would need leverage. And she had none.  
She kept looking over any and all possibilities to get into the vault and out again. She could not find any solution. It wasn't like her, she always knew how to get in and out without being seen but it had almost always required a partner. Keiji had been her partner for so long, it felt like he was a part of her. How could she ever pull this off alone?

Being back on the Citadel, she sat up at her old favorite spot on the catwalk. She looked down at the people, reminiscing about the days when she was still under Thanes protection. Six and a half years had passed since she last saw him. She had heard rumors of him being on Illium for quite some time but she had no way of confirming that. He wasn't easy to track down, even if you did know what planet, or even station, he was on. If he didn't want to be found, he wouldn't be found.  
With the thought of Thane suddenly making her feel heavy and sad, she got tempted into booting up her old VI friend. She brought up her omnitool and shortly after, VI Thane appeared. He stood towering above her, hands behind his back.

"It's been a long time, Kasumi"

She looked up at the VI. He had been the reason Thane left her, the reason his wife had been killed. And it was all her fault, all because she wanted to be as close to Thane as possible. VI Thane sat down next to her and looked down at the people. Kasumi choked at the VIs movements. It was so life like and reminded her of the real Thane so much that it might as well have been the real him sitting down next to her.

"It has" she finally said.

They sat like that in silence for a long time. The day slowly turned into evening.

"I would suggest we go and require something to eat" VI Thane said, breaking the silence.

Kasumi hadn't even thought about food. Was she really hungry? She hadn't eaten anything all day but she didn't feel hungry. She felt happy sitting right there in silence, just watching people, trying to think of a new plan to get the graybox back.

"I'm not hungry"

"I insist" VI Thane said and stood up.

Kasumi looked up at him and sighed. He was truly like the real Thane. She stood up and they made their way down to the streets.

* * *

Kasumis favorite fast food place was close to the docking bays. She sat there, watching the people boarding and arriving, ships being unloaded and ships taking off. She enjoyed feeling invisible in midst of so much people and took the scenery in. For a brief moment, she felt at peace. Maybe she had been hungry after all, her thoughts seemingly clearer after eating.  
Suddenly, she caught sight of a drell. It wasn't Thane, she was sure of that. He was younger, about her age, very good looking. He looked confused, scouting the docking bay as if he was trying to find someone. He grabbed a small bag and started making his way through the crowd. He was a clumpsy in his movements, kept bumping into people and getting angry and annoyed with them. No, it really wasn't Thane. Seeing a drell on the Citadel was still an uncommon sight, so naturally, she got very curious.

She started walking after him, tried to make heads or tails of who he might be. The drell walked passed security and started asking around for where one could rent an apartment. Kasumi risked getting a bit closer to hear him better. Maybe he would introduce himself properly to someone and she would catch wind. As time passed, he soon discovered his stalker and turned around to face her. His face expression spoke louder than any words could.

"What do you want?"

Kasumi wasn't sure what to do. Suddenly she felt as if in the presence of Thane, like a little kid with nowhere to hide. She had grown a lot since then, noone ever caught her red handed and here this young drell stared her down like she had a spotlight in her face.

"I.. I just.."

"Stop following me! Whatever you're selling, I'm not interested!"

The drell turned around and walked away with haste. Kasumi stood watching him for a while before she dared breath again. Who was this man? Maybe she had coded some kind of information into VI Thane about the Kahje population or maybe he could answer why a drell would go to the Citadel to begin with. She knew they rarely left their home planet and if they ever did, it was for a very good reason. As she brought up VI Thane, a flood of questions surfaced. What if this drell knew Thane? What if he knew where Thane was? Would she be able to see him again?

"Do you see that drell over there?" she asked.

"Yes" VI Thane answered.

"Do you know who he is?"

"I am certain you ask me this for a good reason. Seeing drell here is very uncommon, but no, I do now know who that is"

Kasumi got annoyed at herself. Why would VI Thane know anything about any other drell? She hadn't implemented any face recognition software and even if she had, when would she have met an other drell anyway? She sighed and started walking in place. She couldn't let the idea of this drell having some kind of connection to Thane go.

"What... what is that..?"

The voice was weak, almost like a whisper. Kasumi turned around to see the drell standing right behind her. He stared at the VI with his large, black eyes, the bag had fallen to the ground but he had paid very little mind to it. He slowly walked up to the VI and let his hand pass through it.

"It.. it's a VI of a drell I use to know.."

"It looks.. it looks just like him.." the drell said, clearly in shock.

Kasumi suddenly realised who this drell was.

".. Kolyat?"


	13. Secrets

Kolyat kept staring into the half empty cup, his thoughts in the distance. Kasumi fetched the kettle and filled his cup with some more tea. Kolyat hardly noticed, just kept staring. He had been on the Citadel for little more than two months now. They never really talked about Thane or Kolyats life on Kahje. It was topics best avoided, Kasumi thought but she could see that something was bothering him and knew it must have something to do with Thane. He often fell into silence and today was clearly no exception. After a while, he had built up enough courage to break the silence.

"So.. you knew my father, right?"

She wasn't quite sure how to answer that question. Did she really? It had been such a long time and on top of that, she couldn't escape the fact that it was her fault Kolyats mother had been killed or atleast it was her fault that the slavers found out she existed in the first place. She wasn't sure how to tell him any of that and so far, she hadn't. It had been difficult enough to admit it to Thane. His reaction had been somewhat calm, if uncharacteristic. He never said much, he just disapeared. Kolyat was way more hotheaded, emotional. She wasn't even sure Kolyat knew of his fathers path in life. How would he react to the knowledge that his mother was killed because they wanted to get back at Thane?

"I use to know him.. I haven't seen him in over six years now, though"

Kolyat gave her a nod and took a sip of the tea. He looked worried, deep in thoughts again.

"Feel like you can finally tell me why you came here? I mean, it's been two months and you still haven't told me.." Kasumi was hoping to find out more about why he left Kahje in the first place. Maybe he was looking for Thane as well and maybe he knew more about where he could possibly be or how to get in touch with him.

"I use to live with my aunt but.." he began, weighing his next words. "I received a letter eight months ago.. from one of the banks here on the Citadel. It said.. they said that my father had a package there for me but that it wouldn't be mine until after he had died. They apparently contacted me because they lost contact with my father"

Kasumis stomach clenched. What if Thane was dead? She had always thought they would meet again, that she had all the time in the world. What if she didn't? Kolyat continued.

"Since rumors are flying around of his passing, they figured that I might know something about it and asked me to confirm it. I guess they figured that if he had died, we would hold a funeral or something.. but I have no documents confirming his death, so they refused to release the package to me" He paused, looking into his cup again. "Where would I get a document like that anyway? I mean, I don't know if he is.. dead.. I haven't seen him since.." He paused again, looking up at Kasumi. ".. in.. in about seven years, actually.."

Kasumi knew what had happened to Thane around that time. She knew what he had been doing and why it had been so important to him but she always figured he would return to his son as soon as he had finished his journey of revenge. Now it turns out that Kolyat didn't even know if his father was alive or not. Last time he'd seen him must have been at his mothers funeral.

"So.. do you know what's in the package?" she finally dared asking.

"I'm not sure. I was hoping it may contain some kind of clue as to where he's been all this time. If he's alive or not. Maybe it'll explain why he left.."

Kolyat looked back down into his cup, biting his lips. Kasumi knew he was reliving a memory and she was not about to ask him to share it. She figured she could have told him much more about Thane and what she knew about his disapearance but at the same time, she knew it wasn't a good time to do so. Maybe whatever was in the account could ease her into that conversation or even simply give some straight answers without her involvement.

"And there's no way for them to just give it to you, I assume..?" she dared ask.

"No.."

"What if.. what if I were to help you get 'access'?"

Kolyat looked up at her, confusion slowly painting his face. He wasn't quite sure what she meant, Kasumi just smiled at him and stood up.

"I take that as a yes! Tell me. Which bank are we talking about?"

Before Kolyat had time to answer, she brought up VI Thane.

"We're gonna need blueprints, VI"

* * *

It was already dark outside when Kasumi made her way to the bank. The vault containing the package that Thane had left for Kolyat was in a high secure section of the bank but breaking in was childs play to Kasumi. Disabling the alarms, letting cameras loop the same 30 seconds over and over and picking the locks was second nature to her and soon she had the safe open. Inside she found some credits, a datapad and a small package. It looked old, the wrapping paper faded. She took it all and made her way back to Kolyats apartment.

"You got it?"

"You sound just like a guy I use to know when I was a kid" Kasumi mused.

Kolyat could hardly hide his excitement. When Kasumi had suggested she'd break into a bank, he couldn't believe what he was hearing at first. It took him a few days to accept her offer. He had worked for six month to be able to afford a ticket to the Citadel. He figured that the bank might be easier to convince if he talked to them face to face but to no avail. Without proof of Thanes passing, he wasn't going to get access so it didn't take him too long to realise that the only way he would get to it would be through Kasumi. She was more than happy to help. She admitted she also wanted to know what was in the safe and if it would reveal anything about Thanes whereabouts. Or of his suggested passing. She handed him the credits and the pad. He booted it up right away and started reading. As time passed, his curiousity was slowly replaced by anger.

"What does it say?"

Kolyat didn't answer, just focused on his breathing, staring at the pad. He finally threw it on the floor and stormed out of the room. Kasumi was confused. Whether or not Thane had told him about his life, she didn't see a reason for this strong reaction. Curiousity got the best of her and she picked up the pad.

_"Dear Kolyat,_  
 _There are no words for how sorry I am. I know I haven't been there for you. When you were born, I knew you were a gift from Arashu but I did not know how to be a father. Believe me when I say that I tried, though as of late, I have realised that I should have tried harder. When your mother was killed, I knew that leaving you with your aunt was the best thing for you. I need you to understand that. I wish I would have told you more about my life, why I couldn't stay and why you couldn't come along. I pray that you will understand and forgive me one day. I could not live any other life, no matter how much I tried, please try forgive me and try to understand._  
 _Know that I love you, always. I'm sorry for everything. That I haven't been there for you, that I haven't been honest. Most of all I am sorry that I could not find the courage to face you before my passing._  
 _I love you,_  
 _Thane"_

Kasumi let the pad fall down to the floor again. She knew Kolyat well enough to know how hotheaded he was, how irrational his reactions could be. Not letting him know why Thane left him, just leaving him with those parting words and some credits, she knew that would frustrate and anger Kolyat. She feared the worst and went out to try and find him.

* * *

After hours of looking she still couldn't find Kolyat anywhere. She put her hand in her pocket and squeezed the package she had taken from the bank. She had forgotten to give it to Kolyat. Suddenly, it felt like the most important thing in the world.  
Her omnitool chimed. A message from Cerberus again. She'd been getting these messages for quite some time and kept ignoring them every time. She had no intention falling in line behind this 'Shepard' character. She was nothing more than a hyped profile for the media to exploit, she thought to herself, erasing the message.

She made her way to the shuttle bays and found Kolyat standing in line to the shuttles.

"Kolyat!" she shouted. "What are you doing?"

"I'm leaving! That message was the whole reason I came here? I deserved more than that! I deserved an explanation, not fancy words! I don't care if he's alive or not.. that's all he left me with.. I'm going home."

Kasumi saw him fighting the tears.

"It's not fair.. I deserved more than that.."

"Kolyat.." she grabbed him by the arm as tears started making their way to the surface. "Come. I will tell you, okay? I will tell you all I know about your father."


	14. Almost Truth

During the course of the next few hours, Kasumi told Kolyat about Thane and some aspects of his life. He seemed surprisingly calm, asking only a few questions. She told him how he saved her from the streets and how he actually helped a lot of other duct rats as well. She shared Thanes serenity, his religion, his love for art, how he meditated and even told him about his upbringing in the compact and how his mother had taken him away from that.

"I.. I never knew him like that" Kolyat admitted.

Kasumi felt a little sad for him. She knew so much about him and his own son knew nothing.

"He wanted you to have a good life, Kol.." she began. "Maybe the only reason he shared all of that with me was because I didn't matter. I was just 'some kid'. It wasn't until your mother was killed that he suddenly seemed to actually take interest in my well being.."

"Is that suppose to make me feel better? That he cared for me so much that he pushed me away and cared for you so little? So much so in fact that he didn't want to leave you alone but me, he didn't even care to check up on? It's contradicting itself, don't you see that?"

Kasumi grew silent. She knew Kolyat would get angry at some point but she still had more to tell him. She just wasn't sure how. After all, she had yet to tell him of his profession or why he had even been in contact with her. His mother had been killed because they wanted to get to Thane but it was her fault they found her in the first place. No matter how she angled it, she couldn't suger coat it enough to avoid him getting even angrier.

She brought up the picture of Thane and Mouse to break the growing tension.

"Look.. you need to know why he even bothered with drala'fa like myself. You know he was trained in the compact. He struggled to be 'just a father' but killing was all he knew. So he started to freelance. Your mother actually supported him. 'Away on business' meant that he was working on a contract. He was considered the best assassin in the galaxy" 

She paused, not sure how to phrase the rest of the actual truth. She didn't want him to hate Thane but he was quick to catch on. He looked up at her. The look on his face instantly made her regret being so open about everything. The anger, hurt and confusion that spread across his face was enough for Kasumi to want to melt through the floor.

"Assassin..?"

"I'm sorry. I needed to tell you everything, and there's more.. Why do you think he'd even come here? I as nothing but a tool to him. A drala'fa he could use for his contracts. He wanted to save you from that life, Kol. That's probably why he didn't even say anything about it in his letter.."

He kept staring at her and she grew silent, scared to continue. She knew he would get mad. She didn't expect anything less. Kolyat was too angry to ask any more follow up questions. He got up, staring at Kasumi for a while and stormed off. She sighed and watched him go. She was starting to feel like a babysitter. How many times was he going to just walk away when he got upset? He surely wasn't like his father. Still, she knew she couldn't just leave it at that. She got up to go after him.

She was walking along the streets, not really paying attention to where she was going. Suddenly she bumped into Mouse. He looked shocked, apoligized and kept walking. Kasumi stood watching him for a while, confused, before realising it's been years since they last met.

"Mouse!" she shouted and started running after him.

He looked over his shoulder but kept walking.

"Mouse, stop!"

She managed to catch him. He was jumpy, looked scared. Kasumi wasn't sure what was going on but his behaviour wasn't normal.

"Hey, Mouse! It's me!"

Mouse tried to refocus.

"Oh, little one! How.. how are you?" he gave her a half hearted hug.

"I'm fine, hey.. what's up?"

"Oh, ehm, nothing, nothing.."

Kasumi didn't believe him. Something got him spooked and she didn't want to guess what.

"You didn't happen to see a drell running this way, have you?"

Mouses reaction gave him away. She didn't have to guess that their encounter hadn't been a good one.

"He.. he showed me a picture. The one that Thane had taken with the two of us, him and me. He said he wanted a job. I just sent him forward, okay? I.. he wasn't exactly.. he was angry or something. I just wanted to get rid of him.."

Kasumi got worried. Mouse didn't exactly keep 'good willed' contact. Wherever he sent him and whomever recieved his request for work would most likely not be a friend with good intentions.

"Mouse. Where is he? I need to find him. Now!"


	15. Sins of the father

Kasumi looked everywhere for days. She had tried to force Mouse to tell her, she tried her very best to convince him that he needed to be found. He refused. He could not tell her. He was scared that he would get killed by the people he sent Kolyat to. No matter how much she tried, his mind was made up. If she would have known that Kolyat would react this way and get into such a bad crowd, she would never have told him about his father. She could only imagine what kind of jobs those guys would have him do. She knew she would never find him unless Mouse told her but since he refused, she decided to spy on him. Maybe Kolyat would contact him again. Maybe Mouse would reveal it by mistake. Spying on him wasn't difficult. Mouse was careless, talked loudly, used the com through unsafe channels. It didn't take her long to realise that C-sec must be overlooking things when it came to Mouse. What he did was so insignificant that C-sec didn't bother to waste the resources. Infact, they seemed almost pleased to see him having survived the life of a duct rat and create some kind of future for himself.

As she was watching Mouse going on about his normal day, talking about some delivery of a package, a fairly young woman in heavy armor made her way up to him. She didn't know who it was but she spoke with authority. She couldn't make out everything that was said but she could see Mouses reaction to the visitors. He looked pale, scared. Kasumi crawled closer to get a better view of the mysterious woman and the man escorting her.

" Oh shit.. Krios?!" Mouse blurted out in shock.

A chill ran down Kasumis spine. Thane? Was it really Thane Krios? The blood drained from her face, she never expected to see him again and here, of all places.

"I.. I thought you retired!"

Thane shook his head, not saying a word. What was he doing here? And who was this woman he came here with? She didn't have to wonder for long. Mouse knew exactly who she was.

"Commander Shepard? I thought you died!"

Shepard! Kasumi should have known! She'd seen her face all over the media but just like Mouse, she thought she had died. But there she stood, alive and with the one person she never thought she would ever see again. She fought her instinct to uncloak, walk up to Thane and hug him.  
They kept talking. Thane admitted to Shepard that he once used Mouse and other duct rats as contacts on the Citadel for his targets. He spoke of it so easily, like it was about someone elses life. Like it was ancient history and nothing that heavied him down anymore. However, emotions grabbed him when he tried to squeeze Mouse into telling him where he had sent Kolyat. It took Kasumi that long to realise why they were here. Someone must have told them about Mouse, maybe even seen him talk to Kolyat. That's why Thane was there. To save his son. As Mouse still refused to tell them, Shepard leaned in and talked in a lower voice.

"You know Thane. You know he wouldn't ask unless it was important."

Mouse squirmed but somehow, he was convinced. Shepard managed to convince him where Kasumi had failed. Whoever she was, she had a strong personality and was very confident. Kasumi felt drawn to her, wanting to know more. Maybe she'd been wrong in writing her off, thinking she was just media feed. As Mouse walked away, Shepard and Thane stayed for a while. Shepard shows sympathy for Thane having to be reminded of a dark past. He bowed his head, telling her that Mouse knew more about his life than Kolyat ever did. Suddenly he recalls a memory.

"Smiles up at me, big blue eyes. A dead-end future looking up at me. Worshipping the petty gifts I offer. Wants to know everything about me. Buys me fruit from Kahje" He pauses.

Kasumi was stunned. He wasn't talking about Mouse anymore. He was talking about her. Thane looks up at Shepard.

"I was the only good thing.. he.. had back then. But I left. I left as I left Kolyat".

Regret painted his face. Kasumi wanted to fall to her knees. He had left her. He had left her and maybe he regretted it. Maybe he had been thinking about it just as much as she had. As they walked away, she feel to the floor, suddenly overcome with emotions. She felt like that little girl so many years ago that was convinced she'd been abandoned and forgotten. Suddenly her world had a chance to rebuild. The bridge that had been burned could be rebuilt again.  
She gathered herself and ran after Thane and Shepard. She was a little afraid to get too close as she knew Thane could sense her presence even though she was cloaked. She was not ready to face him. But she just didn't want to loose him. Not again. Not now. They will find Kolyat. They will save him. And she had to make sure he was okay.

* * *

Kolyat held the gun aimed at the salarians head.

"This is a joke! Now you show up?"

Kolyat was angry. Shepard and Thane had stormed into the room just as Kolyat was about to pull the trigger. Kasumi ran in right behind the duo and hid in a corner. Last time she hid like this, she'd seen Thane fight for revange. Now he had come to fight for his son. Shepard held her gun steadily aimed at Kolyat. The situation grew dangerous fast, C-sec police entering the room and as Kolyat slowly slipped into a blind rage, Shepard shot a lamp next to him and planted her fist straight in his face. He was shocked, dropped his gun and didn't have time to react before his hostage escaped on Shepards order.

"Your father does not have much time, Kolyat!" Shepard scowled him.

"Oh? Does he want my forgivness? So he can go and die in peace, hm?"

Kolyat spat at Thane, wanting to kill him right then and there. Kasumi could feel his hatred across the room. She felt guilty, knowing that she was the one who planted that seed of hate. Thane remained calm, telling him he wanted to grant Kolyat peace.

"You're angry because I wasn't there when your mother died.."

Kolyat bit back, saying Thane wasn't even there when his mother lived. Thane took a step back, hurt by Kolyats remark. Silence clouded the room before Thane found the courage to finally admit what had been weighing him down for all those years.

"Kolyat.. Your mother.. she was.. she was killed because of me. They wanted.. to get to me.."

Kolyat looked surprised and at the same time, maybe he had it figured out already. If he had thought about what Kasumi had told him, he must have realised that it was an option. Maybe all he needed was to hear it from his own father. For him to admit it was his fault. Kolyats guard dropped as Thane continued.

"I hunt them down, Kolyat. Each and every one of them, dead by my hands. When I finally came back for you.. you were older. I.. should have stayed. No revenge is worth what I lost with you"

Kolyat couldn't help himself. Kasumi could hear how much he tried to hold on to his hatred.

"Too bad for me you waited so long, is that what you're saying?"

Kolyat looked away, fighting the tears. Thane looked at his son and felt his hurt. Kasumi had to hold her hands over her mouth as not to make a sound. She had never seen anything hurt Thane before. Nothing could get to him that way and here words alone seemed to tear his whole world apart.

"Kolyat. I have taken many bad things out of this world. You.. You are the only good thing I ever added to it"

It was Kolyats undoing. The tears rolled down his face as C-sec officer Bailey suggested they continued this conversation behind closed doors at the office. Shepard thanked Bailey as they all made their way out of the room.

Kasumi snuck out behind them and followed them back to C-sec. She still wasn't ready to reveal herself. She wasn't sure Thane was either. But she had to see him again. For now, she decided to stay with Kolyat, help him mend. After that, she would contact Cerberus. She had finally found her reason to join up with Shepard and her crew.


	16. Vulnerable

A few days passed. Kasumi never left her spot outside Kolyats apartment. He'd been locked up in there ever since his talk with Thane in the C-sec office. When he had finally come out from C-sec, it was like he didn't see or hear Kasumi at all. Maybe he didn't want to. So she gave him space. Thane and Shepard had left for Normandy almost instantly. She overheard Thane saying how things won't heal right away between him and Kolyat, that it will take time. He seemed determined not to let his son down again and it gave Kasumi hope. Maybe he would want to mend things with her as well.

Sitting there, doing nothing but stare at Kolyats door, gave Kasumi way too much time to recall unpleasant memories. She'd done her best to occupy her thoughts ever since Keiji had been killed. Finding out where the graybox were, trying to come up with some plan to get it back and how to help Kolyat. But now both thoughts and emotions were given time to catch up with her. She pulled her knees closer to her chest. She could almost see the blood on her hands all over again. If only she had listened. She cursed herself for being so rash, for being so impulsive and stubborn. Everyone she cared for had gotten into trouble because of her. She kept fighting guilt and regret, wanting nothing more than to heal, to forget. Maybe she would be given that chance with Thane, atleast. She rested her forehead on her knees.

She hardly noticed Kolyats door opening. He stood watching her for a while and then sat down next to her. She looked up at him, almost shocked that she hadn't seen him come out from his apartment. Her eyes were still moist from bad memories. He wiped her eyes with his thumb and put his arm around her. The gesture surprised Kasumi. She hadn't been held since Keiji left this world. The warm sensation of the embrace tipped her over the edge. The exhaustion of waiting for Kolyat, hoping he wouldn't push her away, the surprise of seeing Thane again, Keijis death. It all suddenly surfaced. She buried her face in his shoulder and cried. Kolyat caressed her shoulder and spoke to her softly, encouraging her to let it all out. Here she wanted to be his support, to tell him to 'let it all out', to build him up and instead, there they were. He held her like that until she only sobbed, exhaused. She had never let her guard down like that infront of anyone before, she never dared to. But the way he held her, silently comforting her, she felt surprisingly safe.

"You hungry?" he asked.

"I.. I'm starving.." she admitted.

He stood up and reached out his hand to help her up.

* * *

"So he told me.. well, everything, I think.. I'm still not sure I've forgiven him but I guess I'm willing to try"

Kasumi watched as Kolyat poured himself another cup of tea. He had been surprisingly open about what he and Thane had talked about. He had told Kolyat a lot about his line of work, why his mother had been killed and a little about his upbringing. He had told him he didn't know his own father very well and wished he had.

"We agreed we'd keep in contact. I wish I could believe that we will. I mean, he's off on this suicide mission and it's just.. I mean, why? He wants to do good and erase evil from the universe and that's a nice goal and all but.. If he want to do good, maybe it should just be enough for him to do good by me? Or am I being selfish?"

Kasumi smiled and looked down into her empty cup.

"Maybe just a little" she said an gestured him to pour her some more tea.

"Oh, sorry!" he said, scoffed and filled up her cup.

"I can't tell you what to expect from a father, Kolyat. I never really had one myself. And well.. My mother.. she was killed when I was very young too.. I don't know what to expect from parents at all, in fact. I'd like to think that you can only have expectations on yourself, really. You can't demand people to be anything else, just because you want them to be. If he wants to keep in contact, I would do just that. And he really is a good guy, Kol. He wants you in his life. Just give him another chance, okay?" 

Kolyat took her words to heart, nodding. He reached his hands over the table, facing his wrists up. He often did that before asking something personal.

"How.. how did your mother die?"

"She, ehm.. she was murdered. She kinda owed a lot of money and.. well.."

"You saw her get killed?"

Kasumi turned her cup a few times. She didn't want to relive that memory.

".. yea.."

Kolyat nodded, pulled his hands back and looked back down into his cup. He had also seen his mother get murdered. Kasumi suddenly recalled drells having perfect memory. Imagining reliving such a bad memory in perfect detail must be much worse than simply fighting the emotions of one. She looked up at Kolyat, wanting to hug his pain away.

"Ehm, so.. think you'll stay in touch with him?"

"I think I will. I will try."

"I'm really glad to hear that." She paused. "I'm gonna join up with Shepard, by the way"

Kolyat looked up at her, shocked.

"Wait, what? You're joining that suicide mission?"

She nodded, feeling a little guilty. Kolyat had already made his opininons on the entire situation very clear.

"It's just something I have to do. And I'm gonna need Shepards help with some personal business, so it kinda works out.."

Kolyat stared intently at Kasumi. He wanted to convince her to stay, not to join up with such a foolish crowd. To stay here with him. He knew it was useless. Once Kasumi had her mind made up, there was nothing stopping her.

"I guess you could keep an eye on my father.." he said with a dry smile, telling himself he can't be selfish, trying to remember Kasumis words.

"Or he'll keep an eye on me!" she said, laughing.

"Kasumi.. please come back in one piece, okay? Do what you have to but don't forget I'm here.."

Kolyat stopped abruptly, standing up. He bowed and started walking away. Kasumi wasn't sure what had triggered that emotional reaction.

"Kolyat!" she shouted, and started running after him.

She caught up with him and put her hand on his back. Kolyat stopped in his tracks, turned around and embraced her. She almost pulled away out of pure instinct.

"Don't forget I'm here"


	17. Forgotten

Kolyats reaction almost made her change her mind. Maybe she should just let the whole idea of mending things with Thane go. Maybe it was too late after all. Why would he forgive her anyway? Afraid things still might turned sour, she decided not to tell Thane who she really was right away. She'd go as Kasumi GoTo, not Carrin. That way, she could stay in the shadows, see what she could find out before getting her hopes up of getting his forgiveness. She also saw a chance of finally getting to Keijis graybox. This Shepard character would definitely come in handy, based on what she'd read and heard. She contacted Cerberus and told them where Shepard could find her, what password to use and her demands. Their respons was positiv. 

A few days later, at the agreed upon date, she made her way to the Zakera Ward and sat down on a catwalk where she'd have a good view of when and where Shepard would arrive. She hacked one of the advertising pillars. Again, a good way to protect herself. She'd get a good look at Shepard and make sure it was really her. She didn't have to wait for long. The Normandy docked and out came Commander Shepard. She was accompanied by Thane and some snobby looking brunette in a white catsuit and high heels. Way too flashy, Kasumi thought to herself. The woman in the catsuit kept talking to Shepard as if she was the one in charge. Shepard just rolled her eyes and ignored her. Kasumi couldn't help but to smile. Something told her that Shepard and Kasumi would make good friends. And then her eyes wandered to Thane. Always so serene. Always so good at blending in. If she didn't know better, she would never have guessed he was an assassin, lethal in every way.

She got so lost in thoughts that she almost missed them walking right by the advertising pillar.

"Commander Shepard! Insert your password and recieve a gift!" she said through the ad using her omnitool.

Shepard stopped right in her tracks and gestured to the woman in white to be quiet. She walked up to the prompt and looked at it with distrust. She didn't say anything.

"Please tell me your password, Commander Shepard"

Shepard sighed. It was obvious she didn't enjoy this game.

"Really? You know who I am, I know who you are.."

"I like your style, Sarah Shepard. Kasumi GoTo. I'm a fan!"

She should get some kind of award for good acting, she thought to herself. If not for that brief encounter Shepard had with Mouse some time ago, she could only have told her 'I'm glad the media got you. What else would they write about?' Conversation took them to everything from how Cerberus got in contact with Kasumi to why it was so important to be so secretive about their meeting. All until one very important question surfaced.

"So I'm guessing Cerberus promised you something. What is it you need?"

The true reason why she'd join them, of course, she didn't care to share. Atleast not now. How could she? It sounded silly even in her head! Her other reason was way more convincing and not any less true.

"Long story short, I need help getting to my old partners graybox back. It will involve some hacking, breaking in and will most likely require firing our guns. You'll love it"

Shepard smile. Kasumi knew she'd be up for the challange.

"Alright, lets do it! What's the plan?" Shepard said and crossed her arms, smiling.

Kasumi was surprised Shepard wanted to do it right away. She didn't expect that. She thought she'd need more convincing, more details. In fact, Kasumi needed more details. The heist wasn't fully planned yet and she wasn't sure she was ready to face it. To finally be able to get to Keijis graybox, to relive their memories.. No, she needed more time.

"I like your spirit! But not here and now. I still need some time to plan some of the details"

"Fair enough. I'll see you back at Normandy. You need some help bringing anything onboard?"

"Nah, I'm good. I'll only bring the most essential things. Promise"

* * *

Kasumi quite enjoyed the quarters she'd been given on the Normandy. It was spacious, had a nice, large window and a comfortable sofa. Perfect, she thought. It really only did need a few things to liven up the dull colors and dark atmosphere. She picked up the painting she and Keiji had stolen the first time they met and looked at it for a while. It had been a long time since she could even look at it without crying. Still, it brought up mixed emotions and memories even now. Reminding herself she was here playing a role, she quickly brushed off the feelings before they got to her and simply hung it on the wall. As she stood there, correcting the painting, Sarah entered the room.

"I see you're making yourself at home"

Kasumi turned around and put a hand on her hip.

"Well, the place needed a face lift. Honestly, how do you handle such a sterile environment? I would go completely crazy! Then again, I bet your quarters are just a wee bit nicer"

"Hm, yes, I guess my room could be considered a bit less.. sterile, was it?"

"Oh, don't bother locking the door then. I'll definately make my way over and have a look myself"

Sarah smiled and sat down on the sofa.

"So what's with the painting?" she asked.

Kasumi was a bit surprised at how straight forward Sarah was being. It was quite refreshing.

"This? It's very dear to me. It's thanks to this painting that me a Keiji met.."

Kasumi realised a little too late that she'd let emotions sip into her voice. She could feel Shepards eyes in her back, trying to penetrate her soul, to pry open that chest of locked away emotions Kasumi was hiding.

"Keiji, he.. he's my old partner. It's his graybox I need help in retrieving"

She tried to straighten her back and regain some of her indifference to the matter and failed miserably. Shepard had already caught on to her feelings.

"He's very dear to you, isn't he? More than a partner, I gather."

She was a little too smart, Kasumi thought. She had to be, after all, being a Commander of such a respected vessel. Kasumi turned around. Shepard looked so small sitting there on the sofa, not much taller than Kasumi. Red hair and freckles, wearing a t-shirt and soft pants. Not a look you'd expect from a Commander. Kasumi could see her muscles move under her scar covered skin. They told a much deeper story of Shepard than her freckles and red hair did. This was not a woman you wanted to mess with. Kasumi stood like that for a while and then sat down next to Sarah.

"Yes. He was.."

"I'm sorry.. Is that why you want to get the graybox back? It contains memories, right? Your memories together?"

Again, so straight forward, Kasumi thought. As refreshing as it was, she wasn't ready to open up to her just moments after they met.

"Not only. Keiji told me it contains something that makes it worth destroying. Something that made it worth killing him. His last wish was for me to get it back.." 

She paused. She knew she'd get it back. It would prove easy now that she got help but could she really destroy it? She knew she had to. At some point, she had to let him go. Still, his memories were embedded in the graybox. Their memories.

"Like I said, I still need some time to look over the details. I'll let you know when I'm ready"

Sarah made it obvious she didn't want to pry much more as she stood up and started making her way to the door.

"Please do. Remember that my door is always open for my crew. Even though I'm sure even a locked door wouldn't stop you"

She smiled and walked out of the room. Kasumi watched her go along the corridor. Before the door closed, she could see Sarah stopping infront of another door.

"Thane? You there?"

Kasumi watched as Sarah entered life support. She didn't see Thane but she heard him greet the Commander before the door closed. She didn't pay it much mind, a good Commander should keep her crew happy and what better way to do so than to actually have a decent conversation with each and every one of them. In any case, she had now found out exactly where Thane was and it just so happened to be close enough for her to keep a watchfull eye, to find out more about how these years changed him or if he was the same person as before.

Her omni tool beeped as she got a personal message from Kolyat.

" _Kasumi,_

 

_I hope things are well and that you arrived safetly at the Normandy. My father just sent me an update of the crew and mentioned you. I told him to keep an eye on you, I hope that's okay. It is not that I don't trust you and your abilities, I just feel better knowing someone onboard got your back. I did as Commander Shepard suggested and joined C-sec to pay off my dept, as it were. I have to thank you for convincing me. I wasn't sure it was a good idea at first but you were right - it feels good to keep busy._

 _Regards,_  
Kolyat"

Kasumi smiled at the obvious feelings Kolyat was trying to hide between the lines. He cared about her and it made her happy. She cared for him too, after all.

" _Kolyat,_

_I'm glad to hear that you took that job. I do hope you're not planning on staying with them forever though. I don't exactly trust the authorities. About Thane looking out for me, I'm sure he will. And I for him, I promise. I will let you know next time we're docking at the Citadel, we'll definitely have to met up._

 _Hugs,_  
K."

"It should be illegal to smile that much when you just entered the Normandy"

The observation of the young Quarian surprised Kasumi. Had she been smiling?

"Welcome aboard, I'm Tali'Zorah nar Rayya. You can call me Tali"

She sat down next to Kasumi and sighed.

"I'm sorry to crash in on you like this but I am really bored. You don't know them yet but the people closest to my station always bicker about this and that and it can get so annoying sometimes. Oh, and Shepard is taking her daily walk around the ship, talking to everyone, so I can't bug her. So here I am, bugging you"

Kasumi smiled. It was evident what kind of people Shepard wanted to recruit. This little charmer of a Quarian was just about the cutest person she had ever encountered.

"So Shepard's doing that everyday? How does she find the time?"

"You tell me! It's nice though. Best way to keep the crew happy and loyal. Trust me, everyone wants to talk about themselves, even Jack." She paused for a second. "Right, you're new, you don't know who Jack is. Silly me. Well, you should take a walk around the ship and meet everyone."

"Maybe I should. I have a feeling that it'll be much easier to gossip once I know everyones names, atleast"

"Oh, absolutely!"

The door hissed open and Thane entered.

"I hope I am not intruding. Shepard asked me to welcome you aboard."

"Thane!" Tali stood up. "I should go anyway. If Shepard just left your room, she'll be visiting me soon and I totally have to remind her she owes me a yoghurt."

Thane inclined his head and Tali left the room. Kasumi sat quietly, watching Thane. He looked the same, just a little older. Hands behind his back, he turned to her again.

"If I didn't already know who you were, I would have figured it out by that painting"

Kasumi felt the blood leave her face. He knew. How could she have been so stupid? Of course he would recognize her. Sure, she was grown up but Thane was drell and drell never forgets.

"It's famous, after all. Stolen many years ago by two very famous thieves. It's nice to finally meet you, Miss Goto"

She was confused for a second. He didn't recognize her after all.

"Nice to meet you too, Sere Krios"


	18. A free spirit

Kasumi had a hard time to adapt to the confined space that was the Normandy but she found ways to entertain herself by exploring the air ducts, finding new hiding spots and spying on the crew. She also liked to steal trinkets from the crew members just to see how long it took them to notice it was missing. She got along with almost everyone on the ship, except for a few hard boiled eggs like Jack and yeoman Kelly. Kelly didn't trust her and she had good reasons not to. Kasumi just so happen to enjoy hiding her datapads every now and then. She always thought it provided for a fun show watching Kelly rumble through all corners of the Normandy in panic. Jack generally didn't seem to like anyone except for Shepard. Kasumi didn't bother messing around with her. She always tried to stay away from angry biotics anyway.

She didn't see Thane much. Most of the time, he stayed in his quarters, worked out or mended his weapons in the armory but Shepard made sure everyone shared atleast one meal a day together, often in the evenings. Thane looked his usual self. Calm, quiet and serene. The crew respected him but also liked to tease him and he seemed to enjoy when they were making fun of his quirky character. He even joined in, laughing once in a while. They even liked to tease Shepard for being somewhat of a scatterbrain. If a datapad was found in the fridge or on the sink in the bathroom, you knew who it belong too. Shepard always partook in the jokes, not being slow to tease as much as she was being teased. The mood always seemed at its highest around these meals. Afterwards, Thane usually retreated back to his room. 'To meditate', the crew informed her but Kolyat kept sending her messages revealing how much time Thane actually must spend composing messages to him. They had even decided they would meet up once the Normandy docked at the Citadel.

Shepard didn't seem to keep any favorite teams. She rotated and always picked the best suited members for each mission. She also always made sure to keep everyone's gear up to par. Kasumi didn't really need a gear upgrade but she did enjoy the practise. She could feel herself getting better with each mission and really enjoyed the amount of trust Shepard put in her. Kasumi and Thane rarely ended up in the same team, possessing somewhat of a simular combat style. Shepard liked to keep the team dynamic and having two team members both playing on the strength of stealth was rarely beneficial. Besides, Shepard enjoyed the 'head first' approach more than sneaking.

She seemed to seek Kasumis company more as time passed for a good talk, gossip or just a nice glas of old earth whiskey. Granted some evenings lasted long into the night but Kasumi enjoyed having a friend to talk to about just anything. She shared her a lot of stories from her life. Everything from how she and her mother ran from Omega, why she loved stealing and how Keiji died. She just never told her how she actually knew Thane. Shepard shared stories from her brutal upbringing, how her family was killed and her recruitment into the Alliance. How she had turned into the person she was today was nothing but pure determination, which Kasumi found herself respecting. Sarah was a person to look up to, to follow and admire. Kasumi admitted to miss the life she once had on Omega, back when things were easy. She had visited Omega many times since then but something in talking about her past made her long for the distinctive smells, the strange people and the easy targets.

"Maybe you should take some shore leave when we dock there. We'll be there in a few days, actually. I got some unfinished buisness with Aria. Not sure how long that'll take but you could stay for a few days, stretch your legs a bit."

Maybe she should. It would provide for some easy heists that wouldn't require a lot of planning ahead and that would sooth the itch that's been growing in her fingers. Suddenly she was reminded of her promise to Kolyat. That promise had grown more important as Thane and Kolyat relationship grew stronger. The closer he got the Thane, the more he worried about him. He didn't share all that had been said between the two but for some reason, it was like he was afraid he wouldn't have enough time with him, no matter how much they talked and made plans for the future.

"Yea, I would love that, it's just.."

"Just, what?"

"It's gonna sound silly but.. I made a promise to a friend-"

"What kind of promise could keep you from a simple visit?"

Kasumi considered her next words carefully. She was dangerously close to revealing her secrets and she was nowhere near that comfortable with Shepard just yet.

"Thane. Could you keep an eye on him? I promised his son to do that and I would feel like I'm letting him down if I just up and left the Normandy for a few days"

Shepard gave her a strange look.

"Kolyat? You know Kolyat?"

"Yea.. yes. We met at the Citadel. It's not often you meet a drell, after all. Curiosity led to friendship and when I told him I was gonna join you, he asked me to look out for Thane."

She knew her excuse sounded suspicious but it felt like the only way to keep her promise and her conscious clean at the same time.

"I keep track of my whole crew but yea, sure. I'll keep an extra eye on him for you. And for Kolyat"

"Thanks"

Kasumi smiled and looked down into her glas. She slowly swired the brown liquid in the crystal glas.

"So, Kasumi. I need to know more about what your obvious interest in Jacob"

"Oh, you mean in his muscles! You can't blame a girl for window shopping!"

"Tell me about it" Sarah said and laughed.

* * *

A few days later the Normandy docked at Omega. Kasumi took in the scenery and smiled. Save for when she lived with Keiji, this was more of a home to her than any other place had ever been. Back when she lived at Omega, she was Carrin, innocent and safe. So much had happened since. The only thing that hadn't changed was her free spirit.

"Okay, so we'll see you in a few days? Just let me know when you want us to pick you up, if we're not still here when you're done"

Shepard, Miranda and Jack made their way towards Afterlife. Kasumi watched them for a while and then made her way towards the slums. Walking along the streets, seeing all the people and being jumped at by sellers brought back the best in her. Not much time passed before one or another trinket found its way into her pockets. Soon she was in the slums, visiting all the places she use to when she was a kid.

"Let go, let go!"

"Stop struggling!"

The slavers tied the ropes tighter around the girls wrists. She screamed in pain.

"Idiot, not so hard! She's more valuable with her hands intact!"

People around just passed by. They didn't want to get involved. The young girl had just been sold to slavers but was obviously not used to being a slave. From what Kasumi could tell, she must have been taken from her family recently. You rarely saw such a fighting spirit in people that had been slaves for a long time.

"Please, let me go! I'll sell my paintings, I'll do anything, just please! Let me go!"<

The slavers laughed at her proposal.

"You have nothing you can sell, little girl. You're much more valuable the way you are now than any possessions you'll ever have"

The girl kept stuggling, unwilling to give up. One of the slavers slapped her across the face with the back of his hand. The girl looked at Kasumi, pleading for help. Her eyes suddenly struck Kasumi in a way that confused her. This girl reminded her so much of herself. She was in an impossible situation but still refused to give up. Her was the spirit that needed to be free or it would die. She couldn't let that happen.

As the slavers made their way back to their ship, Kasumi cloaked and followed close by. She snuck onboard and waited in the shadows as they handcuffed the girl to a seat where they could see her. Kasumi would have to wait. She was not going to let them get this girl. Not this one, not this time. She'd make sure of that.


	19. Jealous

The ship docked at a private docking bay, somewhere on the Citadel. Kasumi'd been there once before, on some less than legal business but this was the first time she'd arrived there through this bay. She knew this was just a temporary stop for these slavers and that c-sec had been working hard to shut down this activity on the citadel. She knew other ways of getting back to the public areas, which would be perfect for an escape. The girl had been sitting sobbing the whole way. Kasumis heart went out to her but it wasn't much she could do while the slavers were still watching. They kept bickering about how much they could charge for her, weighing arguments like her virginity, young age and skills for painting. The whole discussion left a bad taste in Kasumis mouth.

The slavers left the ship and started unloading their purchased, or stolen, goods, Kasumi snuck close to the litte girl and put her cloaked hand over her mouth.

"I'm here to save you" she whispered. "I'll take you back home or wherever you want to go but I need you to stay calm"

The girl jumped between sobs but caught on really quick, nodded and slowed down her breathing. The slavers came back onboard and brought the girl outside. They took her to a building close by and pushed her inside a room. Kasumi took notice to a big grid covering the air vent inside. They closed the door and locked it.

"Go get her some food and new clothes. She needs to look her best tonight." one of the slavers demanded from his colleague. The man nodded and walked away.

"Guard this room" he ordered another.

Kasumi rolled her eyes. 'So paranoid' she mused. 'Almost like they think someone might try and free her or something'. She could have snuck inside through the air vent but she she wasn't sure where she could get access to it from here. The only other way of getting the girl out would be by sneaking inside and enter the vent that way. She waited. When the slaver came back with food and clothes, the guard opened the door and Kasumi snuck inside.

"Eat and get dressed"

The slaver threw the food and clothes on the floor, left the room and locked the door again. The girl sat in a corner, almost afraid to move. She reached her cuffed hands out into the air. Kasumi grabbed them and uncloaked. The girl smiled through the tears and whispered 'Thank you'. Kasumi nodded and carefully picked the handcuffs open, cut open the grid to the ventilation and took the girl by her hand.

"Be as quiet as you can. Just follow me"

Once in the air duct, Kasumi brought up blueprints of her current location. Luckly enough, the air vent was big enough for the two to crawl on their bellies and led them to a dark alley outside the building. Kasumi helped the girl out. She brushed the dust of her clothes and looked up at Kasumi, smiling.

"Thank you, so much!"

Kasumi smiled. She could really see herself in her smile.

"Come, we're not out of the woods yet. Where do you need to go?"

Sitting there, hiding in the ships cargo bay, Kasumi watched as the girl paint. This was were she knew they differed. It had taken Kasumi time to truly realise what her passion in life was, mastering it, and here this little girl painted with her whole heart already comfortable with her amazing skills, embracing her own spirit. Each stroke told a story or gratitude, passion, love and sorrow. Kasumi got lost in her technique, in the way she seemed to dance and make the painting come to life. The girl was in her own world, lost in a land of colors. After a while she took a few steps back, trying to wipe away some paint from her face. She ended up making it worse, smearing it all over her cheek. She didn't seem to mind. She turned around and reached out her hand to Kasumi. She smiled and took them in hers. The girl sat down infront of Kasumi.

"This is for you. This painting tells the story of how you saved my soul"

A few days later, back at the Normandy, Kasumi was dying to tell Sarah about her adventure. It was much better than any heist she could have imagined doing and the reward was so much better too.

"I'm glad you had fun, Kasumi. It seems like this trip was good for you."

"We should do stuff like that more often! I will never forget it, it was exciting. How have things been here?"

"Oh.. good, good. Not much happened, really." She paused. "I looked after Thane, like you asked."

Sarahs last sentence sounded clumpsy and thick in her throat. Kasumi got suspicious but before she could ask, Sarah stood up and put her glas down on the table.

"Well, I'm gonna finish my round now, so I'll talk to you later, 'kay?"

She smiled and walked out of the room. Kasumi watched her walk along the corridor. Before the door closed, she could see Sarah stopping infront of another door.

"Thane? You there?"

This was Kasumis chance to find out more. She didn't waste a second. She cloaked and snuck out into the corridor. As Thane opened the door and Sarah stepped inside, Kasumi made her way into the room. Sarah and Thane sat down at a small table without a word. They were acting strange, almost nervous.

"You okay?"

"No need to worry, I am fine. It's you I'm worried about"

"Why? I'm always fine"

Sarah smiled and reached her hands across the table. Thane caressed her hands in his and kissed her palms.

"So you say. Still I worry"

Kasumi was shocked by what she saw. Were they intimate? When did that happen? Kasumi had made it her own personal challange to know everything that was going on onboard. Was this a result of Kasumi asking Sarah to look after Thane? She wasn't sure what this was, what she was feeling. She felt surprised. Ashamed. Jealous. She was actually feeling jealous. That feeling was more confusing than anything she could have imagined. Why was she jealous?

Sarah and Thane agreed they would meet later for a late snack. As Sarah stood up and walked out the room, Kasumi snuck out behind her. Carelessly, without thinking, she uncloaked outside the room and snuck back into her quarters. Still in turmoil by her own emtions from what she'd just witnessed, she paced back and forth, squeezing her own hands. Why was she feeling jealous? Thane was the closest thing she'd ever had to a real father. He had abandoned her when she'd admitted doing wrong. She only wanted to get back in touch. Was she really feeling jealous?

"I recall telling you when I gave it to you.."

The dark voice suddenly broke the silence and had Kasumi swirl around in shock.

".. I'd recognize the sound of that cloak anywhere"


	20. Beg me!

The cold metal slowly made an inprint on her forehead. Kasumi sat perfectly still on the floor. Tears threatened to surface. She was smarter than this. She knew this is where she would eventually end up.

"I should have known it was you"

He pushed the gun harder against her forehead, as if just wanting it bad enough would make the gun go off without him actually pulling the trigger. His hands trembled. From excitement or fright, Kasumi could not tell.

"You're not gonna beg me not to shoot?"

Kasumi didn't move a muscle. There were no perfect answer. Yes, she could beg but for what? This was almost meant to be. This was a piece of her life that should have fallen into place a long time ago. She had dug her own grave ever since she first saw him.

"Beg me! Defend yourself!"

She looked up at him. She couldn't hold the tears back anymore. She traced his tensed jawline with the fingertips of her mind and let them land on the nape of his neck. How easily she could have snapped his neck if she just got the chance. But she had made here mind up. She had lost.

 

**\-- 2 days earlier --**

 

"So it's basically a 'in and out' mission. We mingle, have a good time, do some breaking in and done!"

"You make it sound so easy, Kasumi. What do you really need me for?"

In hindsight Kasumi might not have needed Shepards help at all. Just knowing she had hers and the whole crews support made it that much easier to focus on the task at hand. Shepard brought a calm Kasumi had a hard time finding, considering the price at the end.

"I need you on the floor so I can focus behind the scenes"

After a short introcution of Shepards new alias and the basics of Kasumis plan, Shepard finally asked the one question that mattered.

"What's so important on this graybox that it would have you work this hard to get it back?"

"It contains.. a lot of personal memories.. it's all that remains of Keiji. I promised him I'd get it back"

Shepard seemed content with that answer. That was definately one of the things Kasumi liked the most about Shepard. She trusted her crew to no end.

Not long after, they found themselves at the entrance of Hock's estate where he was holding a society party. They watched as the statue of Saren was being unloaded. Kasumi smiled. She had to work hard to find a way to get all their armor and guns inside and this was by far the best way. Hock's weakness was easy to exploit.

"Nice to met you"

Shepard played her role perfectly and reached her hand out to greet Hock as he made his way down the entrance stairs.

"Gunn" he simply replied. "I've been waiting you arrival. A man as busy as you, we should have met sooner"

He glanced at Kasumi and narrowed his eyes. Kasumi pretended like it was raining, weighing on her hip, smiling at Shepard.

"You are most welcome but.. your companion. Excuse my suspicious nature, she stays outside."

"No problem, you're the host. She stays outside"

Kasumi could just about pat Shepard on the back for her performance. She walked away from the entrance and watched Shepard enter the estate, accompanied by Hock. It did not take long for Shepard to contact her over the com.

"Why did he turn you away?"

"No idea, we haven't exactly met. Don't worry about me, go on with the plan. His goons will never see through my cloak so it'll be no challange what so ever to get inside"

Kasumi easily made her way inside on the second floor through a window. Hock must be one of those rich people that keep using the same interior designer for every estate they own, Kasumi mused as she walked through the corridor and down to the vault. The statue of Saren was already there, to her relief.

"The vault will need voice recognition, fingerprint and password to open, Shepard. This guy is so paranoid! I swear, it's like he thinks someone's gonna try and steal something"

She could hear a small giggle over the com. For the tough surface Shepard displayed on their missions, she was glad to see she also could have fun, even in a situation like this.

"Get Hock to talk, Shep, I'm going to find out the password."

Shepard managed to get Hocks voiceprint and then made her way to his personal quarters to get fingerprints. Meanwhile, Kasumi hacked the servers in Hocks office to get a hold of the latest password. Childs play, Kasumi thought. Back at the vault, she met up with Shepard and geared up.

"Ready?"


	21. Hall of Memories

"Say something.."

Kasumi locked eyes with him.

"Say anything! Have you no remorse?"

Her respons blured out before she had time to consider it.

"Yes. Not for what I did but for where it led.. Then again.. If I hadn't.."

She grew quiet.

"So you don't regret what you did?"

Kasumi watched him tense up, getting ready to pull the trigger. She knew what to say to make him shoot. She also knew what to say to stop him. But how could she lie? She had hidden the truth from him for so long.

**\-- 1 day earlier --**

The resistance Hocks guards gave them was no match for Kasumi and Shepard. Finally getting her hands on Keijis graybox, she found herself scared to see what was on it, to relive the memories of her lost love. Shepard, bless her, didn't push Kasumi to find out just yet. They both sat in the shuttle going back to Normandy when Shepard broke the silence.

"So.. Thane tells me.. well, he told me a long time ago about kids living on the streets of the Citadel and.."

Kasumi knew where this conversation was heading. Three days ago Thane had confronted Kasumi. He had found out it was actually her and she had feared the worst. In any other situation she would have ju cloaked and run but this was Thane. The one and only person who could see through her cloak, the one and only who knew about her true past, her biggest sins. Just thinking about it made her throat dry up.

"Yea, he did. He knew me."

"It's just that.. I don't wanna pry and all that but I need both of you focused and.. well, if there's some bad history between you guys.."

Kasumi didn't have the heart to let Shepard ask. She could see how she struggled to find the right words, trying to find out what kind of past they actually shared. Kasumi had yet to find the curage to confront Shepard about her and Thanes relationship, let alone how she felt herself. Atleast there were no history to talk about. None that would be of concern to Shepard or the mission.

"Shep, I know what you're trying to ask. And I know about you two, by the way"

Shepard blushed slightly and looked down at her feet.

"It's not like that, it's not.. What do you mean? I mean, it's not.. a relationship or whatever.."

Kasumi looked at Shepard. So this strong, powerful and characteristic woman could blush after all, she mused. She must really like Thane. She couldn't blame her. For all the changes he had gone through since she knew him back when, all the new ways he now saw life, his serenity and stability never seemed to waver. Maybe the two of them were made from the same cloth. Maybe they belonged together. It somehow eased Kasumis mind. That excuse alone dismissed any and all chances of her having any warmer feelings for Thane, somehow forced her confused emotions aside.

"Right" she said and smiled at Shepard, leaning back.

Shepard suddenly looked serious again.

"Still, Kasumi. I know you've been avoiding him since you guys talked. What did you talk about anyway, if you don't mind me asking?"

She had tried her very best not to think about it. It wasn't pretty. Thane had gone on asking about how she ever could have though she could trick him, asked her why she did it, what she tried to accomplish. She didn't have any good answers. He didn't really get angry but Kasumi could see the muscles on his face change. Annoyance and impantice never colored him well. Shepard had walked in on them with the intention of privatly informing Kasumi that they were close to Hocks estate and if she wanted, they could be there within a few days. Kasumi couldn't have accepted it fast enough. She pushed both Shepard and Thane out of the room with the excuse that she needed time to plan everything. Since then, Thane had tried to get a private audience with Kasumi at several occasion but she kept avoiding him with all kinds of excuses. She had even dismissed messages from Kolyat about some new project he had taken on himself to change his view on life, just in case the two would end up talking about her.

"We.. well, it's a very long story but lets just say he knew me when I was a kid and.. I kinda betrayed him. Not intentionally, of course! But that doesn't excuse anything, really. I wanted to.. I needed to find out if he had forgiven me or if.. if I was just another duct rat from his past that he didn't care about anymore.."

The atmosphere grew thick.

"He meant a lot to you"

The statement surprised Kasumi. Shepard was sharp, could easily see through people. This was no excuse.

"He did"

"Still do?"

"I guess.. I'm not sure what I was expecting. I pretended not to know him so I could find out if he was still angry with me and now.."

"Now you've made a silly mess of things and ended up avoiding him. Why don't you just ask him? Straight out. You really should, for several reasons. I want both of you on this mission and I can't have any hassitence between my crew members. Just, please talk with him? For me?"

It suddenly dawned on Kasumi what Shepard was really trying to do. Maybe Thane had asked her to talk with Kasumi or maybe it was more complicated than that. This woman honestly cared about her whole crew but everyone knew she had never really gotten close to anyone. Here she had found something in Thane and maybe that actually scared her. Maybe she was testing Thane to see if he had feelings for someone else or maybe she tried to push him away. She could read between the lines of what Shepard was trying to say and she wished she could just have told her to take it easy, that she had no feelings for Thane and never had any intentions of any romantic conquest. But she wasn't sure herself.

"I'm gonna.."

Kasumi held up the graybox. She walked up to the panel, plugged it in and put on her hologlasses.

"Kasumi"

Keiji materialised infront of her, so alive. She rushed up to him and hugged him, almost forgetting he was nothing more than a sort of hologram, an AI.

"Keiji! Keiji..."

Tears rolled down her cheeks as the AI kept talking.

"If you're watching this, it means I am no longer with you and I'm sorry. I'm glad you got a hold of my graybox, only you could have opened it. The print of our common memories are the only thing that could have unlocked it."

Around them memories of their time together floated. Kasumi looked around, each memory tugging at her heart. She couldn't wait to relive them all, the only time in her life she was truly happy.

"I know you, Kasumi. I know you want to keep my graybox forever but you can't. You have to destroy it"

Kasumis heart sank. What was he talking about?

"It contains harmful information. It needs to be destroyed. Please, Kasumi. I love you and we will always have our time together but please. Please grant me this. You need to destroy my graybox. I love you and I always will"

The AI stood still, lifeless, staring into the distance. Kasumi took off her glasses and fell to her knees. Shepard ran up to her and hugged her shoulders, trying her best to give her strength.

"He wants me to destroy it.."

Shepard tried hard to find the words.

"Kasumi.. if that's what he wants.."

"He said it contains harmful information.. I need to find out what.. maybe I can just erase that data! Maybe I can keep the box.. I need to.. I have to try and.."

She got up to her feet and grabbed the box.

"Kasumi.. From what I understand, Keiji wasn't a fool. If there's anything on that graybox that would be worth killing, or dying for, I'm sure it's not as easy as a simple extraction of information.."

That was not what Kasumi wanted to hear but at the same time, she knew she was right.

"I need to try, Shepard.. I need to atleast try!"

Shepard nodded and fell silent for a while. She stood up next to Kasumi and put her hand on her shoulder.

"Try then. But don't dishoner his memory. He wants it destroyed, you should destroy it"

Kasumi nodded slowly. As they boarded the Normandy, Kasumi hugged Keijis graybox tight to her chest, almost afraid Shepard would take it away from her and destroy it herself. She knew she had to destroy it eventually, she just wasn't ready. It was already dinner time and most crew members shared a meal together. Amongst them sat Thane. He never said much during these gatherings but Shepard still made sure everyone tried to gather atleast once a day and it had turned into a sort of habbit, even for Thane. He watched Kasumi as she stood there for a while, not quite sure what to do with herself. She had just uncovered the true reason why Keiji wanted her to get his graybox back and she was too fragile to shield herself from whatever kind of conversation Thane was about to throw her way. She knew they were heading to the Citadel and would dock there for a while. The timing couldn't have been better. She only needed to avoid Thane and everybody else until tomorrow and then she'd have a few days on the Citadel alone to cool off. She hurried to her room and locked the door behind her.

The entire night she spent wraped up inside Keijis memories. She could have spent so much more time there but as the announcement that they would soon dock at the Citadel sounded over the intercom, she snapped out of the memories and made her way to the shuttle bay. This was exactly what she needed. Some time alone.

She made her way to her old apartment. She unlocked the door and walked inside. Nothing had changed. She wasn't sure why she'd expected it to. She sat down on the sofa and looked out at the view of the Citadel. Suddenly, the door unlocked behind her and someone stepped inside. The reflection of the Citadel lights on his scales haunted her peripheral vision. She wasn't feeling worried until she saw the reflection of the gun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to story follower crazy, whom I disappointed with my previous short chapter ;) I hope this chapter is more of a mouth full :)


	22. My only friend

_He raise the gun and aim it at her. As she gets down on her knees, he pushes the gun at her forehead, afraid anger would get the better of him before getting his answers. He tells himself that he should have known it was her. He trembles from conflicting emotions. She says nothing. 'Beg for your life' he tells her. No, he pleads. Please, beg me for your life. Please convince me! She didn't say anything, just looks up at him. She cries while studying his face. He begs her, please say something. Anything! He gets angry. She just stares at him. Eventually she answers him. She does not regret what she did. He gets angry. He deservs to hear her reasons._

 

"Kolyat.."

His eyes spoke of one thing and one thing only. Determination.

"I couldn't have known! I wanted to be close to someone. He was there for me! I regret my involvement but if I hadn't.."

Tears threatened to choke her completely. She fought through it. Wheather or not she was going to die there, he deserved to hear the truth.

"If I hadn't.. That AI was the world to me, my one and only friend. If I hadn't, I would never have become the person I am today, I would never have met Keiji.. I would never have met you.."

His whole being was shaking. Kasumi could see the conflicting emotions dance across his face. He tried his best to hold on to his hatred.

"Kolyat.. I had noone growing up. Noone but your father. I looked up to him, he was kind to me. I wanted to be around always. I wanted his serenity, his strength.. but he was never really around for longer than a few days at a time. That AI.. it was like he was around all the time, like he was my best friend.. I didn't know, Kolyat! I had no idea they were watching me. I.. I never coded your name into the AI because I was jealous of you. I wanted to be you so bad, to be Thanes kid, that I pretended you didn't exsist. In my AI you didn't exsist.."

Tears broke their way through. She looked down at the floor. She knew how much that AI had meant to her, how important it had been for her since it to resemble Thane so much. She was ashamed to admit it but even if she had known what that resemblance would result it, she would still have coded it, simply because it was her sole point of companionship. Her only friend until she met Keiji. Kolyat let the weight of the gun take him over. His arm fell to his side and he slowly sat down on his knees.

"And that's probably why I'm still alive.. they never knew I exsited.. They never bothered to look for me"

"Kolyat.. I am so sorry.."

She crawled closer to him.

"Father told me he had killed all of them. All who had anything to do with my mothers death. All but one. When I asked him why he spared one and who it was, he only told me that some wrongs are made for the right reasons and cannot be judged the same way. He told me to let it go.."

He paused, trying to find the words.

"I swore I would find and kill the last one. Almost like that guilty person was left for me, like it was my chance for closure.. I didn't know it was you.."

She reached her hands out to touch his. He was shaking. She felt truly scared for the first time. Not to die but to loose her friend. Her intentions at first may only have been out of selfish reassurance, to try and erase her own sins, she realised. She had taken him for granted, strung him along, ignoring or pushing away any genuine feelings he had towards her. His need to connect, to tell her, to show her. She had ignored it all, so focused on her goal to reach out to Thane. He had mentioned a life changing assignment and this must have been it. She didn't listen. For the first time, she saw Kolyat. This damaged boy, desperatly reaching out for something real, thinking he had found it. Only for her to crush him all over again. She felt fear for the first time. Of loosing something she didn't realised she had.

"I'm so sorry.. please, forgive me, I should have told you.."

Suddenly he stiffened. Anger washed away all feelings of confusion and he stood back up.

"You let me believe I had a friend in you. I trusted you! You're the reason my mother died and you just let that slip you mind while befriending me? You know how I feel about you! No, how I FELT about you and still you kept this whole thing a secret? How could you betray me so?"

Kasumi felt ashamed. Not one day had passed without her feeling like she should tell him, like she owed him atleast that.

"I.. I wanted to.. I somehow felt that if I was simply there.. that I could somehow make it up to you if I was just there for you.."

Kolyat refused to let go of his anger. He looked down at the gun. The cold white metal weapon looked so misplaced there on the floor between them. Kasumi made no attempt in taking it. Neither did Kolyat. He looked at her with despar in his eyes, tears surfacing.

"I trusted you.."

He turned around and left the room. A mixture of panic and relief gripped Kasumi by the troat and she started breathing heavily, as if she couldn't catch her breath at all. He knew. He had found out about her involvment. He could have killed her but he didn't. He would have had the right to. Kasumi would even have let him. She could easily have dodge the bullet, even at that range but she would have let him kill her. If that would have offered him closure, she would gladly have granted it to him.

She sat like that for a while to let her body catch up with her mind. The sudden need to let someone wrap their arms around her overwhelmed her. She stood up on shaky legs, afraid to let her mind wander to long lost love and friends, afraid of what those emotions would bring. She could not handle them right now.

She made her way to the Normandy, cloaked. Noone took notice of her boarding and entering her quarters. The crew had grown use to her sneaking about and hardly reacted to any sudden feelings of eyes in their necks. It was both a relief and annoyance for Kasumi. She loved to tease and scare people in the crew but they had all slowly gotten so comfortable with it, she had to keep changing her games to keep them entertaining. However, this time it was a blessing. She closed the door behind her and sat down on the sofa. As she uncloaked, she didn't hold the emotions back anymore. She crawled into a featus like position on the sofa, laying down, hugging her own knees. She let the tears roll down her cheek and pools on the cushions of the sofa. This had all been such a bad idea. Ever since Keijis passing she had been so lost. She had noone she could trust the way she had Keiji. And noone could trust her. For all her skills, handling people was simply not one of them.

The knock on her door quickly woke her from her fog of emotions. She wiped her tears and made sure her hood covered her red, swollen eyes.

"Who is it?"

She tried to sound her usual happy self and knew she failed.

"It's me"

Thane. Why, of all people? Kasumi did not exactly feel like talking to him right now, or at all, but he insistently knocked on the door again. She knew she wouldn't get ridd of him that easily. She didn't have the strength to fend him off. Maybe she should just follow Shepards advice and talk to him. She had already ruined a relationship today, might as well keep that winning streak of good choices going. She stood up and walked to the door, sighed, put on a fake smile and opened.

"Thane! What can I do you for?"

She tried her best to keep her face hidden. Thane didn't say much. He walked passed her into the room, despite her attempts to stand in his way. He closed the door and turned to her.

"Kolyat knows, doesn't he?"

He was never one to ease into a topic but it still surprised Kasumi. She was sure he was there to talk about something completely different. She hassitated a while before answering.

"Yes.. he does.. he.. almost killed me for it.."

"I told him to let it go.. Kasumi, I'm sorry. I really thought I could make him understand. He's a passionat boy.. man, I mean. Emotional. I can't always seem to see the logic in his reasoning.. I swear, I will talk with him and make him understand. I know you two are good friends and it would please me to see that continue"

Kasumi just stood there, surprised, feeling vulnerable. Thane watched her for a while, almost like he was trying to figure out what to say to make it better. He walked up to her and grabbed her by her shoulders.

"Kasumi. Please, understand that I have forgiven you a long time ago. There is no bad blood between you and I. I don't know why you've avoided me, I only wanted to tell you thus; I forgave you a long time ago. I only needed to know if you could forgive me for leaving you behind like I did"

Kasumi looked up at Thane. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. He wasn't angry with her. He wanted her forgivness. She had been such a fool, scared to confront him. Scared to be confronted.

"You forgive me?"

"Yes. At the time, I was angry, I admit"

He let go of her shoulders and started to pace across the room with his hands behind his back. 

"Let me explain. I left and hunted down the last of the slavers with that same anger I had felt for what you had done. I had no intention of coming back. No intentions of ever.. seeing you again. I only wanted my son. But when I returned to him, he was a man already.. Unknown to my eye, to my memory. I had taken too long.. I had nothing to offer him, so I left. Again." 

He paused, looked at her with regret in his eyes.

"Shepard made me realise it's important to keep family close. She helped me find him, to get him back in my life. In a way, you were family too, I just didn't see it back then. That evening, when I heared the sound of your cloak.. when I realised it was you.. I was not sure what to feel. I got angry, yes but not at you. At myself. For that I never seeked you out, for you to find it necessary to lie, to hide yourself in such a way.."

He walked up to her and looked down into her eyes. He pulled her hoody back. All the emotions gripped her again and she couldn't fight the tears as they started making their way down her cheeks. He wiped away a tear with his thumb as he put his hand on her cheek.

"Carrin, I ask your forgivness"

It was all she could do but cry and nod. Thane looked surprised but to Kasumis relief he did not comment. He only wraped his arms around her and let her cry. He gestured to the sofa and as they sat down, he let her crawl up close to him, holding her like a child. After a while she felt the emotions drain and sleep slowly took her. She hadn't slept for two days running. These last few days had been so intense and emotional, she had completely forgotten about sleep. Thane sat still, stroking her arm and she let herself fall asleep like that. She felt at home. The smell of Thanes leather armor reminded her of simpler times. She fell asleep and dreamed of bright red fruits and old books of hidden treasures. Thane carefully stood up and watched her sleep for a while. He smiled, feeling glad he had finally managed to start mending a part of his broken past even if the timing was unfortunate. He found himself feeling somewhat proud of Kasumi. For every bad thing he had done, he had always thought he had only added one good. Maybe, he almost dared hope, had he been part of creating the path for another good thing and he was determined to be there for her. His time may be limited but he would hold on long enough to ensure her the strength she needed.


	23. Changed

The next few days were a confusing haze to Kasumi. She drifted in and out of the memories in Keijis graybox. She slowly erased the line between past and present, not wanting to face the problems of today, not quite willing to relive the painful memories with Keiji. They were still docked at the Citadel. Shepard were, yet again, on a 'useless politician misson', she said. She keeped Thane close at all times. For the comfortability of his company or uncertainty of his romantic loyalty, Kasumi could not tell but she welcomed it none the less. Their last encounter had been awkward and left a bad taste in her mouth. She didn't want him to see her that way, like a crying child. Regardless, this solitude meant more time with her memories. Hers and Keijis.

She had stumbled upon several memories of Keiji asking about Kasumis Thane AI. 'Who is he?', 'Do I know him?', 'Is he from your past or still in your present?'. Kasumi hadn't realised how much Keiji had wanted to know. He probably knew more than he let on but watching those memories through Keiji was a sort of eye opener for Kasumi. He had often found her talking to the AI, laughing at inside jokes or sitting around, coding in new info. As time passed, she used it less and less and through Keijis memories, she seemed happier. She couldn't help but to see a resemblance to her current situation. Keijis AI had said it once before and she realised now that there were more weight behind those words than she initially thought. 'I know you want to keep my graybox forever but you can't'. No matter where she was in life, she always held on to something. She always had someone. Now she faced the inevitable fact that she had to destroy Keijis graybox. She suddenly felt lonely.

Her fight with Kolyat came to mind. She had never not put much thought into the ramifications of not telling him. How could she have known it would end up the way it did? Thane and Kolyat had talked about Thanes life and Irikah's death, of course. She should have known. She had taken Kolyat for granted, she admitted to herself. Even back at the restaurant when he wanted her to stay, reminded her he would be there, waiting. She wondered what would have happened, had she stayed. Maybe he wouldn't have taken on the quest in finding out her secret. Maybe she'd been given a chance to tell him herself. She had tried to get in contact with him several times, not really expecting an answer. Not even Thane had managed to get a hold of him. A small part of her wished Thane would take the time to find him and talk to him face to face. Smooth things over, explain her situation. At the same time, she knew the biggest problem had been her not saying anything, not the secret itself. 

She sighed. What time was it? She wasn't really sure she was hungry but she figured she should eat. She thanked her good fortune everyone was sleeping, she simply did not feel like talking to anyone at that moment. Come to think of it, noone had really come looking for her in a while. She had herself to blame, always being cloaked walking around the ship. Everyone figured she was close by at all times, so noone seemed to miss her. Now that Shepard was on the Citadel, she had very little interactions with the crew in general. No matter, she thought.  
She grabbed a bowl and filled it with salted crackers, filled up a cup of something she identified as a sort of beer and sat down at the table.

"That goes well with fruit"

The voice surprised her. Had she been so unattentive that someone had managed to sneak up on her?

"Could I suggest earths apple or maybe pear? That also goes well with some brie cheese"

The AI danced across the room and into the kitchen, seemingly looking for mentioned items. Had she booted it? She couldn't remember.

"Crackers and beer is fine by me"

Maybe thinking about it had her boot it without thinking clearly. The AI put his hands behind his back and slowly paced across the room. She imagined him mapping up the room, the corridors.

"My room is in the end of that corridor" she said and gestured.

The AI made a funny face.

"I am aware"

When had she coded that info? She took a sip of the beer.

"How's Keiji?"

The question was sudden and shocking. The AI hadn't been booted since before Keijis death. Or had it? She must have forgotten to code in his death.

"He.. He was killed. I just got his graybox back"

The AI walked up to the table and sat down across from her.

"I'm sorry. He meant a lot to you?"

The AI had been around them a lot. It had seen their lives together, had information in the code of their relationship. Why was he asking such a question?

"You know he did. Ever since Thane left.."

"I left?"

"Not YOU, you. The REAL you. You left because I betrayed you"

"The real me?"

"Yea.." 

She paused and moved a few crackers around in the bowl. She had lost what ever little appetite she had.

"The real you. The 'you' I made you to resemble. The real 'you' I loved.."

The AI sat quiet for a while. He put his hands on the table.

"The real me. You loved the real me?"

Kasumis mind grew darker. She didn't want to talk about this, not even with the AI. She must have left it untouched for too long, code seemed to break and bug.

"I think I still do.. just.. differently.."

"How so?"

"I saw the real you with.. someone else and.. it made me feel very jealous.."

The AI bowed his head.

"You saw the real me with Shepard.."

"I didn't say that, how did you know.."

Kasumi snapped out of her thoughts. She touched her face, the hologlasses were still there. She was sitting in hers and Keijis old kitchen. She had altered their memory and mixed it with reality. She took off the glasses, still sitting in her room with a beer on the small table next to her. Across from her, in a chair, sat Thane. Her face turned red. How much had she actually told him? Was this real?

"Thane.."

He stood up and walked up to her. He slowly leaned down towards her, blocking every chance of her escape. She could feel the smell of his leather armor, the smell of his skin. It reminded her of sand in the sun, heavy and free. He leaned closer.

"There is nothing between me and Shepard. I only ever had eyes for you.."

Kasumis heart was pounding, she couldn't breath. She looked down on his lips. He came closer, lips almost touching. There he stayed for a while, breathing heavily.

"Kasumi.." he whispered. "KaBeep.. BeBeep.. BEEP!"

Kasumi sat up, waving her arms, hitting air. What had happened? Was it a dream? She hid her face in her hands. It was a dream! When had she fallen asleep? It felt so real. She touched her lips and remembered the dream. The sensation of embarrassment grew stronger and she fought her need to scream. She tried to snap out of it. Still confused, she looks at her omnitool. A new message. From Thane.


	24. Touch

Carrin slowly stired her tea with the spoon. She's absent minded, feeling slightly feverish. She felt like she hadn't slept in weeks, muscles not quite as smooth and flexible. Her mind wandered back to the dream she had earlier. It still left her feeling nervous but curious at the same time.

"I suspect your tea is already cold"

Thanes voice snapped her out of her daydream.

"New tea, please"

He gestured to one of the waiters and sat down. He brushed his lap out of habbit before placing both hands on the table between them. Kasumi locked eyes with him with misplaced sense of self. Maybe she was simply too tired to realise she was actually staring.

"You look as if you've seen a ghost" Thane mused and gave her a little smile.

Kasumi shook her head, rubbing her eyes and waved her hand as if to wipe away the image of him from behind her eyelids.  
Thane couldn't help but to smile again. For every way Kasumi tried to hide her face, Thanes impeccable memory could still trace her every line perfectly. From her dark eyes to her soft, full lips, her small straight nose to her perfect jawline. As she sat there, still rubbing her eyes, swallowing hard as if her troat was as dry as sand, he couldn't help but to stare. Thane had just spend the whole previous day and night trying to make Kolyat understand his point of view. It had brougt up memories he hadn't been aware of. Feelings he had never before acknowledged.  
While Kolyat had expresssed utter hate and frustration towards Kasumi, Thane told him every good memory he had of her. Everything from the very first time he saw her to how much she had looked up to him. Inevitably, soon the memories took a turn towards feelings in the moment. How he liked the way she tilted her head before deciding what fruit to buy or how her laugh always had a way to make him smile with his teeth when she wasn't looking. He knew things about her he wasn't sure anyone else did. Like the smell of her bathoil. That very faint lavender scent filled her entire apartment after she'd taken a bath. It made her skin smell like summertime on Kahje. It wasn't strong, just strong enough for Thane to notice. He never told her but that scent was one of many ways he could always spot her or knew she was near. Or the way she got lost in her books about hidden and lost treasures. Some of her books were more well-read than others and Thane knew them all by heart. Some nights he had watched her sleep, Citadels lights dancing across her face. He'd tuck her in and brush her hair behind her ear before returning to his books or plans for his next target. He had never before realised how at home he had felt in her company. He'd always told himself that she was nothing more than a reliable asset for his line of work, nothing else. He told Kolyat about how scared he'd been to loose him after Irikah had been murdered but how dumbstruck he felt at showing it. He told him how Kasumi had begged him to take her with him to Omega, how his heart melted at the prospect of protecting someone, anyone, better than he had Kolyat and his mother. He told him about what she had witnessed and how she still dared to confess her involvment. He shared emotions of hate, confussion as well as his total loss of direction. How he had pushed her away and how he had lost himself in the process.  
Towards midnight, Kolyat had a whole new picture of Kasumi. Not just a young woman with a passion for taking what was not hers but a person with a dark and heavy past, someone who his father had found comfort in without knowing it, someone who wanted nothing more than to be close to Thane and the simple fact that had failed her over and over. He failed to comfort her, failed to be there, failed to protect and reasure. In the end, Thane made it clear why forgiving her was the value of nothing compared to her forgiving him.

"When did you come to that realisation?" Kolyat eventually asked. He could not help but to feel his father was weak. He admitted feeling as emotionally drained as Thane must be feeling at that very moment but he still had to know. How could he just let it go? How could he think that burning bridges could compare to the murder of his mother? Thane stared into the distance, squeezing his own hands. He looked afraid to let go of whatever little restrain he had at that very moment, afraid to recite a memory but slowly, his tensed shoulders relaxed and he sighed.

"She doesn't know I looked for her.. that I found her.. Suddenly a woman.. she smiles.. at a young man. Unknown to my eyes. He kisses her forehead. She leans in, smells his neck.. squeezes his arm.. She whispers.. words travel.. 'I love you'.. It's not me. She's not whispering to me.."

Kolyat lost his breath. The air suddenly felt heavy and thick. He dared not break the silence. Thane stared at his hands. They sat like that until Thane got up, started pacing slowly across the room.

"It was the first time I felt anything at all after Irikahs murder.. It did not wake me from my sleep but it motivated me.. to move on.. It made me accept my fate". He paused, tried to find balance by staring at the floor. He sighed again. "I abandoned you. I abandoned her. I had nowhere to turn anymore. And with my illness.. seeing her with someone else, someone that wasn't me.. it made me accept my inevitable journey across the ocean. It was at that moment I took on a mission I had no intentions of surviving."

".. and that's when you met Shepard.."

"Yes. She saved me. She easily became a new focus in my life, someone with a heavy past, just like me. But unlike me, she crossed fires to save and help those she loved. I wanted to learn from her. She made me feel.. complete again.."

He walked back to Kolyat who still didn't dare to look Thane in the eyes.

"And then she was there. She'd been looking for me.."

Another memory surfaced.

"The air suddenly grows thick, it's difficult to breath.. The sound of a cloak deactivating.. I know that sound.. She found me.."

Kolyat looked up at Thane.

"Kolyat.. I lost her once, as I did you. I intend not leave this world without mending what I broke.."

Kolyat looked away again. They had already talked so much about Thanes illness, he did not want to touch the subject that very moment.

"Did you know.. how I felt about her?" Kolyat asked.

Thane weighed his words, let them echo through his mind before voicing them.

"The same way I do. Did. Though I'd never admit it"

Kolyat didn't look surprised.

"But.. you have Shepard, right?" he asked.

His question echoed through the room and sounded pathetic in his own ears. He admitted hating Kasumi, unable to understand how he could ever forgive her involvment. And here he was, still asking permission to love her.

Back at the tea shop Thane smiled to himself at the thought of that question as Kasumi straightened her back and corrected her hoody. He felt he had finally broken through Kolyats armor. Why did it leave him feeling so sad?

As the waitor poured up two fresh cups of tea, Kasumi cupped it in her hands for warmth.

"I have not slept in forever, I swear to it! If I get bags under my eyes only cos you insist on meeting this eary, I'll hold you responsible!"

Thane gave her a small chuckle in respons. Kasumi hated silence and always did prefer to resolve to humor when breaking it. Yet another thing he knew about her and held dear. He was sleep deprived, felt surprisingly emotional. He fought the urge to take her hands in his, caressing them with his thumbs. The longing to touch her was overwhealming. The thought made him feel embarrassed. He was much too old for her and knowning how much she looked up to him, he couldn't help but to feel he would take advantage of her. He cleared his throat.

"I.. spoke to Kolyat. I think I've made him understand my reasoning but he still might need some time. I felt it neccessary to tell you as soon as possible. I know you've been trying to get in contact with him."

Kasumi put the cup down. She knew Thane had called her out here to talk about Kolyat. She was glad he'd been taking the time to try and mend their friendship but was unable to express gratitude at that very moment. She was still feeling confused after her strange dream. Her mind had already wandered back to how it had made her feel, staring at Thanes hands.  
He tried to read her body language. He thought she'd say something, even make a joke about it. Anything but this. She sat there, simply staring. He wasn't sure how to react.  
Her mind was scrambled. She couldn't even be sure she was sitting right there infront of Thane or not, it still felt like a dream. She mindlessly let her hands reach out for his, slowly across the table. Thane didn't move. He dared imagine the feeling of her skin touching his, of her warmth seeping into him and it left him feeling surprisingly excited.  
She dared let the tip of her fingers touch his. It didn't take him more than a single second to react. He took her hands in his, turned them over and kissed her wrists. The feeling of his lips on her skin woke her up like a cold splash of water on her face. It wasn't a dream. He was touching her and her heart skipped a beat.

She knew what the gesture meant. Kissing of wrists meant asking forgivness for drell. She suddenly melted at his humbleness. She leaned into his kiss, allowed herself to take a sudden breath. It woke Thane up. He slowly let go of her hands and smiled. Kasumi let them linger on the table between them, still feeling warm at the sensation of his recent grip around her wrists. After a while she smiled back at him.

"Thank you" she whispered.


	25. Stuck

Later that same day, Thane was locked away in life support, wanting some alone time. He seemed happy, but tired, and Kasumi knew why. The others threw a few teasing comments his way about how his meditating takes more time than his combat training. He just smiled and closed the door. Kasumi felt tired herself but at the same time she felt a weight off of her heart. Things were finally looking up and she thought she could enjoy the company of the few crewmembers still occupying the dining room.

"By the way, Kas, I noticed that painting in your room. I swear, I did not try to snoop! I was missing my favorite nr 17 multitool and I thought I may have forgotten it in your room or something. Of course, it wasn't.."

Tali waved her hands, talking just a little too fast to make herself sound believable. Kasumi gave her a look that spoke louder than words. Tali started laughing and slowly shook her head, hearing how unbelievable it sounded.

"Fine! So I was snooping! I needed to get back on you for stealing my last straw the other day and I figured, you know.. that I could put some pepper in your sofa or something. But that's not important right now"

Tali stood up and started making her way towards Kasumis quarters. She stopped midway and gestured for her to come along. As they came into the room, Tali walked right up to painting. Kasumi hadn't put much thought into it lately - the memories inside Keijis graybox had provided much more vivid than staring at their old painting. Tali carfully searched the frame of the painting.

"To be honest, I figured I could have hidden some kind of speaker behind here and feed you sublime messages while you slept"

Tali gestured with her hands in the air, trying to make herself look like an evil wizard. She then laughed and went back to the painting.

"Yes, I am much more malicious than you first thought! Beware to mess with my straws, petty human!"

Kasumi couldn't help but to laugh. Tali always managed to surprise her with her innocent childish revenge plans. That was exactly why she couldn't stop herself from messing with her.

"Ah, here it is. I found this behind the frame. I don't know if it's something you forgot or you want to keep hidden, but since I now know where it is, you might want to hide it somewhere else. I don't mind teasing you and what ever, but if this happens to be personal.."

Tali respectfully walked up to Kasumi and handed her the small package, the very one she had taken from Thanes safe per Kolyats request. So much had happen, she had forgotten all about it. She had hidden it behind the frame of the painting, what seemed, ages ago. She judged the weight of the package in her hands, not sure what to say or feel about seeing it again.

"So.. is it.. personal? Or may I.. I don't know - open it?"

Talis sudden, and granted obvious, question shook life into Kasumi. She looked up at her and smiled.

"Hell yes, it's personal! Why else would I have hid it? I promise you, I shall have my revenge for your snooping!"

Kasumi quickly tucked the package into her sleeve and started walking up to Tali with big steps, hands up in the air.

"You will never catch me, evil doctor Kas! Your plans for world domination shall be destoryed, I swear it!"

Tali laughed and gave Kasumi a quick hug before turning towards the door.

"But I will find out what's in that package.." she said, gave Kasumi a quick wave and left.

Kasumi stared at the closed door for a while. Tali was beyond curious but she was very kind and would never have pushed Kasumi into showing her what was in that package if she didn't want to. She made her way to the sofa, took out the package and turned it slowly in her hands. She hadn't been in contact with Kolyat for a good long while and she doubted that a lost package would be the best kind of ice breaker.  
The package had belonged to Thane. Curiousity took the better of her as she carefully undid the strings and let the paper unfold. The sight of the content had her loosing her breath for a few seconds. The two white golden objects stared back at her with heavy meaning and her hands started shaking under it's weight. It was Irikahs and Thanes rings. They had lost some of their shine but were still beautiful, simple in contstruct, with words scribbled on the inside.  
Kasumi carefully placed the rings on the sofa next to her. She picked up the larger ring and read the inscription. "Awake". She wasn't sure of its meaning, but knowing Thane, putting one simple word like that must have meant the world. She put the ring down again and picked up the other. The inscription said "As you are". Kasumi pondered the words for a long time. Irikah knew about Thanes line of work, of his past and chosen future. She must have carried these words as a reminder everyday. She let the words slowly set in her mind. Thane had once tried to turn Kasumi from the path of thieves. He had then turned away from the claimed purity of his own, which resulted in Kasumi turning back to her own path. 'As you are', Kasumi thought to herself. You can't change someone, you can only hope to be blessed enough to be part of their lives. Irikah seemed to have known this.  
Kasumi took off her gloves to feel the metal on her skin. Mindlessly she let the ring slowly grace her ring finger. She lifted her hand and admired the sight for a while before laughing at herself. She had never thought about getting married but she had to admit that her hand looked even better with some gold gracing it. She stood up and walked up to the window to let the light find the ring. She laughed at herself again and decided it was time to take it off.  
Only, it wouldn't. It was stuck. Kasumi shook her head and chuckled. Of course it was stuck! Why wouldn't it be? She tried pulling it again but it still wouldn't come off. Panic slowly surfaced. She quickly put the other ring in her sleeve, put her gloves back on and went straight for the bathrooms down the corridor. Luckly, noone was there. She took off her glove and tried flushing water on her hand. It still didn't want to come off! She figured some butter or oil would help, so she put the glove back on and headed to the kitchen.

"Kasumi! Now now, slow down girl and sit down with us! You're always running about, come sit here with us!"

Jacob gestured for her to come and sit. Most of the crew members had gathered for the evening meal and they all looked at her standing there, somewhat misplaced and uncomfortable. She wouldn't be able to get a hold of any oil with the room full of curious people.

"Eh, yea, I'm busy" she tried but Jacob wouldn't give up.

"You know what Shepard said - you're pretty much forced to eat with us!"

Kasumi sighed and made her way to the table, trying to cover her hand. Even though she was wearing gloves, she knew the ring might be visible from the outside. She sat down and listend to the casual conversations. Her mind was elsewhere, she couldn't stop touching her hand under the table. When the focus of the conversation turned everyones attention to Grunts ability to eat way too much, way too fast, Kasumi quicky cloaked and started walking towards her room. She didn't get far before someone grabbed her by the arm.

"You're still using that lavender oil in your baths"

The blood drained from Kasumis face. Thane.

"You're leaving without saying good evening? I didn't even join yet".

He spoke in a quiet voice, pulling Kasumi closer. She felt the smell of his leather armor and suddenly lost strength in her legs.

"Come, lets join the group" he said and took her hand.

He stopped midstep and started squeezing her hand, as if he was trying to make heads or tails of what he was feeling. Kasumi closed her eyes and clenched her lips. Thane turned around and walked into life support, holding Kasumi steadily by the hand. He locked the door behind them. Without saying a word, he sat her down on the bunk bed, kneeing infront of her. She let the cloak deactivate as he took off her glove and looked at the ring. He stood like that for a good long time, staring at Kasumis hand and Irikahs ring. Kasumi didn't dare break the silence. Thane carefully touched the ring, as if he couldn't believe it still exsisted.

"I hadn't known how Kolyat had gotten a hold of the content from the bank. I have not yet dared ask Kolyat. I confronted the bank.. they told me it had been stolen. I didn't believe them, I thought they were merely covering up for their own lack of safeguard.."

Kasumi looked at him for a while. Thane didn't take his eyes off of the ring, as if he was afraid it would disappear if he did.

"He thought.. he thought you were dead.. He wanted that content to somehow get closer to you. I just.. helped him.."

Kasumis excuse held up in her own ears but she wasn't so sure Thane would agree. She did have the best of intentions, or so she convinced herself.

"You kinda had to be there to understand why and how I forgot to hand him that small package but.. I had forgotten about it myself and well.. I just found it and.."

Thane looked up at her. It was enough to make her loose her breath all over again.

".. and.. and now it's stuck!" she said and gestured at it with her free hand. "It stuck and I can't get it off. I'm sorry, I just wanted to try it on, really!"

Thane sat down next to her, still holding her hand.

"Where's my.. the other ring?"

Kasumi took it out of her sleeve and handed it to him. He let go of her hand and let his old ring turn around in his hands before reading the inscription. He smiled and sighed heavily.

"Such time have passed.. I wonder if I have learned anything at all. I was so naive back then, thinking I could just leave who I was behind.."

Kasumi looked at him, suddenly struck by how much she understood that feeling.

"Just as I did for you.." she said without thinking.

Thane looked up suddenly at the remark. He was reminded of his attempt to hold her from who she was, who she was meant to be. He hadn't possessed Irikahs strength in accepting someone elses choice in life.

"Why did you? The entire time I knew you, after I asked you not to, you did not steal once.."

Kasumi had to ponder the question for a while before answering.

"Nobody else in my life had proven to me that they could survive and somehow provide by their choices. Yes, I looked up to you, but it was about just.. trusting someone. Trusting someone to be there, to stay. Giving up stealing.. well, it was easy if.."

She paused for a few seconds and looked down at her hand.

".. if the reward was to be with you.."

She could feel her cheeks burning at her answer. Thane smiled. He knew Kasumi was strong. He had never doubted that but he felt flattered to hear her reasonings. He just wished he hadn't asked that of her to begin with. He looked down on the ring in his hands and carefully put it on his ring finger.

"It's a little too big. I must have lost weight" he said, casually.

He smiled with a sigh.

"Awake" he said, almost to himself. "She woke me up from my battle sleep. I thought I could be the man she deserved but how could I? She supported me always but I couldn't even be there for her.."

"I'm sorry.."

Kasumi felt her words lacking.

"Kolyat saw the entire thing, did you know?"

Kasumi nodded.

"Just like you saw your mother.." Thane said, again almost like to himself.

He looked like the world suddenly came crashing down on him, slowly turning the ring on his finger.

"I thought they were lost forever. I'm happy they found their way back to me. I wanted to gift them to Kolyat once I passed away but getting to know him now, I don't think they in any way can could help him mend.."

He slowly looked over at Kasumis hands and the ring she was still wearing. He took her hand in his.

"I never really took notice to your hands before" he said while caressing them with his thumbs. "They're beautiful. And leathal, knowing you now".

He lifted her hand wearing the ring, bended down all her finger save her ring finger. He slowly led it towards his lips. Kasumis heart started beating faster. She had to fight hard not to jolt to the other side of the room, adrenalin pumping through her entire body. Thane put her finger into his mouth to moist her finger and pulled off the ring with ease. He smiled up at a shocked Kasumi who pulled her hand back a little too quick to hide her embarrassment. Thane didn't seem to take much notice, he simply looked at the inscription in the ring.

"As you are" he said and smiled. "I will try and live by those words better".

He uncomfortably tried to find somewhere to place the ring on his person. After fumbling with his suit for a while, Kasumi snapped back into reality. She looked at him for a while before taking off a silver chain she was wearing under her jumpsuit around her ankle.

"Here" she said, took the ring and let it fall into place on the chain.

She gestured as if asking if she was allowed to put it around Thanes wrist. He inclined his head and let her help him. When done, he looked down at the ring around his wrist. He sat like that for a while before tucking it into his sleeve.

"I'm sorry, Kasumi, but you might be experiencing a sort of high for a while"

"What now?"

"When humans get in contact with drell, you tend to pick up from something in our skin of saliva that makes you.. 'high', Mordin have explained to me"

That was all Kasumi could perceive before drifting into a world of pink clouds and spinning rooms. That night, she dreamed of weddings, unicorns and Londons lost tressures.


	26. Finding out

Kasumi placed her hand over her eyes. The room seemed too bright. She tried to swallow but her mouth was too dry. She couldn't hear anything at first but as her ears slowly caught on, she heard a cup being placed on a table near her. She dared open her eyes. She had to blink a few times before being able to take in the room. The bed felt different. The window was smaller. The paintings were gone and replaced with weapons. She couldn't make sense of where she was. The silhouette sitting at the table turned around.

"You finally awake. Drink this, it helps" he said and handed her a cup of tea.

Kasumi sat up, slowly realising that she was still in life support, still in Thanes bed.

"You've been out for a couple of hours. The crew have already left the dining hall"

She still felt confused but surprisingly rested. In fact, she was mostly just feeling lightheaded and happy.

"I'm sorry about earlier. I did not think the effect would cause you to fall asleep. I took some time to read up on drells effect on humans and it turns out to be a fairly common side effect if already very tired. I trust you slept well"

"Ehum.." she tried, her throat still dry.

Thane gestured to the cup and Kasumi took a few careful sips. She cleared her throat and gathered herself for a while.

"Yea. Yes, actually. I feel.. surprisingly well"

"Good. None of the other crew members knows you're here and knowing your joy in shadow games, I doubt anyone finds it strange you're missing for now. If you still feel tired, you're more than welcome to sleep here but I have a meeting to attend and will have to take my leave"

Thane closed a book and placed it on the table, stood up and bowed as he made his way out of the room. Kasumi sat there for a while, looking around the room. She'd been there before but she never really had much time exploring it. Still feeling a bit light headed, she let curiosity take her on a trip around Thanes quarters. She looked at his weapon display, imagining how well maintained they must be. She walked over to the table, placed the cup on it and looked at the book Thane had left behind. The title didn't strike her as exciting but she made a mental note of it none the less. She looked around. The room was fairly empty, not a lot of personal items on display. She walked back to the bed and sat down. It was too hard for her taste. She leaned forward, taking a hold of the edge of the bed. Her fingers hit an object, almost a little to large to fit under the bed. She got down infront of the bed pulled out the large metal container. She looked over her shoulder and smiled. Of course she was going to take the oppertunity to check this out! It must contain all kinds of treasures, she thought to herself. It must, as Thane didn't keep anything of interest around the room.  
She carefully opened it and felt dissapointed. She only found a few items of clothing, some books about history and the hanars as well as a datapad. Mindlessly she picked up the pad and let the screen wake up. She was instantly greeted with a message from Shepard.

"Come to my quarters at 0900 tonight. I have something I'd like to show you"

That must have been the 'meeting' he just rushed away to! Kasumi felt her cheeks burn. She was reading someones personal messages. This was more than a step to far, even for her. She put the pad back down, closed the lid and hurried it back under Thanes bed. She sat down by the table and let her fingers play along the side of the porslin cup. She took another sip. She damned her curious nature. She wanted to know what kind of relationship the two of them had and how it was evolving but Thane could always hear her activate the cloak or smell her when she was near, so how could she find out without straight out asking?

"I am currently acquiring the requested blueprints"

AI Thane walked up the weapon display and stood there for a while, hands behind his back.

"This is a nice collection" he said.

Kasumi looked at him for a while, almost not wanting taking notice to his first comment. She was tempted to see where this would lead.

"You know the 'real' you? They belong to him.. or, well.. 'you' "

AI Thane looked them for a while, taking in the view.

"I shall code this information into my databank"

He casually walked up to the table.

"I see you have yet to drink your tea. Is this tea the choice of the 'real me'? And how about this book. Is it my favorite?"

She looked at him with a uncertainty. She knew she had coded her own sense of curiousity into her beloved AI but this was almost too much even for her.

"I.. I'm not so sure. I found some other books in that coffert under your bed.."

He walked up to it and looked back at Kasumi.

"Would you mind? It would seem I am unable to pull it out from under the bed on my own"

Kasumi sat at the table for a while, still feeling anxious at the thought of Thane and Sarah together. Needles of desperation started to prick her skin. She turned around, pulled out the box and opened it again. AI Thane looked down into it and took notes of the books. He leaned down and touched the datapad. Kasumi observed him do so but took little to no notice to the potential resoning. After a while he stood back up again.

"I have downloaded all conversations from this datapad. This will help build and modify my persona"

"Wh- wait, what? You did what? Don't do that, that's his personal messages!" Kasumi protested.

"But it's messages from and to 'me'. You've coded me to be as simular to the 'real Thane' as possible. Why is knowing his way of writing messages to the people he care for any different than knowing his favorite books and tea? These are messages saved specifically from 'my' own holo to this datapad. They either hold deep meaning to 'me' or are very important. I see no harm in storing what has already been stored previously"

Kasumi sat in silence. She wasn't sure what to say. Maybe he was right in a way but was she really sure she wanted to take it that far? This AI being so simular to Thane had hurt them both before.

"If it makes you feel any better, you don't have to read them yourself. I'll keep them only as a mean to mend my lacking personality code"

She shot him a quick glance and decided to let it pass. She wouldn't read the messages, she convince herself. She closed the box and pushed it back under the bed.

"Blueprints downloaded. Opening.."

A blue whirl of a lightly transparent hologram soon appeared on the table infront of her, displaying every room, hallway and ventilation systems on the Normandy. Kasumi took the view in. She'd been wandering all these paths many times but seeing them this way made her feel like she would before a well planned heist. It tickled her unwillingly. The idea of spying on Thane left her feeling unfocused, scattered minded.  
AI Thane stood looking over her shoulder for a while.

"What seems to be the problem? Where do you want to go?"

Kasumi didn't answer at first. Where did she want to go? Was she really this desperate to find out? While her mind couldn't make heads of tails of how she felt, her hands seemed as stable and reliable as always. She pointed straight at Shepards quarters. AI Thane nodded.

"Unseen and.. eh.. 'unsmelled' "

AI Thane looked at her for a while, analyzing her resons.

"What do you smell?"

"Lavander"

Kasumi smiled at the question. It wasn't a strong scent. It was a very mild oil she used in her baths but none the less, Thane could smell it. As far as she was aware, only he knew about that. AI Thane nodded again and looked back at the holo.

"This ventilation going above commander Shepards quarters - does air exit or enter?" he eventually asked.

Kasumi froze in her seat. He was right. That was the answer! The air had to exit Shepards quarters somewhere! She had a fish tank and required a somewhat larger as well as a seperate ventilation from the rest of the ship.

"Find out!" she told AI Thane.

She hurried out from the room. She found a good place to enter the ventilation leading to Shepard and made sure noone was around. It was already late and most crew members were already sleeping or atleast resigned to their personal quarters.

"The air leaves the room from this ventilation"

Kasumi did not need more confirmation. She made her way into the ventilation and closed the grib behind her. She activated the cloak and made her way to above Shepards quarters with ease. She carefully placed herself above a ventilation grid and tried to get a look inside. The air rushing passed her made it difficult to hear everything clearly but she could see just fine. Sarah and Thane stood infront of each other, seemingly discussing some kind of strategy, looking over a few blueprints and the Normandys planned route for the week. It struck Kasumi as odd since Shepard either decided these things on her own or discussed it with the entire crew. Why would she take this discussion with Thane in private? All kinds of weird thoughts came into Kasumis mind.  
Sarah pointed at a few holes in the planned schedule, seemingly inbetween destinations, times usually spent in combat training or upgrading equipment. Thane nodded in agreement after which Shepard stood up. She gestured to something further in the room, turned around and started searching for something under piles of datapads and clothes. Thane smiled, turned around and made his way down the small stairs. Kasumi couldn't see him anymore. She decided to follow. She carefully made her way to a grid with better view.  
Thane sat down on the sofa and made himself comfortable. He seemed at home, very relaxed, smiling. He took a quick look around, almost as if only confirming that things hadn't changed more than exploring for the first time. Kasumi knew this wasn't the first time he was here. His entire being screamed it.  
Sarah came down the stairs and stood infront of Thane. She took out two tickets from behind her back and looked overly happy. Thane smiled with his teeth at her and stood up, accepting the tickets. Kasumi could hardly believe it. She had never seen him smile like that.  
Sarah gestured wildly with her hands, seemingly explaining how she accuired them. They stood like that for a while after which Thane lifted his hand and cupped Sarahs face. He then embraced her. Sarah seemed to melt into his embrace. Kasumis heart stopped for a second and she found it harder to breath. She closed her eyes and focused on calming down before looking back again.  
They sat down on the sofa, tickets on the table. They sat like that, talking for a while and not before long, they reached out for each others hands.  
Kasumis knees felt weak. She knew something had been going on but she kept pushing the thought away. The urge to jump into Keiji's graybox at that moment were so strong that it was just about to push her over the edge, wanting to scream in agony.  
Suddenly Sarah stood up, pointing at Thanes hands. He lifted his left hand, clearly showing his old wedding ring. Sarah crossed her arms over her chest, looking confused. Thane started explaining. Sarah took hold of his sleeve, revealing the other ring around his wrist. She was very obviously upset, not seemingly willing to listen to reason. She turned around. Thane made an attempt to sooth her but she just waved towards the door.  
Before exiting the room, he turned around again.

"I would lie if I said that they hold no meaning to me, Sarah. But it's in the past. You know that. My past is something you're going to have to accept as well as my future"

The words seemed to hold no meaning to Sarah, or maybe she didn't want them to. Thane left the room. Sarah walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower. Kasumi sat there for a while, almost feeling like ice, letting the air passing through the ventilation fill her senses. Maybe it wasn't as serious as she thought. Sarah knew about Irikah but seemed to not understand how Thanes past was moulding him still today.  
Before leaving, she wanted to find out more about those tickets. She carefully undid the grid and made her way down to the table and shot the tickets a quick look. They were to a book fair, one with history books, on the Citadel day after tomorrow.  
She thought no more of it, just made her way back up the ventilation and closed the grib before Shepard came back out from the bathroom.

On the way back to her own quarters, she noticed that Thanes door was locked. She hurried back into her own room. She wasn't sure what to feel at that point. The urge to flee grew stronger. She still didn't want to face her feelings, still afraid to face her past or any kind of future. She had yet to gather enough strength to destroy Keiji's graybox and now here she was, yet again faced by another emotional dilemma.  
To take her mind off of things, she started looking into the book fair. It had history books, most of them not for sale but only display. Some of them hardly read, some of them behind thick glas so that people could only get a chance to enjoy their mere existence.

As she sat there, reading up on what more this fair had to offer, her door hissed open and Sarah came in, hair still wet from the shower. She sat down on the sofa.

"Please tell me you got whiskey.." she whispered, leaning her head back.

If she only knew that Kasumi was more than aware of why she was in this current state of mind..

"I'm having a bad day" she said and gave Kasumi a dry smile.

Kasumi got up and poured two glasses of whiskey. She handed one to Sarah who drank the entire content in one go. Kasumi smiled at her and handed her the other glas as she refilled the first one for herself. She sat down next to Sarah, pulled her legs up and pretended like nothing.

"Why's that now?"

"Oh, pff.. it's nothing.. just me being me"

She sat silent for a while, letting the whiskey slowly swirl around the icecubes.

"So hey, did I see that correctly or were you just looking into that book fair on the Citadel?"

"Ehum, yea, actually. Damn, nothing passes your eye.." Kasumi said with a little smirk.

"Super sight, warning you!" Sarah joked and looked back down into her glas. "Thing is.. I bought these tickets to that fair but I.. eh, I won't have time to go. Maybe you could take them off of my hand, hm? You'd be doing me a favor, actually.."

Kasumi wasn't sure what to answer at first. She honestly didn't have much interest in history books but at the same time, it could prove interesting if they were housing some more rare books that 'you're not allowed to touch'. She could feel that sting of curiousity point her in the back.

"Sure, actually.. yea! I heard there's some nice treasures on display and it might be nice to get my mind off of things myself"

"Good! I'm glad - here! Take em"

Sarah stood up, glas still in hand. She handed Kasumi the tickets and went for the whiskey bottle.

"I am taking this with me. Good night, miss GoTo"

Before leaving, she turned around again, pointing towards Thanes room.

"You should take Thane with you. I heard he'd love to go.."


	27. Invite

She looked herself in the mirror one last time, trying to correct the outfit best she could. Kelly had offered something more fitting for a finer event and Kasumi had hesitantly ageed. She was never one to sport dresses well in her own opinion but even she knew they wouldn't even let her in wearing her regular outfits. And she did intend to walk through the front door this time. She had ended up picking a cute turquoise summer dress with a faint floral pattern. It ended just below her knees. It made her look silly, she thought to herself, but with her other options being something that looked like you could hide half the party under it and a way too revealing fake leather dress, this one was definitely the only way to go.  
She sighed and gave it one last go, patting down the dress along her hips.

"It'll have to do!" she said and threw her arms to the sides.

"And the hair?"

Tali sat with her feet up in the sofa and purred like a content cat, watching Kasumis display of wardrobe agony.

"It's fine as it is" Kasumi barked out while flipping her hair a couple of times.

Tali laughed. "It most certainly is not! How often do you dress up? Just for once, lets do it somewhat proper, shall we?"

She walked up to Kasumi and started pulling her hair this and that way. Kasumi sighed and tried to act like it didn't hurt. Tali tied Kasumis hair back into a loose bun and stuck some hair pins into it to keep it in place.

"There. It's perfect!"

A few strands of Kasumis dark hair fell into place, framing her perfect jaw. She watched herself for a while in the mirror and felt a bit surprised. She actually looked kinda cute.

"Hey, lucky you guys aren't going on a date or something cos I mean.. looking like that, you'd totally risk coming home with the same clothes tomorrow, if you know what I mean!"

Tali bumped her elbow into Kasumis side and pinched her arm. As she turned around, Kasumi tried her best to calm down her burning cheeks as they turned bright red, wishing she'd been wearing her hoody after all. Tali went back to the sofa and looked down on a glas on the table.

"So the content of my glass somehow magically dissapeared.." she said and picked up the glass. "But I also think that might be my cue to go. Kelly and Miranda are waiting anyway and we are going to go somewhere were Kellys slutty dress will actually be rather appropriate.."

Tali smiled, turned around and gave Kasumi a quick hug.

"Be home before midnight!" she said and walked out of the room.

Kasumi let out a sigh of relief as the door closed behind Tali. She looked back up in the mirror. Her face turned red again as her stomach started to tickle. It had been weird enough to ask Thane to "tag along", as she so gracefully ended up phrasing the invite. Now she stood there all dolled up for something Sarah was meant to do with Thane to begin with. Thane hadn't made much of an expression to read at the time. He stood silent for a while, looking past Kasumi. A few seconds later, he shook his head quickly as if to snap out of a daydream and gave her a heartfelt smile, accepting the invite. They had agreed to meet outside the entrance of the museum where the exhibition was held. She threw on a thin jacket and left.

\---

Thane left Sarahs quarters with a heavy heart. Why would she not listen to him? He did have a good explanation as to why he was wearing his old wedding ring. In fact, he had put little to no meaning into wearing it other than out of old habbit, if anything, he convinced himself. Thane and Sarah had talked a lot about his past yet she still seemed so unwilling to understand. Or simply unable to. Thane was not one to give into heated emotions easily but this fact had him walking the edge. On his way down the elevator, he took a deep breath and slammed his fist into the elevator wall as he exhaled hard. He knew very well Sarah also had a difficult past and despite her being very level headed, she had a very hard time letting people close to her. Those she did, were often more or less forced to proove themselves loyal without a doubt at one point or another. He felt like he kept failing over and over. She inspired him. And she destroyed him.

He gathered himself and looked at the dent he had left in the wall. It was barely visible. He traced the dent carefully with his fingertips, emotions slowly settling. As the doors opened, Thane snapped out of his daydream and quickly made his way back towards life support. Noone was around. Not that it had mattered, he wasn't feeling social. He needed to calm down. Meditate. He stopped infront of the door and looked towards Kasumis room. The door was closed. He wasn't sure if he was hoping that she'd still be in his room or that she'd be back in her own. He opened the door to life support and slowly walked inside, carefully looking around.  
No Kasumi in sight. To his surprise, he felt sort of disappointed. Her cup was still on the table. Mindlessly he picked it up. It was still warm, she had barely touched it. Placing it back on the table, he looked over at the bed. Had Kasumi not tried on that ring that very evening, maybe he and Sarah wouldn't have found themselves in this moment of miscommunication. But at the same time, he would probably have reacted the same way no matter in what way the rings would have found him. He let his fingers find it on his finger, slowly turning it as he sat down on the bed and pulled out the other ring from under his sleeve. The chain gracing his wrist matched the ring in color, both picking up on the light in the room, reflecting it beautifully. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

"Lavender.."

He looked at the pillow where Kasumi had slept earlier. He could still feel her smell on his bed. It tickled him unwillingly and he wasn't sure why. Unable to control himself, he carefully caressed the pillow, picked it up and mindlessly hid his face in it. He took another deep breath and hugged it closer. The emotions of frustration from earlier slowly melted into a calm he was rarely able to find anymore, the same kind of calm he usually only achieved through his meditation. He smiled to himself and placed the pillow back on the bed. He felt no need to meditate anymore.  
He could hear footsteps outside his door. They were light. He knew it was Sarah. They did not stop outside his door but kept walking down the hall towards Kasumis room. Sarah visited her often, most of the times for a drink and a relaxing moment of gossip. How Thane hated the idea of her talking about him, especially with Kasumi.

He decided to try and take his mind off of things and pulled out the box from under his bed. He was instantly greeted with the sensation of something being out of place. The box wasn't exactly in the place he had left it, the lid wasn't closed all the way.  
He got down on his knees and started examining the content. It was all there, only slightly out of place, just enough for his perfect memory to notice. It must have been Kasumi, who else, he thought to himself. It surprised him how little it bothered him. He didn't keep much in the sense of valuables in there but it still sent a chill down his spine as he picked up the datapad where he stored a lot of his precious personal messages.  
He booted it up and was greeted with the last sent message from Sarah. He never really meant to save that one, it just so happened to transfer with the latest messages from Kolyat. He read the message again.

In a sudden sense of disoriented panic, he stood up and tried to view it from Kasumis point of view. Why would he care what she thought anyway? But this could most definitely be seen a sign of them having an intimate relationship. They only met up every now and then, it was nothing. Was it? That's not how Kasumi would translate this message, though. But so what?  
He started pacing up and down the room and tried to gather himself. Why did he suddenly feel so flustered? He started looking through the other messages. Almost all of them were from Kolyat, just a handful from Sarah or any other member of the ship. And not a single one from Kasumi.

He stopped at the realisation. He had promised himself to be there for her, to mend what he once broke. And for such a small thing, to keep a personal message.. Not a single one. His memory left him perfectly fine without keeping anything of such, but to humans it meant a lot. Pictures, messages, small trinkets. It was almost as a way to decorate your everyday life. And his life showed nothing from her.  
He wondered if she kept him close in any sense. The memory of seeing her with Keiji suddenly surfaced. He sat down on the bed, hand on his forehead. He recided it in his mind.

"I looked for her. I looked for such a long time. I find her, a woman. Keiji leans in and kisses her forhead. She whispers in his ear.."

He snaps out of his memory and looks down at the datapad, greeted by small drops ontop of it. The sudden greeting had him touch his cheeks in surprise. He was crying. He wiped the tears away with the back of his hand. Why was he crying?

Sarah walked passed his door again. She did not stop this time either. He sighed and put the pad back into the box. He felt frustrated and restless.

He decided to go splash some water on his face and made his way to the bathroom. The ship was quiet and he took his time enjoying the water running over his hands, cooling his face. On the way back he stopped at the kitchen to make himself some tea. As the water started boiling, Garrus came in. They greeted each other with a quick nod.  
Garrus started looking uncomfortable, not quite sure how to stand. He was usually quite sure of himself but this time, he looked very out of place. Thane could feel the smell of whiskey on him the moment he stepped into the room.

"Something bothering you, Garrus?" Thane asked, willing to end the discomfort of Garruses attempt to find the proper way to lean.

Garrus still stood there for a while, almost like he was trying to find the right words.

"So Sarah comes by and shares this burning liquid she likes but.. she's always out that stuff and I figured she must have taken it from Kasumi.. But I'm not complaining! I gave her some of my own alcohol and to be honest, I had already sort of had a few myself. For the sake of calibrating my.. ehm, eyesight. But see, Sarah, she was kinda.."

Thane did not enjoy trying to keep up with the rambling of drunk people. It always left him somewhat frustrated. He let him talk, gesturing for him to continue.

"Yea so. She tells me some things I don't understand.. and I guess I shouldn't understand them.. but I kinda felt that maybe I should try to talk to you and solve things - does that make sense?"

Thane tried to keep calm. He smiled and shook his head. What had Sarah told him exactly? He knew she trusted Garrus a lot. They had a long history, after all.

"The thing is that.. I get you like her. Hell, I like her! A lot. And I thought she liked me too but these days, she only talks about you, it would seem.." 

Thane tried to keep a straight face. He never imagined Garrus would have housed any kind or romantic feelings for Sarah, but somehow it made a lot of sense. Garrus tried to find a more comfortable way to stand, finding his balance anew. 

"Not that I'm trying to say 'you're not allowed' or something. I just care for her and it hurts when she's angry or upset. You get it? Yea, you get it. So yes, I think that's solved. And now, if you'll excuse me, I think I need to recalibrate. In the bathroom. Over there" he said and pointed. "G'night"

He slowly walked away. Thane stared at his back as he did and couldn't help but to smile. The way he would sum up this evening, would probably end up sounding like something a very drunk person would blurt out when really angry.  
He turned back to his tea, determined to find some calm in the leaves.

As he stood there, he suddently got aware of someone elses presence. At first it had all of his senses on high alert, even though he knew there was no need for it. It was just a force of habbit. He stirred his tea slowly, letting his senses pick up on anything and everything. When the faint smell of lavender flushed over him, he could feel his muscles relax. He gave out a small sigh, blinking slowly.

"Would you like some tea?" he asked and took out another cup, not quite expecting an answer. "You did not finish your last cup, after all"

Kasumi uncloaked and carefully walked up to Thane, squeezing her own hands.

"Thanks, I'd love some" she said.

Thane stood quietly as he prepared the tea for Kasumi.

"Sarah she, eh.. she took my whiskey, so! I think.. tea will be a perfect substitute"

Thane smiled at Kasumis attempt to break the silence with humor and couldn't help but to comment.

"I am painfully aware. It would seem she shared it with Garrus. For his ever pleasant company, I would not consider him the best of such when drunk"

Kasumi looked at Thane with big eyes and bursted out laughing.

"You poor thing! And no way, drunk Garrus is the best. He's so wise and full of.. calibration plans" she said as Thane handed her the cup.

Thane smiled and took a sip of his tea. The warmth ran through his entire beeing and filled him with calm. Kasumi carefully took a sip as well.

"So we're gonna dock at the Citadel soon. I heared there's this book fair going on there.."

Thane suddenly felt cold. Had Sarah talked with Kasumi about him? Why else would she mention the book fair?  
Kasumi must have felt the air growing thicker, Thane realised, as she paused and started focusing on her tea instead. He snapped out of it and tried to push the thought away.

"Yes, I've heared. It does look interesting" he finally said.

Kasumi looked back up on him and picked up the tickets, placing them on the counter between them.

"Well, this is the payment Sarah left for that very expensive bottle of whiskey. If you'd like, you could tag along!"

Kasumi smiled at Thane. He slowly lifted his gaze from the cup and aimed it towards the bathrooms. He was reminded of Garrus drunken speech.  
".. Hell, I like her! A lot.."  
Maybe it was his place only to admire Shepard from afar. She could not accept or understand his past. Garrus and Sarahs past were joined. They had an understanding for each other that seemed unreachable for Thane and her.  
He quickly snapped out of this train of thoughts and looked at Kasumi. At that moment he could have lost himself in her eyes, staring at him. He traced her face along har jawline and stopped at her lips. He wished to ask about that tattoo of hers but it felt inappropriate.  
He couldn't help but to smile. He almost felt like Kasumis curious nature had him curious as well.

"I would gladly go with you"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a long break. I've felt uninspired to write, but reading through this fanfic now, I've felt more and more inspired again. I hope you like this chapter!


	28. Drinks

Kasumi found herself pacing back and forth. She could see the entrance to the museum from where she was standing but she couldn't see Thane anywhere. She'd already waited for far too long. She kept repeating that it wasn't a date or any such thing but the idea of Thane beeing a no show still sent a mixture of anger and embarrassment down her spine.  
The exhibition had opened a while ago and more and more people arrived at the scene. She was starting to feel uncomfortable as people gave her questioning looks as they passed. 

"Get a grip already.." she whispered to herself.

A strand of hair fell to her face. She sighed and made her way to the entrance.

"Have you seen a drell anywhere around? About this tall, black leather outfit.."

The guard at the entrance gave her a strange look, as if deciding if she was serious or not. Drell was still an uncommon sight around here. Maybe he just had a hard time trying to figure out why a human was looking for a drell to begin with. In any case, Kasumi decided to write him off as ignorant or just a bit dumb.

"No, mam, I'm sorry I have not"

"Well.. is there someone I can hand his ticket to so that he can come pick it up later?"

"Sure, just talk to the guys up the stairs. And give them his name"

Kasumi nodded in thanks and made her way up the stairs. The ticket ripper greeted all the guests and took their tickets as they entered. Kasumi had second thoughts about going in without Thane. They did say they'd met outside but she couldn't stand the thought of waiting outside alone any longer. And besides, she knew they were serving some sort of mimosas or another indoors. She could most definitely go for one of those right about now.  
She sent Thane a short message, handed the instructions to the ticket ripper and went inside.

\---

Thane and Kolyat sat across from each other talking. They both found conversation to be easy and seemed to have an endless supply of topics to choose from. It pleased Thane to see the man Kolyat was growing up to be. He was finally on a path he seemed to take a lot of pride in, always willing to share new stories. Thane in turn felt he could open up more and more both about his past and future as well as to face his true emotions. Far from all of them but he found it eased his mind to simply share the confusion. Kolyat seemed much more in tune with the confusion of emotions than Thane. He had spend so much time pushing it away, in his battle sleep or by meditating, that he'd often had a hard time to even name his feelings. Kolyat, on the other hand, was much more emotionally intelligent and more than willing to name them for him. It wasn't before long that the topic of conversation lead to Sarah and their current disagreement. Kolyat was happy to see the old wedding rings and even laughed at Thanes notion of that being some sort of wish for Kolyat to mend. He looked them over carefully and closed his eyes.

"Summer sun reflecting on white gold.. A warm smile.. She suggests a walk.. lifts me.. Sensation of absolute protection.. surrounds me.."

Thane curiously looks at Kolyat reciting a memory about his mother. He fights his own sadness and smiles. Kolyat smiles at Thane with his teeth then looks back down at the rings.

"So she wasn't too happy to see them then, huh?"

"Not exactly. She seems.. unable to understand"

"Why did you decide to put it on then? Where did you even find them? I thought they were lost.."

Thane smiled again.

"It's quite the story. And as most entertaining stories as of late, Kasumi had something to do with it."

"Kasumi?"

Thane gave out a short laugh and stood up. He walked up to the window, not sure if he should fight the memory surfacing or not. After a while he couldn't stop it.

"Graces her finger perfectly.. Stuck, she says.. regret in dark, deep eyes.. Her hand in mine.. her heart beats loud.. fast.. mine just as fast.. The ring comes off.. damp finger by my making.. she pulls away.. eyes wide.. face a curious red.."

Thane could hear Kolyat inhale quietly and stop breathing, as if he wanted to say something but stopped. He exhales silently. Thane stood perfectly still, afraid to face Kolyat. He didn't want to admit that to be yet another point of emotional confusion for him. Neither did he want to put Kolyat in a strange position. But who else could he talk to? He felt the need for direction, for someone to tell him it's okay to feel confused. He couldn't bare the silence.

"She gave me the chain. So I could keep your mothers ring close. Everything she does, it's like she.."

".. she understands.."

Thane turned around and looked at Kolyat, starting down at the rings, slowly turning them between his fingers. Thane hadn't thought about how willing Kasumi always had been to understand him. She seemed to just accept everything and embraced his past with open arms.

"And Sarah doesn't" Kolyat continued.

Thane stood there for a while, hands behind his back. He stared down at the floor, weighing his words carefully.

"There's more" he finally said as he made his way back to the chair. "I've become aware of other peoples interest in Sarah. I.. do not know where her eyes honestly wander.."

Kolyat sat silent for a while. He tried to gather himself, aware Thane was trying to reach out for help.

"And where do your own eyes wander?"

His question sounded poisoned. Thane knew Kolyat wanted to know. He admitted to himself he wanted to know the very same thing. He admired Sarah like he had no other. Her strength and guidance had helped him wake up from his battle sleep. But here he was, misunderstood, increasingly frustrated. He took a moment to gather his thoughts without success.

"How am I to give of myself when not all of me is accepted? How am I to compete with someone she already accepts completely? How am I to tell the difference between romantic feelings and the overwhelming gratitude of simply always feeling welcome and accepted?"

Thane blurted out his questions without thinking them through. He realised he was talking about two different women but the questions melted together into one line of thought.  
Kolyat sat in silence for a while, letting Thanes questions sink in, trying to fully understand what he was actually asking.

"You'll have to ask her"

\---

Just passed the entrence doors, Kasumi was greeted by a gorgeous room, decorated to perfection for the occasion. People walked around, browsing big showcases containing different kinds of books and documents and everywhere stood personal ready to share the history of how the pieces were recovered and what kind of information they contained. Some of them were up for auction. A massive stairs graced the center of the room, leading up to the older and more frail documents and books. A waiter passed Kasumi and offered her a drink. She gladly accepted and started walking around looking at all the books. She was painfully aware that she was walking around alone were everyone else seemed to have someone to atleast talk to. Kasumi started to feel this was a really dumb idea. What was she even doing there? She'd have way more fun treating this whole event as an opportunity to plan a "just for fun"-heist. She smiled to herself and started looking around for weak points. To her joy, she found several and she could feel her fingers starting to itch.

After a couple of drinks, there was still no sign of Thane and it had her at edge. Where was he? She never knew him to be late. She left the glass with one of the passing waiters and decided to head to the upper floor as the evenings first auction was about to start. More guards walked around upstairs and Kasumi took a quick note of the amount of cameras and heavy security systems. She smiled, knowing it was nothing she couldn't handle, had she a mind to. Again, she sighed and decided to take on the role of a simple spectator. The thought of Thane clouded her mind and she couldn't quite focus on the books on display. She headed on over to where the auction was held. The book did not interest her. Or maybe it did, she wasn't sure. She couldn't even focus long enough to hear the title.  
Heading back towards the stairs, she came across a balcony. The doors stood open and a guard was stationed just inside.

"Guarding the balcony, huh?" she said.

"Yes, mam. We're to keep the doors open in case people wants to go outside for a while but someone gotta keep an eye on the doors, you know. Seems like stuff like that always falls on me". He laughed at his own comment.

He was friendly and seemed just about as bored as Kasumi felt. A waiter offered her another glass. He shot the guard a quick glance, cleared his throat and walked away.

"Sorry, mam. I'm not suppose to talk to the visitors but I can't just up and ignore, now can I. Have a pleasent evening, mam"

Kasumi gave him a dry smile and headed out on the balcony. So much for a much welcome distraction. She was feeling increasingly annoyed at the whole situation. She could think of a thousand other things she'd rather be doing than to sit around and wait for Thane to show up.  
She decided to send him another message asking where he was.  
She leaned against the railing, sipping the content of the glass.  
"No matter" she thought to herself. "Atleast I get to enjoy these 'whatever they are'"

\---

Thane hurried up the big stairs. He took a quick look around, trying to find Kasumi. He could hear the second auction of the evening taking place nearby. He was painfully aware of how late he was. Walking through the halls, he stopped one of the guards.

"Excuse me, have you seen a young woman; Dark hair, a purple tattoo on her lower lip?"

"Ah, yes! She went out on the balcony earlier. I think she's still there" he answered. "I'm sorry, but I am on my way to the auction hall, so if you'll excuse me, sir.."

Thane bowed his head in thanks and made his way to the balcony. He took a few moments to catch his breath before going out. He brushed imaginary dust from his arms and hips, took a deep breath and put his hands behind his back.  
Outside he found a young woman, leaning on the railing, overlooking the garden behind the museum. Thane recognized her but just barely. She was dressed in a cute summer dress, her dark hair in a loose bun, strands of hair escaping it. He was taken aback at the sight of the frame of her back. He'd seen it many times before but this was the first time he'd seen the bare skin on her back and neck. He lost his breath for a moment, fightning the strong need to feel her sunkissed skin under his fingertips.  
Kasumi turned around and was met by Thanes surprised expression. He stood with slightly parted lips, staring at her with big, dark eyes. She couldn't decide if she was happy or angry to see him but seeing his reaction definitely helped sooth her anger a bit.  
Neither of them said a word. Thane slowly walked up to her and carefully took her by the hands. He lifted them to his lips and kissed the inside of her wrists.  
Kasumi closed her eyes, feeling his warm lips on her skin. She hadn't realised how cold she'd been, standing outside for such a long time. She let his warmth flush over her, slowly melting away all feelings of anger and frustration. After a while, she opened her eyes and was met by his gaze.

"I apologize"

Her hands still in his, the silence grew thick. The butterflies in Kasumis stomach could just about suffocate her. She tried to remind herself her earlier annoyance. Her eyes narrowed.

"You better have a damn good explanation". She pulled her hands back and started making her way indoors. "And you owe me a drink!"

Thane paused for a while, putting his hands behind his back, straightening his posture.

"It's an open bar, so I don't think that's going to be a problem"

Kasumi stopped in her tracks and turned around, a bit surprised by Thanes attempt at a joke. Thane smiled at her with his teeth. The same way she'd seen him smile at Sarah a few days earlier. Her heart skipped a beat. He'd never smiled like that at her before. It suddenly tickled her to the point of laughter. She shook her head at him and gestured for him to come along as she went inside.

\---

Later that same evening, all the auctions had come and gone. Most of the visitors had already left. Kasumi and Thane sat at the bar, talking mostly about all the different books they'd seen. They made quiet jokes about how the auctions were pointless and if need be, they both knew a cheaper way of obtaining the books. As a strand of hair fell to Kasumis face, Thane leaned in to tuck it behind her ear. Silence found its way into their company. Kasumi played with the rim of her glass with her fingertips, letting them make a slight whistling sound. The drinks had made them both bolder in conversation and approach. She cleared her throat.

"So amuse me. Why were you so late?"

Thane knew the question would surface sooner or later and he felt he owed her an explanation. He sighed.

"As you might know, I met up with Kolyat earlier today. He.. helped me sort out a few things I had difficulty understanding"

Kasumi wasn't sure where this was heading. In a sense, she could understand if he'd been late because of something that happened with Kolyat but he could have atleast sent her a message telling her he'd be late. Right?

"So that's why you were late?" she said in disbelief.

Thane looked down at the drink between his hands. Had his mind been clearer, and the evenings earlier events not still fresh in his mind, he'd been more carefull choosing his next words.

"No, I left his apartment in good time" He emptied the rest of his glass before continuing. "But as it turned out, I was given a chance to sort a couple of things out before leaving. It.. took longer than I expected it would.."

Kasumi didn't quite understand all Thane was trying to say but she knew very well who he was speaking of.

"So you talked to Sarah, huh?"

Thane felt a chill run up his spine at her question and looked at her with big eyes.

"Oh come one, Thane! Like I haven't noticed. No, Sarah isn't telling me anything about the two of you but I've noticed the way you've been spending more and more time together. And as if I couldn't figure out the reason why she'd out of the blue give me those tickets and even litterly ask me to invite you.."

Kasumi couldn't help but to feel a bit bitter at the thought.

"Besides, she doesn't share whiskey with Garrus unless it is to gossip about something noone else is suppose to hear"

She sweeped the last of her drink and gestured to the bartender for more. Thane looked back down at his own empty glass. As the bartender came over, he gladly accepted a refill.

"I wasn't aware you knew.." he finally dared comment.

"I think a lot of people noticed but few dares guess, you know?"

"But you dare 'guess'?" 

Thane couldn't help but to smile at his own bold question. It slowly dawned on him how it was Kasumi could make such an exact assessment of the situation. She tensed up, realising Thane was suspecting she knew more than she let on. She let him continue.

"I.. I guess I have not been completely honest with you. I am not even sure I have been honest with myself." He took a carefull sip of his drink.

"Thane, you don't owe me anything. If the reason you were late had something to do with your private relationship with Sarah, I won't pry"

Thane nodded at her comment, knowing perfectly well how curious Kasumi must be. Even if she had no personal interest in knowing of his romantic loyalties, she'd still always make it her job to find out everything about everyone. He appreciated her consideration. He played with his glass for a while.

"Do you also know about Garrus?"

"What about Garrus?"

"He admitted liking Shepard. I suspect more than a friend"

Kasumi sat in silence for a while. She wasn't really surprised. Thinking back, she rememeber Garrus looking at Sarah so many times with such heartfilled warmth, even a blind person could see how he really felt about her. But she never thought about Sarah ever having any feelings about Garrus other than him being a very good and loyal friend. It had never even crossed her mind to ask.

"What, Sarah said she likes him?"

Thane thought his answer through. Earlier that evening, he had wanted to ask Sarah that very same thing. 

"Kolyat encouraged me to talk to her and I saw a chance to do so this evening. She visited me, just before I was about to take leave. She didn't say much at first. We.. had a misunderstanding a few days ago, as you've already figured out. I was.. tired of being so.. carefull. I told her. I told her that other crew members have their eyes on her. We ended up talking for a long time. In the end I told her I needed to know how she felt but she seemed unsure. She left, saying she needed time to think about it.."

To Thanes surprise, it didn't bother him as much as it should have. He could imagine Shepard and Garrus being together. And the idea almost made him happy. Both of them deserved happiness.

"Well, that sucks, I guess.." Kasumi took another sip of her drink, letting it calm her. "I kinda thought you'd end up together.."

Her comment was in a low voice, as if not meant to be heard. 

"It.. bothers me less than you'd think. She's free to choose, as am I. We made no promises to one another"

Kasumi nodded, feeling lighter with every second.

"You talked to Kolyat about it, you said?"

"I did. Where I first found him to be.. irrational in sense of emotions, I'm starting to see his clarity and value his insight. But.. I'm afraid to put him in an awkward position"

"No no, giving advice on your fathers love life must be the mosts 'absolutely not awkward at all' task of all times" Kasumi said and raised her glass with a smile, laughing as she took another sip.

Thane couldn't help but to laugh at his naive self and started to realise the situation he had actually put Kolyat in. The drinks had made him more bold than he first thought as his next question slipped his lips without thinking.

"You like him? Kolyat, I mean. I think he cares a lot for you"

The question had Kasumis throat tighten up. She had considered Kolyat in that light a long time ago but any sort of feelings she might have had never got a chance to grow. Had they ever existed, they were all gone now and the two of them rarely even spoke anymore.

"I like him, I guess. As a friend. We don't really talk anymore. Atleast not more than just 'life updates'. We're too different, I think. He's too.. law binding" Kasumi laughed at her own comment.

"And.. what about you?" she asked.

"What about me?"

"Who do you like? I mean really? Or Sarah got her claws in you, hm?"

Thane felt that question being the most frequently asked all day, all seemingly wanting different answers.  
He turned towards her and reached out for her hand. He carefully caressed her fingers and turned her hand over, taking his time memorizing all the lines. He could hear her heart beat faster. He slowly grasped the irony of the situation he found himself in.

"I.. need time to think about that.."


	29. Mortality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I hope you're enjoying this fanfic. Please, please, PLEASE leave a comment or kudos if you're enjoying the story so far! Keeps me going and makes me so happy ^_^

She woke up the next morning with a horrible headache. She didn't usually succumb to alcohol or its effects but last night she had let herself to one too many. Or two, she couldn't remember. She didn't have the drells perfect memory but she could still perfectly recall the rollercoaster of emotions yesterday had provided. Most of all, she could recall the sensation of frustration. At herself, at Thane. At her stupid reasoning for asking who he really loves. She was sure he loved Sarah and if she'd snap her fingers, he'd be back at her side in an instant. She felt like nothing more than his second choice. What was she to him anyway? The killer of his wife. A burden as a child. A tool. He had forgiven her and she him without hesitation. Why would she assume anything more than that was reachable? Was she not happy with that result? She should just leave it behind. Let go of trying to figure things out. 

She dressed herself in a sweater with a hoodie and tight sweat pants. She forced herself to drink several glasses of water and brush her teeth before heading to the med bay to shamefully ask for something against the headache. The few crew members she met made fun, teasing her how they could see her this time, asking what game she was playing now. 'Ha ha' served as a perfect response and she headed back to her quarters after letting herself to some leftovers from yesterdays dinner.  
She sat down on the sofa and slowly munched away, letting her mind wander. She found herself unable to keep a straight line of thought. It jumped all over the place and in the end, her frustration had grown even larger. She had ever only known one person who could tackle her full out frustration. The thought had her jump off of the sofa and straight for his graybox. 'A perfect day to loose oneself in perfect memories'. She smiled at herself as her fragmented mind refered to it as the 'drell box'.

She walked a long corridor decorated with memories or her and Keiji together. Mostly good ones but also a few bad ones. She hadn't touched those memories at all since she got over his graybox. 'Why relive the bad things', she told herself. But with a nudge from her melancholy mood, she started seeking them out. Small fights. Disagreement. Things she had not reacted to but that Keiji had taken hard.  
One memory in particular touched her deeply. He had snuck into their apartment, flowers in hand, to find Kasumi with her AI. She was smiling, sitting and editing the code. The AI told her about the drells homeworld, the Hanar and the Compact. Keiji was just about to enter the room when the AI said something that had him stop right in his tracks.

"I miss you"

Kasumi stopped coding, her shoulders fell and she looked down at her hands in her lap. She slowly shook her head and sighed heavily. She sat silent for a while, Keiji watching the whole thing. She fought tears, joined her hands together and squeezed them to a bright white color.

"No, you don't. Last time I saw you.. You had been victorious, killed those batarian slavers and got Stiv Kays name.. You saved the Hanars, your revenge was almost complete.."

She paused.

"Just that one guy left. Just one more person to pay for your wifes murder.."

She stood up and turned her back on the AI.

"Not including myself whom you let live.."

The AI re-materialized infront of her, bending down slightly to face her.

"I still miss you"

Kasumis heart hurt at the sight. Had Keiji seen that? She didn't know he had. After he had witnessed it, he had gone back to the door and cleared his throat.

"I.. I'm home!"

The memory ended. But unlike all the other memories, this one invited for the view of a second one. It started showing fragments, short memories, of Keiji researching the batarian slavers, their assignment to target Hanars and everything known about the drells. It had consumed him completely. The fragments started spinning faster around her like a whirlwind of dust particles, pulling and tearing at her skin when drawing too close. Suddenly, it all stopped. They all came together and pulled her into another complete memory.  
It showed a batarian research lab. Keiji had carefully infiltrated it, giving Kasumi a perfect view of what they were doing. It didn't take long for her to realise they were reseaching a lot of different species in the purpose of developing a sort of biological weapons. But what really caught her eye was a strange looking artifact, isolated in a large glass safebox. The researchers took samples from it every now and then. She had no idea what it was but it looked very important.

Towards the evening, the researchers left the lab, covering the safeboxr with some sort of metal plating and let it disappear into a floor safe. Keiji let himself down and started looking around the lab. He snapped pictures of a few chosen items and downloaded content off of several terminals. He quickly left.  
The memory ended, Kasumi ending up in yet another whirlwind of fragmented memories. Keiji seemed to focus on something she could not make out. Suddenly it all stopped again and the memory displayed Alliance black ops attacking the batarian research lab, killing everyone, raiding its content. They shouted amongst each other; 'It's not here!' Keiji did not intervene. How could he? He watched as they left the lab soaked in blood, triggering a short circuit that allowed for flames to cover their tracks.

Moments later, Kasumi stood facing Keiji back in the memory corridor.

"You've found it. Now you know why you need to destroy my graybox"

She felt stunned. What had she whitnessed? This was what Keiji had been talking about all along.

"What was that, Keiji?"

"The reasons my graybox needs to be destroyed"

"Can't I just extract that part and keep the rest? What's the problem? Just erase it!"

"That won't be possible. It's triggered by our shared memories. Deleting it will delete all memories."

She started pacing infront of him. She had been trying to extract their memories ever since she got her hands on the graybox without success. She knew it wouldn't work.

"What was that artifact? That's what the black ops were out to get, right?"

"It was a Reaper artifact. They hid it during the raid but used it later to trigger a disease on Omega. Their goal was to adapt the disease to hit all races, save batarians. It was an ultimate attempt for biological warfare. But it failed and where they thought they could control it, the artifact acted the was it was meant to 50.000 years ago."

She stopped in her tracks, staring at Keiji. They had never found out what had caused the disease. Mordin had managed to find a cure but a lot of people had still died. She tried to snap out of it.

"What happened to the artifact after?"

"It was destroyed"

She felt relieved to hear that.

"So.. what were you researching? Why did you research it? It was triggered by seeing me and AI Thane.. Why..."

"I wanted to find out how you'd been involved in his life. Who he was. What he was. If he was still alive and why you didn't keep contact. I tried to ask you several times but you kept dismissing me. So I followed the trail of events from the batarians attack on the hanar and Thanes involvment in aiding them. It was difficult to follow the trail after that, but the lab found its way into my research sometime during the event leading up to his mates murder. The ringleaders were trying to find a biological weapon against the drell."

"Why?"

"Are you familiar with the relationship between the hanar and the drell?"

"Yes, the compact"

"They make use of drell in a lot of different ways. They train them to be assassins, for example. Like Thane. From what I understand, they're all left with the choice of declining but most see it as an honor as the hanar saved them from their dying home world. But ponder this; The hanar would be left an easy target without the aid of the drell. You can imagine the threat that the drell posed and in what a different kind way they did so, in comparison to any other species. This is why the batarians started researching them"

She'd known about the drell and the compact since she was a child but the interest in targeting them was new. She was still trying to wrap her head around how Keiji had been so absorbed in trying to find out about Thane. In the end, it had gotten him into trouble as a witness to the Alliance black ops operation. The feeling of guilt was all to familiar.

"You need to promise me you'll destroy my graybox, Kasumi. Destroy it and I'll reveal the location where I've gathered all this information. I hope it will act as a mean to mend my passing"

"Again with this?! Keiji! I'm not giving up! You're.. We're..."

Her headache was acting up again. She covered her face with one of her hands.

"I know you don't want to but you have to grant me this"

Kasumi couldn't take it anymore. She took of her hologlases and tossed them to the side feeling furious. She sighed, knowing she could only blame herself for feeling that way.  
She made her way to the bathrooms, splashing some water on her face and tried her best to gather her thoughts for a few moments. She looked up at herself in the mirror. Some of her hair had tangled stuck to her neck from the water. It was strangely hypnotizing as she pulled them away, almost like uprooting a tree. She sighed. She wasn't sure how to tackle things from here on out. What she really wanted still felt so unclear. Destroy the graybox? Let go of Thane? Again she reminded herself that she should just be happy with mending fences with Thane, that she should destroy Keijis graybox per his request and leave it at that. She'd done more than she'd ever hoped for. Suddenly feeling determined, she gave herself a nod. 'Fuck this' she thought to herself. 'I won't let that damn graybox or Thane rule me anymore! He can have Sarah, she can have him, I don't care. The graybox will get a proper funeral and I'm gonna be happy Keiji's at peace. I'm awesome and I don't need the guilt or to be someones second choice!'

Happy with herself, she felt the sudden need to move. Out of habbit, she cloaked as she left the bathrooms making her way towards the kitchen area. Very few of the crew members were on the ship, making the most of their short shore leave. She felt it worked in her advantage. It would give her a perfect opportunity to finally try and figure out how to get into the main battery without getting noticed. She smiled to herself. Maybe she'd finally be able to surprise Garrus. His location was his advantage but even so, he was always able to spot her before she could sneak up behind him. Important skills for a sniper, after all.  
Of course, she couldn't just go through the front door. She'd have to find a new way in, one that let her go further into the room behind walls before dropping down and risking Garrus hearing her. Her previous attempts had her go down through one of the vents that didn't go far enough in to the room. She'd seen other grids in the room but she had yet to figure out where to enter to get to those. She prefered not to cheat with the AIs blueprint of the Normandy. It made for much more of a sport without it.

With her cloak still activated, she easily made her way passed a grid near the elevator and started crawling through the tights spaces, trying to navigate her way towards the main battery. She felt her frustration melt away as she let the task take her full attention.  
She came to a section of the vent that allowed her more space to move. So much, in fact, that she could almost half stand up. She decided to take a break. She sat down, leaning against the wall. It reminded her of when she use to live with the duct rats back on the citadel. She closed her eyes and drifted off into oblivion.

She woke up from the slight hissing of air passing her. They must have started up the engines, allowing the ventilation systems to start up at a higher than usual speed before going back to a sort of standby. It wasn't loud, just cold. She was still cloaked but could feel someones warm arm and leg against her side. She looked over and saw Thane sitting there with closed eyes. He sat with his arms resting on his knees, meditating, she assumed. He was dressed in sweats meaning he'd been working out that morning. Why he wasn't pained by a nasty hangover didn't even surprise her. She looked down to realise he had covered her with a blanket.  
She put her hoody back up and decloaked while keeping her gaze down on the floor at her feet. Thane turned his eyes towards her and gave a faint smile.

"I found you sitting here. I didn't have the heart to wake you. I know it gets cold up here when they turn on the ships engine so I decided to bring you a blanket. I hope you don't mind"

Kasumi shook her head and slowly removed the blanket.

"I didn't know anyone would come here" she finally commented.

Thane felt a bit surprised at the tone in her voice. Usually she'd resolve to humor when breaking silence. It was something he'd gotten use to and expected but this time, there was a underlying streak of sadness he could not quite interpret. It left him somewhat uneasy and he shifted in his sitting position slightly.

"You think you're the only one sneaking about this ship? It's a great way to keep your skills sharp. Meditation and weapons training can only get you so far"

He tried to keep his tone light, praying his serenity would calm her as well. She didn't say anything, just pulled up her knees, lifted her arms against them and leaned her head into her own embrace.

"Sorry, my head hurts from yesterday.."

It was an excuse, of course. She didn't want to look at him. She had been so sure of her own decisions earlier and his voice alone made her question it. Looking at him would surely have her thoughts and emotions at disarray again and she didn't want that. She had made up her mind, end of story. The silence went on for a while before Thane said anything.

"I'm glad I found you. Knowing you, I'd have to chase you to get a chance to say this but.. It needs to be said.." He paused, correcting his position slightly. "I have Kepral's syndrome. I didn't tell you, few onboard this ship knows. It's not contagious but I might not have more than a year to live"

Kasumi stiffened. She felt like she had when she was forced to watch her mother die, back when she had slowly let a coat of armor cover her. The same sensation of need to protect herself came running back and the tears stuck in the troat. She didn't say a word.

"I'm.. sorry I did not tell you before. I don't know why I haven't. I just couldn't bare the thought of seeing you sad. If my death would sadden you, I'm not sure.."

Her eyes started burning as the tears surfaced. She sat staring on the floor and fought as hard as she could, digging her nails into her arms.

"I know it's selfish but I must admit. I.. hope you'll mourn me when I'm gone. That we mended out burned bridges enough for you to miss me.. I care about you. Yesterday bore witness to what I've lost these years by staying away and I regret it. I've come to realise I do want people close to me where I haven't in over ten years. I felt.. I could not answer your question yesterday and I needed you to understand why"

He turned towards her and watched her tensed beeing. The lack of respons had him feeling a bit upset. It had been difficult for him to bring this up and he'd been expecting atleast some kind of reaction.

"Can you hear me? I'm dying, Carrin.."

She couldn't fight it anymore. He was the only one in her life knowing her real name. And he said it so naturally. The tears silently hit the floor. The sound took her back once again to the evening of her mothers passing. She started shaking. Her armor didn't work. It didn't cover her at all. A thousand thick needles all over her body kept on forcing their way to her heart.  
Thane saw the tears on the floor. He carefully removed her hoodie and stroke her over her hair.

"Carrin.."

That pushed her over the edge. She threw herself to a straddle position on top of him, frantically grabbing him and pulling him closer. He tried to hug her just as hard as she hugged him. Her fists grasped and held onto the clothes on his back, her knuckles turning white under the pressure. She cried without inhibitions, kept on trying to crawl even closer. One of his arms around her waist and the other along her back, he grabbed her shoulder and tried despretly to keep her as close to him as he could.

"Please don't.. please don't die.." she managed to get out between her sobs. "Please don't.. I'm sorry! I'm so selfish and I never asked how you're feeling.."

He couldn't hold his own tears back. He hid his face on her shoulder as the tears started rolling down his face, closing his eyes and breathed in her scent.

"Please don't leave me again.."

He opened his eyes at this remark, feeling it twisting his heart. He leaned back and caught her gaze. Her eyes and cheeks were red and puffy. She kept blinking and weeped quietly. She wiped her nose on the back of her hand.  
Thane cupped her face and looked at her with a worried brow. He could read her emotions across her face. "Thane.." she whispered. She let her hand touch the base of his neck. He leaned forward, placing his hand on the back of her neck and let his lips hoovered over her lips for a few moments. He could hear her heart beating faster and harder with every second. He pressed his lips against hers, closing his eyes as he did so. Kasumis shoulder fell. She grasped the fabric around his neck and pulled him in for an even more bruising kiss as she slightly parted her lips and let his tongue find the tip of hers. He suddenly broke the kiss, feeling tears making their way down his face again. She looked at him shocked and breathing heavily. He pulled her in for another hug and there they sat, silently mourning mortality.


	30. At home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who's been with me so far. I hope you're enjoying the story. Thanks for the kudos and please feel free to leave a comment :)

They spent that afternoon in med bay, discussing everything there was to discuss about Kepral while Mordin administrated an ointment for a light rash on Kasumi. He told her she could also use it to prevent some of the discomfort. Mordin as well as Dr Chakwas tried their best to answer all of Kasumis and Thanes questions. Towards the evening, the squad returned from helping Samara with some personal matters. Sarah had a couple of cuts and bruises but none of them were seriously hurt. As per Chakwas recommendations, however, she always visited med bay after every mission. Kasumi was not surprised at Shepards composure, not even twiching at the sight of Thane and Kasumi sitting in med bay together. She just gave them a quick nod and sat down on a chair, rolling up her sleeve to ready herself for some tests.  
Chakwas excused herself and tended to Sarah. Kasumi stood up and started walking towards the door. Thane was quick to his feet and placed his hand on her lower back as they were about to leave med bay. Sarah took notice and gave Thane a honest and happy smile when he turned to face her, inclining his head.

They made their way to Thanes quarters. Kasumi walked in and sat down on the bed, her head still spinning from all this new information.

"Excuse me, I'll be with you in a moment"

Thane left the room for a moment and returned with leftovers from dinner and two cups of tea. They hadn't eaten all day and he figured she must be hungry. She smiled at him as he set the table, inviting her to sit down. It was the first privat meal they'd shared in many years.  
She sat down across from him, feeling exhaused after the day. She opened the box of food infront of her and moved it around a bit before helping herself to a small bite. It was enough to trigger her hunger and she took a couple of large spoons.

"I figured you'd be hungry" Thane said, smiling at her.

Kasumi just nodded and took another bite. Thane opened his box and stirred the content around a bit as well before eating. He'd never really been one to share his meals with someone else. Sarah had the crew eat together as often as possible and he'd started to enjoy the company, however. But it couldn't beat the feeling of sharing a meal in private with someone. The entire time he watched her eat, memory after memory of them together came rushing over him. He had never payed them much mind before but reciting them to Kolyat, had him see them in a different light. Their conversation as of late had mostly been about Kasumi. Kolyat last message contained only one line he could not get out of his head. 'Tu-fira, father. Open your eyes'.  
He reached across the table and let his fingers brush over hers. Her body stiffened before she allowed him to turn her hand over, letting his fingertips trace the lines of her palm.

"This feels so strange.." she commented.

"My fingers on your palm?"

"No.. just you touching me.." Thane raised a brow at the comment. "Not in a bad way! It's just.."

She stood up and started pacing back and forth.

"I.. I've been fighting myself.. denying myself.." she began, stopped for a second to gather herself and started pacing again. "I saw you with Sarah and thought 'hey, great for them'. And.. I felt so jealous. I couldn't help it, I tried to tell myself not to feel that way. As late as this morning, I told myself I won't be your... second choice.. I knew you guys had been fighting when you confronted her about Garrus maybe liking her.."

She stopped and sat back down.

"I know, the moment she snaps her fingers, you guys will be back together. I've seen the way you looked at each other and I gotta tell you. I don't feel like being anyones next best thing. That's not who I am"

She stared him down, feeling confident in confronting him. He looked at her with a serious expression, seemingly gathering his thoughts and carefully choosing his words.

"I need to explain" he began, placing his joined hands on the table. "Sarah woke me up from my battle sleep. This you know. She will always be special for that. She's special to us all, gathering a seemingly strange bunch of people to join her on this suicide mission. I had been ready to die for a long time. And then she made me realise I have things and people worth living for. But we are very different people. I don't have what she needs and she does not have what I need. I confused the feelings of gratitude with emotions of the heart. She's my commander but in no way my lover"

Kasumi could feel her resolve slowly melt away. She looked down at his hands, stable and calm as always, her gaze flickering and dancing all over the table unable to focus.

"She did come to me last night. We got a chance to talk things through. Whatever we both first thought we had, was a mere short exchange of excitment. A fling, I believe humans call it. Nothing happened but passing emotions"

Kasumi turned away and sighed.

"So you went for the next best thing then, huh"

It sounded even more bitter than she had intended. She shook her head, standing up about to take leave. Thane stayed in his chair when a memory suddenly surfaced.

"She can't see me.. unaware I've been looking for her, unaware I found her.. A woman now.. Unknow to my eyes, a man by her side.. Kisses her as she whispers.. words travel.. 'I love you'.. not whispering to me. She is not whispering to me.."

Kasumi turned around, wide eyes staring at Thane. He stared at his joined hands, hugging them, looking uneasy.

"Keiji..." she whispered.

"Yes. I'd been looking for you for months, close to a year. When I found you, you were.. happy. And then you came to find me"

He stood up and came to her, mindfully taking her hand, caressing it between his.

"You were never my second choice. I just could not admit or realise you'd always been my true choice" He paused, almost unwilling to continue. "Sarah.. she told me long ago what had happened to Keiji. She only told me because I asked specifically. I didn't dare ask you directly. I know he made you happy" he paused again and let go of her hand. "I thought that I could not live up to that, nor should I try with my condition.. In fact, I never even considered it to be a possibility. And I never intended to try either"

"It just kind of happened?"

He turned his back at her, staring down at the floor, letting another memory surface.

"She pulls me closer, embracing me with all her strength.. 'Please don't die', she pleads.. Tears, streaking her face.. 'Please don't leave me again'"

Kasumi reached her hand out and placed it on his shoulder. She walked up closer and leaned her forehead at his back, letting her other hand find its way around his chest.

"It broke my heart.."

"I'm sorry.." she whispered.

Thane turned around into her embrace and placed his arms around her.

"No, I'm sorry. I should never have left to begin with. And here I was outlining my own mortaily as if it would justify me leaving you one last time. It didn't 'just happen', it was meant to"

They ended up talking all evening, stopped only to refill their tea. Both admitted denying emotions evolve and even their mere existence, fighting themselves to make sense of things. The evening slowly turned to night when the mood turned lighter. They shared stories, laughing at silly things.  
At some point Thane had excused himself as he wanted to take a quick shower before sleep. Kasumi found herself alone in his room, twisting the cup between her hands. She smiled to herself, feeling warm and happy. The emotion was almost unknown to her, had she not been with Keiji.  
AI Thane materialized next to her, hands behind his back.

"You're smiling"

She looked up at him and then opened his code on her omnitool. She quickly coded current events and closed the panel. AI Thane smiled at her.

"I'm happy for you"

He started walking around the room and found a datapad on the bed. He leaned down and touched it. Kasumi turned around and was about to protest but rolled her eyes and sighed.

"Is it proper for me to address you by Siha now?" he asked, sitting down on the chair across from her.

She snorted at him. "You can call me what you want"

AI Thane smiled and Kasumi could almost see the range of options flash behind his eyes before he gave a quick nod. "Siha it is" He suddenly disappeared as Thane entered the room, wearing sweat pants and a towel across his shoulders. He was carrying some books.  
Kasumi had to avert her eyes not to blush, her heart jumping up to her throat at the sight.

"Did you need to freshen up?" he asked casually, walking over to the bed. 

He dragged out the box under it, placing the datapad inside and a few of the books. The rest he tossed on the bed.

"Ehm, yes, I'll do that.."

She left the room, sneaking a peak at him from behind as she left. Her stomach fluttered. She had never seen his bare skin before. She went to her own room and picked up her pyjamas and went to the showers. The whole time she couldn't get todays event out of her head. She closed her eyes and dragged her thumb across her lips, remembering their kiss. She shivered at the thought, longing for more.  
She couldn't help but to recall Thanes bare upper body. She could feel her cheeks burning at the idea to see him like that again.  
She finished her shower and got dressed. She had never before felt the need to criticize her own pyjamas. Now she felt silly. She couldn't possibly just casually walk back to Thanes quarters! The idea seemed absolutely ridicolous. She cloaked and went back to her own quarters, feeling the need to hide. Before she had a chance to lock the door, it hissed open. Thane stopped in the door opening holding two books, staring at her. She turned around, feeling slightly uneasy when he caught her gaze. She felt naked standing there infront of him in nothing but her tanktop and cotton shorts. Moments later he smiled. "You look beautiful". He closed the door behind him and dimmed the light. He casually walked passed her, giving her a small kiss on the forehead. 

"I figured you wouldn't come back to my quarters. Do you mind me staying here with you?"

Kasumi eyed him up and down.

"You're being pushy"

"Knowing you, you'll run away or hide the first chance you get when backed into a corner. I do not intend to let that happen"

He made his way to her bed. He looked so natural laying there, his book in his lap.  
Kasumi blushed. She turned around to hide her embarrassment as she couldn't stop her mind from racing.  
She turned to face him and Thane put his book down on his chest, watching her. She didn't dare meet his gaze while making her way to the bed, hugging herself with one arm. As she sat down on the bed, she took out the ointment she had been given earlier and covered her arms. She didn't want him to think she was planning anything but she figured it might still be better to be safe than sorry. When she was just about done with her exposed skin, Thane stroke her along her back and handed her his other book.

"I got you this one at the book fair yesterday"

She looked down at the book.

"Lost Empire by Clive Cussler?"

"Fiction. It's not exactly what you'd usually read but I think you might just still enjoy it"

She smiled with her teeth and threw her feet up on the bed, tossing the blanket across her legs and snuggled down on the pillow, opening the book with excitement. Out of old habbit, she started biting the nail on her thumb softly as she let herself emerge into the story. Thane smiled at her, stealing some of the blanket back to place across his own legs. He put his book to the side and offered her his shoulder and she leaned in without hesitation. He put his arm around her and leaned down to smell her hair. He closed his eyes and relished the moment as he observed her flip through page after page. Not before long, he felt himself drift away into sleep, overwashed by the sensation of feeling at home.  
Kasumi noticed his arm relaxing around her. She carefully looked up at him and saw his eyes were closed. She marked the page in the book and put it to the side. She snuggled up next to him, hugging his bare upper body, breathing him in. Her heart fluttered as he placed his arm around her anew, pulling her closer. He leaned down and kissed her on her hair.

"Sleep well" he whispered.

And for the first time in years, she did.


	31. Unselfish to no end

Thane woke up before Kasumi did. He stretched is arms up before noticing her snugged up against his side. He smiled and put his arm back around her. She was still deep asleep and didn't even notice him moving as he planted a kiss on the top of her head and carefully got out of the bed. She grabbed the pillow in her sleep and hugged it. He smiled with his teeth at the sight and felt tempted to crawl back into bed with her. She had kicked away the blanket, exposing her bare arms and legs. He could see the pulse on her neck, temping him to kiss it and feel the rythm increase under the pressure of his lips. He let his eyes wander from her neck, tracing her shapes. He could feel his body starting to hum, reacting to Kasumi slowly stretching, unintentionally showing more skin as her tanktop rose up.  
Had someone told him a few days ago that this was the sight he'd be allowed to bathe in when waking up today, he'd accuse them of lying. It wasn't really until after his and Sarahs talk the other night that he had openly admitted his growing feelings. He shouldn't have felt so surprised at Sarahs insight, always the observant one. He remembered her words exactly.  
"I've seen the way she's watching you. I've seen the way you seek her out when she's near and listen to you talk about her when she's not. I got upset that night not because you wore your old rings but because she had been the one to bring them back to you. That she'd known about them and had even felt comfortable enough to try them on. It was an overreaction, I know.. But really, why do you think I nudged her in your direction with those tickets?"  
Thane smiled at the memory. She had gone on to explain her own reluctance in admitting her emotions for Garrus. He'd always been such a close and reliable friend, she'd never hoped for more. Thanes comment had her considering him in a new light. Thane went on to tell Sarah about the evening and how he'd been unable to answer Kasumis question. She just smiled at him, raising an eyebrow as to tell him 'you really don't know?'  
Thane and Sarah had parted as friends after that.  
Snapping back to reality, he sat down on the bed side and caressed Kasumis cheek, carefully waking her up. She slowly opened her eyes and instantly smiled up at him. She stretched her arms up and he leaned in to kiss her on the forehead. She instantly rolled to the other side of the bed and jumped up, putting the ointment on her arms where rashes had developed and dressed herself in a haste.

"Get dressed!" she demanded. "I've got a challenge for you"

\---

The Normandys crew were silent, everyone busy with their own assigments. Sarah had been preoccupied planning the best route to aquire the last materials needed to upgrade the ship before their final push through the relay. The mood amongst the crew members were serious, quiet and tensed. All except for two individuals.  
Thane and Kasumi had been chasing each other through the Normandy all day. In and out of shadows, ventilations, cloaked and uncloaked - they took turns in trying to find, catch and hunt one another all while trying to stay unnoticed by the other crew members. They'd been sneaking around all the different parts of the ship, listening in on others conversations, hiding make pretend treasures for the other to find and even managed to find the correct route into the main battery, startling Garrus in the middle of his work. He had scolded them both and also took the opportunity to thank Thane. For what, Kasumi didn't dare guess but she did have an idea. Thane had just smiled, inclined his head before leaving the room and cloaked again. Garrus just shook his head.

"You got some strange influence on him, Kasumi. Either that, or you're finally making him loosen up a bit. I kinda like it, to be honest"

Kasumi blushed at his remark, hiding her face so he wouldn't notice. She cloaked and traced Thane back to her quarters. He was seated at the table with her holo glasses in his hands. She was taken aback at his serious expression looking up at her. He stood up and handed her the glasses. She turned them in her hands a few times before breaking the silence.

"He asked me to destroy it.. and I know I'll have to. Fact is, I even know why I have to.."

Thane looked at her with a worried look on his face.

"I wouldn't demand that of you" he finally said.

"I know. And at the same time, I should honor his wish"

Standing there, she was reminded of her latest discovery amongst Keijis memories. It slowly dawned on her that he'd been trying to offer her something in exchange for destroying the graybox. Almost like a sort of bribe - like a fail safe that triggered if she did not instantly destroy the box. Thane could read the realisation across her face as her eyes grew large and she raised her eyebrows.

"What? What are you thinking about?" he asked.

Kasumi did not answer. She put on the holo glasses and offered Thane a pair as well. They entered the graybox memory hall together.

"Ah, Krios. I knew this moment would come to pass as the graybox is still intact"

Thane felt a bit surprised he was recognized. Had Keiji known of him? He inclined his head at the AI and carefully looked around at all the floating memories. He wasn't sure if this was alright for him to look at such private moments so he decided to look at the AI infront of them instead, blocking out the temptation to look at Kasumis and Keijis private moments together.  
Kasumi threw him a look but felt more urgent matters at hand than the AIs ability to recognize Thane.

"Last time we spoke, you mentioned something about 'all the things you've discovered'. What did you mean by that?"

The AI turned towards her, correcting his position.

"Yes. If a certain amount of time after triggering this graybox should come to pass, I am coded to offer you a deal. Destroy the graybox and get access to all the information I've come across researching your drell friend. Information that would also be dangerous if it fell into the wrong hands. Destory the graybox and I'll reveal the location of this information"

Thane felt a jolt of energy through his spine. What was the AI talking about? He suddenly realised why Kasumi wanted him to join her.

"What's to say I cannot access it through the graybox?"

The AI smiled at her.

"You've seen the whilwind of fragmented memories of my research. That's a result of me trying to delude those memories as not to offer it up easily if the graybox fell into the wrong hands. It would be possible to reassemble some of it, if given years to do so, time none of us have. But like I said - were it to fall into the wrong hands, your friend and the entire drell race would risk suffering the consequences. I would suggest you follow my wish to destroy the box and be at peace. Something I am convinced you will be once you get access to the information"

She felt uneasy. She started pacing back and forth, gathering her thoughts. It would seem she had finally reached the point of no return. She started biting her thumb nail softly. She jumped at the sensation of Thanes hand on her shoulder. He smiled at her, nodding, trying to be reasuring.

"We.. we should give him a funeral.." 

She tried to keep her voice steady. Thane put his arms around her, giving her strength.

"We shall"

\---

Sarah instantly agreed to a funeral in Keijis honor. It was held in the small conference room with just a few of the crew members present. Sarah held a short speech and Kasumi got a chance to share a few memories as well. When all was said and done, Kasumi entered the graybox and told the AI what was about to happen. He simply inclined his head and smiled.  
She opened up her omnitool. The AI transfered a small software and coordinates for where Keiji had hid the information the moment the destruction code had been punshed into the console. A few moments later, the graybox was cleared of all data. Garrus picked it up, promising to disassemble it properly so that noone could piece it back together. Kasumi nodded and fell into Thanes welcoming embrace. Her stomach hurted, her throat was dry. The crew members offered their condolences and hugged her, reminding her they were there if she needed to talk. She thanked them all and excused herself, making her way back to her quarters.

Thane came by a short while later with a cup of tea.

"I think I'm gonna need something stronger than that, Thane.."

He sat down next to her and offered her his arm. She crawled in close, pulling her legs up and let him hug her like that until the knot in her stomach had loosened. She sighed deeply and decided that tea might just be what she needed after all. She sat back up and sipped carefully on the hot brew.

"This.. is not just tea, is it?"

She turned around and smiled at Thane. He offered her a sly smile in return and stood up. He walked over to the window and looked off into the distance.

"You're wondering about the information.." she carefully offered.

He looked down at his feet. He did not want to pressure her into finding out right away but he could not help but to feel curious. Or worried, more like. If he understood Keiji correctly, it contained something downright dangerous to the drell so naturally, he felt at edge.

"I translated the coordinates the second I got them, Thane. I'm probably more curious and worried than you are"

She walked up to him and hugged him from behind.

"It feels so good to be able to do this.." she whispered.

Thane could feel his muscles relaxing at her comment. He closed his eyes and placed his hand ontop of hers, mindfully tickling the tip of her fingers. She broke the hug and walked up to one of her paintings.

"I noticed the coordinates shift contantly. It was like a tracker, following the movment of the Normandy. There's only one place he could have hid it, which is why I came here right away.."

She scanned the painting with her omnitool, letting the software that the AI had transfered guide her to the correct spot. After a while, she managed to find a small microchip lodged in the wooden frame. She walked back to Thane with determination in her steps and led him to the sofa. They both sat down as she started decoding the information using the same software as before.  
Kasumi took out a datapad and transfered the written information onto it. It took a very long time but both Kasumi and Thane sat quietly watching the files transfer. When done, she took out another pad and transfered a massive amount of pictures. She recognized some of them. They were snapshots taken in the batarian lab, all of them carefully avoiding any associations with the location and didn't contain any picture proof of the strange artifact.  
When the transfer indicated to be done, Kasumi noticed there were still a small amount of crypted data on the microship. She quickly understood it would take more time to decrypt it and let the software do its work.

"What is all this? It.. makes no sense.."

"Yea.. this is gonna take a long time to go through.." Kasumi agreed.

Thane was already busy reading. Kasumi started browsing through the pictures and soon felt the need to voice her speculations.

"I.. saw some of these pictures in Keijis graybox. From what I could gather, a batarian lab was researching biological weapons against other races using an old artifact. The AI also said the drell carry a very special kind of threat since they protect the hanar.. What if the danger he was talking about refered to a biological weapon against the drell?"

"According to these notes, you might be right. But it seems like they started out researching every race. And at some point they changed direction, aiming specifically for drell. Why?"

"Keiji said he came across that lab when trying to find out more about you, before Irikah was murdered.. What if.. what if they changed direction.."

".. because of me.." Thane put the pad down and gave Kasumi a worried look.

"To find a way to attack you.. but then the lab got destroyed..." Kasumi said.

"And Irikah was murdered instead of me and the rest of the drell population getting attacked by their new weapon.. they might even have thought it was me who stopped their weapon research. Maybe that's why the it didn't continue either?"

"Or all of their reseach were tied up to that one place that got completely destroyed. Either way, the development of the weapon seemed to have stopped.." She paused and stared out the window. "I can see this being dangerous in the hands of the wrong people.. but how is this to grant me peace? I don't understand.."

"There must be more.." Thane mumbled to himself, leaning back on the sofa and kept reading.

Kasumi gave him the tea cup and he drank it in a large gulp without thinking. His eyes grew large as he looked over at Kasumi and started coughing due to the strong liquor. Kasumi burst out laughing and Thane joined in between the coughs.

"I didn't think you'd drink the whole thing in one go!"

"I didn't think about it" he tried to clear his throat.

"You forgot huh? It's okay, you can admit it, we're all friends here" she teased while getting him some water.

"Friends, hm?"

Kasumi smiled slyly at him, offering him the water.

"Absolutely, I share kisses and beds with all my friends!"

"I hope for your friends sake that they are very few in numbers, then"

Kasumi smiled. The pain of this day was melting off of her. Thane had that effect on her. Just by being near, she felt at ease. At home.

"I count only one" she said and sat down next to him again, pinching him in the side as she did.

He smiled, kissing her on the forehead and took up the datapad again. She fell asleep watching him read. She dreamed of when she was at the Citadel, watching Thane read through the summery of his next target. She caressed his arm in her sleep, whispering his name. He snapped out of his reading when she did, looking down at her sleeping next to him. He carefully repositioned her to lay down more comfortably on the sofa and covered her legs with a blanket. Had he not been so absorbed by Keijis research, he would have joined her. But curiosity had him devouring the information, trying to piece things together. It didn't take him long to realise that he had in fact been the cause of their change in direction, seemingly wanting to render all drell useless to the hanar, leaving them an easy target. However many ways the researchers had tried to tackle their assignment, Keiji had focused on only two trails, one of whom had Thanes stomach tied in a knot; Quicken degradation of drells sensitive organ tissue. He closed his eyes and sighed, jaw tensed. As more and more technical terms came in play, Thane found himself having problems understanding it all. He decided to read up on Keijis other lead.  
The researchers had looked into the drells natural poison and the possible applications in biological warfare, apparently giving up on that trail when realising its low potency. Keiji, however, had kept researching and gathered more information on the topic. As Thane yet again found himself in the middle of technical terms, this time involving the human skin, he decided to visit med bay in hopes of running into Mordin. Thane trusted him and maybe he could shed some light on the situation.

Kasumi was abruptly awaken by Mordins distinct voice talking to Thane as they entered her quarters.

"Need test to confirm, major discovery"

Thane walked up to Kasumi as she sat up feeling confused and still very tired.

"No time, need sample"

Mordin janked at Kasumis arm, needle in hand.

"Hey! What's going on?"

Thane just smiled at her. Confused, she allowed Mordin to draw some blood and pinch a generous amount of skin cells from the bend of her arm. They both followed Mordin back to med bay where he started up a few tests. Thane offered Kasumi to sit down on the bed and stood next to her, still smiling, hands behind his back. 

"Yes, yes! This will work! Can mix with current ointment now for test, will come up with a permanent solution later"

He started mixing some things up and walked up to Kasumi. He took a generous amount of his newly made ointment and helped her smear it on her arm. She still felt very confued and raised an eyebrow at Thane who just kept smiling at her. Mordin handed some of the ointment to Thane who spread it on his palm of his hands and face.  
He walked up infront of her, holding her by the arm where Mordin had just put the ointment. It slowly dawned on her what they were up to. Mordin turned his attention to her other arm, and rudly put some on her face, making sure to add a very generous amount to her skin. He offered to help with the rest of her body as well and was met by a death stare. Thane laughed, not letting go of her arm.  
Mordin shrugged.

"Mostly for test anyway, will suffice for now. Will find a permanent solution. Maybe through a sort of pill. No, no, human biology will.. hm, reject the composition. Vaccin? Yes, easily accepted. Hmm.."

He went back to his terminal and got lost in work.  
As the minutes passed, Thane kept holding his hand on her arm, keeping her gaze locked with his. He smiled at her, making her blush, wanting to avert her eyes. When she tried, he cupped her face and caught her eyes again. He leaned in and carefully kissed her on the lips. Her could feel her heart swell and just about burst when he placed his hand on her neck, inviting her for a deeper kiss. Unwillingly, she let out a moan as she let herself dissapear in his warmth. Her stomach tickled and she could feel her heat slowly building, placing her free hand on his hips, her legs hugging around his, making him take a step closer.  
She was flung back into reality when Mordin suddenly appeared again, effectivly breaking the kiss and pulled Thanes hand away from Kasumis arm.

"No rashes. Good sign. Need sample of skin reaction in case vaccin needs to be complemented by ointment"

He scratched at her arm, trying to get a few skin cells off. He then proceeded to helping himself to a swab from the inside of her mouth and some cells off of Thanes hand. Had Kasumi not understood what they were up to, she would have protested. She looked back at Thane, suddenly realising where they must have learned all of this.

"Was this.. did Keiji.."

"Yes. His research, based on that of the scientists, led to the discovery of altering the amount of poision produced by drell skin as well as the heightened resistance in human skin"

She turned her gaze to her hands. He had seen and accepted her longing to be with Thane long before she had done so herself. He had even gone to the point of finding a way for them to be intimate in case he would no longer be around. Her eyes started burning from the tears, slowly rolling down her face. She kept staring at her hands fumbling and shaking. Thane grabbed them with one hand and cupped her face with the other, lifting her gaze to meet his.

"He loved you. Enough to make sure you wouldn't be alone if he would part this world. Very few would love someone so unselfishly. Never forget that"

She closed her eyes hard and let Thane embrace her. She let her emotions flush over her, feeling grateful beyond belief. He hadn't abandoned her. He had made sure she wouldn't be alone, even in his abscence. She sent Keiji a quiet thank you in her prayers as she slid her arms around Thane and hid her face in his chest.


	32. Tu fira

_"Very few would love someone that unselfishly"_

She woke up with a sudden jerk. Her palms were sweaty, strands of hair clung to the moist on her neck. She sat up breathing heavily, trying to understand her surroundings. The familiar light seeping through the window danced across the room and temporarily granted her a sense of safety only to leave her the next second. The same nightmare had been haunting her every night since the fight at the collectors base, though it had changed slightly these past few months. Shepard, being the leader she was, had somehow managed to get them all through safetly but was now unavaliable, in custody for one of the most difficult decisions one could ever possibly be forced to make. Kasumi missed her and her guidance. But most of all, she missed the crew. After Shepards arrest, the crew went its seperate ways, leaving her feeling more lonely than she ever had before.  
She walked up to the window and looked out at the city below. She closed her eyes and placed her hand on her heart. She braced herself for the knot building up in her stomach to hit her and as it did, she let the strength in her legs give out and she sat down on the floor. As tears started buring her eyes, she took a deep breath and screamed from the top of her lungs, tensing every muscle in an attempt to banish the pain from her body. When she ran out of breath, she inhaled sharply and let the sadness drape her as she hugged her legs and cried, cradling herself on the floor.  
She allowed herself to gather the pieces of the last few months to remind herself why she had to let go and move on. It had become a habbit, tearing her insides to shreds, trying to convince herself of what had really happened.

After Shepard was taken into custody, Kasumi had little to no chance of getting in touch with her. She had tried. Many times. She wanted to let herself sink into the happiness Thane was ready provide her but at the same time, she was feeling guilty and sad for Sarahs sake. She was also still conflicted by her constant batteling emotions for Keiji, always changing her mind on whether or not destroying his gray box was the right thing to do. Thane supported her, ready to lend her his shoulder. In hindsight, she cursed herself for not simply letting him go to allowing Thane to have her heart completely. But how could she? Keiji had spent the last year of his life devoured and dedicated to preparing a life for Kasumi he would not be a part of. In midst of all the sadness of Shepard being taken away and the crew going seperate ways, it didn't take long for her to push Thane away. She fought it but the memory of his words kept coming back.   
"Whatever this is, Kasumi, you're being more work than its worth. I don't have time to waste on your unresolved emotions"  
She hugged herself harder. She had tried to make him stay but he simply stood up, inclined his head and left the room. It had reminded her of all those times he had left the citadel after finishing his contracts when she was a kid. Only, this time he didn't smile. He didn't leave her with a book or excotic fruits and candy or a promise of return. He had simply walked out the door and never looked back. With that, Kolyat had also stopped answering her mails. He didn't answer his door and the few times they had bumped into each other, he had made it very clear he did not want to speak to her. She had lost track of where Thane was and she knew he didn't want her to find him either.  
Uncontrollably, other memories surfaced. She both cursed and thanked God she did not have the drells perfect memory but a few of them were so vivid, she kept getting lost in them. She recalled that first evening after the crew left the Normandy before the ship was impounded. She and Thane had slowly walked back to her apartment, allowing their hands to brush up against each others every now and then. They had managed to grab some food off of the Normandy before leaving, not sure if they'd find anything appetizing on the citadel anyway. They walked through close to empty streets, barely looking at each other, not saying a word. It had been a sense of both victory and defeat. Neither one of them had any thoughts that needed to be voiced, only the need for calm.  
They entered the apartment in silence. She put the food into the fridge and Thane went to the bathroom. Kasumi slipped into the bedroom to helped herself to some more comfortable clothes. Browsing through her wardrobe, she found some of Thanes old clothes he had left many years ago and that she never had the heart to throw away. She took them with her to the living area. She pulled her hair up in a small pony tail and leaned on the table, eyes closed. Thane had walked up behind her and given her a hug. She smiled and let his calm take her completely. She turned around in his embrace to find him standing without a shirt. Her heart skipped a beat and her breath hitched. Thane gave out a small laugh before kissing her on the forehead and led her to the bathroom. He had filled up the bath for her and had added a small amount of bath foam. He let go of her hand and started browsing through some bottles standing on the sink. He picked one up and gave it a quick smell before pouring some of it into the water.

"Lavender" he said and smiled.

He gestured to the bath and turned around. She inhaled the familiar smell and smiled. It shouldn't surprise her that he got it perfectly but it still had her feeling a little nervous. She quickly undressed and climbed into the bath. Thane turned back around and picked up her clothes, placing them on a nearby chair. He inclined his head and pursed his lips in a quick smile, as he tried his best to respectfully avert his eyes. Before he had a chance to leave, Kasumi grabbed hold of his wrist.

"Join me..?"

Thane turned around, hesitantly trying to read her face the best he could. After a few seconds, he nodded, turned up the AC and started undressing. She swallowed her lips and looked away as he climbed into the bath, sitting across from her. She could feel her cheeks burn as his legs rubbed up against hers. She smiled nervously and slowly made her way over to his side, turning to her side to lean up against his chest. He placed his arms around her, sliding down slightly to a more comfortable position, leaning his head back and closed his eyes. She listened to his heart beat steadily. She fought her nerves feeling his naked skin up against hers, relishing the simple fact that Mordins vaccin worked wonders. She mindlessly let her fingertips track the dark lines on his chest and traced the lines of the muscles on his arms. He carefully tickle the length of her arm and shoulder with his fingers and leaned in to breath in the scent of her hair. As the warmth made them both feel slightly more relaxed and comfortable, she let her hand land below his chest muscles, finding his abs under the foam, letting it make its way to his hips and the beginning of muscles forming a perfectly tempting v-shape. He carefully followed her lead, letting his hand find her waist and hips. It didn't take him long to dare let his other hand find her leg under the water and lifted it up over his legs, inviting her leg to hug his. She could feel her breath getting jagged and heavier and her stomach tickled to the point of her almost fainting. He could sense her nervousness. He cupped her face and gave her a tender kiss on the forehead before kissing her lips softly. He made her feel more relaxed and as she placed her hand on his chest, she also pulled her leg up a little farther and was rewarded with Thanes muscles slightly tensing up, a quick jolt shooting through his body as she brushed her leg up against his erected member. She felt a bit surprised at her own growing confidence and she let her thigh hoover and tease him again as he gasped and caught her lips for a more demanding kiss, eyes darkening with desire. As their kissing became hungrier, he boldly let his hand grab her just below her butt, finding her warmth with the tip of his finger, carefully teasing her inner lips. It had her gasp in surprise and she pressed herself up against him, placing her hand on his shoulder pulling herself up slightly, carelessly allowing him easier access. He easily found her sensitive, hard nob and helped himself to teasing it while kissing her neck. She moaned, leaning her forhead on his and pressed her thigh up against his length. He sat up and placed his free arm around her waist and lifted her slightly higher, inviting her to straddle him. She followed his lead and let him turn his attention to her breasts. He suckled her nipple erect while holding her close. She gasped for air and arched her back. Their movements had the water spill over to the floor and the loud splash had them both jump in surprise. They looked at each other and started laughing, giving each other tender kisses.  
They got out of the bath and before Kasumi could grab the towel, Thane stopped her and came up close, looking her up and down while holding her arm up. He placed it around his neck, smiled at her and forced her up on her toes while giving her soft kisses. He pushed her backwards out of the bathroom and lifted her up. Both still soaking wet, he carried her to the bedroom and carefully layed her down on the bed. His strong arms around her, he planted kisses on her mouth, eyes and neck. She could feel the sheets sticking onto her back but she didn't feel the cold.  
He kissed her neck and made his way down to her breasts.

"You.. are suspiciously good at this.." she breathed out, fightning not to loose control all together.

Thane just smiled up at her and made his way further down, kissing and teasing the lower parts of her stomach. He lifted up her legs and kissed his way from her knee down towards her groin while letting his other hand help tickle and stimulare her sensitive skin. She had a hard time breathing, slipping into her growing hunger, squirming under his touch as he let his thumb brush over her entrance and landing on her clit. She arched her back and threw her head back into the pillow, closing her eyes. She could feel him tease her inner lips with his fingers and couldn't help to let out a loud moan as he landed a soft kiss between her legs. He smiled at her reaction and second later he flicked his tounge over her sensitive spot. She threw her arm out to the side grabbing hold of the sheets, squeezing the fabric in her fist until her knuckles turned white, gasping for air. Thane allowed his lips and tongue to grant her his full attention. She hissed his name between breaths as he let a finger tease her entrance. She placed one of her hands on his head and lifted her hips slightly, inviting him to let his finger enter her. He carefully let his joined fingers slip inside her. She inhaled sharply and bit her lower lip. Thane started humming, sending chills through her body, letting her muscles relax and tense back up again. Her breath became more rythmic and he could feel her urging for him to come back up. He obliged and kissed his way up, stopping for a brief moment at her breasts, kissing her erect nipples as he placed himself between her legs and massaged her with his length.

"Evil.." she scolded, and placed her legs around him, joining the slow rythmic movements.

Again he just smiled at her and suckled her neck. He held her leg up and took her hand, leading it down to his hard member between them. She gasped and closed her eyes anew, holding it up close and moved her hips to help massage herself. She could feel her wetness build to a point of dripping and couldn't stand it anymore.

"Please.. please.."

She helped him place himself at her entrance. He carefully throbed up against it, driving her to the brink of madness. When he finally allowed her the sensation of slowly filling her up, her breath hitched and she screamed, placing the back of the hand over her own mouth. He lovingly removed her and and kissed her tenderly as he slowly pulled back out and thrusted back in, a little faster with every thrust. She broke the kiss and breathed heavily, repeating his name. He lifted himself up to a sitting position, holding down her hip with one hand and massaged her clit with the other. She looked up at him and was taken aback at the absolut perfect vista, his abs tensing with every thrust. Water still gracing his skin, occassionally rolling down over him and landing on her. His lips were parted, breathing heavily. He looked up at her, eyes burning with desire. He catches her gaze and lets go of his grip on her hip to grab her leg to give it a kiss and bit it playfully, giving her a malicious smile. It had her stomach tickle again and she had to look away to hide her cheeks blushing. He leans in and kisses her neck and as she closes her eyes, he sat back up to turn his full attention to her wetness and hips. She grabs hold of the sheets again and feels the instant cold sensation of her muscles tensing up only to shatter into ecstasy moments later. She lets out a loud moan and felt Thane twitch inside her as he peaks with her. She throws her head back and let Thane nurture her climax, teasing and occassionally pressing at her hard nob. He carefully moves inside her, feels her second climax and helps it along by massaging her clit more intensely once more. She shatters again and lets out a heavy sigh. She grabs his hips and moves her own, savoring the sensation of him still inside her. She helps nurture his still sensitive member by tensing up her muscles a little now and then, sending chills up his back. He leans down to kiss her and slowly pulls out. He lays down next to her and lets her rest her head on his chest.  
After a few moments, they both have calmed their breathing. Kasumi smiles to herself and playfully bites Thane in the shoulder.

"I think we need another bath"

Kasumi had a whole new understanding for drell loosing themselves in their memories. She would probably have been one of them. They'd been together for a short while, sharing everything with each other. And suddenly, he just left. For months, she'd been lost without Thane or any hopes of mending what she broke. She wasn't even all that sure what had happened or why he hadn't let her try and fix it. Had it not been for Shepards release some time back and her seeking Kasumi out, she would probably have lost herself in that apartment with all her memories.

Afraid of exactly that, she had stopped using her own bedroom. Her best and most precious memories of Thane and her together had been in there. Her AI had it all in his memory base as well but she had blocked it from even materializing since Thane left. She had locked him away together with the software Keiji had left her. It had decoded that last part of information, unlocking some medical files requiring a massive amount of attention. She had already sent it to Mordin, telling him to keep her out of the loop as she couldn't find strength to care anyway. She layed back down on the sofa and tried massaging away the headache. Shepard wanted Kasumi to join her on another mission. She wasn't convinced. Though she felt she could use the distraction, she was far from her former self. It had her feeling the need to discuss her dream with someone, though. Anyone.  
Her terminal chimed and she forced herself to get up. Garrus.  
"Urgent. Need to talk to you now"


	33. Solipsism

**1 week earlier**

"So you're stealing from the rich and giving to the poor"

Shepards remark was colored by both adminiration and sarcasm, an entertaining stage Kasumi had come to enjoy and missed when she'd been away. They walked slowly through the casino, talking quietly with each other.

"Well.. I guess some of Thanes better qualities did rub off on me"

She smiled at her own reply. She knew very well he would have never asked her to change who she was but that didn't mean his strong morale still wouldn't affect her in some ways. Maybe now, more than ever, she had the need to keep some of his spirits with her. Especially as he wasn't there in person by his own choice anymore.

"Besides. This place have more money than they know what to do with. And it's not like the owners could spend it if the reapers win, right? Better it goes to helping refugees for example" 

Shepard just smiled, seemingly thinking through her next question carefully.

"So how is Thane anyway?"

She tried to sound casual. She already knew something was wrong as Kasumi had only briefly mentioned him. Kasumi bit the corner of her mouth and placed her hand on her stomach. She fought hard not to think about it but every moment led her thoughts back to him and that's why she tried so hard to keep herself distracted. Sarah could read the pain across Kasumis face and offered her a reasuring hand on her shoulder.

"I.. know I've been away for a long time, Kasumi. But you can always talk to me, you know that. Right?"

Kasumi gave Shepard a stiff smile with persude lips, nodding slightly.

"I know. I've really missed you, Shep. I always could talk with you about pretty much anything and, well.. I.. I don't really know what happened. He just.. left. I thought we were doing okay but.. I couldn't forget about Keiji. He sacrificed so much for me and I still miss him. I think.. I know it was my own fault he left and.."

Sarah offered the way to a nearby sofa to sit and talk. Kasumi just smiled and shook her head.

"I appreciate it, Shepard but I don't think I'm ready to talk about it all just yet. I just.. wanted you to know that I have no idea where Thane is. I didn't even try to find him. I don't think he wants me to.."

Sarah nodded.

"So what about Kolyat? Still staying in touch with him?"

Kasumi shook her head, placing her hands on her hips and stared down at her feet. Sarah felt bad for asking. She didn't want to force Kasumi into talking about something that so obviously was too painful to tap into. She really wanted to find every one of her old crew members and convince them to join up again but not by just any means necessary. She understood the risk she was asking them all to take and it wasn't easier asking such a thing the second time around.

"So.. are you gonna call security on me?"

Kasumi found her footing again, smiling at Sarah as she started walking away from her. Sarah smiled in return.

"Don't insult me" she commented and looked the other way.

\---

She browsed through some of the refugee lists on her pad, sending out anonymous donations to a few well selected organisations and individuals. She sighed, noting the list getting longer and longer by the day. She placed the pad next to her on the bed. She had returned to her old childhood apartment on the citadel after Thane had left. The memories of them together still colored her other apartment too vividly and she couldn't handle it. She didn't have the strength to get a new one and had mindlessly wandered back to her childhoods safe point. She closed her eyes and tried to focus her breathing, reciting all the things Thane had told her about how to meditate. There were even a time when she could do it quite well but ever since Thane left, she was completely unable to focus her thoughts and feelings. Unwillingly, a memory surfaced.  
__  
-  
 _She sat down on the floor. She could feel the heat from the wooden flooring seeping into her bare skin. Thane placed his hands on her shoulders. They were warm. She exhaled, relaxed her shoulders and smiled._

_"You want me to concentrate but there's way too many distractions around me"_

_Thane smiled and sat down across from her. He was in nothing but his underwear and Kasumi can't stop herself from sneaking a quick glance as he sat down. She loved watching him like this, his muscles moving under his skin, tempting her to touch and kiss them._

_"Focus on your breathing" he began. "Let the air fill your lungs. Exhale through your mouth. Make use of your surroundings. Feel the warmth from the floor and let it climb your skin, from your legs to your back and neck. Listen to the singing sand, burning and bending under the sun. Let it flush over you. Breath in. Focus on the smells. The sun kissed lands around you. Try to feel the taste on your tongue. Exhale"_

_She fell into the sound of his vibrating voice, making her core tremble. His eyes closed, she dared open her own and watched him sitting in his usual sukhasana pose. As he sat there, slowly breathing in and out, she tried to burn his image into her mind. She carefully leaned to the side, reaching out from over the sun deck and got a handfull of sand. She threw it at him. He opened his eyes in shock and was greated by a laughing Kasumi._

_"Let the sand flush over you, sere Krios!" she teased._

_Thane smiled at her with his teeth and scrambled to his feet to get his own handfull of sand to toss back at her. She shrieked and tried to shield herself with her hands. The next moment she looked up, he was mere inches away from her, throwing his arms around her and pulled her in for a bruising kiss. Smiling and laughing, they wrestled each other over the floor until they both were breathing heavily. He looked down at her with a serious expression. She could feel him burning her image into his mind like she had his moments ago and it made her blush. He loveingly kissed her lips and looked deep into her eyes and whispered._

_"I love you, Carrin"_

_-_  
  
"Your pain is seeping into my coding"

AI Thane materialized next to her touching the pad on the bed.

"The lists are getting longer. Is this the current reason for your sadness?"

Kasumi placed her arm over her eyes and the corners of her lips turned down slightly. Not much but enough for the AI to take notice. Through the years, she had almost perfected his code to the point of face movment and enviroment interpretations. He sat down on the bed next to her, trying to offer his support. Kasumi sat up next to him with a big sigh.

"One of many, maybe"

The AI nodded slowly, backtracking through events and previous conversations.

"Have you considered Shepards offer?"

"I have. I'm still not fully convinced but.. maybe I could atleast lend her a hand somehow, I don't know.."

"Hm" The AI stood up and started pacing. "Ponder the worst outcome. It wouldn't bode well for any of us, would it? Should you be able to provide support in this war, would that not be the best of 'donations' your could offer?" Kasumi sat silent. "Think about it. No more refugees to help. No more credits to steal.." He materialized next to her, whispering in her ear. "No more heists.."

Kasumi couldn't help but to let out a laugh. "Too well coded", she thought to herself. Her omitool suddenly chimed, having her jump at the sudden sound. She brought up the menu and was greeted by Keijis software interface. "Files decrypted". Kasumi started browsing through them lazily, finding herself not understanding a single thing. Why was this so heavily crypted? It had taken the software close to 5 months to decipher it.

"Finally decrypted, is it? What does it say?"

The AIs curiousity and Kasumis lack of strength to even bother, had her giving the AI access to the files. He looked as confused as she felt.

"I seem to lack understanding for these files. What are they?"

"Medical studies, looks like. I don't even know. I'll just.. forward them to Mordin. Maybe they provide a permantent solution for human and drell contact. The vaccins he made are good and all but yea. You need to keep taking em. Quite annnoying"

She quickly forwarded them to Mordin, requesting to be kept oblivious any further information on the topic. She couldn't bare the idea of having to hear him talk eagerly about his new improved vaccin or whatever. Not anymore.  
AI Thane stood up and watched her, trying to analyse her body language.

"I miss you"

Kasumi shot him an angry look.

"Stop saying that! I told you already. Stop it"

The AI cocked his head to the side. The next moment, the room filled with his projections of Kasumi and Thane sitting next to each other on the bed in life support back on the Normandy. Kasumi looked up in surprise. It almost looked real! Thane sat next to her, reading his book. He turns and looks at her.

"I miss you"

"What the hell is this?"

"Would you not rather remember the happy moments in perfect detail instead of falling deeper into despair of trying to remember fragments of them? I have every memory stored, every word ever spoken recorded. I even have mails and voice recordings you don't even know about. I know everything about the 'real' Thane. In that sense, I have his perfect memories. Would you not want to loose yourself to them?"

He puts the book down and moves closer, cupping her face. She could almost feel his touch.

"This.. this isn't real.."

She stood up quickly, feeling her sanity tipping between wanting to loose herself in what she knew was her most precious memory and the sensation of the floor in the real world reminding her it was all just a projection.

"It's a memory. It's not real today but it was real back then. The moment yours and Thanes hearts touched and united. I know you've fallen back here many times in your mind" the AI offered.

Kasumi couldn't decide if she wanted to accept the offer or if she was angry at the AIs insensitive attempt of replacing her memories with a simple projection.

"No.. no! This.. stop this! When the hell did you learn to use projections anyway? You're freaking me out!"

She quickly brought up AI Thanes program on her omni tool and started browsing through it.

"Keijis program" the AI began, terminating the projection. "I've adapted it slightly but it's basically the same thing. The program you've had running for months, I've been able to access it and learn from it. I suspect that's why it was running so slow"

Kasumi looked up at him in amazement. The AI had grown such awareness. It still lacked human insight but still deserved praise for its incredible development.

"Okay.. first of all.. that's actually really cool.. but you're freaking me out. If I truly want to get over this and move on, I need to just.. cut ties.. atleast for now. I'm not going to let you materialize for a while, okay? I just need time to.. get over this. You remind me too much of him. I can't get lost in all these memories anymore. You understand?"

The AI studied her face for a while, his hands behind his back. He inclined his head and was suddenly gone.  
Kasumi took a deep breath and stared up at the ceiling. She shook her head and left the apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Review? If you feel you got the time, please leave a comment/review <3


	34. Cracks in the door

**\- 1 month earlier -**

She pulled the blanket up over her head. The light hurt her eyes and her head was pounding. The empty bottles on her night stand painfully reflected the light and forced its way through to her. She smacked her lips, feeling the need to soothe her dry throat with some water. She forced herself to get up and dragged her feet towards the kitchen. She was almost shocked by the sight. She couldn't remember ever seeing the apartment looking that horribly dirty before. Back when she use to live here, she always kept it as clean as she could just in case Thane would drop by earlier than planned. Now she knew very well there was no point in even trying to keep it clean.  
She poured herself a cup of water and drank it all in one go. She exhaled sharply and leaned onto the counter, staring down at one of Thanes old books he had left behind. She took it with her from the other apartment, unable to help herself. She had read it several times since. It had been a full month since Thane left. She had tried to get in touch with him and find him but he was lost to the wind. She knew that if he didn't want to be found, he wasn't going to be found. As late as last night, she came to the realisation that Kolyat would be her one and only chance of finding him. She hated the idea of asking him for help, especially with this. Their friendship had been bumpy, to say the least, but they had still stayed in touch talking about everyday things. She didn't exactly keep high hopes of him wanting to help her but it was her only chance. But she also reminded herself that the moment Thane walked out the door, Kolyat had stopped responding to Kasumis mails. She had tried several times to get in contact with Kolyat, even tried to catch him at work or when he was out in the shopping district. He had avoided her completely, pretending not to see her and walked the other way. Yesterday she had decided she'd have to try and be more forceful.

She sighed and looked herself over. "Maybe washing up wouldn't be such a bad idea" she thought and turned on the faucet, preparing a bath. She browsed through some of her bath oils and picked up the one smelling of lavender. She closed her eyes and tensed her jaw, fighting the memory.

-

_She sat in the tub with her back towards him. He poured some oil on his palms and started giving her a tender backrub._

_"Oh, oh, yes! Just a little farther down.. Oh, perfect, there.."_

_He smiled and leaned down to kiss her shoulder._

_"I can feel how tensed you are. You are way overdue for a massage"_

_"Don't I know it! You most definitely are not allowed to only give my back all the attention though. Don't forget you still owe me a foot rub" she mused and Thane let out a laugh._

_"You'll never let me forget it, I'm sure" he shot back. "Hm, you really did stretch your back quite bad" he teased. She smiled._

_"Mhm, but it was for a good cause! You can say what ever you want but those guards were going to see you. Yes, that was some seriously stupid acrobatics I pulled but hey. You're safe. That's all that matters"_

_Thane slowed down his movements._

_"I was aware of their presence. I know you mean well, but they would not have seen me"_

_Kasumi looked down at the bath foam, mindlessly poping a few of the bubbles with her fingers._

_"You say that now.."_

_She regretted the words the second she had voiced them. Thane stopped massaging all together and got out of the bath. He grabbed a towel and draped it around his hips. He sighed and turned back around to face her._

_"Carrin.. I am not Keiji. I'm sorry, I don't want to be cruel. I mean well, saying this. I'm not asking you to forget him. I know he meant the world to you and I expect he will continue to be a part of it, and he should, but you're not leaving me any room in that world this way. His.. passing.. was horrible. There's no better way to put it. But I am not him. You need to trust me more than this"_

_With those words, he left the bathroom._

-

Kasumi put the oil back. She decided against using it, got undressed and climbed into the tub. She did her best to wash away the smell of alcohol from her skin. She made herself a faint promise she'd stop drinking, knowing very well she wouldn't be able to keep it. Not just yet, anyway.  
She got dressed and cleaned up a bit before leaving. She picked up Thanes book and tried her best not to get tempted into sitting down to read it again. She hid it in the drawer of her bedside table and left the apartment. She knew Kolyat would be home around this hour and decided to go straight to his apartment. Her resolve peaked and she raised her fist, ready to knock at his door with force. And just a second later, her resolve had melted away. The strength in her arm faltered and she let it fall to her side. She sighed and leaned her forehead against the door. If Kolyat refused to talk to her, which he most likely would, she'd have no other ways of finding Thane. She had already hounded Mouse and he hadn't seen Thane for several years. None of the old crew members kept in touch with him and Shepard was unreachable. She closed her eyes and prayed to herself before carefully knocking on the door. She could hear someone walk up to the door on the other side. She stood up straight and looked into the camera.

"Kolyat.. please.."

No answer. Seconds later, he walked away from the door, leaving her standing on the other side alone. She stared at the cold, metal door, feeling herself running out of breath as if she had just run through the entire citadel. Panic colored her cheeks red and she felt beads of sweat form on her face and neck. She pressed herself forcefully up against the door and tried talking through it.

"Kolyat! Please, I'm begging you! Please open the door! I need to find him! I need to talk to you, please!"

She hit the door with her fist several times but still got no respons. The strength left her again and she sat down with her back against the door, sobbing desperately. A few moments later, she could hear someone walk up to the door on the other side. She stopped her breathing and tried to focus on listening. She could hear him sit down and lean up against the door. She turned around and placed her palm against the door. She bit her lower lip a couple of times and closed her eyes to try and calm down.

"Kolyat.. please.. if you can hear me? I love him. He's my everything. He never believe me but he IS my world. My entire life.. all of it.. it all led up to finding him again. And I.. I fucked up. Please.. I need to find him.." She paused but got no respons. "Kolyat, he promised he wouldn't abandon me! I need him to keep that promise.. I can't live without him, please.."

Several moments passed. She fought the tears, leaning her forehead against the door, tensing her jaw, feeling desperation grow. She knew he wouldn't open the door. And even if she knew perfectly well that she could open it herself with ease, she was painfully aware that he would refuse to talk to her anyway. Thane had probably asked him not to talk to her.

"Just.. if.." she paused for a moment to try and gather her thoughts. ".. could you just.. please tell him I love him? Please? Ask him to come back to me? And.. and if he can't forgive me then.. atleast just.. tell him I'm sorry and I love him.."

No respons. She sighed and swalled a sob. 

"Okay.."

She stood up and removed the necklace from around her neck. She admired the ring hanging on the chain for a moment and looked at it closer to read the inscription.

"Tu-fira.." she whispered to herself, kissed the ring and let it fall in to the compartment next to the door.

She could hear the other side of the compartment being opened and the chain getting picked up. She stood silent for a while, hoping to finally get some respons. She could hear a small thud against the door and almost dared hope Kolyat would open it. When nothing happened, she stuffled a sniffle and placed her hand at the door. Sighing, she talked in a low, defeated voice.

"Could you please return that to him?"


	35. Promise to Protect

**\- 2 months earlier -**

"I know this is not what you want to hear. I've come to realise that nothing I say can change anything and I have reached my limit. This is not working anymore"

She looked at him with large eyes, not quite sure what to say. He stood up and made his way out to the living area, picking up his books on the way.

"What? No, Thane, what are you talking about? What.. what are you doing?"

"I'm leaving" 

He didn't even look at her as he said that. He just kept picking up some of his scattered belongings and placed it in a bag.

"No! No you can't, what are you doing? You.. you can't leave! Thane!?"

She desperatly grabed hold of one of his books, trying to stop him from leaving.

"Carrin, stop it! I'm leaving, you need to accept that"

"No, you're not! You're staying right here with me! You can't abandon me! You promised me you wouldn't!"

"And you gave me promises as well! I'm sorry I'm not Keiji but you have done nothing to grant me a place in your world. I'm sorry but this is it for me"

"What the hell are you saying? Why are you saying that? You.. you can't leave!"

She held on to his book, not allowing him to take it with. She read only anger across his face as he turned to face her.

"Whatever this is, Kasumi, you're being more work than its worth. I don't have time to waste on your unresolved emotions"

She didn't have a respons. He just turned around and walked out the door. She ran after him only to catch him disapear in the shadows.

"No! Thane! Come back!"

She ran after him and tried to track him but tears blured her vision and sense of smell. She started sobbing, despretaly trying to catch up to him. She lost his tracks and stoped, looking around and cried out his name.

-~*~-

He heard her screams. He leaned up against the wall and looked around the corner, catching the sight of her looking around in pure panic, yelling out his name. He squeezed his eyelids shut and exposed his teeth, grinding them together and hit the back of his head against the wall several times. He fought to keep himself from screaming but couldn't stop the tears from rolling down his face. He turned around and slammed his fist into the wall leaving a deep dent. He put both hands over his face and let them slide down to his neck. He walked around in place for a while before slamming his fist in the wall again and left. He hurried towards Kolyats apartment and kept fighting off all the memories surfacing.

"There's nothing more we can do, sere Krios. A lung transplant might give you a little more time, but it's so far along at this stage, there's no guarantee it would even work. I'm sorry, but I'm afraid you don't have much time left"

The doctors words echoed in his head. The past few months had been so perfect, he had almost forgotten about his illness. It wasn't until he passed out the first time while visiting Kolyat that he was forced to face reality. Kolyat took him to the doctors without Kasumi knowing. A couple of tests were enough to confirm what he should have already known.

"Father.. she watched her mother die.. her mate died in her arms.. and now she'll be forced to.."

He couldn't even finish that sentence. Kolyat was concerned. He knew very well of the pain Kasumi had gone through in her life. He knew how happy she'd been with his father and he could barely handle the idea of her having to watch Thane die. He couldn't convince himself into believing she'd make it through something like that. He wasn't sure if it was a selfish thought or one of consideration. He could barely sort his own emotions and he had still seen several of his kind die in the disease. He didn't want to have to see his father go through that but atleast he knew he was strong enough to handle it. Either way, Thane had just nodded in agreement. It had been difficult for him, pretending to get upset about Kasumis precious memories of Keiji. They had in fact not bothered him at all. Rather the opposite, he found it admirable and valued her big heart. But he had to hurt her in order to force her to live on when he was gone.  
He repeated that over and over while walking along the streets. He knew he'd be forced to stay permentantly at the Huerta Hospital soon enough but until then, he'd stay with Kolyat. He suddenly had to stop as he started coughing. He sat down and leaned up against a wall, catching his breath for a moment. He relaxed, closed his eyes and suddenly a memory pushed its way through the surface.  
- _  
She sat so close to him, he could feel the warmth from her bare skin up against his side. He couldn't help but to admire her legs, perfectly represented in those short pants. She was reading the book he'd given her, completely lost in the story. She suddenly turned her gaze towards him, feeling his eyes burn at her side._

_"What?" she offered, smiling at him._

_He just smiled back and couldn't stop himself from leaning in and catch her lips in a tender kiss. She leaned into his kiss and moaned, putting the book to the side and put her arms around his neck. He placed his arm around her waist and helped her lay down on the bed. She followed his lead, letting him place himself ontop of her. Kissing her lovingly, he soon took notice to her racing heart. He broke the kiss and placed his ear towards her chests to hear better._

_"What.. are you doing?" she laughed at him and placed her hand on his head._

_He just smiled and closed his eyes, listening to her heart rate slowing down._

_"I'm listening to the song of your heart"_

_She laughed at his comment and kissed him on the head._

_"What's it singing about?"_

_He allowed himself a few moments to listen._

_"Pain. Loss. Lonliness. Self blame. Confusion. Desperation. Longing.." he paused. "And love. So much painful love.."_

_He lifted his head to face her. She was staring up at the ceiling, fighting tears._

_"There's only so many bad experiences and memories a heart can fill up on before its overwhelmed and shrinks or breaks.." she commented in a whisper._

_Thane leaned up over her and caught her gaze with a serious expression._

_"So let me fill it with good experiences and memories so it can grow and mend"_

_He kissed her eyes, forcing the tears to roll down her face and hit the pillow. He dried the paths they made with his thumb and kissed her again. Her heart started racing once more and he placed his hand ontop of her chest to feel its rythm under his fingertips. He kissed her neck and shoulder as she grabbed the hem of his softpants, pulling him closer. He could feel his arrousal growing and caught on to the slight change of scent she was starting to emit. It pushed his senses into overdrive and he had to focus not to devour her right away. He carefully allowed himself to caress her legs, inviting them to hug his hips and slowly pushed up her tanktop, revealing her stomach and waist. He barely dared look as he had a hard enough time to control himself based off of her smell alone. He caught her lips with his and pushed the tanktop up further. She helped him remove the top completely and he felt his stomach sudden flutter as he watched her breast bounce slightly when she threw the tanktop to the side. She gasped, feeling his member twitch up againsts her pelvis. He couldn't help it, he had never seen a female human naked in real life before. He never thought it would have had him feel so nervous. Again he had to try and calm down not to throw himself over her and devour her right there and then. He started focusing on her neck again, kissing his way down to her tempting breasts. It felt natural so let his tongue flick over her nipples to moments later suckle on them. He was amazed by the feeling of the nipples erect in his mouth and under his touch. "Such sensitive skin humans have.." he thought and closed his eyes, listening to her heavy breathing. He carefully bit her and she let out a loud moan, placing her hands on his shoulders, pushing her breasts closer to him. He rolled the buds between his fingers and watched as very small beads of sweat formed on her chest. He let his tounge wander back up to her neck, tasting the sweatness of her sweat on the way. Everything about her had him pushing the limits, every one of his senses stimulated. He could feel his own breath getting jaggid and he kept reminding himself to stay calm. She leaned closer to his neck and let her own tongue tease his frills. He wasn't prepared for the sensation of it and she quickly suckled it carefully, pushing him into biting her shoulder to keep himself from moaning. She laughed at him._

_"Aooch! Really?"_

_"I'm sorry! I forgot how sensitive human skin is.."_

_She just looked at him for a moment, looked to her side and bit his arm._

_"There. We're even" she said and smiled with her teeth._

_Thane looked at her in surprise and quickly caught her lips in a kiss. He found it harder to hold back the more he explored her but after her playfull bite, he dared pushed further still. He let his hand find its way into her shorts and cupped her butt. It was softer than he ever could have imagined it would be and he couldn't muffle his moan this time around. She grabed the hem of his pants in respons and started pulling them off. He quickly got up to help along. She followed him up onto her elbows and watched him undress. He saw her eyes darken with desire, her lips parting slightly and cheeks blushing as she watched him completely nude, crawling back ontop of her. He stoped at her stomach and kissed his way down to the hem of her short pants. She lifted her arms up and closed her eyes, enjoying it. As he carefully started removing her pants, she helped along by lifting her hips slightly. All naked, he sat up and took her in. He smiled at her, making her blush and hide her face in the pillow, pulling her knees together in embarrassment. He was quick to climb back ontop of her, carefully parting her legs again, removing the pillow and kissing her on the forehead and her blushing cheeks._

_"You are the most beautiful being I have ever laid my eyes on" he said and smiled._

_Her face still colored a lovely pink, she bit the corner of her lower lip and cupped his face._

_"Yea, well.. you're pretty damn beautiful yourself"_

_He smiled with his teeth at her comment and took her hand and kissed it. He kissed her lips and slowly positioned himself ontop of her. Her breahting became raggid as she felt his length up against her. He could feel how nervous she was._

_"Is this okay?"_

_"Yes, most definitely okay. Very much okay" she responded, out of breath._

_He smiled again and took his time kissing her to try and calm her down before he slowly stared moving his hips up against her. She gasped and lifted her hips against his, welcoming his movements. Passionately kissing each other still, he snucked his hand down between her legs and started teasing her entrance with the tip of his fingers. Again he was amazed and surprised, this time by her wetness. He bit his lip forcing himself to hold back, reminding himself of how fragile humans bodies are. Before he knew it, her hands had found their way down to his member to help guide him to her entrance. He looked her deep in the eyes and she kissed him while lifting her hips and letting him enter. He melted as she allowed him to enter further, feeling her trembling body around him. It was so much warmer than he expected, so more more wet. So much more everything. He pulled back out and thrusted back in, having her body react to his every movement inside her. He was rewarded with her body jolting and squirming under him when he turned his mouths attention to her breasts again. She took his hand and guided it down to her hard nub, attentively showing him with his own fingers how she wanted to be touched. It didn't take long to understand and she soon reached her arms up over her head, enjoying every move of passion he had to offer. She suddenly looked up at him and threw herself up and over him, pushing him down and taking command. As a result, her book fell to the floor._

_"Oh no, the bookmark! It fell out!"_

_She pouted with her lower lip at him, having him burst into laughter. She joined in and leaned down to kiss him. As she slowly rode him like that, she placed his hands on her hips and started touching herself. He tried to hide his surprise. This was also new to him and far from anything he had expected. She placed one hand on his chest, leaning forward slightly. He took her hand in his and kissed her palm. She looked up at him and leaned down to kiss his neck and chest. He closed his eyes and lost himself in her scent and rythmic movement. Suddenly, she speeded up slightly and he could feel her muscles hug tighter around him. Her erotic scent became stronger. He opened his eyes in astonishment to watch her arch her back, her breath getting jaggid as she slowly started to climax around him. The feeling left him shocked but he instinctively threw her to her back and quickened the pace, massaging her like she had showed him and as she screamed and shattered into oblivion, her muscles massaged his length, instantly pushing him to his peak as well, twitching inside her, loosing his breath at all the emotions it left him with.  
Both of them was breathing heavily, she reached down and kept touching herself with one hand and held him in place by holding his hips with the other. Soon, she started moving her hips again and he quickly followed her lead as she climaxed a second time, pushing her head back into the pillows, arching her back. She lifted her hand from his hip, biting her own fingers to muffle her moaning, eyes closed. He didn't think he could feel more amazed and stunned at that moment. She put her hand on his neck and pulled him closer, giving his shoulder and neck a couple of kisses before taking him in for an embrace with both arms and legs. He closed his eyes and listened to her breathing, her heart seemingly never calming down its steady, heavy thumping. He placed his ear up against her chest again to listen._

_"Siha.." he whispered._  
-

Thane bit his lower lip and pushed the memory away. He wanted nothing more than to get lost in it but he knew he couldn't. He got back up on his feet and made his way to Kolyat. He grinded his teeth, fighting the memories again.

"Father!"

Kolyat stood outside his apartment and hurried them both inside and locked the door. Thane stopped in the hallway, holding his fists so tight, his knuckles turned a brighter color. Kolyat walked up to him and carefully placed his hand on Thanes shoulder, feeling his muscles slowly relax. He fell to his knees. Kolyat followed him down and watched him break into tears, screaming from the top of his lungs as he slammed his clenched fists onto the floor. He eventually calmed down and let his desperation render his body limp. Kolyat tried to offer support, placing his arm over Thanes shoulder and let him cry like that until he felt too weak to stay awake. Kolyat helped him to the bedroom, offering him to lie down on the bed.

"Rest, father. You did the right thing, you have to keep telling yourself that.."


	36. Insight

**\- 1 month earlier: Thane -**

Kolyat opened up the door and gestured for Thane to hurry up and get inside, anxiously looking around. Thane could feel his body growing weaker each day but he was still able to carry himself without help. Kolyat was trying to help him with everything he could anyway, even taking more and more time off from work. Thane knew very well he wasn't just doing that to keep Thane company. Kasumi had still not given up trying to find Thane and she'd been trying to talk to Kolyat several times. He could see how much it hurt Kolyat to avoid her, not being able to say a word, keeping up the charades of Thanes chosen path. Kolyat rarely talked about it, afraid it would burden his father but Thane could read it across his face, getting colored by sorrow more by the day.

They walked inside and Kolyat closed the door behind them, locking it shut. He sighed and walked into the kitchen to prepare something to drink. Thane followed him into the room and leaned up against the counter behind Kolyat.

"How are you doing?"

"Me? You're asking ME how I'm doing?"

Kolyat gave out obvious frustrated emotions mixed with surprise. Thane gave him a dry smile. Kolyat placed a glass of water infront of his father and leaned back on the counter, drinking from his own glass. Thane let his finger drum against the side of the glass a couple of times, gathering his thoughts.

"It's been a month, hasn't it?"

His question wasn't a question at all. Both of them stood in silence for a while. Kolyat eventually turned around.

"Yea. It's.. not so easy.. watching all of this happen up close.."

He had underestimated how emotional this journey would be. He felt conflicted in keeping this all from Kasumi and at the same time, he kept reminding himself of the pain he was saving her from. Having to live through watching it all himself, he was glad he kept it from her. Atleast that's how he felt most of the time. Other times, he just wanted to talk to his friend, seek out her support, letting her seek his.  
Thane sighed.

"I'm sorry.."

Kolyat turned back around again and leaned against the counter.

"You fainted again today, father.. It was.. scary to witness, to say the least. You hit your head pretty hard and it took forever to get you to the hospital. Maybe.." he paused and faced Thane. "..maybe it'd be better if we started thinking about you moving there? I don't want to push you away, I'll be there with you as well. I just want you to be close to the doctors if something like that would happen again"

Thane nodded, staring down into the glass, taking a few sips of water. His thoughts were interupted by someone knocking on the door. Kolyat shot Thane a quick glance before walking up the door, starting up the peephole camera. His stomach gutted out at the sight of Kasumi standing there. He turned on the microphone.

"Kolyat.. please.."

She looked terrible. The bags under her eyes were dark and he could tell she'd lost weight. He looked over at Thane, feeling confused. He was met by his large eyes, fixed on the screen. He was breathing heavily, his jaw tensed. Kolyat turned off the screen and walked back to his father in haste, wanting to console him. They could hear Kasumis desperate attempts to scream through the door, unaware that the microphone was still on. Thane turned to Kolyat, confusion painting his face pale. He felt sorry for him, placed a hand on his shoulder and simply nodded at him, encouring him to walk up to the door and hear her out. He knew very well Thane would regret not listening to what she had to say, especially it he were to move to Huerta.

Thane gathered all of his strenght to walk up to the door. He sat down and leaned up against it, knowing she must be aware of someones presence on this side of the door. He heard her scramble up to her knees, turning around to face the door again.

"Kolyat.. please.. if you can hear me? I love him. He's my everything. He never believed me but he IS my world. My entire life.. all of it.. it all led up to finding him again. And I.. I fucked up. Please.. I need to find him.."

She grew silent for a moment. Thane squeezed his eyes shut, tensing his jaws. He clenched his fists and tried his best not to say anything.

"Kolyat, he promised he wouldn't abandon me! I need him to keep that promise.. I can't live without him, please.."

His eyes flew open, growing large. He relaxed his jaw as his lips parted and he could feel the tears starting to burn his eyes, fighting the memory of the two of them together in the air ducts the first time she had reminded him of his abandonment of her.  
She grew silent again. He turned around, placing his forehead against the door. He could sense her on the other side, her frame smaller than usual. He could feel the faint smell of alcohol and closed his eyes, feeling his resolve falter. She broke the silence again, the sound of desperation heavy in her voice.

"Just.. if.."

She paused. Thane opened his eyes, waiting for her to continue.

".. could you just.. please tell him I love him? Please? Ask him to come back to me? And.. and if he can't forgive me or if he.. can't come back to me.. atleast just.. tell him I'm sorry and I love him.."

He grinded his teeth and bit his tongue not to say anything, fighting off the burning tears. Moments later, he could hear something fall into the compartment next to the door and he was quick to open it. Inside, he found her ring on a chain. The memory unwillingly flushed over him faster and harder than he was prepared to tackle.

- _  
He was reading one of his books when she came into life support and casually sat down next to him, giving out a big sigh. The mood on the Normandy was heavy and silent. Soon, they'd jump through the relay and everyone seemed focused on doing their own thing. She snuggled up close to him and the words in his book seemed to blur away in his sight. He was nervous but Kasumi didn't seem to notice. She just playfully turned the page in his book and looked up at him with big eyes._

_"You done with that? Lets go do something more fun, hm? I totally accidentally overheard Samara mention that Garrus wasn't in his quarters and I don't think he'd mind us just taking a quick look, placing a couple of harmless traps in his underware drawer.." she paused for a second. "If turians have underware drawers. I'm not sure I want to find out.." she paused again. "No, now I'm curious. I need to find out" she said and smiled to herself, hugging Thanes arm._

_Thane put the book to the side and kissed her hair. He casually placed his foot on the locker under his bed and pushed it slightly. He knew exactly what effect that would have on Kasumi.  
She shot him him a quick glance and sat up._

_"What are you trying to hide from me, sere Krios? You know you'll never get away with it!"_

_She threw herself down on her knees on the floor and pulled out the metal crate from under the bed. She looked up at Thane with squinted eyes and pressed lips as she boldly threw the crate open. He just smiled at her. Everything looked the same, save for a small wooden box that caught her attention. She gave it a curious look and looked up at Thane questioningly. He smiled at her and got down next to her on the floor, picking up the little box. He gestured for her to sit back up on the bed again while he closed the crate back up and pushed it to the side. He stood on his knees infront of the bed, placing his hands on her lap holding the box._

_"You remember the last time the Normany docked at earth? I had this made for you back then. If you want it, that is. Its.. a promise. A memento, I believe humans call it? I've never had the need for those before but these days I find that.. I would really want to"_

_He opened the little box, revealing the ring. He lifted it up and presented it to her. She couldn't take her eyes of it. It didn't sport any oversized rocks, nothing special that caught the light in the room or stood out much. Just a simple, thin white golden band and she wasn't quite sure where this was going._

_"I know you've faced some terrible hardships in your life and we're all about to face one more very soon. So this.. this is a promise. That if we survive, I'll do everything in my power not to add to your sorrows"_

_Kasumis felt her stomach twist under the pressure of nervs. She stared at him with big eyes, feeling tears rolling down her cheeks as she let him hang it on a silver chain and helped her put it around her neck. She rolled the ring between her fingers and looked up at Thane smiling at her. She cupped his face and planted a demanding kiss on his lips, throwing her arms around his neck. A short moment later, she broke the kiss._

_"A drell wanting a memento. This was definitely more fun to find out about than the secrets in a turian underware drawer"_

_They both burst out laughing and let themselves melt into each others embrace.  
-_

His strength gave out, falling against the door, sliding down to a sitting position.

"Could you please return that to him?"

He heard her walk away from the door. Kolyat came running up to his father, falling down to his knees infront of him. Thanes hands trembled as he handed him the ring.

"I failed her.. again.."

He pushed himself up to his feet, Kolyat offering his arm to help.

"I'm.. I have to meditate.." he offered and made his way to the bedroom.

Kolyat stood left standing in the hallway with the ring in his hands. He squeezed it between his fingers and lifted it up.

"Tu-fira.."

A memory of Kolyats surfaced.

- __  
His terminal chimed. Another message from his father. He had come to really enjoy their messaging, always looking forward to his respons.  
His messages had become more and more personal through time, opening himself up to, and openly starting to admit, things he really felt. Kolyat took pride in being able to guide his father to his emotional realisations but he was getting increasingly frustrated with how blind he was to his most obvious feelings.  
He was constantly talking about Kasumi. Things she did and things she had said, about her silly pranks around the Normandy and his admiration of her in combat. He had tried to lead him towards his own realisation but to no avail. Thane seemed to remain in the dark.

_He quickly read through the message briefly informing about their last mission and focused mainly on Kasumis and Thanes evening at the book fair. He sighed. He was getting tired of being so careful and sensitive._

_"Father,_  
I'm glad to hear your last mission was a success. We're not hearing much here on the citadel but any news of your commander is always on the first page of every paper.  
I'm also glad to hear you and Kasumi had a nice evening at the book fair but before I share my thoughts on the matter, I'd like to begin by apologizing for being blunt. I've come to believe there's no other way for me to lead you to this realisation, father, so forgive me.  
Regarding your feelings for Kasumi..  
Tu-fira, father. Open your eyes"  
\- 


	37. The song

**\- 1 week earlier: Thane -**

He'd been living permantently at the Huerta Hospital for close to 2 weeks. Kolyat tried to convince the doctors to let him stay there as well but wasn't allowed to. Instead he spent all the visiting hours by his side every single day. He assured him that it was okay, taking so much time off from work. His superior even came along one day, bringing a basket full of fruits and high praise on the good work his son was doing. Kolyat only smiled and blushed slightly at the compliments his superior was sending his way. He soon excused himself, giving Kolyat a pat on the shoulder and Thane a quick nod.

"It was a pleasure meeting you, sere Krios. I mean, sir Tannor Nuara"

He smiled and with that, he left Thane and Kolyat by themselves. They sat in silence for a while, looking out the large window. Thane soon turned to him and studied his son carefully.

"You look well. Better, atleast. How are things? Were you able to find her today?"

Kolyat gave him a relaxed smile.

"Yes, but only for a very brief moment." He paused for a while, changing his seating slightly to face Thane better. "I did as you asked. I've kept removing all recorded sightings of her the few times she was seen on the citadel. Noone looking for her will find anything on record"

Thane nodded, closing his eyes, feeling relieved. Ever since Kasumis visit to Kolyats apartment, Thane had tracked her movements on a daily basis. It pained him, watching her hurt herself the way she did but it still made him feel better seeing her than not. He kept pushing off moving to Huerta as he knew he'd be unable to keep watch over her once he did. The only thing convincing him to move in the end, was Kolyats promise to watch over Kasumi as long as she was still an easy target to track. In her sorrow, she had become sloppy or simply did not care. He was afraid she'd get herself hurt. Or rather, that one of her enemies would seize the opportunity.

"She finally started to become untracable again. I only saw her at the casino yesterday because she met up with Commander Shepard, just like I suspected she would. She was asked to join up with the crew again and though she hesitated, I'm keeping my hopes up that she'll decide to join. In either case, we've starting getting reports on strange thefts and none's the wise of who the thief is. If you ask me, that could only be one person"

Thane gave out a small chuckle that quickly turned into a violent cough. Kolyat gestured to one of the passing nurses who came running over with some soothing liquid for Thanes throat. Tensing his muscles with every cough had started becoming so painful, he'd found himself in need of sitting down after each attack. The medicines helped ease the pain but he only accepted them during the night as they made him drowsy. He helped himself to a mouthful of the sweet liquid and leaned back in his chair.

"Thank you" he offered the nurse who smiled back at him with a nod.

"Let me know if there's anything else I can do for you"

Thane just smiled up at her and inclined his head. The nurse left.

"They're taking good care of you, I hope"

Kolyat tried to sound casual but he easily gave away how worried he really was. Thane pursued his lips and nodded. Their conversations of late had either been about Kasumi or Thanes well being . Naturally, those were the two most pressing matters but Thane felt bad for Kolyat. He tried to steer the conversation towards him but he quickly reflected it back to Thane.

"I, eh.. I've seen her leave the old apartment and go to the other one a couple of times now. She always returns to the old one at night, but it still gives me some hope. Might mean she's ready to move forward. The casino heists was also an indicator. Pulling off something like that under everyones noses.. And on top of that, it would seem that the refugees are suddenly getting a lot of well needed dontations. There's no ties between the events, really. But I don't see it being anyone else doing that.."

Kolyat persued his lips in an expression of admiration. Thane took pride in his son growing into the realisations of lifes grey areas, where a bad deed actually could lead to something good and that a well meant gesture could lead to distaster. He also felt his heart swell at the idea of Kasumi doing something like that.

"You say she talked to Sarah? I heard earth was attacked but I haven't heard from her yet. I tried to call but it didn't get through. I'd like to contact her. I think I'll send the Normandy a message"

Kolyat shot up a brow at the comment.

"You can't be serious! Kasumi could easily find out"

Kolyat was right, of course. If Kasumi was planning on joining up with the crew again, or more precisely, if she already had, she'd have access to the Normany systems and would for sure keep tags on any news traveling in and out of the Normandy. He'd have to be smarter than that.

"I'll.. send her a direct encrypted message. It would have to go through earths comm systems though. I'm not sure it'll get through but if it does, Kasumi would have no access to it.."

The plan seemed to calm Kolyat slightly as the tension left his shoulders. Thane couldn't tell if he was relieved by the thought that Kasumi wouldn't find out about Thanes whereabouts or of the fact that Kolyat had been avoiding, and bascially lying, to her. 

"Okay.." He rubbed his hand together for a while before proceeding. "I.. this thing is starting to grow heavy in my pocket. I'd like you to take it back"

He respectfully handed Thane Kasumis ring. Thane arched a brow at the sight, not quite believing he'd ever see it again.

"Do with it as you wish, father. But I must be honest with you. Now that I see her slowly finding her footing again, I.. I feel I might not have given her enough credit. Maybe.. in the end, she deserved to know. Deserved to remember you for your kindness and love. Not for your harsh words and cold heart" He paused. "We're not so different, her and me. In the end, it was a flip of a coin. I get to be with you in your final moments. And she's kept in the dark. It's weighing heavy on my conscious. Right now.. I wouldn't want to imagine myself in her position as where a few months ago, I almost envied her the gift of oblivion.."

Thane turned the ring between his fingers, taking Kolyats words to heart. He himself had become unsure if this path had been the best one to take in the end. He missed her terribly, constantly loosing himself in memories of her. And as his body grew weaker, he admitted feeling more selfish. Wanting people he cared for near him, to support him. Kolyat smacked his lips and stood up.

"I apologize, I have to cut my visit short today. I promised my superior I'd make it in to work today. I'll come back in time for lunch and blood donation"

Thane stood up with him and they hugged. Kolyat smiled and left with haste. Thane found himself admiring his son. He had come to Huertas on a regular basis for months, well before Thane moved here, to donate as much blood and plasma as he could in case Thane needed it. He kept turning the ring between his fingers. He knew he had to get this back to her somehow and he started to form a plan in his mind. He could feel his mind getting blurry and he brought up his omnitool to conduct a message to Shepard before he'd forget. He noticed his short term memory sometimes fail him as of late. He often sucum to dizziness and felt numb and was afraid he'd soon suffer more of Kepral's side effects on the brain.  
After sending his message to Sarah, he decided to take his next step in his plan. He sent out a message to Garrus, hoping it would patch through, asking for help and a moment to talk.

Later that day, he requested a couple of hours outside of the hospital. After Garrus respons, promising to help him, he had the sudden need to move around. After much protests from the doctors, they finally agreed to a few hours of freedom. He decided against telling Kolyat, knowing he'd be stuck at work for the rest of the day anyway. He was careful not to be seen, phasing in and out of shadows, fully enjoying feeling strong and fast. Soon he found himself up on the catwalk where he'd first met Carrin as a child. He sat down and closed his eyes, letting the memory surface.

- _  
He watches her from behind. "Such a tiny frame" he thought, finding himself falling for the limits of what the eye can reveal about a person. "Drala'fa", he reminded himself but still felt the need to test this small creatures abilities. He had seen her around, moving with ease to reach her targets and he caught himself feeling impressed. She had no official training but still moved like few of the older drell childred trained in the compact. He made his presence known and could see her muscles tensing up. She turned around, looking straight at him but was unable to see him. He could see goosebumps form on her neck as she stood up and started walking away. He walked alongside her as she suddenly jolted over the railing and jumped an impressive distance to the other side, falling in behind a crate. He could hear her racing heart and made it to the other side with ease without her taking notice. He smiled down at her as she took a quick glance around the crate. He found himself facinated by her ability to calm her heart without any training in meditation and sat down next to her. After a short conversation, he made his way back into the shadows. He looked back at her, her face colored by confusion. He smiled and left._  
-

Back then, he had really only thought of her as a tool, a means to an end. Thinking back, he could barely believe the long journey they'd taken, both apart and together. He got back up to his feet, making his way to the tea shop they used to meet up at from time to time. It had since turned into a karaoke bar and Kasumi had tried to convince him to go a couple of times. Now, he almost regretted not going, finding himself wanting those memories. However, other memories made themselves known.

- _  
She looks pale and tired. She jokes it off, blaming him for any bags under her eyes. He hadn't slept much himself that night spent talking with Kolyat. He was feeling emotional and in an overwhealming need to touch her. He offers her the results of his attempt in trying to calm Kolyat, hoping that this will be good news for her. However pleased he felt over finally starting to break down Kolyats walls, he felt just as horribly sad and defeated imagining loosing Kasumi because of it. She put her cup down but said nothing. He tried to read her body language but she didn't give away anything. Suddenly, her hands started to wander across the table towards his. His heart skipped a beat, his eyes suddenly feeling dry as he blinked a few times. He got lost in his own imagination of the sensation to come, feeling her hands on his and before long, her fingertips brushed up against his. He lost all his restraints, taking her hands in his and turned them over. He lifted them up and kissed her wrists. As he was soon made aware of her heart skipping a beat, he phased back into reality but couldn't make himself pull away, kissing her wrists once again. To his surprise, she leaned into his kiss. She inhaled sharply, waking him up from his trance. How he wished they could have stayed like that forever._  
-

He mindlessly wandered through the streets, letting his feet lead him wherever. It wasn't long until he found himself outside her apartment. Before he moved to Huerta, he'd been there many times to check up on her. Another memory pushed through.

- _  
He carefully opened the door, knowing exactly how to keep it from chiming when opening up. After all, it was an apartment he had picked out for her when she was a child. He knew it inside out, both weaknesses and strengths. She lay passed out on the bed just as he knew she would. There's half empty bottles on the night stand and the stench is overwhelming him. He picks up the bottles silently and pours the rest of the content out into the sink. He put the bottles back. He watched her sleep with her back turned to him. She looked smaller, her skin slightly pasty. She had bruises on her legs. He squeezed his eyes shut and clenched his fist, trying to remind himself over and over that in the end, this was for the best. He carefully sits down on the edge of the bed. She rolled over to her side, not waking up. He closed his eyes and focused on her breathing. It was weak. He dared reach out and lightly places the back of his hand on her chest, feeling her slow heart beat under his light touch. She sighs in her sleep and whispers his name.  
-_

He made his way up to the door and taped into the security panel, listening in on a converstaion between Kasumi and, what Thane assumed to me, the AI version of himself. Suddenly, he felt dizzy and disoriented. Several memories fought to make themselves reminded of the time he had first found out about the AI. That uncontrollable anger and his need to get away from her to avoid hurting her. Suddenly, he found himself cloaked inside the apartment, standing on the edge of an impressive holo cast by the AI, absorbing portions of the room. Kasumi looked as confused as he felt, not seemingly taking notice to him standing so close to her. She was listning to the AI giving her a speech on loosing oneself in memories. Thane turned to Kasumi and as the AI reached out to cup her face, he followed its movement and let his finger brush up against her cheek. The sensation left his fingertips burning in desire for more. She jumps up from the bed.

"This.. this isn't real.."

As she dove down into the AIs program, Thane snapped back into reality. He quickly exited the apartment and ran down the street, feeling the need to get back to the hospital as he started coughing. He could hear her exit the apartment and he fought the urge to cough as he hid in the shadows so she wouldn't notice him. When she was out of sight, he pulled himself back together and gave out a heavy sigh. He touched his neck, finding the ring hanging on the chain. He made his way back to the apartment, not sure if she would return here again but he needed to give the ring back. He needed to know that she'd have a chance of finding it once he was gone.  
He hurried inside and browsed through possible places to hide it. He eventually walked into the bedroom, opening the drawer in the night stand. Inside, he found the book he had left behind when he had walked out on her. It was more worn than he remembered. "She must have read it several times.." He picked it up and found the paper cover near the back to be slightly loose. He took the ring off of the chain and pushed it in under the covers. It wasn't noticeable right away but it was visible enough to see if you started browsing through the book.  
Satisfied with the hiding spot, he exited the apartment and stumbled back to the hospital. Feeling things were back on track, he knew he'd sleep easy that night. Slowly falling asleep, he recited a memory to himself in his mind of the first time he had finally admitted how he had truly felt about Kasumi.  
 __  
"She embraces me with force.. loosing my breath being so close to her.. 'please don't leave me again', she whispers.. touches my neck. I.. can't restrain myself, need to hold her closers. Feel her closer. To touch her and make her mine. To ensure her. I lean in and her heart beats faster. Harder. It sings to me"


	38. Fragmented

**\- Present day -**

_"Urgent. Need to talk to you now"_

She ran towards Zakera Ward, constantly having to dodge out of peoples way as they ran around in pure panic.

"Garrus! I'm almost in position. What's your status?"

"We can't push through. Sources tells us Cerberus have taken control of all the docking stations. You need to open it up so we can dock. Patching Shepard through"

"Kasumi! I'm sorry we contacted you this way. You've been dodging my calls and I was afraid you'd ignore me on one this too"

Two cerberus soldiers took notice to Kasumi, dashing towards them and landed their sights on her. She quickly summoned her decoy running towards one of the guard while cloaking, spinning around behind the other and easily rendered him unconcious. The other guard kept shooting at the decoy, obviously confused by the bullets going straight through it. He turned around only go be greeted by a leg sweep and a fist to the side of his face. She placed a few scanners around and kept running.

"Hey, that's cool, Shep. Like, slapping yourself in the face and then blaming me that it hurts"

"I'm one in a million, what can I say. Have you reached the consols yet?"

"Almost there! It's times like these I realise that life would be much simpler if the bad guys didn't sport guns.."

She could hear Sarah scoff as she quickly dodged out of sight for the next set of guards running down the streets, passing her. She counted three guard watching the consols and gave one of the them a running kick to the face, spun around and grabbed the other soldier around the throat with her arm, spinning back around again to bend his back backwards and shot the third guard before he understood what was going on, snapping the neck of the one she was already forcing into an unatural position.  
She stood back up, brushing some imaginary dust off of her arm and turned to the consols. She quickly hacked it.

"I'm in, Shep. You're welcome to dock, but hurry. My scanners tells me there's more guards coming this way and I'm a little short on fire power to handle them all by myself"

"We're coming. Just make your way to c-sec headquarters. We need to clear it from Cerberus if we want to retake control"

"Got it! I'm leaving you to clear the dock then since I'm assuming they're gonna get here before you dock. You know, cos you're so slow"

"Don't you mess with me, Kasumi!" Joker scolded.

She laughed and dashed out of sight before the guards arrived, leaving them for Shepard and the crew to handle.

-

"Shep! We're pinned down. I've got Bailey with me but he's been shot. Need help!"

"We're coming! Hold on!"

Kasumi was never one for camping in one place while under attack and now she found herself having to protect a much stationary Bailey. She cursed under her breath.

"I gotta be honest with you there, Bai. I'm not much invested in.. well.. heavy armor, sort of speak. I don't do well under direct attack like this" She paused and sent out an overload into the middle of the group of soliders, finishing them off with a few well placed headshots. "We need Shepard here soon or we're f.. well.."

"I get it. I can still hold my own, Miss Goto. Do your thing, we got your back"

Kasumi gave him a quick nod and bolted over the crate, cloaking herself, jumping into the middle of a larger group soldiers. A few hard kicks and shots to a couple of heads and her positon soon had the full attention of a very confused group of soldiers. She uncloaked, holding a charged grenade in each hand.

"Hello, boys!"

All eyes on her, it took mere seconds for Garrus, Shepard and the c-sec officers to snipe them all down before they even had a chance to move. Kasumi threw the granades into the next group of soldiers and jumped out of the way, leaving her decoy behind. Shepard and Garrus sniped the remaning soldiers effectivly and joined her behind the crate.

"Holy shit, Kasumi. Serious balls" Shepard gave Kasumi a quick pat on the shoulder.

"I'm one in a million, what can I say" 

Shepard smiled at her and walked up to Bailey.

"Status report"

"They locked us out. We've been trying to get inside but not only are we under attack, the damn consols aren't even responding from this side"

Shepard nodded and pointed at Kasumi.

"Kasumi, you do you"

Kasumi swaggered up to the consol, cracking her fingers for show. She took out one of her toys and managed to light up the consol within a few seconds.

"I learned this trick while aquiring a batarian ceremonial headdress some time ago. My employer at the time wasn't very forthcoming with payment so I kept it for some time. Scary looking thing. Last I heard, Matheteu Pelery from the Blue Suns owns it. I was just glad to be rid of it" She paused for a few seconds. "Once this consol is avaliable, it's not all that difficult to hack. And besides, it's not the first time I'm hacking it"

Sarah couldn't help but to look over at Bailey, biting the inside of her mouth to keep herself from smiling. Kasumi glanced over her shoulder, giving Bailey a guilty look. She shrugged her shoulders and Baily just shook his head. She smiled and turned back to the consol.

"And.. we're in"

The group made it inside. Bailey threw himself at the terminal and started setting up a new communication channel for the c-sec officers. He soon found out about a salarian councilor being there for a meeting with the executor, quickly throwing guesses that she might be in the executor's office for cover. Shepard nodded, setting up a communication channel with Bailey.

"Let's move, people!"

They soon arrived at the office, spotting the councilor below.

"Liara, Javik. Get down to the councilor. Garrus, Kasumi. Find an advantage point. We need to make sure the area is safe, fast!"

Garrus and Kasumi made their way into the air ducts, climbing up to get abetter view point. They tried opening a few grids on the way but they were all wielded shut. Through one of the grids, Garrus noticed something move in the corner of his eye.

"Shepard! Keep an eye out, we saw movement"

Moments later, they heard Shepard smash a window. They hurried up to the closest grid and looked down to witness Shepard jump down to the councilor, facing off with an unknown attacker. They saw Liara and Javik soon join up behind her.

"Garrus! We need to get down there!"

"No, try and get the grid open, we need a clear shot, fast!"

"I'll climb further up. Maybe we can get in the same way he did"

Garrus nodded and brought up his omni-blade, trying to cut through the grid at his side. Kasumi climbed further up until the vent became horizontal and she got a clear view of the room below her. She tried to navigate herself to the same grid the attacker must have entered through when she suddenly saw someone familiar below her.

"Garrus!"

Garrus rushed up to her side.

"Garrus! We.. we have to get inside! Thane! He's.. he's fighting Kai Leng! I have to get to him!"

Both of them desperately tried and get the grid below them to open. Kasumi hands were shaking. She couldn't focus on what she was doing and kept looking down at Thane. Suddenly, he attacked and stoped right in his tracks. Kasumis heart stopped as she witnessed Leng pull out his blade, dripping red with Thanes blood. The color drained from her face, suddenly feeling dizzy to the point of fainting.

"THANE! NO!"


	39. Repercussions

"Shepard! The citadel is under attack by Cerberus"

"That's probably why we can't dock.. Can you do anything from your side?"

"No. I've been helping c-sec here, holding off the attack on Huerta, setting up a safe point for the wounded. To unlock a dock for you.. I wouldn't even know how to without going through alliance control station. It's been swarmed by Cerberus soldiers, no chance of getting there. Get Kasumi. She can hack the terminals directly at the docks without having to involve the headquarters"

"Garrus! Contact Kasumi!"

Thane allowed himself to breath for a moment. The attack had been sudden and they struck hard. He had pushed through the pain and let his muscle memory take control, pushing off the advance on Huerta. Now the staff had their hands full, running around to try to size up every wounded person coming in as fast as possible. Most people weren't severely hurt, but they were all in shock.  
He listened in on the conversation between Shepard and Kasumi. His strength gave out, hearing her voice. He had already talked about the situation with Sarah during her last visit and he could hear how she avoided mentioning him being the source of information. He found himself thinking that she sounded happy, back to her old self. The moment he heard of where she was heading, he left Huerta and started tracing her steps. She was too busy taking out several guards in her path to notice him watching her. She looked better. Great, in fact. After taking out the last set of guards, she stood up and brushed off some imaginary dust off of herself. Thane smiled at the gesture. He knew very well that was something she'd picked up from him, one of his unbreakable habbits.  
He signaled Shepard for a privat conversation.

"I need to head towards C-sec headquarters"

"Why there?"

"If we don't take it back, we've already lost. I'm suspecting it might be locked down and overrun, however. Making my way over there now. I'll try to clear it a bit but have Kasumi head over there and open up a safe path"

"I'm on it"

Thane could hear the annoyance in her voice. He couldn't blame her. In any other situation, he would simply contact Kasumi himself. But how could he? He could no longer convince himself that what he was doing was right. He had told himself he'd been saving her from pain but maybe he was causing her more pain this way. He looked over at Kasumi one last time before heading out. He could hear her tease Joker and couldn't help but to smile. Maybe not. Maybe he had chosen correctly. She really did look a lot better.

He closed his eyes for a brief moment before making his way towards c-sec headquarters. He managed to find a sidedoor but like all other doors into the headquarters, this one was under lockdown. He contacted Kolyat.

"Kolyat, have you made it out?"

"Yes. I'm helping to set up safe transport paths for the wounded to Huerta. Have you gotten to the headquarters?"

"I'm in position but it's under lockdown. I'll have to wait for Kasumi to open it before I can enter"

He found a better advantage point and watched Kasumi arrive at the scene. It was overun by soldiers. He took out his sniper and helped Bailey and the c-sec offiers unnoticed. It wasn't long until Bailey was hit, however. Thane curse under his breath. He could hear Kasumi over the com, asking for backup. He knew Shepard would be there soon but he had to fight himself not to simply jump down to her and help. He looked at the pinned down group through his scope. Both him and Kasumi had never been much for stationary combat and here she was, forced into it. Suddenly, he noticed Bailey glance up in his direction, giving him a quick nod before turning back to Kasumi, saying something. Moments later, she jumps out from cover, cloaked and runs into the middle of a large group soldiers. Thanes heart skipped a beat in pure fright. What was she thinking? He could see a couple of soldiers fall around her as she suddenly reappeared, grenades in both hands. It was all he could do to stop himself from jumping down there when he suddenly realised what she was doing, seeing Shepard and Garrus arrive at the scene. He took aim and shot down a couple of soldiers. He sighed in relief.

"Serious balls" he heard Shepard compliment Kasumi over the com and Thane couldn't argue with that compliment, shaking his head.

-

"Bailey just informed me about the salarian councilor meeting with the executor and the danger she's in! She's most likely in the executors office. I know another way for you to get there faster than Shepard can. The councilors needs to be protected, father"

Thane followed Kolyats directions, finding another entrance into the executors office. He was instantly greeted by Kai Leng, about to attack. On pure instincts, without really thinking, he intervened. His whole body hurt, he could barely breath normally but he parried each blow Leng had to offer. It wasn't long until he heard someone trying to break down a duct grid high above him. He knew who it must be, watching him. He knew how she must be feeling, wanting to jump down to help him. He had to finish it fast and get out. Suddenly, his body stopped reacting. It didn't listen to him, telling it to jump to the side, telling it to avoide the blade. No, his body stiffened, his mind got blurry. The blade pulled out, covered in his blood.

"THANE! NO!"

He could hear her above him as the grid suddenly gave out. He glanced up, seeing Garrus throwing his arms around Kasumi to stop her from throwing herself heads first down the opening.

"Kasumi! You'll fall!"

Shepard ran after Leng. Thane needed to get out of there. He had to move. He followed Shepard as fast as he could, leaving the rest of the crew to tend to a very shocked councilor. He walked down the stairs, limping, missing a couple of steps every now and then. His body was screaming in pain. Shepard ran back to him as Leng fled. After a short exchange of words, Shepard ran up the stairs, past a cloaked Kasumi, to get the crew on Lengs tail.

* * *

Kasumi squirmed out of Garrus's grip and started making her way down to the room below. Her vision blurry, she kept loosing her footing. She landed on the floor below, breaking her fall clumsily, giving the crew a shock.

"Kasumi, wait!"

Garrus tried to catch up with her as she ran out after Thane. She cloaked as Shepard ran past her, afraid she'd try and stop her. It didn't take long to find him, leaned up against the wall below the stairs. She stopped in her tracks. A hard knot grew large in her stomach. She watched him from a distance, gasping for air, a small pool of blood forming around him. She could hear her own heartbeats as her legs grew weak and she stumbled up towards him, keeping her distance, almost afraid he'd run if she'd got to close.

He looked straight at her.

Tears forced their way to her eyes, rolling down her face. She was trembling, letting the strength leave her legs completely, falling to her knees. She uncloaked and carefully crawled closer. He watched her with half open eyes, breathing unevenly. When she was close enough, she reached out and carefully touched the swords entery point. Thane hissed at the pain. She looked up at him, him looking down straight into her eyes. She didn't hesitate and caught his lips in a demanding kiss. She got no respons. She cupped his face and kissed him again, planting kisses on his eyes and forehead. His hand fell to his side and she leaned back. He was unconscious.  
Garrus came running down the stairs joined by a few doctors.

"Kasumi!"

He pulled her away from Thane.

"No.. no, I.." she tried to protest but had no strength left in her to fend him off. She watched the doctors perform quick first help before removing him. She felt a pressure across her chest and she couldn't breathing.

"Kasumi.. breath, try and breath. You can't follow and we need to talk"

She shook her head. 

"I'm sorry, Garrus. I can't lose him again"

Garrus held her tight, unwilling to let her go but she knew she couldn't let Thane dissapear again. She cloaked and squirmed out of Garrus's grip, chasing after Thane and the doctors to Huerta hospital.

-

She remained cloaked as she observed the entire operation through a window. She heard Kolyat arriving, running up to one the doctors coming out from the OR. As things were calming down in the operating room, she dared breath again and snuck over to listen in on the converstaion between Kolyat and the doctor.

"You know what will happen next, Kolyat. We're keeping high hopes that he'll wake up from surgery so we can quickly inform him and let him make his final preparations" He paused for a moment, placing his hand on Kolyats shoulder. "He's badly wounded. There are no guarantees but we can atleast try and help him prepare"

Kolyat simply nodded, his features tensed. He took out a prayer book and sat down to read it. Kasumi wanted to sit down next to him so badly but how could she? He had pushed her away and refused talking to her. She felt convinced he did not want her near to begin with. Her mind was scattered, her head hurting but she had a brief moment of clarity, extending her cloak to her AI who followed the doctors into a small archive room. She had him download everything he could find on Thane before heading back to the OR. She took a quick look inside and sat down on the floor, trying her best to focus her hearing. It all seemed to go smoothly and it wasn't long until they rolled him out of the OR and into a privat room full of strange machines. Kolyat followed close by and Kasumi didn't waste a second joining them. She hid in the corner of the room as the nurses booted up the machines and fixed things up a bit up a bit before they carefully lifted Thane over to the fresh bed. Another doctor entered the room, holding a pad.

"Kolyat, I'm glad you're here. He should be out of it for a little while longer so we got some time. After the surgery, I'm afraid we might be short on drell blood again so I'd need you to donate some more, if possible. This whole plan was.. difficult to begin with but counting in that wound?" The doctor sighed and browsed something on the pad. "We're gonna need to roll with the punshes here"

"Of course, doctor. Lead the way"

The two left the room. She dared sneak closer and took Thanes hand in hers. She hugged it tenderly, savoring the sensation of his soft scales under her touch. She had stopped taking the vaccin Mordin had made and she suspected Thane had done the same. She could feel his venom tingle slightly on her lips from kissing him earlier. She closed her eyes and lifted his hand, kissing his fingers. She carefully crawled into bed to lay down next to him, placing his arm around her. She put her arm around him, snuggling up close. She felt as if she could have died right there and then with him, just slipping away to distant shores together, leaving all the pain and sorrow behind. He suddenly moaned, muscles tensing slightly. Kasumi slipped off of the bed, carefully making her way back into the corner of the room, watching him wake up. He inhaled sharply and let his fingers land on his newly operated wound. He squeezed his eyes closed, giving away the pain and tension he must be feeling. She didn't dare breath, feeling a mixture of happiness and fright that he'd sense her. He probably did not want her there. She tried focusing on breathing calmly, watching him slowly take in his surroundings. A nurse came in, helping him correct the bed to a comfortable, slightly more seated position. He thanked him.

"I'm really glad to see you made it through surgery, sere Krios. The doctors can tell you more about how it all went, if you want, and talk you through the next step. They should be here shortly. Also, Commander Shepard have been informed, just like you asked. She should be here soon too, but we have things to prepare before her arrival. Kolyat is outside, donating some more blood. I'll let him know you're awake"

Thane gave a quick nod and the nurse left. What was going on? What were they all talking about? Thane closed his eyes, seemingly trying to focus or meditate. She suddenly felt so happy, just seeing him again that her heart started beating so hard, she had to sit to calm herself down. He suddenly opened his eyes, staring at the ceiling. His jaw tensed. Had he sensed her? She could see him clench his fist, pressing his lips together, seemingly building up anger. He started breathing heavier and Kasumi could feel the hair on her neck standing.  
The tension was broken when the doctors and Kolyat came in. Kasumis eyes darted between them and Thane, trying to quickly judge if she should run or not. Maybe leaving would result in him thinking that he was just imagining her being there. She looked over at Thane just as he blinked hard, pushing tears through that rolled down his face. He was quick to wipe them away with the back of his hand, smiling up at his son, clearing his throat.  
Kasumi felt stunned. Had he been trying to hold back tears? She found herself staring at him, loosing focus of everything else around. She snapped back into reality when the door to the room closed and she was once again trapped.

"Krios. Do you have any questions about the next step we are about to take?"

"Hm.. yes, a few. Could you.. open the window first?"

The window was right behind Kasumi. Kolyat walked over, almost brushing up against her. Once he walked back to Thane, she could relax slightly again, standing infront of the open window, feeling the light breeze passing her.

"Is that better, father?"

"Thank you, Kolyat"

He broke out in a horrible cough. Kasumi fought the urge to walk up to him to try and ease his pain. Kolyat helped him drink some sort of liquid that seemed to help a bit.

"So. The questions?"

"Yes. For how long.. no.. what can we expect.. wh- what are the risks?"

The doctor gave him a strange look.

"Well, we've talked a lot about that but.. I could repeat the general procedure, if you'd like" He brought up his pad and browsed it a bit before continuing. "So. Doctor Solus will be here momentarily. He just have a few more things to prepare for. Basically, we're putting you in a barb coma. A sort of induced coma. This will slow down your metabolizm and your cerbral circulation. That, in turn, will let your body heal on a different level than when your brain is fully functional. You've already noticed how Kepral's effected your brain. Your memories, movements.. During your coma, the brain will shrink and this will lower the need for oxygen.."

"When fully awake, organ tissue keeps breaking down. Under coma, slows down and gives your already damaged organs a chance to respond to treatment. Will force healthy blood through your organs. Sword wound tricky. Hopefully no repercussions. Best scenario, no repercussions. Wakes up and all will be well. Worst scenario, death"

Mordin made his entrance and quickly took over. He walked up to Thane and shook his hand respectfully.

"Thane. Assuming you're ready, no time to loose. Will need to administrate first dose before inducing coma. See how your white blood cells react. Will find a way to tackle them if problematic when in coma"

Kasumi held her hand over her mouth, trying to stop herself from breathing too loud. Induced coma? Mordin placed an oxygen mask over Thanes nose and mouth, allowing him time to breath in a slow pace until he felt satesfied the vaccin had been properly breathed it.

"Will be back after Shepards visit. Need to take blood sample by then"

Mordin gave them all a quick bow before leaving the same moment Shepard arrived. They gave each other a quick nod before she entered.

"Shepard. Thank you for coming" Kolyat began. Shepard gave him a quick nod.

"Thane. Are you ready for this?"

"It's not the best of times to do this but.. I seem to be running short on options. I.. I need to do something first, incase this does not go according to Doctor Solus best scenario.."

He bowed his head and closed his eyes. Kolyat bowed his head, putting his hands together.

"Kalahira, mistress of inscrutable depths, I ask forgviness. Kalahira, whose waves wear down stone and sand.."

Kolyat joined in the prayer, Thane smiling up at him. Kasumi felt herself mouthing the words along with them, not taking his eyes off of Thane. Sarah was soon asked to join in prayer.

".. guide this one, Kalahira, and she will be a companion to you as she was to me"

Kasumis heartrate slowed down, feeling able to focus again. Thane slowly turned his head to the side, looking straight at Kasumi. He inhaled as deep as he dared without risking coughing and smiled. He was looking straight at her. She felt the wind from the window, blowing past her in his direction.  
Mordin came back into the room to draw some blood and administrated the barbiturate drug to induce the coma. Nurses helped set things up around him and left the room. Thane slowly drifted off, his eyes closing.

".. lavender.."

The atmosphere grew thick, everyone stood in silence until Sarah dared break it.

"Kolyat.. Why did the last verse say 'she'?"

Kolyat bowed his head, eyes closed.

"The prayer wasn't for him. He prayed for you and.."

Sarah nodded.

"Thank you, Kolyat. Let me know if something changes"

Mordin and Sarah left the room. Kolyat stood watching his father breath evenly with the help of the machines. He stared down at his feet.

"The prayer was for Shepard.." He suddenly looked straight up at Kasumi. ".. and for you"

Kasumi eye grew large in surprise. She uncloaked, keeping her gaze at Kolyat as she walked up to Thanes side. She started snivelling, unable to control her emotions when looking down at Thane. She gave Kolyat a quick glance, asking his approval. He just nodded and she leaned down, planting a kiss on Thanes forehead. He kept on sleeping, none the wiser. She tried to stop her sobbing, wiping her nose on the back of her hand over and over. Kolyat walked over to her side and respectfully placed his arm around her, allowing her to crawl into his embrace as she let go of all restraints, crying uninhibited.

"How.. how did you know I was here?" she finally dared ask.

Kolyat pressed his lips together.

".. lavender.. He mentioned it once before, when talking about you. I thought I had imagined it, hearing your voice when we prayed. But then.. I suddenly understood why he wanted to open the window. He knew you were there"

"I.. I don't understand what's going on.. 

"There were.. a lot of things he chose not to tell you. His disease was in its final stages.."

".. Is that why he left? Because of Kepral's?"

Kolyat stood silent, watching his father.

"Kolyat, please tell me that was the reason. Please tell me he didn't hate me or wanted to get me out of his life.. that he actually loved me.."

"He still does. He didn't leave because of Kepral's. He left because he knew the pain you've already lived through in your life. He wanted to save you that sorrow. He thought he was saving you pain by leaving rather than forcing you to watch him die. I.. have to admit.. I supported and agreed with him.. atleast at the time"

Kasumis mind had already begun finding places for all the puzzle pieces. Kolyat gestured for them to leave the room. 

"Kasumi!"

Garrus's voice hit her face like cold water. She spun around in shock, trying to hide her surprise. He walked straight up to her and threw his arms around her.

"You had me worried! I knew you'd come here. I would have arrived sooner but.."

Garrus and Kolyat greeted each other, exchanging a few words before they all walked into a small room nearby, finding Mordin deep in something on his terminal.

"Ah, Kasumi! Was expecting you a long time ago. Was hoping we would. I have perfected the vaccin, will be permanent but understand you and Thane are no longer together. Sad to hear. Will still be avaliable for administration if required. Emotions are.. fleeting but can always return"

Kasumi had missed Mordin, she realised, and gave him a quick hug, very cleary against his own wishes.

"Always forgets how freely hugs are administered on your account. Happy to see you too. Garrus, always a pleasure"

"What are you doing here, Mordin?"

The group sat down across from Mordin who started pacing around the room.

"Keijis research. Amazing man. Managed to link humans increased ability for genetic adaptation to drell physiology. Batarians research on biological weapons had unexpected side effects. Indirectly discovered the opposite of weakening the drells sensitive organ tissue but was missing a key factor. Keiji put the pieces together. Was easy to test when human control groups could be involved in hanars research. Works wonders on Kepral's early stages and are currently being administered to the entire drell race on Kahje"

Kasumi shook her head in disbelief.

"How.. wh.. what?"

"The files you sent me. They were the key"

She shot up a brow, blinking away her own surprise.

"Why the hell didn't you tell me?"

"Was told not to involve you. Was I wrong to listen?"

Kasumi sunk back into her chair. Keiji. She should have known. Kolyat could see her confusion and offered his support by placing his hand ontop hers.

"Doctor, go on" Garrus asked.

"Quite. Thane was too.. far gone. Last stages of Kepral's, vaccin would not have time to take effect. Could not even get properly distributed through his vascular systems. Vaccin needs to be inhaled, go through oxygen in the bloodstream. Basically.. a sort of blood transfusion. Induced coma make brain shrink, oxygen travels slower. Degradation of organ tissue slower, vaccin will have a better chance working if administrated through healthy drell blood directly to the organs. Two stages, really. Repair broken tissue and cure disease. Genius"

Kasumi grabbed Kolyats hand with both her hands, her heart in her throat.

"Does that mean he will be cured?"

"Cured, yes. Quite certain outcome. If he wakes up without any damage from the coma? Only time will tell"

"D.. damage? Such as?"

Kolyat glanced down at their joined hands. Her knuckles were white under the pressure and he found himself feeling a little surprised at her physical strength, almost wanting to ask her not to squeeze his hand so hard. He wised up before asking, letting her hold on to him as hard as she needed to, knowing it was all that kept the floor from spinning out of control under her.

"Can't predict yet. Nothing he shouldn't be able to recover from. But will take time. Six months, at the most"


	40. Army of me

"You look exhausted. Did you sleep at all last night?"

Kolyat came into the room, holding a cup of tea. Kasumi put the book to the side, slowly shaking her head. Kolyat gave her the cup and sat down on a nearby chair.

"The dream?"

"Mm.. or rather, I'm afraid of having it.. It's like, everytime I'm about to fall asleep, I see that strange little trinket infront of me, just out of my reach and.."

She stopped mid sentence, sighed and cupped both hands around the warm cup. Kolyat nodded.

"And then you drown.."

She nodded slowly, allowing herself a sip of tea, carefully sliding off of the bed as not to disturb Thane. They had arranged it so that he got to stay in Kolyats apartment, nurses visiting several times both day and night. He was constantly monitored and both Kolyat and Kasumi had been taught basic care in case something would happen.  
She rubbed her forehead, trying to push away the headache. She had moved most of her books to this room, reading to Thane every day. He already had most of his own books there, which she also read to him. Kolyat had lend her his books as well, a lot of which portrayed drells history and their life on Kahje. She found herself wanting to visit Kahje, see all the things Thane had seen, the place he'd grown up. After the attack on the citadel, Shepard had moved fast and Kasumi felt obligated to help the best she could and in the end, she had even been part of the rescue team finding Sarah in the rubble of the Crucible, helping to put her on the path to recovery. She went to visit her from time to time. Mostly for her own sanity sake, having someone else to talk to. Sarah seemed to appreciate those days as well, her, Kasumi and Garrus laughing it away together almost like old times. A lot of the old crew came to visit often too. Most of them even came to visit Thane sometimes. Sarah had promised to come by when she was fit enough for travel. Though two years had already passed. Most of the days spent outside of Kolyats apartment, Kasumi tried to get hold of new books. Most of her heists these days were kept on a smaller scale and only really to keep her skills sharp and on point. Kolyat had learned to look the other way and actually found himself feeling proud of her most of the time. He had been given a chance to regain her trust and he was fighting hard for it. It had been a tough road but they both understood each other and were willing to forgive. 

They had grown close these past two year. Kasumi had even dared take Kolyat to the place her mother had been killed, showing him where she'd been hiding. He had walked up to it, placing his hand on the grid as a gesture of respect and gratitude for Kasumis trust. After that moment, they had found a sister and a brother in each other, supporting one another.  
Kolyat had taught her how to cook a few Kahje specialities and in return, Kasumi had told him about the best restaurants across the galaxy, joking away about how to order from them in the most efficient way possible. It was moments like those that kept her from completely loosing her mind. Two years ago, when Mordin was still alive, she had taken every chance she could to talk to him about the procedure, feeling more and more worried reading through the files the AI had managed to put his hands on. Mordin still kept a positive goal in mind, trying to make Kasumi feel better but failing when he also felt the need to talk about possible consequences. Even before his death curing the krogan genophage, an old friend of his, Padok Wiks, had become involved in Thanes case. Both Padok and Mordin had seen a chance to adapt Keijis work to other races diseases. They refered to it as the Okuda Key, which had Kasumi feeling even more proud of Keijis work.  
Mordin had shared everything about Thanes barb coma with Padok and he often came to visit, taking blood samples and tried his best to assure Kasumi and Kolyat that Thane would wake up. But as months slowly turned into a full year, they had to start trying other methods. His organs and vascular system were almost fully healed and cured with the help of Kolyats vaccin infused blood but they could not yet predict any potentional damage the coma could have left on Thanes brain. Padok could not help in waking him up. He had to wake up by his own accord or they'd run the risk of damaging his brain permanently. After that first year, when his body was healed enough and he could be taken off most of the machines, they were allowed to move him to Kolyats apartment in hopes that the constant company of those close to him would trigger his will to wake up. Everyday was spent talking about Thanes old life, the people who loved him, the things he loved to read and a lot of other stories from the time on the Normandy. Kasumi knew everyone ment well, but sometimes she found herself thinking that they all seemed to talk as if to someone who had already passed on, sharing stories from the 'I remember when'-category. She appreciated that the crew came to visit but at the same time, their speeches made her sad.

She always spent every night alone by his side, only interrupted by the night shift nurses. Most of the time she couldn't sleep, so she stayed up telling Thane about some of her favorite memories of them togehter, confined in him her deepest thoughts, wishes and worries and told him about some of her best heists. All things he already knew, she realised, but she still told him about them. Not before long, she started showing him pictures and mementos from their time together. She described them to him, forcing herself to relive both the good and bad times, convincing herself that it would help him come out of the coma. This had Kolyat constantly feeling worried about her. He tried his best to make sure she got a break from time to time, forcing her to go visit Sarah or gave her 'innocent' tips of a potential heists. Now he could see her spiraling downwards again.

"You've been sitting here for two weeks straight now. I think it's about time you get some sort of vacation or.. a break atleast from all of this.."

She knew he didn't mean it in a bad way but in her sleep deprived state, all she could hear was him referring to Thane as some sort of problem, some sort of 'it' and that left a bad taste in her mouth. She knew very well she needed a break. She hadn't slept in over three days because of the nightmare. It had haunted her for two and a half years now but had escalated this past year and wasn't getting any clearer. She looked up at Kolyat with a faint smile, nodding. She didn't want to leave Thanes side right now but she knew she had to for her own sake.

"Yea.. yes, you're right.."

"Okay good. I've already booked us tickets. The nurses from Huerta will be staying here during our leave, so get your bag packed, we're leaving in an hour"

She shot up a brow at his rapid decision. Usually, he was so careful, almost afraid to step on her toes. She figured she must really need the break if Kolyat felt the need to intervene like that. She just smiled at him as he left the room with a nod. She turned back around, watching Thane sleep. She placed the cup down on the table and snuggled back in bed next to him, placing her arm around him. She had taken the improved vaccin Mordin had made but had felt strange about administering something like that to Thane, feeling it should be his own decision. It left her on a sort of middle ground. Long exposure to direct skin contact when laying hugging him at nights could still result in a rash but that was easily treated with ointment. For now, she was fine with a middle ground. She stayed like that for a couple of minutes before standing up next to the bed, holding his hand. She leaned in close, pressing his hand up against her heart and whispered a prayer.

"Arashu, Goddess of Motherhood and Protection, I pray you place him under your divine preservation. Amonkira, Lord of Hunters, I pray his path back to us be clear and Kalahira, Goddess of Oceans and Afterlife. Should all else fail, grant him forgivness"

It had been her own prayer for the last year now. She prayed more for herself than anyone else, not even quite sure if she was doing it right or even believed in any sort of gods. But spendning so much time with Kolyat had her feeling that it seemed logical to belive in something. Still, she couldn't help but to add what she really felt in all of this at the end. She kissed his hand and whispered. 

"Please.. please, Thane. Wake up.. come back to me"

* * *

She sat down on one of the beaches in the area. The rain poured over her, forcing her clothes to stick to her frame. She enjoyed the feeling and soon took notice to a lot of drell joining her. A couple of them knew who she was and came up to share their gratitude to Keiji and Mordin for their newly found freedom. They also thanked her for her involvment to which she only smiled and nodded. A few of them walked along the shore line of the Encompassing ocean with bare feet, laughing. The vaccin had finally started taking permanent hold on the drells capability to genetic adaptation and their domed cities were no longer their prisons. Most enjoyed the freedom of exploring the waters of Kahje, growing even closer to the hanar. Others decided to leave Kahje all together. It was a joy only comparable to the krogans happiness for their own cure and Kasumi was glad to be able to share it with them.  
She had spent almost a full week exploring Kahje with Kolyat. She had even been allowed to visit the compact, talking to the hanars who trained Thane. They had been impressed by Kasumis AI and how similar it was to the real Thane, helping expanding its database. The entire visit had her sleeping calmly again. Almost, anyway.

"I talked to them today"

Kolyat joined her, sitting down on the sand. She looked over at him, smiling. She felt grateful that he had taken her to Kahje, giving her a chance to breath and at the same time, see where Keijis and Mordins work had led the drell race.

"How did it go?"

"We are welcome to visit them this afternoon. I have to admit, it.. was more difficult than I had expected.. I hope I won't be.. overwhelmed when we visit them"

She knew how difficult it had been for Kolyat to overcome his fear to visit his old childhood house. He had not been there since he saw his mother get killed. He wanted to go there, just as much as Kasumi did but it had taken him a couple of days to build up enough courage to ask the new owners permission to come and visit.

"Thank you, Kolyat. Not only for asking them but for taking me here. I feel like.. like I have a deeper understanding for you and Thane, seeing where you come from. Where you grew up"

He nodded. He found himself seeing his childhood in a new light, having come to understand the choices his father had made, feeling grateful that they had managed to build a new foundation on which to stand on together. He also felt grateful for Kasumi, pushing him towards Thane and forgiving him for not telling her the entire truth over two years ago.

"I'm glad you wanted to come here. I've been wanting to show you this but I had been hoping my father would.."

She placed her hand on his shoulder.

"Me too. The idea of all of us going here one day is not such a bad goal to have, hm?"

Kolyat scoffed, smiling out at the ocean, watching his kind walk along the shore lines. He closed his eyes and turned his face up to the sky, embracing the rain. Kasumi poked him in the side and he lifted his arm, inviting her in for an embrace. She scooted closer and leaned on his shoulder, him placing his arm around her. They sat like that for a while, enjoying the cold rain and the cheerful mood around them. Worries seemed to wash off of them both, slowly breathing in the scent of the ocean.

* * *

She took his hand and led him through the door. Kolyat had to focus hard, closing his eyes from time to time in an attempt to dodge the bad memories flushing over him. He held Kasumis hand hard as they slowly walked through the house.

"It's so much smaller than I remember.."

Kasumi smiled at his comment. He just smiled in return and dared let go of her hand, walking around the house, telling her about some of the more happy memories. The new owners were very kind, more than willing to listen to their stories. It wasn't long until they came across the kitchen. Kolyat had a difficult time to enter, Kasumi knowing all to well why. He gestured towards the sink without entering the room and she understood he was trying to tell her that's where he'd been hiding. She respectfully walked up and kneeled infront of it, placing her hand on it. She looked back at Kolyat and he give her a sad smile. He nodded in respons to her show of respect to a very difficult memory of his. They quickly moved on to another room nearby. Again, Kolyat had a difficult time entering.

"My mom, she.. spent a lot of time in here. She enjoyed drawing pictures from memory. A little like.. humans photographs I guess?"

The room had been turned into a bedroom for the familys youngest child, toys spread all over the floor. The child ran passed them and grabbed some selected toys as to protect them from the intruders. Kasumi smiled down at him. The child then ran back to his mom who picked him up.

"Yea, actually. Maybe you can help us"

She walked up to one of the small cupboards, build into the wall. She opened it up and picked out a couple of books and toys and gestured to the back of the cupboard.

"See that? We can't open it. We figured it must be something made by the previous owners but we didn't get any sort of key or anything. It was actually our youngest here that found it one day when we were playing hide and seek. We hadn't even seen it at all even though we've lived here for years.."

Kasumi looked over at Kolyat, looking more confused than she felt. She walked up to the cupboard and looked inside. She shot Kolyat a quick glance before crawling inside and made short work of the lock, bringing some scraps of paper with her out.

"It's.. it's her drawings"

Kolyat lost his breath, walked up to Kasumi and carefully started making his way through his mothers work.

"Why.. why were they hidden in there? I thought we brought all of them with us when I moved to my aunt.."

Kolyat stumbled out of the house. Kasumi ran after him, only stopping briefly to thank the family for their hospitality and kept running. She found him sitting on a bench, hunched over the drawings. She gave herself a moment to catch her breath and sat down next to him.

"I.. sorry, I couldn't stay there any longer.."

He closed his eyes shut and handed her the sketches.

"They portray my father in moments that would have revealed his true nature. She probably hid them from me to protect me"

They were of Thane cleaning his weapons or in the middle of training. Even a couple that seemed to be drawn through Thanes eyes. Kasumi figured it must have been after Thane recited a memory to Irikah and she then drew them. Kolyat sighed and leaned his head on Kasumis shoulder, watching her browse through the pictures. She suddenly stopped at one, not quite believing what she was seeing.

"That.. what's that?"

"The coin? I remember seeing my father rubbing it between his fingers a lot when I was a kid. I.. don't know really know why he did that but I rememeber that my aunt was once talking with my mom about it. Why do you ask?"

"Kolyat.. it's the trinket! The trinket from my dream that I can never reach!"

* * *

She went over her gear one last time. It had taken them days to follow the trail of the coin. Kolyats aunt remembered that her sister Irikahs and her father use to have that coin. He always rubbed it between his fingers when something bothered him and gave it to Irikah on his deathbed. At some point, she had given it to Thane. Kolyats aunt had asked Thane about the coin, it being precious to her but upon Irikahs death, he had thrown it in the ocean. She had narrowed down the potential places as best she could but it would still take time to find it. She knew it would and she didn't care. She clenched her fists, closing her eyes.   
During their last visit to Kahje, Thane had started showing signs of waking up. Per Padoks instructions, they had rushed back to the Citadel. They were all afraid how much damage, if any, Thane had sustained during his coma and Padok had wanted to do a physical examination before overwhelming him with personal visits but he was also afraid that the shock of such an unexplained examination would risk his recovery, so it was decided that Kolyat and Kasumi would join.  
They had moved him back to Huerta, giving them a chance to closely monitor him waking up. 

"Take it easy now, okay? Dr Wiks informed me that it's difficult to determine if there's any damage on his brain at all at this point so we have to introduce him to people and memories carefully. Let him try and find you rather than you jumping up on him, okay?"

They entered the room and watched the nurses remove the mask and tube. Seconds felt like eternity before he took a deep breath and everyone sighed in relief. He slowly opened his eyes, very obviously pained by the light, and quickly looked around the room, landing on Kolyat.

"Kolyat? What.. are you doing here?"

Kolyat just walked up to him and embraced him.Thane smiled from ear to ear, returning the hug. Kolyat stood with tears in his eyes as he extended an arm towards Kasumi who carefully came closer. Thane only stared at her. She couldn't quite understand why. She walked up to him, not sure what to say or do.

"Miss Goto. How kind of you to visit me"

She felt her heart stop. She stared with large eyes at Thane, letting them dart to Kolyat and back again. She turned around and walked fast out of the room, hearing Kolyat shout her name. Padok ran after her, stopping her before she left the hospital.

"Miss Goto! Wait! It's true, we can't determine if he will remember yet. Need to go slow. Will introduce people, memories, slowly to him. Will talk about you, show him your pictures. Drell not usually in need of.. mementos. Hoping that what we have will be enough"

She snapped out of the memory, inhaling sharply in an attempt to wash away the sharp pain in her heart. Padoks words didn't comfort her. She had to keep busy. The nightmare was getting so intense, she couldn't sleep anymore. She figured the only way she'd get rid of it would be to find the coin. Kolyat stayed with Thane. She knew he was trying to carefully remind him of his old life. He remembered some things but far from everything. He didn't even remember most of the events on the Normandy. They had tried to show him a few items, such as some of his newer books, but nothing really seemed to jump start his memory. It had him in a constant state of headaches and frustration which made the process more painful for everyone. Even Sarah and Garrus had visited. He remembered who they were but not much more than that. Kolyat had told Kasumi of Thanes lack of progress. Noone was really convinced that he wanted or was ready to remember and none of them wanted to force him. It wasn't long until he was well enough to take short walks around the Citadel, always accompined by Kolyat. In their correspondence, ha had mentioned that it felt like starting over, only this time he already knew everything about Thanes old life, but Thane not being aware of his own emotional progress before the coma. It was almost like he was back in his battle sleep, he described it.

She threw a couple of her scanners into the water to start working the ocean bed. They ran effectivly across the sand, giving her a clear view of everything metallic. She had to keep busy. She could feel her insides shredding to pieces, feeling like she had when Thane had left her. She fought for hope, not willing to give up. Not yet.

-~*~-

He was suddenly aware of a sharp pain in his chest. He wanted to rub it, look at it, but he couldn't move. Atleast not much. He could hear people walk around in the room, whispering. Someone removed a mask from over his nose and mouth and effectivly pulled out a tube from out of his throat. It had him cough slightly but he still couldn't open his eyes. Seconds past and he inhaled deeply, hearing sighs of relief around him. He was surprised by the light sensation across his entire body. Almost like it was the first time in years he was breathing on his own. His throat was sore. He felt more in control of his body and slowly opened his eyes. The dim light hurt his eyes and he squinted to see better. He didn't recognize most of the people around him, though they were all smiling. He quickly realised he was in a hospital. It wasn't long until his eyes landed on a familiar face. He didn't quite believe what he was seeing.

"Kolyat?"

His eyes filled with tears as he walked up to Thane, embracing him carefully. The sensation of joy took Thane by surprise and he threw his arms around his son. He could never have imagined that he'd get to hold him like this again. Kolyat suddenly broke the hug and stood up, extending his arm towards a young woman in the room. Her frame was small as she stood hooded with her mouth open. It took him a few moments to place her. He couldn't tell for what reason she was there but as Kolyat had made an attempt to introduce her, maybe she was someone important to his son. He found himself hoping she wasn't, not quite feeling that he approved of this characters way of life.

"Miss Goto. How kind of you to visit me"

He was surprised by her sudden reaction. He couldn't quite see her face, his eyes still sensitive to the light. Had he seen her face before, he could have easily traced her features and have an easier time figuring out what her expression actually meant. She turned around and stormed the room, Kolyat shouting her name. Thane felt confused. He had only ever worked with her on the Normandy. Why would she react this way?


	41. Wolf

He found himself enjoying the early mornings the most, before anyone else was awake. He had been told that his Keprals had been cured. They had informed him of how it worked medically but he was not yet aware of how they had come to that conclusion. He had followed the hanars development and research closely for years ever since his diagnosis and the end result was far from anything he had read about. Everyone around him were being so careful, afraid to tell him too much. It had him feeling utterly frustrated, the sensation that he had forgotten so much and at the same time, felt just like himself. His commander and a few of the members from the Normandy crew had come to visit, all of which he remembered but they all kept telling him that his memory was full of holes. He could feel it. He could not recall most of his time on the Normandy, only the reasons he had joined. Now he was cured, they said, and his relationship with Kolyat had been mended. Commander Shepard had told him how that had been possible. He could recall a few emotions from her story but not in the way he'd normally remember things. Yes, he had come to enjoy the early mornings the most, before everyone started the cycle of trying to make him remember all over again.  
Someone knocked on the door. Thane sighed. He was tired of sitting in this room, trying to remember something he did not even miss. He kept trying because of how much his son wanted him to remember. He had tried to read a couple of the books they told him that he use to like, the ones he had read just before his coma. He did not remember them. He did not like them, even. How he had come to read such books, he could not fathom. He had always enjoyed reading his prayer, history and fact books. Not books about mysteriously lost treasures and books of fictions. He sighed again.

"Come in, Kolyat"

The door hissed open and Kolyat entered, his hands behind his back, respectfully approaching his father.

"Father. I hope you slept well"

"Hm. I believe I'd sleep better if doctor Wiks would finally let me off of the medicines"

His tone was bitter. He did not wish it to be but he felt trapped in his own body and mind. He had the need to move, to start training. He had lost a lot of his muscle mass during his long coma and he could feel it throughout his entire body. It had him on edge, tensed. Kolyat lowered his head.

"I.. spoke to the doctors this morning. I have arranged for you to start taking walks outside the Huerta hospital as part of your physical rehabilitation. I figured you might enjoy that"

Thane turned around and gave Kolyat a warm smile. It was like he had read his mind.

"Thank you, Kolyat"

* * *

She had spent four days searching the ocean floor for the coin. She had been so eager to dive in and retrieve it once she finally found it, but it had required the hanars permisson to do so. When she explained the potential role it could play in Thanes recovery, they did not hesitate to approve her exploration. A couple of the hanar joined her deep dive, as a way to protect their ocean. She knew they trusted her, having a couple of the hanars in the compact reveal their soul names to her. It was a tremendous honor and she knew she'd grown that close to them due to their common interest in helping Thane and her involvement in the cure for the drell. The fact that they now joined her dive was not a sign of distrust, merely a precaution. She understood their resoning. No human had ever dived in their ocean before.  
It only took a few minutes to reach the location but it had felt like an eternity. She could hear her own heart as she carefully reached down and picked up the metal coin from a pocked inside the clay. It had helped preserve it well enough to be recognizable. She felt like celebrating. This might be the end of her nightmare and the beginning of Thanes memories coming back.

They slowly surfaced and was greeted by AI Thane on the shore lines. He stood with his hands behind his back, observing the hanar and Kasumi getting out of the water. She thanked them and they soon after left. She removed her equipment, taking a couple of deep breaths.

"What's up?"

She was tired. No strength to hide her annoyance.

"Did you find it?"

She nodded, putting her unused air capsules back into the bag. She stood back up and showed the coin to the AI. He leaned in close and respectfully let his fingers brush up against it.

"I.. was not quite convinced you'd find it"

She gave him a strange look.

"What do you mean by that?"

"It was so.. unclear in my mind. I could not put words on what it was. A memory? Does AI have memories? I could not project it because I had never seen it. I just.. felt it"

He suddenly had her full attention.

"What are you talking about? Memory? This has been my nightmare for years! You 'felt' it? Because of my dream?"

The AI stood back up and lowered his head.

"No. I sent you that dream. It was the only way I could.. project or tell you.. what I was seeing in my mind. This item have.. huge meaning to Thane. You had to find it. I had to show you. Had to make sure he got it"

* * *

Kolyat took Thane back to his apartment first. He had cleared out most of Kasumis belongings as not to potentially overwhelm him. He had strategically placed, showed and told him small things about her, hoping that something would trigger his memory. He noticed how memories after his mothers death were the most affected. He remembered going after her attackers, leaving Kolyat, finding out about his disease and joining up with Shepard but details surrounding all this was blurry or gone. He was planning on letting him visit the remains of the Normandy at some point and even take him back to Kahje but it all had to go slow. He had yet to show any signs of remembering and it had already been two weeks since he awoke. Physically, he was fully recovered. But it was like something kept him from remembering.

He walked around the apartment, seemingly proud. He was up to date on Kolyats life status and he felt happy when talking about him. He had yet to mention his reasons for introducing Kasumi that day when he woke up. Kolyat had talked about her from time to time, without Thane asking or even wanting to know. He remembered thinking that she was amazing in combat. Daring, smart and that nothing could ever block her path. Their styles worked well together though Commander Shepard rarely put the two of them on the same team. He also remember thinking that her line of work wasn't always a bad, but also not good. Most of his knowledge of her was based on what he had read or heard. He felt increasingly annoyed that noone simply spelled things out for him, the reasons his son wanted him to remember so bad, even though he did understand the reasoning behind it.  
He walked around the apartment, stopping at some of his old books and picked one up. He smiled.

"I must have read this one atleast a hundred times" he paused, turning the book in his hands. "Looks more worn than I remember.."

He put the book back and walked around the apartment for a while, allowing Kolyat a moment to prepare them something to drink. 

"You're not the only one who've read it" he began carefully. Thane looked over at him with curiosity.

"You've read it?"

"No, not me. Well, once. But I was refering to someone you should remember"

Thane could feel his annoyance rise. 'Just tell me!' he wanted to say but came to his senses before he did so.

"Ah. The 'I should remember but I don't'-Kasumi friend of yours. Why would she read my book?"

The sudden knock on the door had Kolyat jump in surprise. He wasn't expecting visitors. He looked over at Thane who simply nodded and turned around to look out the window. Kolyat walked over to the door and let it hiss open, knowing perfectly well who must be on the other side.

* * *

She saw them enter the apartment together. The doctors had told her where they'd be and she had gotten there before they did. Thane still had to move slowly so she wasn't really suprised. She waited a moment, allowing them a few minutes to talk before she walked up to the door and knocked.  
Kolyat soon answered and she felt so happy, seeing her friend smile down at her in the doorway. She was painfully reminded about that time when he had refused to open the door and she sighed heavily to wash the feeling away.

"I found it.. I really found it!"

She eagerly showed him the coin and she knew he recalled memories when he closed his eyes for a few moments. He looked back up at her and smile with his teeth.

"I knew you'd make it"

"May I.. come inside and give it to him?"

A worried expression colored his face as he bit his lower lip.

"He.. still doesn't remember. Just.. don't try to force him. Let's just hope that this might be the thing he needs to finally start remembering. Not just you, but everything. Okay?"  


She nodded slowly, lowering her head. She wanted nothing but to rush in and throw her arms around his neck, kissing him until the both lost their breath. But of couse she couldn't. He only knew her as Kasumi Goto, not Carrin.  
She made her way inside.

"Father. Kasumi has come to visit us. She brought you something"

Thane politely turned around to greet her, instantly looking down at the coin. He walked up to her and stood mere inches away. She could have easily reached out and touched his abdomen. How badly she wanted to feel his muscles move under her fingertips again. She fought the urge to do so. He looked down at her and broke the silence.

"May I?"

She felt her heart stop as he reached in closer and took the coin from her hand. She dared not look at him, beads of cold sweat forming on her forehead and neck. He turned around and stared at the coin, letting it reflect the light from the window.

"I.. remember this. Remember throwing it away after Irikah died. After.. I had killed all of the ones responsible. No, wait.. not all of them?"

He put a hand over his eyes, clearly distressed by a flood of memories.

"I had been so careful not to trace anything back to her.. Where did you get this, Kasumi?"

She wasn't sure what to tell him. He seemed overwhelmed by all the memories but still unable to place her. His headache became stronger and Kolyat ran up to his side, catching him as his legs suddenly gave out. He waved for Kasumi to leave. She stood there, dumbstruck, watching Kolyat help Thane sit down on the sofa. He leaned forward, rubbing the coin between the thumb and index finger, unable to place all of his newly found memories, turning introvert in his thoughts. Kolyat shot her a quick glance.

"I'm sorry. You have to leave"

She quickly turned around, heart in her throat, and left the apartment. AI Thane soon appeared next to her, rushing along the street.

"He seems to remember"

"He seemed bothered by it.."

"But he's starting to remember. Give him time"


	42. Smother

"The coin, an interesting move, Miss Goto. Triggered a chain of memories. Unfortunately, we could not have predicted the lack of.. emotional development"

Doctor Wiks tried to remain positive, knowing perfectly well how desperatly Kasumi wanted Thane to remember. He looked over at Kolyat for support who cleared his throat and sat down next to Kasumi.

"You know of his journey after he first left you back on Omega. That event had triggered his understanding of.. well, grey areas. Things done, seemingly evil, that actually is the best of the majority. And things done for the right reasons that can end up in tragedy.. That, his diagnosed Keprals and your reaction to the way he had chosen to punish my mothers killers.. All of that combined had triggered his realisation and pushed him onto a self chosen path of.. removing as much evil as possible before dying"

"Still can't remember most things. Remembers Irikahs death. Remembers Normandy. Maybe even remembers you, to some extent. But no emotional connection" Wiks filled in.

"It's almost like all that progress he made after we started talking again.. is all gone.. He's physically healed and well, most of his memories are back, or are atleast just under the surface, but without any sort of emotional connection to them.." Kolyat paused for a moment, trying to choose his words carefully. "Sarah.. helped him out of his battle sleep. But that only happened because of what had happened with your AI and the events on Omega. Maybe he actually remembers what happened but he has made no connection emotionally. Still stuck in a battle sleep that he never snapped out of"

Kasumi tried her best to understand. He might remember her, but he had effectively chosen not to have any sort of feelings for her. Or atleast, that's how it sounded. 

"Your AI was.. the best of ideas, Kasumi. It helped him fill in a lot of the blank spaces.. but.."

".. but no emotional connection" she offered.

Kolyat just nodded and sighed. It had been months. He had woken up that morning only to find that Thanes room was empty. He had left a note mentioning he had no place being there, that he was well enough to move on and had no desires or wishes to return to a life everyone else seemed to want him to have. He said he'd be back soon but Kolyat recognized a pattern when he saw one. It felt just like when he was a kid, Thane leaving Kahje for yet another contract. Of course, back then he did not know why he left, only that he was away for months at a time.

Kasumi stood up and thanked Padok, giving Kolyat a dry smile and left the room. She was tired. Her nightmare had stoped haunting her but the AIs awareness, or whatever he prefered to call it, had her worried on a whole other level. She had made him in Thanes image to the point of self awareness and even being able to connect different memories to each other. How he had come to know about the coin, she had no clear idea of and neither did the AI. Somehow, through all the information in his database, he had found a connection to one of Thanes strongest memories. Though weak to the point that he was unable to voice his thoughts, his ability to project images had been stronger when she had been mentaly relaxed. Had he not learned this projection ability through Keijis program, he would have had no chance of telling Kasumi about it. In a sense, it made her happy for the AIs sake. In another, it had destroyed everything she had hoped for. She had let Kolyat borrow the AI to help Thane remember things better after the coin had started the domino effect of recollections. Apparently, it had helped him a lot but he had also come to the realisation that it was a life he did not want or felt in any sense connected to. Like they were all talking about someone else. She couldn't really blame him. How would she have felt in that situation? 'Hey, you're suddenly awake and these are the people you're suppose to love'. No, she couldn't demand that of him.  
She sighed. She had spent her entire life chasing after him. For forgivness. For love. And now she had spent years hoping he'd heal and wake up from a barb coma only to end up chasing after him again. She, if anyone, knew that there would be no chance of finding him unless he wanted to be found.

"Kasumi!"

"Kolyat.. I'm.." she stopped and turned around to face him. "I'm tired, Kol. I'm tired! I fought, I really did. I have fought for him my entire life. And I just.. he use to.. atleast give me something to hang my hopes on.. but.. just.. Tell me again, Kol. What was it he told you just before he dissapeared? Hm?"

Kolyat started down at his feet, afraid to recite the memory. He sighed, gave in and repeated his fathers words.

"She is not someone I know, I just happend to be someone she use to know. That person died well over two years ago. Leave it at that and stop trying to force me to remember something I don't even miss"

She placed her hands on her hips, nodding with pressed lips while staring down at the floor.

"Yep. So much for hopes. Maybe he really did die back then. Or maybe I should have alteast let my hopes die back then. I don't even know what I'm fighting for anymore" she paused and walked up to Kolyat, giving him a hug. "I'm giving up, Kol. He remembers you and that have to be good enough. Maybe he'll come back to you one day but it's too late for him and me. We had something great and it died. I'm gonna let it die"

Kolyat felt his eyes burn from the tears, hugging her closer. She broke the hug and smiled at him, giving him a reassuring pat on his arm before turning around, cloaked and disappeared. He kept staring into nothing for a few moments, feeling he had just lost two of the most important people in his life, all in one and the same day.

-~*~-

He had been allowed to start training a couple of months back. He loved the freedom it gave him. People had stopped asking where he was. Everyone already knew he was out running or working out. His strenght came back quicker than he thought it would and it wasn't long before he started practising using his weapons again.  
After his lost coin had been returned to him, memories had started to come back. Kolyat also provided him with a sort of AI, containing an astonishing amount of information about himself. He spent days talking to the AI who could both tell him about his old life as well as project places like Kahje and the Normandy and even project memories of the missions he had taken part of. Granted, everyone seemed to have let go of the focused 'Miss Goto'-topic, evenly pushing for everyone and anyone he should remember but hearing her name still left a bad taste in his mouth. The AI barely even mentioned her except for times they had taken part in missions together.

He corrected the buckles, feeling proud that he was finally at the point of filling out his leather armor again. He felt like testing some of his stealthier skills today and made it up along the apartment building with ease, noone noticing him. Up there, he took a deep breath and exhaled calmly, the sensation of simply breathing placed him in a state of serenity. He let his feet lead the way, taking him to a high up catwalk with a lot of perfect hiding spots. While overlooking the people down on the street, he sat down to meditate. Noone would find him here, he thought and smiled. That's the way he liked it.  
Moments later, he could sense someone coming up behind him. The little girl sat down next to him, holding a small box of food. He was shocked, she seemingly unaware of his presence. She sat with her legs over the edge, letting them dangle while watching the people below, eating her food with her dirty fingers. Suddenly, she stopped, the hairs on her neck standing. She looked behind her but could not see anyone. Thane followed her eyes and stood up just as she did. She started walking along the catwalk and suddenly jolted over the railing. Her being disappeared in smoke seconds after she made a jump towards the parallel catwalk. Thane shook his head, touching his forehead. His memories had started making themselves known in strange ways. He excused this as just another random memory he could not place.

He could not relax here anymore and started making his way down to the streets. Phasing into the shadows, he made his way unseen through the citadel. He felt confident and smiled to himself. Suddenly, he saw the same girl as before, jumping out from a ventilation shaft near the warehouse. She hurried over to a small boy, smile from ear to ear. The both disappeared in a cloud of smoke. Thane cursed under his breath. He regreted going out. Maybe he wasn't quite ready yet. He started making his way back, walking through the shopping disctrict. He stopped at a small shop selling fruits from Kahje. He was impressed by the owners ability to find such things and transport it here and even more surprised by how many came by to buy them.  
A small being walked up to the stall and started weighing the fruit in her hand.

"Do you think he'll like these?"

She disappeared in smoke, leaving Thane standing there with an open mouth.

"Oh, a drell! We don't get a lot of your kind here but I've sold fruits from Kahje for years! Very popular. Please, take one. On the house"

The clerk handed Thane a fruit and smiled, soon tending to some of his other customers. Thane gave him a quick nod and walked along the streets. He rolled the fruit between his hands and smelled his palms before taking a bite of the soft, sweet fruit. Mindlessly, he walked past several stalls, stopping every now and then. He stopped at a big stall selling books. He picked one up and read the back.

"She'll like this one" he thought to himself, smiling.

He caught himself thinking of the girl again and got really annoyed with himself. He put the book back and made his way back to Kolyats apartment.

He was sitting enjoying a cup of tea when his father stormed into the apartment, very obviously upset about something. He was often upset lately and he knew he could not really blame him. He sat down on the sofa, rubbing his forehead. Kolyat got up and poured a cup of tea for his father, placing it on the table infront of him.

"How was your walk?"

"It was.. I want to say refreshing but I think my mind is still not.. I'm not well enough to fully enjoy a simple walk yet"

Kolyat nodded, trying his best to understand. He had stopped asking Thane what he remembered. It had been their constant topic of conversation these past months and it hurt him to ask as much as it hurt Thane to answer. He knew the coin had triggered a lot of memories, though Thane pushed a lot of them away. He seemed determined to rebuild his life in the image he wanted and stop listening to what everyone else kept telling him his life should look like.  
Thane knew his answer was cold. He did not want it to be but he couldn't help himself. He wanted to build a relationship with his son again but he felt as if his soul wasn't in it. He tried to force himself to be emotionally present but other strings kept pulling him harder, pleading him to hone his skills rather than sitting around, talking to people about a 'could be' life. He drummed the side of his cup with his joined fingers.

"I saw something strange today. I can't quite place it.."

Kolyat looked up at his father, sensing him trying to reach out.

"What did you see?"

"A girl. No older than 10 at first. Then I saw her again, a little older. I can't.. quite place who she is"

Kasumi had told Kolyat enough for him to realise who Thane must have seen.

"Would you want to place her?" he asked, carefully.

Thane sat quiet for a short moment. Kolyat stood up, deciding he did not want to wait for the answer.

"Come with me"

They soon arrived at a small apartment complex and made their way into one of the apartments. The AI soon materialized infront of them, giving Kolyat a small nod before allowing a projection to appear around them.

"Got you!"

The girl threw herself towards the projection of a younger Thane, sitting on a chair. He easily moved to the side, letting the girl to fall forward and caught her before hitting the floor. She shrieked, laughing. He pulled her up stand infront of him.

"You weren't suppose to notice me!"

"You'll have to stop warn me when you attack, then"

He smiled with his teeth and pushed his thumb playfully on the side of her cheek, making her head tilt slightly to the side.

"Won't do it next time"

The projection ended, the figures disappearing in smoke. The AI looked over at Thane with an empty stare. Thane stood with a shocked expression, staring into the empty apartment. He slowly turned towards the AI.

"You.. it wasn't memories, you used projections to make me think I remember some random events!"

The AI looked over at Kolyat, surprised at Thanes remark. The angry reaction seemed uncharacteristic to the AI and he stood still with hands behind his back.

"Stop doing that! Stop trying to be like me. Kolyat, what is this? What was that?"

"Father, that was a real memory. That girl means more to you than you.."

"I know who that was suppose to be! 'Kasumi', right? Why are you pushing so hard for this? Why is everyone? Why is it so important that I remember her? What was she to me? Just come out and say it!"

Kolyat near lost his footing. He had never seen his father this angry. Finding himself in a fight or flight dilemma, he quickly decided he had to be honest.

".. your mate"

Thane shot up a brow, shocked at his sons comment. He inhaled sharply and started to grind his teeth, staring past Kolyat and the AI. After a few moments, he walked up close to Kolyat, and put a finger hard into his chest.

"That girl is NOT someone I know! Whatever I was to her, that persion is dead! Do you hear me? I will not become what everyone wants me to be, just because they want it. I have no real recollections of her, so why should I believe any of you? Leave this, and STOP trying to force me to remember something or someone I do not even miss or wish to know of!"

With that, he quickly transfered the AI back to Kolyat and stormed out of the apartment, leaving Kolyat fighting the knot in his stomach. What was he going to say to Kasumi?


	43. Embody me

She took a deep breath. The view alone made her smile and she felt the tension in her shoulders leave. She closed her eyes, breathing in the heavy scent of the garden around her. The heat had forced her into a lighter outfit and she found herself enjoying the contributed relaxation it provided. She took another breath and looked out over the garden. If she had to disappear or needed some lone time, anywhere among Illiums many gardens were absolutely perfect. Her thoughts fell back on hers and Keijis old painting. It, along with a lot of other items, had been destroyed when they had passed through the relay. She should have been smarter than to let it be onboard the Normandy at that time but she couldn't really say she missed it anymore. Infact, at this very moment, she found herself not missing a lot of different items and mementos. The painting. Her books. All of her photos. The AI. She couldn't say she missed any of it. Right now, she was simply enjoying the view and was happy with that.

"It's, eh.. A little greener than what I'm use to. Is that the right word? Greener? Maybe more humid. Hm"

Garrus sat down next to her while trying to make up his mind about if he liked Illium or not. Sarah sat down next to her on the other side.

"I would say it's more unpredictable than you're use to. Difficult to calibrate the growth of plants, Garrus" she teased.

"That's where you're wrong, Shepard. You can most definitely both calibrate and calculate the growth. You can't much control their need of humidity, however"

"Smartass" Sarah responded with a smile.

Kasumi closed her eyes. She was happy to have them both there with her and at the same time, she wished she'd been alone. They had more or less invited themselves after suggesting she'd go here. She had been staying under the radar for the last few weeks but had a hard time to ignore a call from Sarah. She owed her so much, always ready to listen if she needed to talk. Day or night didn't matter, both her and Garrus were right there if she needed them. She sighed and placed her arms around the duo, sitting way too close as it was. She smiled and hugged them closer, both of them starting to laugh when Sarah almost fell into the forced embrace. Garrus placed his arm around both Kasumi and Sarah and they sat like that for a while.

"Nope, most definitely too humid" he finally commented and stood up as both Kasumi and Sarah bursted out laughing.

* * *

"So Kolyat haven't heard any more from him?"

"No only that one time, about a week after he left. He said he was being cryptic, only mentioning that a couple of contracts had gone well. He guessed he didn't want to send him too much info, maybe afraid someone would track Kolyat down through Thane"

"Hm. So that was before he contacted me.."

Kasumi shot Garrus a curious look.

"He contacted you?"

"Yes.."

Garrus glanced at Sarah. She nodded at him with a serious look on his face.

"There's.. there's a reason that we wanted you to come here" Garrus began and looked back over at Sarah again.

"Kasumi. We both know the pain you went through when Thane left you and the thing is.. way before the discovery of Okudas key, when we all thought that Thane wasn't going to.. survive his Keprals.. He contacted Garrus and made him promise something"

"What?"

Kasumi couldn't hide her curiousity. She had taken pride in how far she'd come theses last two months since Thane disappeared but everytime he came up in conversation, she felt her heart race again. She cursed herself for holding on to any kind of hope.  
They exchanged looks again.

"See.." Garrus began. "When we all thought he was going to.. die, well.. He had made preperations. He never wanted you to see him suffer or to make you suffer so.."

".. yea, he pushed me away. I know that part" her respons was poisonous, bitter.

"Yes, well. There's more to the story. Back when we were still on the Normandy, before the relay.. he wanted to leave something behind. A memento, he called it. When he was at Huerta, he contacted me and made me promise to help him. The next day, he contacted me again. He told me to tell you that you'll find it in his favorite hiding spot"

Kasumi gave them both a strange look, trying to decode what they were talking about. Sarah shrugged her shoulders.

"Really. That's all he said. He didn't tell us what it was or any more details than that. Only to look in his favorite hiding spot"

Kasumi starred down on the floor for a while.

"Listen, Kasumi. The message had a condition. He said not to tell you until his passing. So we never told you because we all held on to hopes that he'd wake up, recover and.. remember you in the end but.."

"In a way.. he did die. We think you deserved his last message. You don't deserve the ending you're living through right now" Garrus offered.

"You.. have any idea what the message means?"

".. yes.."

She got up and took out Thanes book from her bag. For all the pride she took in leaving all sorts of mementos behind her, that book had been her one connection to Thane after he had abandoned her. She couldn't leave it behind when she moved away from the Citadel. She had sold off all her belongings and given the income to Kolyat but this one item she couldn't loose. She turned it over in her hands a few times.

"A book..?" Sarah asked in disbelief. "That's almost.. anticlimactic.."

Kasumi scoffed.

"He.. he always read this book when he was upset.. or nervous, though I doubt he actually read it most of the time. He.. sometimes took it out as a sign of him being angry with me about something. Like, to hide his face. He knew I'd always come to his side when he took it out. It always made him smile.. like only he could" 

She closed her eyes and sighed. She knew it was his favorite hiding spot because she always found him. Bridged their disagreements. In that way, this book was his way of reaching out when he was afraid to approach her. Her heart always melted when he did that. Which was the exact reason she had read it so many times when they'd been apart. She hadn't read it even once since he left the citadel, though. She sat back down and started flipping through the pages and soon discovered the slight bulge on the inside of the back cover. She looked over nervously at Sarah before pushing out the item. It fell to the floor, making a small clinking sound.  
She bended down and picked it up.

"A.. ring?" Garrus couldn't help himself from asking. "You guys were.."

Sarah shot him a quick look before he had a chance to finish that question. He corrected himself a bit and cleared his throat.

"No, it's okay. We weren't really. He called this ring a promise of not adding to my sorrows. I.. don't quite know how it ended up here though.. Last time I saw it, was when I left it with Kolyat.."

Mindlessly, she rolled the ring between her fingers and let it land on the tip of her ring finger. She sighed and let it fall into place on her finger. Suddenly, it gave out a blue glowing band along the middle of the ring. She turned her palm side up and was greeted by a small holo of Thane.  
The all gasped in shock.

"A DNA-holo?" Sarah exclaimed.

_"Kasumi. I'm sorry. There's no other words to describe how I'm feeling. If you're seeing this, that means I never made it. Either I died on the collectors base. Or Keprals caught up with me. In short, I'm no longer around and I'm sorry"_  
The small holo corrected his posture slightly, seemingly uncomfortable.   
_"There's so much I want to tell you. I hope I'll get a chance to show you but if our paths part, I needed this to be said. I love you. And I'll be waiting for you across the sea but until then, please live your life as you were meant to. With the same passion as you always have. With the same strength and love. Your unbreakable spirit and beautiful heart"_  
He sighed and stared down at his feet.   
_"I can't speak for how I'll feel after death.. but I know the song of your heart is what I'll miss the most"_  
He looked back up again and continued.   
_"You have shown me a life I didn't think me worthy for a long time. You and Kolyat are the reasons I am finally happy and I want to thank you for that. I love you and I always will. Please know that. I love you with all I am, however broken I am. You made me whole and I love you. If all else whispers back into the tide, know this to be true. Tu-fira, Kasumi"_

The holo ended. Kasumi sat staring at ther own palm with large eyes. She was shaking. Sarah leaned in and placed her arm around her, hugging her close as tears started rolling down her face. Garrus embraced them both and they sat like, letting Kasumi cry in silence. She clenched her fist and fought the need to scream. She let Garrus's and Sarah's warmth seep into her and she calmed her breathing.

"Thank you.." she whispered.

Sarah smiled and kissed her on the shoulder. Kasumi sighed and closed her eyes. Garrus squeezed her arm and sat back up. 

"You said.. he contacted you after the last message Kolyat had recieved?"

"Ah, yes. Well.. ehm.." Garrus tried. Sarah sat back up and was quick to take over.

"He contacted us about a month ago. He was.. He is very obviously back in his combat sleep. He asked us a whole bunch of questions that led us to believe that.. that he's still looking into the people responsible for Irikahs death"

Kasumis eyes grew large. She hadn't even thought about the possibility of him looking into that again.

"But.. that.."

"Which is why we told you to come here" Sarah quickly offered. "He asked me if I knew anything since his memory is still full of holes. The AI had told him about how he had gotten the name of the leader, which he remembers killing, but he said he had this feeling that one was still alive.."

Kasumi started breathing heavier, feeling faint. Both Garrus and Sarah was quick to embrace her again to help her tackle the panic attack quickly surfacing.

"Breath... breath.." Garrus offered.

"We're here, Kas" Sarah tried to hug her closer but Kasumi kept fighting them both off. She leaned forward, placing her head between her knees as he sight suddenly blurred out. She tried to breath slowly.

"You.. you're telling me that I've got.. the most leathal assassin after me.. who never forgave me in his reality and who can't, or won't remember me.."

Sarah shot Garrus a worried look. He stood up and started pacing across the room.

"This was so much easier when we practised.." he mumbled. "Eh, no! I, eh.."

Sarah sighed at Garrus and got down on her knees infront of Kasumi.

"This is why we wanted you here. You know this planet inside out. It's a perfect hiding spot. Besides, as far as we know, he doesn't know its you. And we're here too!"

Kasumi stood up in a sudden rush of anger.

"And.. and what are you gonna do? Kill him!? You know I'll never let you!"

Sarah looked over at Garrus. He walked up to Kasumi and reached out his hands towards her. She sighed and closed her eyes. She swallowed her lips and let him take her hands in his.

"What do you want us to do, Kasumi? We lost him a long time ago. He's not the person we once knew. You are! You are still you and you mean the world to us. We can't just let this.. stranger.. take you away from us"

Kasumi pursued her lips and bowed her head. She squeezed Garrus's hands and let go.

"Sarah.. you remember back when.. on the crucible"

Sarah stood up and walked up to Garrus.

"Yea"

"Yea. When.. when you destroyed.." She sighed. "You probably don't remember but I'm sure you heard about it. It basically took out all the machines. Like, everything. Most could be recovered fast, things like omni-tools, my AI and even EDI was easily recovered. But a lot of ships crashed landed on different planets, for example.." She paused and turned around to face them. "What do you think happened to the machines that was keeping Thane alive?"

Sarah looked up at Garrus and let her eyes dart back to Kasumi, slowly shaking her head. She had never thought about that.

"It took a total of 4 days, 17 hours and 34 seconds before the machines were up and running again. A task still prioritised as it was a hospital. For 4 days, 17 hours and 34 seconds me and Kolyat took turns, helping Thane to breath. Doing with hand what the machines were suppose to do automatically. For 4 days and 17 hours, Sarah. We took turns sleeping for an hour at a time. And then we switched. If you could call that sleeping.."

She sighed and let the strength in her legs give out. She stared at her hands. She could barely hear Sarah trying to muffle her heavy breathing.

"Did I tell you about the time Keiji died? I couldn't fix him. I couldn't.. heal that.. gaping wound. Did I ever tell you how I still see his blood on my hands sometimes?"

She clenched her fists and cursed under her breath.

"113 hours. I would have given every last hour of my life if it would have meant that I could have saved him. You can't ask me to give up on him. I can't have his blood on my hands, can you understand that?"

Garrus and Sarah just stared at Kasumi as she got back up on her feet. She walked up to them and embraced them.

"The second he died, so did I. If my last hour breathing can grant him peace, I'll willingly give it. My only wish throughout those 113 hours were for him to just breath. Just breath. I can't ask more than that still"

She broke the hug and smiled up at them.

"Thank you for everything. I really love you guys but you have to leave. If he finds out it's my fault, he'll not only kill me, but there's a very real risk he'll hurt you as well for protecting me. So please, you have to leave"

They protested. Kasumi just smiled at them and handed them Thanes book. She cloaked and disappeared before they had a chance to react. Sarah screamed her name, trying to make her change her mind.  
Garrus looked down at title of the book.

"Conditions of Love.."


	44. Collapse

She had her omnitool up, typing something and sat back down. She swallowed her lips and looked down at the omnitool, eyes darting over to the lamp indicating the holo was being recorded. She corrected her posture slightly, placing her hands on her knees.

"This.. is a message to whomever is either watching this as a recording or got a hold of my greybox" She paused for a moment before continuing. "If it's my greybox you're holding, I am convinced you were hoping to find a whole range of other things much more exciting and interesting than this message. Before I continue, however, you'll be happy to know I've removed all of Keijis memories from the box. So if someone of Hocks associates are watching this, you're wasting your time. Being triggered by mine and Keijis joined history, I have chosen to delete it all from any recorded medium, including his own greybox"

She smiled malicously for a moment and smacked with her tongue.

"So. To the other potential viewer. You're holding this recording because I transfered to you the moment I knew you'd kill me. If anything, I hope the guilt that leaves you with, forces you to take some time to watch this" She paused. "I.. I needed to record this because.. It's been four months since you found out about my involvement from the Shadow Broker and confirmed it through Fenix. I've been hiding ever since and.. I've realised that this is not living. I can't live in the shadows this way. If I can't be free, I won't be at all. So I'm recording this to quickly sum up the most important story of my life"

She pursed her lips in a forced smile.

"My name is Kasumi Goto. Or that's the name most people knows me by. My real name is Carrin. I forgot my last name. My mother was murdered when I was very young. I don't know which one of the loan sharks that finally had enough and ordered the kill. After her death, I lived on the streets with the rest of the duct rats on the citadel. I.. had no future. And then, a year after my mothers death, on my birthday.. I was given the bests of gifts. I met a drell named Thane Krios. You only saw me as a means to an end in your line of work but to me.. you were a promise of a future. You must obviously already know my involvment in Irikahs murder.."

She paused and leaned forward, closing her eyes.

"Which, back then, resulted in you never wanting to see me again. After years of barely spending time together as it was, your abandonment still hit me harder than you could imagine. So I kept molding the AI in your image the best I could"

She sat back up again and sighed with a smile.

"And then I met Keiji Okuda and I was happy. You know about Okudas key that helped cure you. He found out about you through the AI and realised how much you meant to me. That sparked his research" She paused. "Not long after.. his death, I met Kolyat and we became friends. I admit, at first it was only for a chance to find you again. But we became friends and we still are. Funny as it might sound to you now, you were the one who helped him forgive my involvement in Irikas murder.."

She sighed again and stood up, pacing around the apartment.

"I.. eventually found you. Many years after you left, I found you in Commander Shepards crew. When you realised who I was, you admitted that you had already forgiven me. That might sound strange to you now, but that's how it was.. Well.. It was a long road but.. we found each other.. in.. ways I never dared think we ever would"

She corrected her clothes slightly and sat back down.

"I think.. No, I know that I have always loved you. In different ways throughout life but.. it's always been love in some form. You grew close to Kolyat and.. he helped you admit your own emotions as well"

She looked back down on her hands, rubbing them together and tried to swallow the lump in her throat.

"You almost died at one point. Okudas key helped you heal. Physically. But your mind was.. damaged after the coma. In the end, you forgot about me. But I've always loved you. On every step of the way. Even now, when you hate me and possibly even killed me. Tu-fira. That has never changed for me. I'll wait for you across the sea"

She brought up her omnitool and terminated the holo recording.

* * *

**Four months earlier**

"You really shouldn't be here"

Kolyat was worried and Kasumi couldn't say she didn't feel the same way. She tried to brush it off.

"I know you're worried, Kol, but I really doubt he'll randomly show up the exact moment I'm here"

She lazily browsed through some of the books. She was happy Kolyat had protested to her selling them all off even though some of them could probably cover his yearly salary. He had to buy several more book shelves to fit them all. She was convinced he had read a healthy amount of them already, a small pile of them on his bed side table playing evidence.

"I know but as far as we know, he might be monitoring this place or something. I don't even know. I never knew this side of him.."

He let out a sigh and sat down on the sofa, reaching his arms out on the backrest. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes. Kasumi pursed her lips and sat down next to him, leaning her head on his chest.

"No, I get it. But we haven't seen each other this entire time, Kol. It's just not fair.."

He placed his arm around her and mindlessly stroke her along her arm.

"How's work?" she asked, smiling.

He scoffed.

"It's great, actually. Almost makes me feel guilty to feel that way but it's true. I feel appreciated, the hours are good, salery is okay, coworkers are amazing.."

She was happy to be able to talk about casual things with Kolyat in that moment, even if she knew it was temporary.

"I've missed you, though" he admitted and hugged her closer.

"I've missed you too. I really wish we could just.. go back in time, you know?"

Kolyat nodded in agreement. He started recalling moments from way back when things seemed easier. When he had his fathers support and Kasumis fighting spirit by his side. Now he felt lonely most of the time. He had time and again tried to figure out how to simply solve everything but it would seem that no matter how much he fought for the people who meant the most to him, it inevitably kept falling back to disaster.

"Not that I'm complaining but.. why did you decide to come here now?"

She opened her eyes and stared into nothing. She was tired of letting her life revolve around an invisible threat that noone had seen in months. She admitted feeling afraid, a feeling she wasn't all that use to. It wasn't neccessarly a fright of dying. She wasn't quite sure what it was. For years prior to meeting Thane again on the Normandy, she rememberd feeling the same way. Afraid of not being forgiven, afraid of what he might say. This felt somewhat similar. Granted, she already knew he wouldn't forgive her this time. The same feeling forced her to constantly look over her shoulder and she hated it. No, she wasn't built for stationary combat. She needed to move, make use of her skills and live up to her passion. Not sit still and wait to die. As noone had heard or seen Thane for so long, she had started feeling more confident again and left Illium.

"I doubt I'll be able to answer that question without sounding morbid, but.. I'd like to tie up a few loose ends" She sat up and continued. "I'd like the AI back. I owe him something"

* * *

She walked slowly through the abandoned Cerberus base. All that tech, all useless since the destruction of the crucible. Atleast, that's what you'd think at first glance. She couldn't be sure Cerberus was all gone but this particular base was small and held little value to them now. She brought up her omni-tool and let a couple of scanners materialize. Letting them hoover in the air, she quickly gave them the orders what to scan for and as they buzzed away, exploring the nearby rooms, she walked up to one of the consols. She made quick work of booting it up, giving her direct access to Cerberus main servers. Most of them were still down but a few had been restored. She effectivly hacked into them and started browsing around. It wasn't long until she found Aresh's name among the files. She smiled to herself and downloaded the information.

"Jack? I got the info. Transfering it to you now. You owe me, just so you know"

"Favor for a favor? Abso-fucking-lutely. I'll talk to you later, Kas. I got some work to do" Jack answered over the com.

She smiled. However hard core Jack was, she was sweet in her own way. The scanners interrupted her thoughts, indicating that they had picked something up in the nearby room and she quickly made her way there, finding the metal body under some fallen over furnitures. She scanned it to make sure it was repairable before examining the exterior closer. 

"Perfect"

As she made the few needed repairs, she let AI Thane materialize. He smiled at her, hands behind his back.

"I've missed you"

She sighed and smiled back at him.

"I've missed you too"

She was quick to brush away some debris from the metal bodys face and tried her best to prop it up against a table, giving the AI a clear view.

"What do you think?"

The AI looked confused. Kasumi smiled at him with her teeth, loving how well aware he had become of facial expressions. She was quick to explain herself.

"You've lived a life trapped in someone elses image. You were made to be a copy but I've always seen you as your own person. This body is my present to you. It looks more human than drell, I'll admit.. but if that's okay with you, I'd like you to stop being dependant on some persons omni-tool and simply be yourself, on your own terms"

The AI did not look less confused but it didn't take him long to realise what she meant and he simply smiled at Kasumi with his teeth as she quickly brought up her omni-tool, accessing the robots interface and transfer the AI to it. Mere moments later, the AI holo disappeared and he opened his eyes in his new body, blinking a couple of times. Kasumi stood up and smiled at him.

"Give it a go! Try to move"

He slowly lifted his hand, bending and extending his fingers a couple of times. He carefully tried to get up to his feet, seemingly unbalanced in his new metal frame. Kasumi took a few steps back, hands on her hips, looking very please with herself.

"I really found a good one!" she laughed as he towered over her. "Say what you want about Cerberus, they atleast know how to make good looking androids"

He extended his arm and moved his hands around, looking increasingly pleased. His eyes darted over to Kasumi. Seconds later, he took long strides towards her, embracing her in a tight hug, forcing her up on her toes.

"Woah, chill! You're way stronger than you think!"

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do this" he whispered and smiled from ear to ear.

She laughed and returned the embrace. He lifted her up and spun around, both bursting out laughing. He put her back down.

"What.. what now?" he asked, excited.

"Well, let's start at the beginning!" she said and corrected her posture, offering him her hand. "Hi there, my name is Kasumi, what's yours?"

He looked at her with big eyes and looked down at her hand. He carefully took it in his. He held her hand in his for a moment, caressing it with his thumb before looking back up at her, giving her a teary eyed smile.

"Fenix"

* * *

She casually opened the door.

"Kol! Come, you have to meet my new friend!"

Kolyat came running out into the hallway.

"Go! Go now!" he tried to whisper, waving his arms.

Kasumi shot a surprised brow at his strange behaviour but quickly caught on to what he meant. She was quick to turn around and ran out. Seconds later, she felt movement next to her as a knife shot through the air. She quickly dodged and cloaked, looked over her shoulder only to see Fenix throwing himself in Thanes way. Thane pushed him to the side and ran in Kasumi's direction. She made her way up a nearby building, hiding on a balcony, careful not to make a sound as she knew Thane could easily hear her.  
He stood below her, looking around for a moment but soon gave up. He brought up his omni-tool and walked up to Fenix. He pressed his hand against him and transfered something. When he was satisfied, he simply nodded in Kolyats direction and left.

Kolyat helped Fenix to get up and led him into his apartment. Kasumi made her way higher up and called Kolyat.

"Are you okay?" he asked, worried.

"I'm.. I think so.. what happened?"

"He came by and.. he said he'd gotten his hands on some information from the Shadow Broker and how he had come to know of moms existence. He.. he must have connected the dots.." He paused. "He'd been tiped off about AI Thane and came to get it from me, but.. well, you had it and.. I think.. I think he took some information from Fenix.. He seems to be okay, though"

Kasumi tried to focus on her breathing. So he knew. Now he knew. If she had lived in fear before, this was nothing compared.

"Kol.. I have to hide. I'll.. you'll probably won't hear from me in a while.."


	45. Wildfire

_"It's been four months since you found out about my involvement from the Shadow Broker and confirmed it through Fenix. I've been hiding ever since and.. I've realised that this is not living. I can't live in the shadows this way. If I can't be free, I won't be at all"_

She cursed herself. She should have recognized a very obvious setup when she was first informed of the target. But she couldn't help herself. It had her feeling like she hadn't grown up from her own arrogance, so confident in her skills. Or maybe she wanted this, she admitted to herself. Maybe she was simply tired of running.

She took a quick look around the corner and was greeted by the hissing sound of a passing bullet. She dodged back behind cover and cursed again. She had to get passed him to get out. It had all been so well calculated on his part. For someone who claimed not to remember her, he seemed to know her every step before she even knew them herself.  
She sighed, having to remind herself that she actually wanted to get out of this alive. How easily her mind kept slipping, finding a leathal inevitability an acceptable path.

She let a small drone materialize and extended her cloak. She guided it safetly to his position, getting a good view of how well he could see her. She noticed a couple of ventilation pipes ontop one of the buildings not far from her. She almost dared see a possible escape route but before she had a chance to explore closer, her eyes wandered down to his shadow below the drone. His every sense so fully concentrated on her position. Sadness struck her. She had found such comfort in those shoulders and hands. Now they supported the weight of a sniper aimed at her. Moments later, he took notice to the drone and made short work of it with his gun. The drones last frame showing Thanes facial expression burnt into her mind, she clenched her fists not to cry. She knew he must have moved now that she had seen his position. Again, she cursed. She just blew an advantage. At the same time, she couldn't help herself from remembering his image through the drone. His shoulders, his waist, his strong arms. He was back to himself again. Physically, atleast.

For years, she had asked herself what she could have done differently. Was his memory due to the blood loss before the coma? The four days the machines were down and they had to help him by hand? Was it becuase of the extremely long time he was under or maybe it had been due to the shock of her appearing in his room just before the coma was induced? No matter which view point she took on, she always ended up blaming herself. She was convinced she could have done something different. Anything!  
She also thought back to his decision to leave her when things were getting worse with his Keprals. Maybe that decision also played a roll in how his brain healed? No, she knew better than that. All those long talks with Mordin had taught her a thing or two, after all.

She grinded her teeth. How she wished she could have done something different. For things to have looked different.  
Kolyat had tried to contact her a couple of times after their last encounter about five months ago. She kept it brief, explained that she had to hide. He understood. Fenix, on the other hand, had been more difficult to convince. He didn't want her to disappear and he tried his best to persuade her that they could take Thane on together. She simply reminded him of past events and he unwillingly gave up trying to talk her around. She was happy to have such good friends, really. Kolyat, Fenix, Sarah, Garrus.. All willing to help her out in a situation like this. But she knew she had to face it alone. Sooner or later.  
Another bullet graced the corner of her hiding spot. "Sooner, by the looks of it.." she thought to herself.

* * *

_He lifted her arm and let her twirl slowly. She just smiled up at him and let him lead her wherever he wanted to. He pulled her back in and they slowly swayed to the music. He hugged her close, letting her lean her head on his shoulder. She closed her eyes and breathed him in. She looked up at him and mindlessly let her fingertip tickle the frills on his neck. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the smooth sensation of her skin on his. He looked down at her and smiled, leading her out for another twirl before letting her spin slowly towards him again. The song slowly faded and he took the opportunity to suggest they go sit down at the bar. She was quick to agree, feeling parched. He ordered them some wine and a couple of glasses of water as they sat down._

_"This was a really good idea, Thane. I'm glad you suggested it"_

_"We needed a break. There's only so much two people can do about everything that's wrong right now. We need some downtime too"_

_"Wow. Seriously, that does not sound like something you would say"_

_"I believe Commander Shepards relaxation rules makes themselves reminded sometimes" he said and smiled._

_"Ah, yes, she did have good ideas when it came to relaxing, I'll admit"_

_She didn't want to, but she suddenly felt sad. She had tried to contact Sarah several times without success. She didn't know how to help her and it left her feeling utterly frustrated. Usually, nothing stood in her way. It was even more annoying that the thing standing in her way right now was the Alliance. She didn't exactly like them much. She decided to banish the sadness and raised her glas._

_"To Sarah. May she return to us posthaste!"_

_Thane raised his glas and they both took a sip._

_"Okay, so work talk before Kolyat joins us. I know, big no-no, but try and stop me" she began. "You're not gonna believe how well your next target lines up with some seriously strange things that's been happening lately"_

* * *

"Fenix, I need help. Can you pinpoint my location?"

"Carrin! Yes, I can! What do you need?"

"Blueprints. I need to confirm a possible exit"

"I'm on it, hang in there"

She let a couple of scanners materilize and extended her cloak while throwing them in behind covers in the nearby area before letting them decloak again. She sat down and leaned back. She wasn't willing to give up just yet. And at the same time, she couldn't remind herself what she was fighting for anymore. She had always been alone in a way, but she had been free to live her life the way she wanted. She had never been hunted by a person she simply could not get rid of. A person she did not want to get rid of.

"Carrin, transfering you blueprints now"

"Thank you, Fenix" she said and mindlessly started exploring the blueprint holo infront of her.

"Are you okay? What's going on? He's there, isn't he?"

"It's.. it's okay, Fenix. I need to confirm a possible exit, that's all"

"Is he there?"

"I'll talk to you later, Fenix, okay? Love you"

She quickly terminated the call and kept on studying the blueprints. It didn't cover a lot of things she could simply confirm by looking around the area. There must have been a lot construction added after these blueprints were made, she figrued. The ventilation shafts were there but she couldn't go into much details about them. She had spent enough time in ventilation shafts to know the basic construction. It still looked to be the best possible exit and in any case, she'd have a great possibility to loose him in there.

She brought down the blueprints and took a couple of deep breaths.

* * *

_She started biting the tip of the nail on her thumb out of habbit. Thane smiled at her. He loved watching her as she laid out the plans for a heist, but especially so when out of this kind. In the chaos after the destruction of the collectors base, raiders and slavers sought to conquer new grounds quickly. He had set a couple of targets himself and some of them just so happened to need her unmatched skills. This one had taken her full attention for the last two days as it had involved a large shipment of children about to be sent off to God knows what kind of experimentations. Kasumi and Thane was hell bent on stopping it but they couldn't afford running in guns blazing. It had required a lot of planning. Kasumi had even involved Jack, as some of the children were promising biotics. They all feared the shipment was meant for another secret Cerberus base somewhere and Jack was more than happy to help. Even Miranda had been helpful, narrowing down possible locations and blueprints._

_He sat down next to her, offering her a cup of tea. She happily accepted it and leaned back on the sofa. She let the holo terminate and rubbed her eyes. She took a small sip._

_"How long was I out?" she smiled._

_Thane scoffed at her comment, loving how she joked about her own habbits, getting so involved in her assignments that she kept loosing track of time._

_"Only about three hours"_

_"Ah, good. I sent Jack all the info. She'll be ready with transport for the kids. It'll leave us a small window for your hit"_

_She closed her eyes and crawled up close to him. He placed his arm around her and kissed her on her head._

_"Did you find yourself something as well?"_

_He smiled at his own question. He knew very well she had. She always did. She hadn't required all of her tech by simply stumbling upon it._

_"I believe you already know the answer to that question" she mused. "But I am also looking for something very special. You can't really track it down.. I haven't found it yet, and I'm starting to doubt that I will, but I'd like to do a quick scan of the place once we get there. Won't take long"_

_He rarely got curious but when Kasumi had a plan, it was always interesting. Her curious nature had him constantly entertained. She offered him a view into a somewhat childish mind sometimes. He appriciated it, feeling almost like it had been an important part of his younger years that he had missed out on. One thing was for sure. He never found himself bored around her._

_"Should I ask what?"_

_"Obviously not" she smiled, drank a generous amount of tea and booted up the holo again. "Also, I ordered food. Should be here about.." Without taking her eyes off of the holo, she pointed at the door as it chimed ".. now!"_

_Thane raised a brow in amazement at her._

_"Holy shit, I never thought that would work!" she exclaimed._

_She jumped off the sofa in glee and ran up to the door as Thane burst out laughing. "A childish mind" he thought to himself. And he loved it._

* * *

She placed a few more scanners around and cloaked. She had to make it to the next set of covers fast. She quickly sent out another cloaked drone to confirm his location. She let it take his attention away from her for a few seconds and bolted towards cover. She could hear the bullet that took out the drone and she quickly dodged in behind the metal pipes before he noticed her. She calmed her breathing. He had given away his position again but she couldn't be sure he'd move. The building with the ventilation pipes were close now but she'd have to bolt in plain sight to get there. She knew Thane wouldn't fall for the distraction of another drone. She leaned against the metal pipes and closed her eyes. Her mind started to drift again and she had to fight it not to give up.

She could barely convince herself that he wouldn't see through her cloak but relying on it was her only chance of escaping. She let another cloaked drone fly back to her previous hiding place and let it hoover and as she let it uncloak, taking Thanes attention for a few seconds, she ran for it. At first, he didn't seem to see her and she started feeling slightly victorious.  
And then the bullets started raining down on her. To her surprise, he did not only seem to have a pretty good guess of her exact location but he also seemed to miss on purpose. It quickly dawned on her that he didn't want to kill her this way. He only wanted to wound her bad enough to stop her from running so he could get close.  
Panic started to set in and she tumbled slightly, loosing rythm. She climbed the building and thought she could almost taste freedom when the unmistakable burning sensation in her leg broke her cloak and she tumbled to the ground. In the corner of her eye, she could see Thane making his way down from his vantage point. She scrambled up to her feet, quickly removed the grid on the vent shaft and dove inside, closing the grid beind her, leaving a few scanners. She tried to activate her cloak again but it didn't respond.

She stumbled through the ventilation tunnel. Cloak or no cloak, as long as these tunnels were as most ventilation shafts, they'd be difficult enough to navigate to allow her a chance to disappear. She kept pushing forward through the pain, he leg bleeding heavily. Before long, it slowly dawned on her that she kept following a single tunnel. No left or right turns into new tunnels or sections. No removable grids. She tried to walk faster, the pain limiting her. Panic colored her face red and she started breathing heavier. It wasn't until the tunnel opened up into a small room with only a few barred windows that she realised that she had run into a dead end and she finally understood what this was. A calculated trap. He wanted her to run here. He had been counting on it.  
She tried to calm her breathing, to think clear, but her world was spinning. She twirled around as she her scanners set off. She tried several more times to activate her cloak without success. She was trapped.

* * *

_She let the scanners materialize and got to work right away, replicating her newly found tech. Thane kissed her on the shoulder._

_"New toys, then?"_

_"Oh yes! These will come in handy" she said and smiled._

_He nodded and took out a sheet from one of the closets, spreading it across the floor. He fetched their weapons and started cleaning them. It was relaxing and he enjoyed keeping their weapons up to par, just as much as Kasumi enjoyed keeping all their gear in top shape and quality. This had become a sort of ritual for them after each of their own missions. The relaxing hours after days of intensive planning and execusion._

_"I hope things solved for Jack" he finally commented._

_"Yea.. who would have thought Aresh would have been involved? Bet she regret not killing him now.."_

_"She'll find him, I'm sure. We'll help, if need be"_

_Kasumi just smiled at him._

_"For sure"_

_Some time later, when he was finished, he stretched and started to unbuckle his armor. Kasumi had already changed into some more comfortable clothes, though they had quickly gotten dirty in midst of her tech replicating process. He just smiled at her. Her hair up in a loose pony tail, some dirt stain across her face and biting her upper lip, this was one of the sights he enjoyed the most.  
He took of his armor and cleaned it a bit before heading to the bathroom to freshen up. He knew she'd join him. She always did. He turned on the water and got into the shower, waiting her arrival. He could hear her scramble to her feet, running to the bathroom. She had undressed on the way and threw herself into the shower to fall into his arms. She pressed herself up against his chest and he hugged her tightly._

_"I fowgo my schhoks.."_

_Thane started laughing, her face smooshed to his chest._

_"What?"_

_She stood up and looked down at her feet._

_".. I forgot my socks.."_

_She moved her toes, making the water chip under her feet. She looked up at him and joined in his laughter. He kissed her on the forehead and got down on his knees to help her remove the soaking wet socks. She placed her hands on his shoulders for support and as he stood there, he looked up at her with a sudden serious expression. Her smile faded away._

_"What's wrong?"_

_He simply shook his head and embraced her waist. She caressed his head, trying her best to respond to his sudden need for physical closeness._

_"I can't remember a life before you, Carrin.." he whispered._

_She got down on her knees infront of him and hugged him. She pulled him in for a few tender kisses, letting the water from the shower pour over them both. She hugged him tightly again._

_"I don't want to remember a life before you, Thane.."_


	46. Killing me to love you

She tried to calm her breathing. His steps drawing closer, she could see his shadow coming around the corner. He had been one step ahead of her the entire time, like he knew her mind. He had successfully trapped her where noone else could.  
He stopped the moment he saw her. Panic in her eyes, breahing heavily, there was no mistaken. He knew she was trapped and she seemed to have finally accepted it. He felt triumphant. How he had planned for this moment, how he had obsessed and longed for this closure. Here she finally stood, the fundamental reason his enemies found out about his wife and killed her to get to him. He had always been careful, but this creature had ruined his life.  
She bowed her head, giving in to her minds persistent wishes, and locked hands in prayer, like she had done so many times before when Thane had been in a coma. He started walking again.

"Arashu, Goddess of Motherhood and Protection"

He kept a steady pace, walking up towards her.

"I pray you place him under your divine preservation. Amonkira, Lord of Hunters, I pray his aim be true.."

He slowed down slightly, willing to let her finish her prayer.

"And Kalahira, Goddess of Oceans and Afterlife.. Now that all else have failed.. grant me forgivness"

She let the strength in her arms give out, allowing them fall to her sides. She looked right at him and as he came closer, she closed her eyes and lifted her head, allowing him access for a quick kill. She could hear the distinct sound of metal and felt a sharp, cold jolt shoot through her body. She looked down and saw his palm flat against her chest, holding a small needle between his fingers. The needle had forced its way through her armor and pressed against her skin. He pushed her hard against the wall behind her. The anger across his face was unmistakable. She could remember seeing him this angry once before, many years ago, back on Omega.

"You don't deserve a quick death, Kasumi" he snarled and slammed his free hand onto the head of the needle, forcing it through her skin and into her heart.

She inhaled sharply from the pain, her heart quickly reacting to the poison. She grabbed hold of his arms and leaned forward, feeling the scent of his leather armor. Through the pain, she suddenly felt at home. She looked up at him with tear filled eyes, tracing his tensed jaw with her eyes. She landed on his collar bones and traced them to his frills. How badly she wanted to kiss them. Tears forcing their way through, she leaned her head on his strong arm and inhaled his scent, eyes closed. She looked up at him and tried to cup his face. He moved his head, sparking his own anger anew. She wanted to fall to the floor, the pain in her muscles overwhelming but he forced her to stand up, pushing her hard against the cold surface behind her. Her knees gave out and he followed her down on the floor, still pressing her against the wall. She closed her eyes and swallowed hard. Even in such a painful moment, her heart succumbing to poison and hearbreak, a memory surfaced.

* * *

_  
She hugged him closer, so unbelievable grateful to have him. The water from the shower still flushing over them, he kissed her shoulder and neck. She let him find her lips and he kisssed her tenderly before wiping away a tear with the back of his hand. She cupped his face and kissed him on the nose._

_"It's okay" she whispered, trying to comfort him._

_They soon finished their shower and she wrapped a towel around her head, grabbing a smaller towel to wipe her neck before going into the bedroom. He followed her, towel around his shoulders. He sat down on the bed and watched her roam through the closet for some clean clothes._

_"You'll catch a cold like that"_

_She turned around and crawled ontop the bed to join him, placing her legs around his waist and he placed his towel around her, as to dry and warm her._

_"You'll catch a cold" she said and smiled, wiping the water off his head with the small towel._

_"Not as long as you're near to warm me" he responded, fully enjoying the sensation of their bodies entwined._

* * *

She held onto his arms as he forced her to a seated position. She looked down at his hands, one pressed on her chest, the other on her shoulder. She let her fingers find his hands.

"I wonder if you'll catch a cold when I'm gone.." she whispered.

She brought up her omnitool and transferred him the message. As his omnitool chimed, he let her go and she fell forward on her hands. With no pitty to spare, he scoffed at her.

"Is this some sort of joke? You're part of the death of my wife and you think I want to listen to anything you have to say?"

He paused, flaring his own anger again.

"Let me tell you something"

He lifted her chin, making sure she was still listening.

"Your AI. The real cause of it all. I took a copy of all your heists from him. This was the only way to catch you, and I'll commend you for that. But I wanted you to know. The information in your AI that had Irikah murdered.. finally caught up with you. The same source of information is the reason you're dying today"

He stood back up, brushing off some imaginary dust. Blood around the needle forced its way through and colored the fabric on her chest. She whimpered, not fighting the tears anymore. The pain from the slow spreading poison had her barely able to stand up on her knees, her body cramping. He stood above, watching her fight the pain, overwashed by the sensation of finally having completed his life's most important tasks. 

"You feel the poison, don't you? I think it holds an ironic symbolic meaning to it. The poison you planted all those years ago that eventually had Irikah murdered.." He paused. "It's a concentrated dose of drell poison. Not leathal in most ways, but a small dosage straight into the heart will provide a fast enough killer to be given time to watch the person suffer"

She sobbed. He looked down at her with disgust. He had wished to inflict more pain than this but he had a path to stick to. He remembered killing the slavers, inflicting the most amount of pain he could. He did not regret their deaths, only the way he had killed them. He had promised easier deaths to his targets. But this one was special. She deserved the pain in some way. This had been perfect.   
She tried her best to fight it. She wanted to beg him to watch her message but it suddenly felt so unimportant for him to hear all of it. She only wanted him to know she still loved him. She had always loved him, through all stages. Even now, when he so obviously hated her and wanted her to suffer. She still loved him.  
She grabbed the needle and pulled it out, placing her hand on her heart, feeling faint. Yes, even after all this, she still loved him. She closed her eyes and lifted her hand, feeling the need to remind herself that he had felt the same way for her once. The last part of a small holo played across her palm.

".. If all else whispers back into the tide, know this to be true. Tu-fira, Kasumi"

He shot the holo a curious brow, thinking he had seen himself. The holo terminated and she smiled, clenching her fists as to hug the ring on her finger. He found himself recognizing it. Where had he seen it before? She looked up at him, removing her hoody to properly face him. She whispered his name, her heart suddenly singing to him.

**Ba-dump**

His breath hitched. He could not place the sudden rush of images. She looked up at him and, breaking through the pain, smiled. Confusion gripped him and he tried to find answers in her dark brown, almost black eyes. He suddenly remember seing them before, many times.

**Ba-dump**

No, her eyes weren't all dark. One of them tinted blue in the desert sun. She lowered her head, closing her eyes. A purple tattoo on each side of her neck. She had tattoos along her arms and legs too that noone else knew of. One of them were right next to a birthmark. She had two other birthmarks on her lower back and one on her foot. He could suddenly name them all.

**Ba-dump**

Treasure hunts through the Normandy. Always new books to read. Desperate hands tugging at each other clothes. Kisses under the covers. Lavender baths.. The song of her heart..

**Ba-**

She collapsed on the ground, her heartrate drastically slowed. He started breathing frantically and looked down at her in desperation. 

Her favorite fruit, the small snore she gave out before waking up, her smirk when she found out a new secret about someone. 

The flush of memories hurt his head. He glinded his teeth, placing his hand infront of his eyes. 

The way she whispered his name, her favorite foods, legs entwined when sleeping, desperate need for closeness under the shower.

Her breathing was weak, mouth open and she looked up at him with drowsy eyes. His vision blurred as he fell down to his knees and despreatly tried to gather her up in his arms. Her body was limp, without any strength. He pulled her closer, falling back on the wall behind him. Her breath hitched and he tried to voice his panic without success. He craddled her, cupping her face, frantically trying to find the words to make it alright. She whispered his name, smiling, and he tried to talk, his hysteric breathing hindered him.  
She tried to lift her arm, struggling to keep her eyes open. He was quick to grab her hand and lift it to his mouth, kissing her palm. 

"Thane.. please, watch the message.." she said, smiling faintly.

He looked at her in confusion and felt the tears roll down his cheeks.

"I'm.. I remember.." he tried.

She tried to nod.

".. the message"

She tried to smile again. He looked at her with large eyes and brought up his omnitool, playing her message.

".. I've always loved you. On every step of the way. Even now, when you hate me and possibly even killed me. Tu-fira. That has never changed for me. I'll wait for you across the sea"

He couldn't fight the tears.

"Carrin.. I'm.."

No respons. He looked back down at her. Her eyes were closed, he couldn't hear her breathing.

"No.. nono, come back! No, please.."

He kissed her hand again, planting desperate kisses on her forehead. He got no respons. He pulled her limp body closer and burried his face in her neck. He screamed into the fabric in frustraton and let his lips land on her neck where her pulse should be. Despair colored his being as the anger he felt at himself surfaced. He cursed, telling himself to focus. He lifted her up close, placing his ear near her mouth, closing his eyes, desperately hoping and wishing.  
A carefull puff of wind. He inhaled sharply, quickly placing his lips on her neck, feeling for her pulse. A very faint, slow tick up against his lips. He gasped, quickly lifting his head to study her face with large eyes. No respons. He placed her flat on the ground and covered her noses, taking a deep breath, lifting her chin up and breathed into her mouth. He watched her chest raise and started chest compressions. Time and time again, he felt for her pulse and listened to her breath. They only grew weaker. He repeated the resuscitation several times, feeling his desperation grow, knowing he can't stop the poison.

"Wake up" he whispered. "Please, Carrin.."

He cupped her face, desperately searching for signs, wishing for her to open her eyes. Nothing. She wasn't breathing.  
He kept repeating the resuscitation, feeling more and more desperate as tears rolled down his face. After a long time, she still wasn't breathing. He stood up on his knees and screamed into the empty room. He collapsed over her, gathering her up again. He parted his lips and let his teeth land on her neck, cursing the frail human body in his arms. He bit her neck until he drew blood, feeling the bitter taste of the poison. How he wished it would had been effective on him as well.

"Wake up.. please, just breath.."

He cradled her, whispering her name over and over.  
Suddenly, he could hear heavy, quick steps down the ventilation.

"Carrin! Get away from her!"

Fenix came running up towards them, stopping short of kicking Thane in the face.

"Give her here!" he barked.

"Fenix, I'm sorry! I.. I remember now! Please.."

"I said, give her here!"

He walked up to him and carefully lifted Carrin up, giving Thane a murderous look. He walked up one of the large, barred windows and made short work of it with brute force.

"You're lucky she loves you so much or you wouldn't be leaving this place in one piece"

With that, he left the small room.  
Thane sat back down and cried in silence. He looked up and inhaled sharply, exhaling in an attempt to banish his pain. All of the sudden, he was taken aback by a strange, faint taste on his tongue. He let his fingertips find her blood on his tounge. He couldn't place it. What was in her blood?


	47. Fractures

She took a deep breath. The wind carried the smell of cinnamon and lemon. She couldn't quite place it but it felt safe. The warm wind brushed along her back, giving her goosebumps. She curled up, feeling the grass under her. She took another deep breath and smiled. She carefully opened her eyes. She was greeted by the strong sun and soon heard laughter around her. She sat up and looked around, shielding her eyes from the sun. The laughter stopped and she stood up, trying to figure out where she was. The huge meadow was unknown to her but she didn't feel lost. She looked down at her arm, finding her omnitool was missing. Dressed in nothing but a thin summers dress and with no way to find out where she was, she started walking in any random direction. She let her hand brush against the tall grass around her, smiling at the soft sensation against her palm. She closed her eyes as she walked, concentrating on the birds songs. Opening her eyes again, she could see floating memories around her. Memories from when she was a child, from her youth at the citadel, finding her path in life and her amazing time at the Normandy. It filled her with happiness and a deep sense of accomplishment. She let her fingers brush up against the memories and they slowly vanished into smoke, giving way for other memories. Time spent with Keiji, days with Kolyat, evenings spent gossiping with Sarah and nights spent planning new challenging heists. She sighed deeply, each memory seemingly filling her with an indescribable calm. She closed her eyes and smiled. She could hear the ocean. She left the floating memories behind her and slowly made her way towards the sound. Moments later, she could see the golden sands and the blue water slowly rolling over it. She inhaled the scent and sighed. She knew where she was. Making her way towards the beach, new sets of memories made themselves known. Every moment spent with Thane. They started out so happy. So perfect. She stopped at each one, letting the emotions flush over her and tug at her heart. Not before long, the more recent memories surfaced. She tried to push them away, not wanting to let them taint the sensation of perfect moments. Slowly approaching the sands, the day turned to evening, making way for the darkness. She looked up and saw the dark clouds rolling in over the sky.

"You need to trust me more than this"

The words broke through one of the floating memories. She twirled around in surprise. She tried to fight it but the dark memories started showing up everywhere around her. She could feel the panic rise. She didn't like where the memories were taking her.

"I'm leaving"

The sudden cracking of thunder broke through, startling her. The calm waves had transformed and began rolling over the beach in fierce anger, almost reaching her feet before rolling back into the ocean. She started breathing heavier, feeling scared. She turned around, trying to walk away from the memories but they followed her, showing up infront of her.

"Whatever this is, Kasumi, you're being more work than its worth"

She tried to push the memory away but more surfaced. She started running, desperately waving her arms at the memories around her. She ran along the beach without looking. She just knew she had to run. Run away from the pain. Lightning hit somewhere off in the distance, startling her and as thunder once again rolled overhead, the memories seemed to attack her in her path.

"You don't deserve a quick death"

She could feel the needle in her chest, the pain of the poison. She didn't want to go there but no matter how fast she ran, the memories seemed relentless on taking her there. Suddenly, the ground disappeared beneath her and she rolled down a long hill. She tried to break her fall several times. When she finally stopped, she couldn't find the strength to get up, covering her face not to see any more memories. For a few moments, everything was quiet. Not a sound. She was breathing heavily, hearing the pulse in her ears. Suddenly, a whisper.

"If all else whispers back into the tide.."

She stopped breathing, carefully looked up at the floating memory infront of her.

".. I remember.."

As thunder once again rolled over her, the rain started falling. She tried but she couldn't breath. She forced herself to sit up. The pain in her leg took her by surprise, finding the blood from the bullet wound pouring down her leg before slowly being washed away by the rain. She looked back up at the memory. He smiled at her. 

"I love you, Carrin"

She could feel her insides shredding to pieces, unable to hold back the tears. How ridiculous it all was. How pointless it all seemed. The life and pain she had put herself through just to end up here. She looked out over the ocean. The waves stood high, the water dark. She got up and limped up to the ocean. When the waves flushed over her bare feet, she inhaled sharply and screamed.

"How could you do this to me?"

She sobbed and fell to her knees, letting the water soak the bottom of her dress.

".. I didn't deserve this.." she whispered.

The waves kept rolling as the rain slowly stopped, giving way for calmer winds. The pain in her leg was overwhelming and she looked down at the wound. She brushed with her fingers at it, trying to wash away some of the blood but it didn't work. The pain in her chest made itself reminded again and she sat down on the sand as the waves suddenly made way for her. She had a hard time breathing. She looked down at her leg again, noticing she was in her armor. Her summer dress had been replaced by her armor and her hands wore gloves. The bright light took her by surprise and she closed her eyes instinctively. Someone grabbed her hand and whispered her name. The sand disappeared from under her and the ocean faded away. Her leg was in pain. Her chest felt like it was collapsing. She couldn't breath.  
Her mouth and nose was covered by some sort of mask and she felt the rush of air, forcing its way down to her lungs. It was painful. She wanted to scream but the next gust of air stopped her. She waved her arm out to the side, grabbing hold of someone.

"Kas! Please.. please, breath! I know it hurts but you have to breath it in"

She recognized the voice. He held her hand in his and leaned in close to place his forehead on hers, trying his best of calm her.

"I'm here, Kas. Just breath. You need to breath it in"

She couldn't open her eyes. She tried to calm down, breathing in the strange smelling air. Moments later, she felt a jolt of strength through her body. She threw herself over to her side, grabbing hold of Kolyat with her free arm, letting him hug her closer. She kept breathing through the mask as Kolyat whispered a prayer in her ear, letting her snuggle closer to his neck. Moments later, she fell asleep, all strength leaving her body.

* * *

Fenix tried his best to ignore his gut feeling. Ever since Kasumi had given him this new body, he had been able to evolve even faster than before. Interactions with others was still strange but he had made a couple of new friends and was happy to develop his own personality as he saw fit. His new range of emotions had been difficult to understand and control. Kolyat had been an amazing help. In return, Fenix had been his biggest support through a long and worrying time. Both of them constantly waiting for any sort of message from Kasumi. When she had finally contacted him, there were no doubt in his mind that Thane was nearby. He had immediately made his way to her, only to find he had been too late. He had rushed her to the hospital, trying his best to explain what had happened to Kolyat. He knew what his father had meant to him. No matter what he had done, Kasumis wishes for them to have a relationship still burned strongly in his spine. He didn't want to destroy whatever little chance they still had at mending. And now he found himself here, waiting for Thane. His instinct being that he should have ignored Thanes message all together but how could he? Fenix, if anyone, knew exactly how deeply Kasumi cared for him and had first hand witnessed how Thane felt about her. If he could provide a chance for things to heal, he'd be on the front line, no matter his own feelings.  
He had bought some tea on his way over. He felt it might be appropriate but he wasn't sure. He sat down and sighed. He remembered the last time he'd been here, projecting a memory for Thane in an effort to make him remember Kasumi. It had backfired in the end and he had scolded himself for it. He had been told not to push the memories on Thane but he had been so eager to make him remember. After being quiet about Kasumis true nature for weeks, he had decided to take a different approach. He admitted still feeling guilty. Kolyat had told him it wasn't his fault but he still couldn't push the feeling away.  
He looked down at the people passing below as the sound of footsteps approaching him from behind had him fully aware of Thanes presence.

"I didn't quite dare hope you'd come.."

Fenix wasn't sure what to say, a whole range of emotions making themselves known. He gestured for Thane to sit down next to him.

"I wasn't sure I'd come either" he finally answered.

Thane nodded and sat down. He looked nervous, unable to sit perfectly still like he'd usually do. He looked like he was about to speak a couple of times but didn't quite dare break the silence. Fenix fought a smile. He looked like a little boy to him.

"How.."

"She's fine. Definition of 'fine' being 'not dead'"

Thane pursed his lips and nodded. He sighed heavily.

"I.. I'm not quite sure where to begin.."

He placed his hands in his lap, as to stop himself from drumming his fingers against the floor. Fenix felt a jolt of anger.

"You tried to kill her. Let's start there"

Thane breath hitched. He closed his eyes and swallowed hard. Fenix stayed resolute. He faced him and held his gaze steady, fighting his urge to stand up and leave.

"I did. I would have succeeded to, had you not shown up.. there's.. nothing I can do to change that"

"No, there isn't" he began. "So why are we even talking?"

He couldn't quite shake his bitterness. He almost enjoyed watching Thane squirm. It was an usual sight and he felt he more than deserved it.

"Because.." he began. He sighed and leaned his forhead on his hands, elbows on his knees. He closed his eyes. ".. I love her"

Fenix observed him for a few moments. He sighed deeply and looked down at the people below them again. They sat like that for a while before he took the cup standing next to him and offered it to Thane.

"I know you do.."

* * *

She carefully dared open her eyes and searched the room. She couldn't quite make out who was sitting on the chair in the corner but she knew who it must be. She tried to speak but her throat was too dry. The person in the corner quickly stood up and walked up to her. A smile colored his face, eyes red and moist once he reached the bed side.

"Kas.."

He leaned down and kissed her on the forehead. She still felt drowsy, a mask still covering her nose and mouth. She tried to remove it but her arms lacked the strength. She looked up at Kolyat, pleading for him to remove it.

"Sorry, Kasumi, it needs to stay on until the doctor comes to see you, which should be at any moment"

She tried to convey her confusion but he simply looked away, unable to face her. He pressed a button next to the bed. Kasumi closed her eyes, memories of the event in the air ducts flushing over her. She felt a sudden jolt of anger. Kolyat placed his hand on her forehead.

"Your fever is down, atleast. You've been out for.. I can't remember exactly.. three or four days now?"

A nurse entered the room, smiling.

"So glad to see you're awake, miss! You had us all worried there for a moment but you pulled through. Your friend here said you're a fighter"

He walked up to her bed and apologized before examining her leg.

"The wound is healing nicely. You should be able to start exercising it within a few days. I'll set up a few sessions with the physiotherapist for you"

He let her leg remain uncovered and moved up to her chest, again apologizing before opening up her hospital robe to carefully examine the entry point of the needle. Kolyat averted his eyes, swallowing his lips at the sight of the wound. She felt confused at his reaction. Moments later the doctor entered the room. The nurse stepped away from Kasumi, greeting the doctor.

"Doctor. The wound on the leg is healing nicely but I believe you might want to take a look at the chest wound"

The doctor nodded and walked up to Kasumi.

"It's nice to see to see you awake, Miss. I'm doctor Petra Taylor. I've been monitoring you these past few days. As a favor to Commander Sarah Shepard, we've been asked not to question how you've come to acquire these.. wounds.. but I know a bullet wound when I see one"

She smiled at her before checking her vitals.

"Lets get that mask off of you. Try not to speak, focus on breathing"

She carefully removed her mask and carefully examined her throat and neck as Kasumi took a few deep breaths, happy to be rid of the mask. She gestured for the cup of water next to her and the doctor helped her to a few careful sips. After a few moments, she seemed satisfied with Kasumis progress and took a quick look at the wound on her leg.

"Luckily for you, it was only a flesh wound and have already started healing nicely"

She covered her leg with the blanket and started examining her chest.

"I must admit, I've been trying to figure out what could have caused this wound.. We know you were poisoned , but.. a siringe? A needle? Unusually cruel.."

She started talking to herself, mumbling possible causes as Kasumi dared looked down at the wound. She had a hard time holding back the shock. The skin around the wound was discolored a strange green, almost like the blood veins stretching out from it had changed color. She wanted to sit up and touch it but the doctor placed a hand on her shoulder to stop her.

"You survived something that should have killed you, miss. Your bodys reaction is new to us but it should heal. Atleast to some degree. I understand this shocks you but try and stay calm"

The nurse came up to them. He pressed a button on the edge of the bed, making it rise up and helped Kasumi to a seated position. He placed a couple of pillows behind her back as the doctor continued talking.

"We have no reported cases of this kind of poisoning. Do you.. have any idea how you survived this attack?"

She closed her eyes. The word had such a horrible ring to it. 'Attack'. She felt herself having welcome the outcome well before she was 'attacked'. She still tried to fight the memories of that day, unable to place how she felt about it right now. Kolyat noticed and stepped in, answering the question.

"Mordin Solus. He had made a permanent vaccin that increases humans resistance against the poison on drell skin and saliva" he offered. "She.. took it years ago. Maybe it increased her resistance to some degree?"

The doctor nodded.

"I understand. I know which vaccin you're talking about. I had my suspicicions after analyzing the blood.. It was a similar composition to the vaccin you were given to inhale when you came here. I figured you must have had some sort of.. increased resistance, though, surviving that long.." she paused. "I had promised not to ask too many questions about how this had happened, but I'm glad you answered this one question. I apologise my curious nature. I hope this knowledge won't be needed in the future but still. Thank you"

The nurse and the doctor took their leave. Kasumi looked down at the wound, carefully letting her fingertips brush up against it. Knowing Kolyat, she could almost feel the guilt he must have felt seeing the wound when he had looked away. Even though it wasn't his fault, she knew he took blame. She turned to face him and he tried his best to keep his gaze steady, his expression colored by sorrow. He walked up to her side.

"I'm sorry, Kas. I don't know what to say. I'm happy you survived but.. you shouldn't have ended up here to begin with. You never deserved this.."

She smiled at him and cupped his face.

"Where.." 

Her throat was still dry and hurt when she tried to talk. Kolyat handed her the cup of water.

".. Fenix?"

"Oh! Yea, he should be back soon. He's been.. seeing someone. He didn't want to tell me who but I have a pretty good guess.."

Kasumi looked down at the cup in her hands, pursing her lips.

".. Thane.." she whispered.

Kolyat nodded.

"I admire him for hearing him out. I don't.. I'm not sure I could have after all of this.. atleast not right now.."

He sat down on the edge of the bed and took Kasumis hand in his, caressing it. Kasumi could see the tears in his eyes.

"I can't.. imagine how you must be feeling about all this.." she sighed.

He scoffed.

"No, I really don't think you can imagine to be honest. My so-called father almost killed my best friend. His mate. In fact, he tried his damnedest to do just that!" He stood up as the rush of anger colored his features, clenching his fists, pacing across the room. "Had you decided against taking the vaccin.. You.." he paused. "I.. just don't understand how.. one could forgive something like this.. How I'm suppose to forgive something like this!"

She hadn't thought about it. She had told herself that she had forgiven Thane a long time ago. Now, she wasn't so sure anymore. She wouldn't have called it an attack but in hindsight, she started to realise how upset she really should be feeling about him not remembering her. Like she was the one thing he conveniently forgot about.  
But trying to think about this whole situation from Kolyats point of view, had her confused on a whole different level. She tried her best to understand how hard this must be for him. How everything must be looking from where he was standing. On the outside, yet close to both her and Thane. The relationship he and Thane had worked so hard on together before his coma, had all been taken away from him. And then Kasumi had to run because of it. Where does one end up in a situation like that? She scolded herself for abandoning him. He had needed her the most at that point and she had to run. She knew it wasn't her fault but still. He had been left in a horrible situation alone.

"Kol.. I.. I don't quite know how I feel about the whole thing either. At any other given time, I would simply just.. remind you how much I love him but.. you're right. I'm probably just as confused as you are right now.."

She couldn't continue. She knew that what she honestly felt was borderlining masochistic. In love with her killer. Her stomach turned at the thought. Kolyat nodded and continued.

"I don't even.. I'm trying to understand how you must feel in this too.. It's all so confusing and I keep landing in anger.. And Fenix on top of that. He saw first hand what my father had done and he's still off talking to him.."

He sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed again.

"Fenix.. he tried to make me understand. He told me about how much you guys simply.. loved each other. He even told me of the important place I had in your lives" He gave Kasumi a small smile before he continued. "By memories alone he made me.. realise the depths of your emotions? Is that the word?" he paused. "He made me understand why my father was lost in his memories so often after he had left you. Why you fought so hard to find him. And I can understand all of your past together but this? Where does one begin to overcome something like this?"

She cocked her head at him.

"By talking to him?"


End file.
